Worst thing a relative ever said to you?

[TNDemo]

The thread about what strangers say to you made me think of this one. The first one I can think of is the back-handed compliment of my MIL, who said "You don't get all worried about keeping your house clean like I did." As a child I also used to have relatives tell me "You know, ugly children grow up pretty." Gee, I felt better after that.

So, what nastiness has come your way via relatives?

[sugarcookie]

1. The first thing that comes to my

mind is something my MIL said too. When I married my present husband I was a widow with a small daughter. After we married we had a daughter together. After a lot of soul searching we decided not to have anymore children and that I would get my tubes tied. To this day my MIL says we shouldn't have done it until we had a boy. It is almost like saying our daughter not nearly as special to her as a grandson would have been.

[HEyHEY]

2. Yes, I am your real father

Hey I was 14 and rebelling!

[Alenne]

3. My MIL told me she didn't want a son

she only wanted girls. I decided not to tell my husband.

[philosophie_en_rose]

29. My ex-boyfriend's mother said she wished she had never had children.

I never told him either. She is the Barbara Bush-type and her sons are all overwhelmed by her nastiness.

[alphafemale]

4. "I really wish I'd aborted you." From, Momma.

She had...issues.

We worked things out before she died, and for that I'm thankful, but she certainly made things...interesting.

[kcwayne]

5. Grandma Dearest

When my parents divorced, my mother told my dad's mother that she would be happy to bring us kids over to see her, as she didn't want the divorce to take away my grandmother's grandkids.

My grandmother said: "Keep those brats away from me"

I did see her one more time over the next 15 years, and didn't bother going to her funeral.

[Porkrind_Power]

6. this isn't the worst but...

it just sticks in my mind for some reason:
this was about three years ago.
i ran into one of my cousins after not seeing her for years..
HER: how ya doing?
ME: good, how are you?
HER: i'm good. are you working?
ME: uhhhh- yeah...?
HER: oh, that's good.. blah blah blah...

am i working??? i couldn't even concentrate on whatever she said after that. this was back when clinton was president & EVERYBODY had jobs..
why would you ask someone a question like that right off the bat? the only thing i could figure is that she assumed that i was like her two useless punk-ass brothers, who couldn't hold down a job to save their lives.
then a few days later, i saw her brother..
HIM: how ya doing?
ME: good, how are you?
HIM: i'm doing good. i'm working..
ME: ummmm- me too!

AGAIN with the working! i'm guessing that family is constantly fighting over the two lazy brothers working or not working or whatever... but why bring up the issue with people that are basically outsiders?? It's been like 3 or 4 years since then and it still bugs me.

[Feanorcurufinwe]

17. It just shows how people get caught up in their own little world.

[Skittles]

7. MY UNCLE FLAVIAN TOLD ME MEN AND WOMEN WERE NOT EQUAL

BECAUSE MEN COULD PISS UP A ROPE.

Also, when I was a baby, drunk Flavian told my mum PAT, THAT'S THE HOMLIEST BABY I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. She never forgave him!

[ChoralScholar]

8. My FIL

told me I have no business voting Democrat, that I needed to vote Republican.

I told him it was none of his business HOW I voted. How arrogant can you be?

[FloridaJudy]

9. Tacky In-Laws

The first thing my future FIH said to me on meeting me was "You're too fat" (BTW, I'm 5'7", and weighed 125 lb at the time).

The absolute worst was when my uncle found out I was pregnant, and called me at 3:00 am to say "You'd better get an abortion, because if it's a girl, she'll just grow up to be an evil bitch like you". Of course, my uncle is a bipolar with borderline personality disorder.

That's medical jargon for "crazy as a shit-house rat, and obnoxious as well".

[liberalnurse]

10. I was adopted at age 9 months.....

I had great parents but was never accepted by my fathers sibblings, (except one sister).

They were just horrible. They always let me know I didn't belong...Not in ear shot of my father......but every chance they could....

Very yucky.....

[Az]

11. A little too ugly to repeat

Lets just say I don't talk to that part of the family any more. It happened when my GF at the time happened to be black. Your imagination can fill in the rest.

[Don_G]

12. When I Called My Brother

The night I disovered my Mom had died.

I'm still living with the image, but it took him all of five minutes after the coroner left to search her house for cash....

