Meeting people online? Have any experiences with this?

[SarahB]

For years, I must admit that I used to think of the concept of people meeting other people online was perhaps for people who were really shy (I'd say I'm reserved, but definitely not shy either) or were unattractive maybe (I think I'm ok in that department) without other options. Then a year ago, I got to be very close friends with someone online and it sort of stunned me in all honesty exactly how much he was able to blow me away with just who he was on so many levels. It was nice too because he didn't know what I looked like for awhile, so I knew he liked me for things beyond just transient external factors. Nothing could happen because our lives were not in a place for anything to happen, it would have been inherently wrong to do so, and we lost touch for awhile. In retrospect, that was a blessing because I needed to resolve within myself the decision to end my marriage, in absence of anyone else and to come to terms with being alone. He also had a lot on his plate and some loose ends as well to say the very least.

The feelings did linger in the back of my mind and as I recently found out, in his mind as well, beyond what I imagined them to be even. In the not-too-distant future, it looks like we may explore something when the time is just a bit more right and a few more things are taken care of. Neither of us want to be especially serious or make a major commitment at this point, but there's no denying there's something with us, and there's an inexplicable mutual understanding in regards to this whole dichotomy as well. Frankly, I don't know if I'll actually believe it until we're in the physical presence of the other, given our pasts (i.e. what we've both been put through in the last 10+ years) and our mutually analytical natures in regard to ourselves at times, so who knows, but it would definitely be nice to explore this further. Anyway, feelings are there, but no starry-eyed illusions here either. We're both grown-ups who have been through a lot in life.

Anyway, I have heard some really lousy experiences from people and I know there's people with good ones out there and at the moment, it would be good to hear something nice.

Edit: Just to add that when I wrote "meeting people", I meant in the sense of meeting people with regards to a romantic type of relationship.

[eyesroll]

1. I've never had a relationship with someone I've met online

but I'm still good friends with someone who I met through Prodigy maybe 13 years ago. I think it's like meeting people anywhere for the first time -- you'll end up with some duds and some gems and a lot in between.

[IrateCitizen]

2. I met my wife online -- and neither of us are deformed nor deranged

Seriously, it's best if you look it as just another option for meeting people. Personally, I had grown tired of meeting the same types of people while out with my friends, so I decided to try the route of online personals. I met a few people whom I dated here and there, and it really wasn't all that much different than being set up by friends.

I also met my wife through the online personals, and we've been married a little over a year now. She's still embarrassed to admit that we met over the internet, but I can say that it's really pretty amazing how many "normal" couples you will come across who met exactly that way.

[SarahB]

14. Ironically...

that's what my soon-to-be-ex has told me- "It's just another option. No weirder than any of the other ways people meet." He tells me that I think too much. Probably, but I don't know if that's necessarily a bad thing. :shrug:

[Kathy in Cambridge]

3. My sister married someone she met on line

and he's a GREAT guy. :-)

[amazona]

4. nothing wrong with meeting people online, i've met tons

I have not been interested in meeting people for romantic/sexual relationships as my relationship greatly pre-dates BBS and internet but I have met lots of friends and one mentor who helped me a great deal financially.

[proud patriot]

5. I've met many DUers in group settings at first w/ my husband attending

after close to 4 years , I've become friends with them .

[SarahB]

10. I've met a number of DUers too.

Great people for the most part. No one I had a romantic type of connection with, but fun, interesting, and progressive people are always nice to hang with. :)

[Beware the Beast Man]

6. I met Mrs. Beastman online.

In a Yahoo chatroom. We definitely hit it off; and there wasn't that invisible barrier there like there can be when you first meet someone in person. Our personalities bonded first. Once we met face to face, it was "like" at first sight. That was 3 1/2 years ago. We've been together ever since. :loveya:

[Mrs_Beastman]

24. It was friendly chat first and them 'like' at first sight

We both say 'like' at first sight, because we were both too used to getting burnt, I think.

I know when we first met in person, we were both worried about it being a disaster in so many ways. We wouldn't get along, one of us was a psychopath or a nerd with no redeeming social skills, etc...

But it worked out, our wedding anniversary is this week and I still can see myself growing old with Mr B...:hug: .. We both have stories of previous 'disasters'. He always managed to find married women on-line who wanted to hook up...or even more scary to Mr B, women who listened to the Backstreet Boys:scared: :scared: :scared:

[Magrittes Pipe]

7. I've met some of the most important people in my life online.

I've been hurt, I've been helped, I've had my heart broken, I've been granted incredible joy, I've laughed, I've cried, I've touched and have been touched.

