Stuff your Mom threw away, that you want back!!!

[SoCalDem]

My mother threw out 5 grocery bags, stacked to the top with my comic books.. We were coming back to the US, and she would not let me bring them back..

I would never let anyone else look at them, because I wanted them in perfect condition.. I always read them carefully so they looked new.. This was in 1960..:(

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. I have the reverse problem!!

My mom won't throw ANYTHING away...it makes me CRAZY!!!

Anyway..g'nite :D

[greyl]

2. Oh man, talk about deeply repressed anger. ;)

Two buckets full of Lego's, hundreds of Matchbox, Hotwheels, and Pocketcar cars, a Bal'mer Colts football helmet with the number 19 on it, and a 4 by 8 foot AFX slot-car race track sunken into drywall that I spent countless hours working on - grass, trees, heliport, guard rails, billboards etc... man.
Plus I painted a life-size Ferrari 355 Gto onto the basement wall of the house I thought my parents would never ever sell. Divorced - sold.

Memories that are guaranteed to raise my blood pressure a couple points to this day. :)

[Systematic Chaos]

5. Gawd... aren't parents just the greatest people sometimes?

Hard to blame you for still feeling angry over all that. It sucks so bad when you instinctively want to love your parents and everything, but every time you think about them there's just so much painful stuff lurking there....

It has been my biggest goal in life, since I was in high school even, to give my kids all the love and support I never had growing up. If I can't manage to do that then I would hope that I never do have kids.

[greyl]

7. heh, yeah. :)

The story of the watch is pretty heartbreaking indeed. I feel the same as you about having kids.

Thing is with me, I also let my mom know how I felt at the time- but it was never totally dealt with. How could it be? She had my dad asking for a divorce to deal with. I mean I went home to visit from art school and find out that the first time she goes downstairs to the gameroom/basement in 10 years, she throws out some of my favorite stuff. wtf? :)
Anyway, I still love her and she's been the best mom she can be:) - better than her mom was, I'd say.

[Chovexani]

9. She tossed your Legos?!

Dude, that's just...wrong. On so many levels. I don't know what I'd do if somebody messed with my Legos. Especially my Lego pirate ship.

[Systematic Chaos]

3. My problem, kinda sad....

My father passed away in 1975 when I was six. There was a watch that he got as a present not too long before he fell ill, that I found and started to wear in his memory. It wasn't anything super-fancy, and it wasn't even a true piece of jewelry with gold in it or anything. It was just a fairly high-quality watch that probably sold for around $100 at the time and would cost $150 or so now.

Anyway, my mother was a complete gambling derelict by the time we got to Vegas in 1982. One day I went to get the watch to put it on and I couldn't find it anywhere in the house. With a sinking feeling, I asked my mother where it was. She went ahead and pawned it and made no effort to keep the interest payments current, ergo there was no more watch. I figure she couldn't have gotten more than $10 - $15 for it. I remember being so angry after learning what happened that I wouldn't speak to her for days afterwards and when I did I made every effort to make her feel small for pissing on my father's memory that way.

Sorry for the pity story, but the thread brought back that memory and I didn't want to keep it inside and lose sleep over it tonight.

[Booberdawg]

4. Yeah, my mom does stuff like that.

In MY house!!! Very overbearing and controlling.

[Systematic Chaos]

6. Heh, I almost forcibly removed my mother from my place a few months ago

She doesn't realize just how lucky she is that I can forgive her enough for everything she did to me to even speak to her now, let alone let her stay with me. But, she's 74 years old (today's now her birthday, as a matter of fact) and she apparently has cancer and may not be around long. At least now she's being fairly easy to get along with. I guess having death stare you in the face will sometimes do that.

Anyway, when my soon-to-be wife first came from Arizona to stay with me back in January, my mother couldn't accept her presence for anything. There was something hideously wrong with EVERYTHING she did and I got to hear about it 24/7. Finally, one night she came into OUR ROOM, where some of her things happened to be but were simply moved from one drawer to another, and made some comment to Jeanette to the effect of "The only reason my son has you here is because of what you bring to his bed."

My wife and I both went ballistic, and before somebody strangled someone else I went ahead and called the police, hoping to have her removed from the apartment then and there. However, the cops informed me that since my mother pays money (well under a third of her monthly SS income, BTW) to stay with us, there was nothing they could do and we would have to resolve things or just move to another place without her. As I said, it's only been since she was in constant pain and then diagnosed with cancer and other problems that she's mellowed out.