[davsand]

13. Some gems, lemme tell you...

Maybe my problem is that I have a long memory.

I remember my Aunt asking me if I was a lesbian because I wasn't married by age 32.

I'm still working thru the fact that my in laws didn't bother to come to our wedding rehearsal, let alone pay for the rehearsal dinner, then the day of the wedding they wouldn't even sit at the table with us at the reception. After it was over my new MIL came over and said she really appreciated me letting them spend time with "the family."

I'm not even gonna go into all the crap with my Dad except to cite the time he told me my priorities were wrong because I ran late picking my daughter up from there one of the few times they kept her in the evening. It was 8:30 and we'd been at a political dinner...

Family has the ability to cut really deep, really fast. The only thing I can figure is I always expected that they were supposed to be in your corner no matter what...

Laura

[ScreamingMeemie]

14. You'll have other babies...besides he (hubby) wasn't ready...

Mother in Law, this said after a late second trimester loss.

Boy I try, but I just can't make you nice...Mother in law

Said to husband, "Why don't you come stay over at my place till she cools off"...Mother in Law.

I did your towels and there were bugs all over them from being on the basement floor..(bullshit)...mother in law.

Judy (sister-in-law/name changed) is such a good mother, I've never seen a better mother. ( I have two kids, and Judy is in the ER with bleeding children every other week it seems....Mother in Law'

Hey, I'm beginnig to sense a pattern.

Nobody knows my baby (husband) as well as I do. You'll never get that close...Mother in Law

Side note: My husband is not a mamma's boy, she would just like to think that he is. She walked out when he was 12.

[ScreamingMeemie]

15. Oh and I forgot the granddaddy of them all...

"If you lose this one, I'll kill you" said by father in law this time, when I was expecting my son.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

25. Yikes!

What an asshole! :-(

[radwriter0555]

54. You win with that one...

damn.

[TheZoo]

16. "Things will get better"...

And the ever popular "You'll find someone else".

This shitte has been said since the month after Marie was buried. I'm freakin' STILL not over over it, and my family is bagging on me for not getting on with my life.

[Cheswick2.0]

46. take your time

can't you tell them to leave you alone? I would tell them to stop or risk having no contact with me until I actually was over it because I was sick of being hurt by the people who are supposed to love me.

[Karenina]

53. Na, Du Zoo...

(((((((( BIG :loveya: HUG ))))))))

Politely tell your relatives to respect your grieving process. Their impatience is not about you, it's about THEM. If they don't do Englisch try, "Verziehen Sie mir. Können Sie mich bitte in Rühe lassen?" Formal, technically polite, LEAVE ME ALONE.

You take your time and know many who you will never meet are thinking good thoughts for you.

[MediumBrownDog]

18. My inlaws

are mean-spirited, hypocritical, fundamentalist baptist tee-totalers. When my husband and I served one bottle of red and one bottle of white wine at Thanksgiving dinner for 8 people (!!!) I overheard them talking about what alcoholics we were since we had TWO bottles of wine on the table. Gawd forbid if they knew what I'd been throwing back in the kitchen out of the line of sight..... :9

[TroubleMan]

19. .....I DO.....

Hope my wife's not looking.

[Madrone]

20. I may HAVE to love you -

...but I don't HAVE to like you!

Spoken in all seriousness by my mother, when I was a child. It wasn't just an "in the moment" statement, either.

She was a real bitch, that one.

We get along fine now, but that's only because I decided long ago to stop hating her and take her with a grain of salt.

[alphafemale]

41. I head that one from my Mother, too see #4 above.

Some people have had such a crappy life...

They are like toxic waste.

Just remember.

They're hurting inside way more than the stinging verbal arrows they fling.

At least that's the way it was with my mom.

but then...
I suppose some people...
just might be Self-Obsessessed Bastards.

That's always a possibility.

[philosophie_en_rose]

21. Just now! In the middle of a fucking family reunion!!!!

"You are so damned liberal, you must be a lesbian!!!!!!"

I can't stand that I was trapped between "making a scene" at the damned family event or being harassed by slack-jawed freepers all night. No one in my family would ever think to defend me or to tolerate self-defense. I left discreetly.

Just got home. Took a shower. Logged onto DU. I'm going to throw up and probably cry, but at least there are people in the universe who are not fucking morons.