Pretty much like meeting people offline.

And I wouldn't trade any of it for anything.

[matcom]

9. STOP TOUCHING ME DAMMIT!!

perve :D

[madaboutharry]

8. I have a cousin who met her husband online and

my violin teacher met her fiancee online.

[tandot]

11. I used match.com two years ago.

I've met the most wonderful man and we are living together since last October. We have our 2 year anniversary coming up soon.

However, before meeting my boyfriend, I've had quite a few dates with idiots, a**holes, and liars. And a few people I just didn't connect for whatever reason.

So, the end-result of using match.com was fantastic. However, getting there was quite an experience.

[stellanoir]

12. having had no personal experiences of this ilk

but having counseled many who have. . .my conclusion is that the rate of success is comparable to any other method (personal ads, dating services, etc) of making acquaintance. I've heard of some great, some really obtuse, some really awkward, and some really comical stories.

I've personally always treasured the spontanaity factor of responding viscerally to someone's physical energetic presence but I think you're absolutely right in saying that one of the advantages of internet encounters is that attraction is more often based on mutually shared mindsets and philosophies rather than superficial and sometimes spurious attractions.

But there is definately a safety zone established through interacting solely through keyboards. Some people just transition better to real time than others.

Funnily enough, my token healthiest relationship of my life was sort of a blind date, actually not really a date but an arrangement set up by the organizer of an event who arranged for me to sit next to someone with whom he thought I'd have a connection. I was kicking and screaming about the manipulation, until I realized, he was absolutely right. Prior to that, I had the big bad attitude about being fixed up.

In other words, as with anything else, trust your instincts, keep your BS deflector set to "maximum stun", and good luck.

[redqueen]

13. I've met one democratic activist IRL that I first met online.

I see him at events now and then. That's the extent of my meeting-online-buddies-IRL experience.

Oh and my sis met her husband online. They're divorced now, but still friends. That's the only romantical type story I know about personally.

[serryjw]

15. I have met dates on line for 2 years

I lost my friend of 12 years 6 years ago. Where does a middle age woman find a date? I have found middle age men to be very honest online. I meet them for a dinner in a restaurant near my home that I can leave alone. I have not gone on any 2nd dates BUT I am not looking to date..I'm looking for my LAST LIFETIME PARTNER. Online emails and chats save much time......I would proceed slowly...BUT go for it! Use the same common sence you would use with anyone you meet any where.

[Tangledog]

16. I met Ms. Tangledog

...on an online book discussion group, mentioning in passing a novel by Philip K. Dick. We've been together for about 8 years.

[matcom]

18. yeah, Phil Dick

will do it every time :D

[Bunny]

23. Matcom, you're bad!

:D

[Lukymom]

17. We met on-line and...

now we are married for four years (well, it will be four on October the 7th) with a 20 month-old son and plans to extend the family next year. :-)

I think if you are really honest about yourself from the beginning and the person your are "talking" does the same, it's even better than meeting people in person. Because you first will know the "inside" of the other person, which is what really matters because looks go away anyway with the years passing by. Then, if you have a lot in common and if you love to talk to this person, there's a big chance it will work out. Even if there's no chemistry, you'll have at least a great friend.

We were lucky enough to fall in love with each other and I know more people that met on-line and are now married. It can work! ;-)

[Jack The Tab]

19. My wife and I met online..

When we talk about it with people, they are very suprised, but my take has always been that it's the 21st century and a lot of people spend a lot of time online. It's a GREAT place to meet people because you can get to know someone without ever having to meet someone. If someone turns out to be a dud, you don't have to have anything to do with them anymore.

I just happened to meet the most amazing woman I ever met in my life and knew I was going to marry her after our second date.

At any rate, we're both intelligent, caring, not-ugly-or-crazy people and have been happily married for over a year.

[woofless]

20. I met my SO on ICQ almost 4 years ago.

I was 48 and she was 5 years younger. We started our relationship by just talking with no real idea of getting together. We stipulated a brutal honesty and stuck with it. We were truthful about all aspects of our lives. We were old enough to know what we DIDN'T want and how to avoid it. I was amazed that one could find true love online, but we did. We have been together more than 3 years now and have not had a harsh word between us. It has indeed changed my life for the better, and I am a better person because I am with her. Go for it and good luck.

Woof

[pagerbear]

21. People you meet online are just like people you meet offline

Good and bad.