What makes these people think they can behave the way they do towards their own kids??? :eyes:

[Dookus]

11. I don't know...

but my Mom does the same thing. She'll be 70 later this week, and she thinks nothing of directing her considerable anger at any family member who's nearby. She's a doll most of the time, especially in public, but god help the family member who questions anything she does.

I just went back to see my parents for their 50th anniversary. We had a huge surprise celebration. One day she was making French Toast for all the children and grandchildren. My brother was in the bathroom taking a dump. She got incensed that he didn't come out to eat the toast. I said "he's in the bathroom". She said "this isn't a goddamn restaurant". I said "but he's in the bathroom. He'll be right out". She screamed "just shut up!!" It's insane behavior, and I've seen it a thousand times, but it's still difficult to deal with.

So to answer your question... I have no fucking idea why people behave that way to their own kids. I have no children myself, and I'm often thankful for it, because I couldn't live with myself if I did that to them.

[Booberdawg]

17. What makes a parent behave the way they do towards their kids?

Because they are being the child and you are being forced into being the parent, that's why.

I had a similar defining moment about 5 years ago. When my son had an accident 5 years ago he was on life support for about 18 hours and while he was on his deathbed she did something so cruel to me concerning him that my entire family was so horrified they were speechless. I don't want to go in to the details - but unfortunately her enitire neighborhood quickly found out about it shortly after he died (they knew me and my son as well cause I grew up there) and this caused her some serious embarrassment and repercussions later.

I made my decision about her before I left the hospital, but I was not going to have her hijack this crisis for her mean and pitiful nonsense. I would deal with that later. All hell had broken lose in my life 2 days before and I had to go home and grab my ass with both hands.

I only saw her the next couple days at the visitation and then at the funeral. (She was too ashamed to show her face at my place with all the relatives there.) Te day after the funeral she called my house and my sister answered. I could tell by the look on her face that it was mom and she wanted to talk to me and my sister was scared to death to hand me the phone - would I flip out or break in half. I had already made this decision several days prior - I discussed it with no one.

I very calmly took the call; I spoke in an even tone and never raised my voice. I told her what she had done was the meanest, sickest, and cruelest thing I could ever imagine from her and she was never going to get another chance to do anything like that to me again. Ever. I never wanted to speak to her, see her, or think about her again. I’d had it – last straw. I told her I didn’t hate her, I didn’t wish her any harm or ill will, I just simply wanted nothing whatsoever to do with her ever again. She stammered for an excuse but I cut her off and told her it wasn’t negotiable. Goodbye.

There were a couple people sitting in my presence that overheard me. Nobody questioned it. It was a settled issue. She suffered dearly for what she did. Most of the family didn’t speak to her for a couple years. A priest who is her neighbor and a family friend (he also performed the service for my son) talked to me a couple times long after that and relayed the anguish she was having over what she had done. I don’t know if she knew her whole neighborhood knew about it – I had nothing to do with that. She sent me checks for Christmas and my birthday – it sent them back with no note.

It was 4 years later – a year ago I’ve begun to speak to her again. I know she is just very sick – but it’s not an excuse to be mean. I just won’t allow her enough rope to hang me with anymore, and I won’t play this reverse parent child role anymore. She’s a lot more respectful of me and my feelings now.

Linda

[Chovexani]

8. You're depressing me!

My Mom is a born again fundie and gleefully threw out lots of cherished stuff. Let's see, there was several hundred dollars worth of books and materials on Wicca, which she tossed out after reading some crazy Jack Chick book her equally wacky fundie co-worker gave her. The worst part about this particular purge: one of the notebooks she threw out had absolutely *nothing* to do with Wicca or Paganism, it was the main book of notes I kept for my writing...ideas, character sketches, and worst of all the MAPS I drew, painstakingly by hand, of the world my fantasy epic was taking place in. Any fantasy person knows a map is worth more than gold. That one act cost me several years worth of work. :( I was heartbroken and wrote my mom a tear-stricken letter about what exactly it was that she threw out, and how much it meant to me, and after that she never touched my stuff again.

Also? Several hundred dollars worth of D&D books and box sets, most of which have been out of print for years and are completely irreplacable. I was particularly cheesed off at losing the Menzoberranzan box set and all my elf books, because I love elves more than life itself. The reason she went on this tossing spree? D&D is evil, lures kids into the occult, blah blah blah satancakes. The irony? My interest in Wicca predates my heaviest D&D playing by a few years.

:argh:

Needless to say Mom and I don't really get along.