[Lars39]

23. I have found

that in regards to family loyalty, it is not always best for me to be loyal to people who could give a rat's patooty about me.

and a PS: {{{p_e_r}}}

[philosophie_en_rose]

28. Thank you.

I was afraid that people would say that I should have been the "bigger person" - whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. lol.

So many things were wrong with the "liberal=lesbian" statement 1. WTF? 2. So? 3. I was there with a guy.

HUGS {{{{Every liberal damned with freeper relations}}}}

[GoddessOfGuinness]

30. ~huggggggs~

It's sad when you find your respect for your family has diminished; but it's best to accept that feeling, and withdraw at least some of your emotional investment in them.

What a shame they aren't worth your spit. ~more hugggggggs~

[philosophie_en_rose]

33. ~~Hugs to You~~

Thank you!! I don't know why I'm so upset. I've known forever that this branch of my family is hopeless, but I guess tonight was the breaking point. Intellectually, I know that they are ignorant pigs whose opinions shouldn't matter. However, these are people I looked up to when I was growing up. I am so disappointed and angry. Any minute now, I expect irate relatives to call and say that I was just "too sensitive."

Once again, I love all of you. The thought of liberals in the world - of people who care and understand so many vital issues - is about the only thing between me and a complete breakdown.

[angee_is_mad]

22. My God look how big you are now!

[Nikia]

24. Too many things that shouldn't be said to a child

There is a reason that I was socially inept throughout my childhood and still have confidence issues. I suppose that at least I know what not to say if I have children. I have issues with my mother. I regret that I have not spoken to her for a year but it is difficult when she has said things to you like this:
"You wrecked my life when you were born. I wish that I would have aborted you. I sacraficed everything for you. You owe me your life." This was said to me when I wanted to go live with my dad because of my even worse relationship with my mother's second husband who sid things like this: "You don't really have any friends. No one likes you. Some people are just kind and feel sorry for people like you."

[MisterP]

35. ((((((((nikia)))))))))))

[philosophie_en_rose]

40. You are not responsible for her. She was supposed to be the adult.

My ex-boyfriend's mother is like that and, as you might have noticed, I have a few family issues of my own. However, something to remember is that these people have issues that are way beyond you and me. The hateful shit that they thrust on children are not about the children. It's about their own failure and guilt and inability to cope. You have no responsibility for that.

[Nikia]

56. I am learning to accept that

For most of my childhood, I felt that I was responsible for her. I am able to realize now that parents are suppose to take care of their children and not the other way around. People who care about each other are suppose to give each other hope and be supportive, not tear people down and tell them that their dreams are impossible. I suppose that she is unhappy with the choices that she made and the fact that she has not had successful realtionships. I did not call her again last year after she said that I was not doing enough with my life because she was more successful than me at my age despite the fact that she had more obstacles(children) and that I had more potential (The one positive thing she always said to me throughout my childhood was that I am smart.). She also said that I should divorce my husband if he didn't get a better job. When I tried to defend myself, she said that I was being disrespectful and insulting to her. When I cried though, she said that I should see a counselor about my inability to take criticism.
I feel bad, though, because my sister says that my mother is very hurt over everything and wants to be part of my life. She has sent me cards saying that. On the other hand, I tried to call on mother's day. She had my step-father (her third husband who is a decent guy who does everything my mother says) call me and say that everything is going alright for them and that my mother was glad that I called. I haven't tried to call since then. I have had friends over the past year hold grudges against each other and pleaded with them to forgive each other so I feel a bit hypocritical. Things go deep for me though and I wonder why she cannot be more mature for once and call me. I am sorry to unload this onto you all but I've been thinking about it for a while.

[BiggJawn]

26. Are in-laws relatives? Don't get me started...

My ex in-laws hated me even BEFORE I married the #%$^&*(*^&%^%$%$#@%$

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. When I told my mom I was pregnant with my oldest

at age 28, she was pissed. She didn't like my boyfriend (now my husband). After trying to convince me that I should put the baby up for adoption if I wasn't going to be sensible and have an abortion, I explained to her that I'd made my choice, to which she replied, "So, you're going to have a little bastard!"

In spite of it, she's a pretty good grandma.

[arwalden]

31. My Grandmother And I Were Looking At Family Photos Together...

... and she said something along the lines of "Oh I love all my grandchildren so much."