The important thing is not to rush into anything without verifying by experience in person that your impressions of someone online are valid. Online familiarity is not the same as in-person familiarity. IMHO, you need just as much time together in person before making any relationship decisions as if you had first in person.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

22. Online and in person are two different universes

I have had both friendly and romantic correspondences with people online, mostly through professional mailing lists, but also, most recently, through one online dating site.

I have found that there is little correlation between how well you get along online and how well you get along in real life. There are people I get along with great both online and in person. There are people I get along with great online and have nothing to say to in person. There are people who are great friends in person but with whom I rarely correspond.

The recent experience was with an online site for people who share one of my non-work, non-political interests. After getting no responses for two months, I got one out of the blue, and the online chemistry was amazing. There were unbelievable parallels in our lives, and we agreed on a lot of things, and for a while, we were writing long messages every day.

However, when we met in person at the beginning of August, there was no chemistry between us. None. Zip. (I suspect that it was because we both had unresolved crushes on other people.) We spent two very pleasant and companionable days together, but without any sparks on either side. We agreed that if he ever moved to my area, we could be great friends.

Our correspondence has tapered off to nothing since then. :shrug:

[SarahB]

25. I could see where that would be possible.

I suppose it's one of those things you would never really know until you met the person. Even if you talk on the phone, face-to-face is something else all together. Definitely something to keep in mind. I tend to think because there has been a good chunk of time here, it'll be either 1.)I want to jump his bones immediately LOL or 2.) if he smells funny (or if he thinks I smell or something else about me turns him off chemistry-wise), at least we'll finally know and the unanswered questions will be answered instead of lingering over our heads.

[BiggJawn]

26. Met my girfriend online. We've been together 6 years.

Been a better relationship than either of my marriages....

[jonnyblitz]

27. met shitloads and have had much good luck. no "relationships"

but many good friends!! I consider DUers people from online..my close friend who tattoos me now..from online...all my new friends from the past 6 years have some online connection.

I know you edited to add "romantic relationships" but I believe those should start out as friendships for a little while at least..

[Chovexani]

28. I met my boyfriend online.

Met him on an online game. We've been together more than five years, and though it isn't easy (he's trying to move here from Australia and it's a big pain in the ass), I wouldn't trade it for anything. He's my best friend and we have a blast online and irl.

Really, the Net is no different from rl, except that it gives you more possibilities to meet different people. Were it not for that game I never would have met my bf. Nor would I have made the dozens of friends from literally all over the world (South America, England, Czech Republic, Singapore, Japan, Australia, Spain, and more) that I have.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

29. I met some people,

but only from the intranet at the university I went to. It was pretty easy to meet them because they all lived on campus and within walking distance from my dorm.

It was kind of fun and kind of weird, but mostly weird. I would not recommend it as a way of meeting people, based on my experience. The people that seemed the most interesting on-line were the creepiest in real life. The people that were the least interesting on-line were the coolest in real life. I considered most of the people I met to be losers, unfortunately.

I met one guy on a whim. I chatted with him for less than 10 minutes before I actually met him, and he was actually pretty hot, but not very bright. I hung out with him maybe three or four times, because he was cute, but I didn't like him otherwise. He was a stereo-typical dumb jock. That was actually my best experience with meeting someone from on-line.

Of course, I didn't have any intense conversations on-line with any of these people before I met them, and maybe that's why I didn't like any of them either. The atmosphere of the university chat rooms was pretty casual, kind of like an on-line party. That might of had something to do with it too. I also didn't meet any of these people with the intent of having a romantic relationship with them.

[foxy]

30. Yeah you meant well, but let me tell you a story...

About someone who may or may not have meant well.

This is a story about a man about early to mid 20's. He went on the INTERNET and went into a chat room. He started chatting with someone and chatted for awhile and then found out after awhile she was only saying she was 14. He then says that he wanted to find out if the person who was talking such big ideas was actually only 14. So he set up a place to meet..that is when the cops came in and busted him in an INTERNET sting.

This was in San Antonio TX I think about nine or so years ago.

Now I know why I do not go to any chat rooms and I stay here to pick on you guys.

[SarahB]

31. Yeah, I'm wary in regards to potential nut cases.

Fortunately, I've been able to verify the things he has told me about himself and we don't exactly know each other randomly. Similars circles so to speak. I don't think I'd ever meet anyone I met in a chatroom. Fortunately, I know people who have actually met this person and vice versa. As with anything, I'd be careful, but I also feel relatively safe. There's more to it, but he has already proven in character to me in a number of ways.