whistle
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Sat Aug-28-04 02:14 PM
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Best Reasons for not coming to work ... |
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...The Washington Post Contest: Best Reasons for not coming to work If it's all the same to you I won't be coming to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. My stigmata's acting up. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Ok? I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet... I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Wal-Mart Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with AT&T, but thank you for calling. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come in to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. I prefer to remain an enigma. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates. My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our sick son. I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share. I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You sure I should come in?
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HEyHEY
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Sat Aug-28-04 02:17 PM
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1. "I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Wal-Mart"
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LiberalVoice
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Sat Aug-28-04 02:20 PM
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2. "My stigmata's acting up." |
OffWithTheirHeads
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Sat Aug-28-04 03:10 PM
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cant come in today boss, I'm surf ...uh..sick.
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Baja Margie
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Sat Aug-28-04 08:31 PM
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4. There was an orange alert and they closed the Border..... |
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Sat May 04th 2024, 09:50 PM
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