Then she paused and said "... except for Chris and Tina. You know they were adopted, don't you? They aren't 'blood'."

Isn't that just the saddest thing you've ever heard. I was heartbroken to realize that she could be so shallow like that.

-- Allen

[GoddessOfGuinness]

34. That IS sad...

But how fortunate that you don't share her view!

Do you think she felt that way because she was raised to believe that adopted children were less loveable?

[arwalden]

36. My best guess is that because they were adopted when they were...

... 10 and 12 years old.

She must have seen them as "intruders" rather than having grown to love them as infants. I should have said something and gently challenged her on what she said... but I didn't.

-- Allen

[GoddessOfGuinness]

37. It may have been wisest not to challenge...

I used to challenge my mother-in-law's insensitive statements, and the argument would always end with her clutching her chest and reminding me that she had a weak heart.

I think she was a little loopy from the time I first met her. She was more demanding than my boys were as babies. I'm sorry to say I don't miss her.

How old is your grandma? Is she "set in her ways"?

[arwalden]

52. Nearing 90 Years Old

and definitely "set" in her ways. I guess it's best just to know which battles to choose... this is one I'll just leave alone.

-- Allen

[SweetZombieJesus]

32. SweetZombieGrandma once told the whole family (besides her golden boy

Repub son, my Uncle Mike, that we were all going to hell because we're not narrowminded Republican hypocritical "Christians" like her. She's pretty much always been self-centered, but she's redeeming herself lately because she's really taking care of mom in the wake of dad's passing.

Oh, and SweetZombieGrandpa, the alcoholic, has a morbid fondness for telling the story of how we all thought my brother would end up retarded because he had PKU when he was little. This story gets told pretty much everytime he comes over drunk, and usually I get pissed at him for coming over in that state, but the day after dad died, I let it slide. I was just too tired to be mad at him.

[Shanty Oilish]

38. Innumerable nasty comments about inheritances

Right there at the funeral they'll crack jokes. I've lost a lot of loved ones who have left me inheritances. They have called me a black widow, asked how many notches in my belt now, etc. My (late) aunt's favorite dig was to say "Your name will be preprinted in wills long after '19__' is retired."
She left me a little something too, but my name wasn't preprinted in her will after all!
And then there's the kin who say I don't deserve it, as if they do. :grr:

[Piperay]

39. My grandmother told me

that if I said one word to her she was "going to knock my teeth out". Grannie was a real bitch who had physically and verbally abused my mother when she was a child. Luckily toward me she was all talk and no action. :grr: :mad: :grr:

[anti_shrub]

42. My family was more sublime

My dad was married before, and he didn't get the offical Catholic divorce from wife #1. My parents got married by a justice of the peace instead of the Pomp and Circumstance Catholic Wedding Extravaganza, and that just pissed his Irish Catholic family right the hell off. Add on the fact that my mom is Lutheran and didn't convert like his family expected, and well you can imagine the hilarity that ensued. They were good at never coming out and insulting you, but they made it clear how they felt. Namely my mom was the heathen of the family and I was the bastard child of said heathen.

The only time I can recall any verbal low blows is when we went to visit my aunt who's been a nun for over 50 years. She usually asks if I still go to church (I don't), but I always assumed she was just doing her job trying to keep membership up. One time we visited her after my dad died, and she asked her standard chuch attendance question but after hearing my standard answer she came back with "well you know your father would want you to go"


:mad: :mad: :mad:

Words can't describe how that pissed me off, she knew YEARS ago I no longer went to church (I never told her about my agnostic/atheist leanings, I didn't want to kill her) but for her to use my dad as a guilt trip was just sick.

Add that to the fact that due to a major dust up when I was little, we didn't talk to my mom's only sister and her family for years so the sum total of family I gave a crap about were my parents and grandparents.

Only one (mom) is still alive today.

[Hubert Flottz]

43. "You Need To Get A Job!"

I went downhill from that moment!

[REP]

44. "You'll Get Married and Have Children"

Count Hagula, one of my bitch grandmothers, when I told her I had no intention of doing either. The other bitch grandmother never said anything directly to me, but my brother and I were "disowned" because we're mamzers (true, under Jewish law) and she never said anything directly to us.

