My wife is out of town, and I can't find the food...

[Bat Boy]

Or the remote...

I found cans with pictures of food on the outside, but I can't figure out how to get into them.

I'm going to die. I know it...

[Carni]

1. Don't you have any

microwave popcorn in the house?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

2. Oh lord, you are fucked!

Call the pizza guy (thank god it's Chicago at least it's not crap) and turn on the stereo!

Don't be skeered :scared:

[Bat Boy]

7. Where's the damn phone!

Good idea, but where's the damn phone?

Sue could find it. Her uterus can find things...

[Zomby Woof]

10. her uterus!

THAT is where the remote is. The fridge is where you left the keys.

[Bat Boy]

11. Thanks, Zomby!

Now, the fridge...

What is that again?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

12. Hit the page button

it works when the uterus is off the cock, I mean clock

[Zomby Woof]

14. one thing about your answers

You don't pussy-foot around! :o

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

16. no and I don't take

dick tation

[Bat Boy]

18. Not from Zomby...

That would make him a dick tater.

[Zomby Woof]

19. better than the child of one!

A tater tot.

[CanuckAmok]

3. If you can find the remote...

...you use it to pound on the food cylinders until the food comes out.

[Dookus]

4. put the cans

in the oven, set it to 450 degrees and wait til you hear the "boom". That means the food's ready.

[Bat Boy]

21. I'm not allowed to touch the "fire thing."

I tried once and the dog barely survived.

Hey, he was wet. I wanted to dry him off.

[GOPisEvil]

5. She didn't leave individually packaged and labeled meals in the fridge?

And you married her?! Sigh...

[liberalmuse]

6. There's only one thing you can do...

...go into the back yard and dig up some grubs. They may not be as tasty as the stuff in the cans, but you will live.

[Bat Boy]

8. She'll be back on Sunday...

Hopefully I won't have gone feral.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

13. You looked pretty feral in the tubby pic

[Bat Boy]

15. Yeah, but she socialized me since then.

Hate to see all of her hard work go down the drain.

She left two hours ago and I've already revived some pretty nasty habits.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

17. OK just don't eat your shit..trust me..it doesn't taste good

even if it does look like a great big tootsie roll.

[Bat Boy]

20. You could have told me that sooner...

I've spent the past few minutes rinsing my mouth out in the toilet, trying to get that taste out of there.

Hasn't worked so good.

If Sue was here she'd know what to do. She knows how to make water come out of those silver things attached to the sinks...

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

22. I would have but for some reason

your breath was really bad, man...did she hide the mouthwash too?

[Zomby Woof]

9. the remote is in the fridge

Behind the tupperware container of asparagus.