--Chovexani

Edited because painful childhood memories make my grammar even worse than it usually is.

[Dookus]

12. Don't be depressed.....

the actual objects are not THAT much more important than the memory of those objects. I understand the hand-drawn maps - that would make me crazy. But in the end, it's all just stuff. I've had a lot of stuff, I've lost a lot of stuff, I've had little stuff. None of it really affected my happiness.

Try to find some way to connect with your mother - ignore the topics you disagree on and discover the rest. Ya know, as humans, we all agree on 99% of things. Don't let the 1% rule your life.

[Chovexani]

13. Thanks for the advice

Actually Mom and I get along better than we have in years, though we still are not as close as we probably should be. We're as different as night and day, but certain things (politics for instance) we are right as rain with. I've learned not to get into religion with her, and if she brings it up I smile and nod and politely agree to disagree. I think she's given up on proselytizing to me, aside from making snide remarks every once in a while about how I need Jesus (cause I'm so depraved, hehe).

I have NFI how she manages to reconcile conservative Evangelical Christianity and her political views. But hey, that's her business. At least she doesn't call me a hellbound liberal--she just calls me a hellbound heathen instead. :)

You're right on the money about the 99% thing. We are all much more alike than we would suspect--and more hung up on the 1% than is probably healthy (just look at all the hate and violence in the world).

--Chovexani

[Dookus]

14. sorry...

I'm not generally a preachy type, but I just spent an exhilarating, yet painful week with my aged parents. They can be SO hard to deal with, but I'm grateful that I was able to go there to celebrate their 50th anniversary. I'm a lucky man to be able to celebrate such an occasion.

But they can drive me fucking nuts, especially Mom. My parents are republicans (I'm a liberal... duh) and christians (I'm an atheist), and yet, they adore my boyfriend and have been never been anything less than totally supportive of my being gay.

They can drive me nuts, but I also adore them.

[Booberdawg]

19. You have a healthy attitude...

but they're Republicans????:wow:

[Dookus]

10. My woody-woodpecker doll!

My all-time favorite toy was my pull-string Woody Woodpecker doll with a cool rubber face and cloth body. My family still tells the story of how I was hospitalized as a child and used to pull the string and throw it under the nurse's station, and giggle myself silly when it went it did the famous Woody-laugh. My mom tossed it years ago.

A few months ago, I saw one in the window of an ANTIQUES STORE!!!! Grrr.....

[Cheswick2.0]

15. my mom throw stuff away?

I was a compulsive house cleaner from the ages of about 10 to 38 because my mom never threw stuff away. I finally wised up and stopped being nuts about it. However I still prefer to have everything put away and all counter tops sparkly. I just prefer someone else do it.... I am tired, I tell ya.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

16. Her life and all the money spent on cigarettes and booze

over the years.

[commander bunnypants]

18. ALL my stuffed animals

She threw then away when I was about five. I am still metally warped over the situation. My big doggie animal is nothing more then a memory. I am gonna go cry now and lament my crappy childhood.


DDQM

[TrogL]

20. My diving mask

I hate getting water on my face. I cannot cope with being splashed in a pool, but I love being underwater with a diving mask.

My parents bought me a really good, professional mask but I left in their basement because I didn't have access to a pool and they have one (I think - she was threatening to have it filled in because she can't afford the upkeep now that nobody's using it). When I got a Y membership, I phoned home asking her to ship the mask because a new one of similar quality was going to cost me over a hundred dollars.

She'd thrown it out the previous week.

[KinkyDem]

21. My foreskin

I don't begrudge her but I wish she hadn't thrown it away.

That and a foot locker of legos.

[Aristus]

22. My mother gave away my entire 'Childcraft' library that I had

since I was six, to the school library. Took me forever to get them back! I wouldn't have been so upset if her mother hadn't done the exact same thing with my mom's paperdolls when she was a kid. Well, now my grandson can read my beloved Childcraft books and become blindingly smart like me. :D

[SiouxJ]

23. My Partridge Family lunchbox!

and my Scooby Doo and Barbie lunchbox. I had the ORIGINAL Scooby Doo lunchbox. Actually though I found the Partridge Family lb at an antique store and bought it - lol. They go for $100 now! I got mine for $22.

She sold my old lunchboxes at a garage sale back in the 80's. Well, at least she got a few bucks for them.

[noonwitch]

24. My Mystery Date game!

I had the cool 70s version. I used to love that game, and now it would be a good thing to have for parties.