When Count Hagula babysat my brother and me, she'd threaten to have a stroke if she didn't get her way, and my brother would threaten an asthma attack right back at her (while I tried not to laugh my ass off). She also had a habit of recounting the terrible deaths of people we didn't know. At one Thanksgiving, when she started on about the Nosefingers my brother piped in with, "Did they all die horribly?"

[Dulcinea]

45. Here are a couple:

"Are you sure it's not twins?"

And:

"Oh well, maybe you'll get a boy next time."

I'm expecting my second daughter at Thanksgiving, & am REALLY sick of stupid sexist comments like that! (BTW, I've gained 21 pounds, but it's all in front, so I look big.) Why do people assume that 2 healthy daughters aren't something to be happy about? Are they less important because they have XX chromosomes? That pisses me off so much! And the DH & I have decided that our family is complete after this baby, so NO, there will be no next time.

<rant over>

[chefgirl]

47. My former Father in Law

My husband was one of eight sons with a mother who is as sweet as she can be and a father who is one of the most obnoxious, loud-mouthed, ill educated 'morans' I've ever met.
Well, his parents came to stay with us for a week (and I do mean WITH us). Never asked if we minded, never even attempted to find a motel/hotel. My FIL and I already had a healthy dislike of eachother, but I was raised right so I always made a monumental effort to hold my tongue whenever he would begin to pontificate.
One night, while they were visiting, while driving home from dinner at a very nice restaurant (which we insisted on paying for), it was completely quiet in the car, and out of the blue my FIL said "You know Kathy, of all my daughters-in-law there's only one I would have chosen myself and it certainly isnt you"
Finally having had enough of him and his mouth I said " Yeah, well, its a pity they dont let you choose your Father-in-Law either"
That was the first time I ever heard him shut up.
They left our house the very next day, and I have never seen or spoken to the man again.
Some people are just fucking assholes.

-chef-

[davsand]

50. In laws are just a trip.

My Sister In Law has no kids of her own (which may be a blessing given how much of a mess she is) but she has taken a few early child education classes. When our daughter was a baby this cow would look at her and comment on how she wasn't developing the way her textbook said. When I'd point out that all kids develop at an individual rate she'd sit there and argue that "MY textbook says..."

Matters finally reached a head when my kid was about two and we were at a dinner at my in laws. IFSIL (Idiot F*&^ing Sister In Law) looks at my two year old happily eating in her high chair and asks me if we've ever read so and so's book on discipline. I said "No, but I'll look at it next time I'm in the bookstore." I was thinking I'd put her off politely.

She THEN says "You would really be helped by this book." I tell her AGAIN I'll look at it next time I'm in the bookstore. She comes back with "I think you need this book." At that point I gave up on the idea of not causing a scene at the dinner table and I just look at her for a second before I tell her "Third party documentation doesn't work worth a shit when it come to computer books, it isn't worth much with kids either. Did you want to move on to a different subject now?"

My husband's Uncle just about spit his coffee all over the table. FIL looked like he was ready to stroke out.

She has never messed with me about my kid since.

I agree fully with whoever it was in this thread that said marry an only child with no living relatives. It makes life a LOT easier.

Laura

[InkAddict]

48. From mother to daughter by phone

"I don't want to speak to you again until someone dies. Since you chose to marry, you belong to your husband's family and you're not part of this family anymore." (Well, get my burka!)

Good on her word too! Gotta wonder who she pictures meeting the Gatekeeper first?

Also, since I married an only child with regard to caring for my husband's elderly father who has to this day failed to die peacefully in his bed as he planned: "Don't borrow trouble."

So, DUers, let that be criteria #X when choosing your mate - NO SIBLINGS,NO WEDDING! or at least make sure those in-laws already have gone on the the great reward.

Geesh - with Moms like this, who needs....

[Breezy du Nord]

49. My aunt once threw a book at my brother, cousin, and I

We had been fighting, not horribly, just a little tizzy. She told us to shut up and we didn't, so she yelled at us again and threw her paperback Grisham at us. She's not exactly the motherly type, though.

[peacefreak]

51. When I was in high school

my father told me I had to take business courses because I wasn't smart enough to go to college. He wasn't going to waste the money.
When I met my future husband he said he should have sent me to college. Gee, thanks, dad.

[annonymous]

55. My father used to say

"I wish abortion was retroactive" to me and my siblings all the time when we were growing up. He also used to call us "stupid apes" and "dirty bastards". None of us has any fond memories of our father because of this.