You might be a freeper if...

[eauclaireliberal]

1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

2. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

3. You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.

4. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."

5. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

6. You've ever given rat traps as gifts.

7. You clean your fingernails with a stick.

8. You've ever hit a deer with your car, deliberately.

9. Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

10. You keep a can of RAID on your kitchen table.

11. You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

12. There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.

13. You ever got too drunk to fish.

14. You consider the fifth grade your senior year.

15. Directions to your house include, "Turn off the paved road."

16. The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

17. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

18. You think the French Riviera is a foreign car

19. You prefer car keys to Q-Tips.

20. You've ever financed a tattoo.

21. The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.

22. You've ever bought a used hat.

23. You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog.

24. You're considered an expert on worm beds.

25. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

26. Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.

27. "Bambi" made you hungry for rabbit.

28. You learned to drive in a monster truck.

29. You spit chewing tobacco in the plants.

30. Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.

31. You believe books are bad luck.

32. You believe all-star wrestling should be an Olympic
competition.

33. You believe all-star wrestling.

34. You recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck.

35. You think a "thesaurus" was a dinosaur.

36. You own a home that is mobile and five cars that aren't.

37. You go to a party and the punchbowl flushes.

38. You've ever been to the ear, nose or throat doctor to have your finger removed.

39. You think Liberation was that funny dressed guy who played the piano.

40. You consider dating cousins as "playing the field"

41. You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the high dive.

42. You have to check your shirt to spell your name.

43. You make your wife ride in the back of the truck so the dog won't get sick.

44. Any of your children are a result of a conjugal visit.

45. Your mother taught you how to flip a cigarette.

46. Your computer is painted cammo and all the cookies are from freerepublic.com

[imax2268]

1. if...

you believe that W is telling the truth...

[joefree1]

2. Twenty six signs you've married a freeper

26. Gives a dollar to a homeless person and asks for change.


25. Says "ditto," "that's so PC," or "I don't give a rats ass" constantly.


24. Owns an SUV that gets 10 MPG and 20 "sport" guns plus $200.00 hiking shoes but hasn't been out of suburbia since boyscouts as a kid.


23. Getting close to nature means a country drive in a Suburban.


22. Tries to convince you that Jesus was a capitalist.


21. Calls it slave labor in Cuba but "right to work" in China.


20. Conserves passion (ergo "Compassionate Conservative").


19. Worse case scenario; Global warming means his Arizona ranch will have beach front property.


18. Believes school prayer is free speech as long as it is done to the "right" god.


17. Outraged by welfare mothers but weepy for corporate welfare.


16. His/her solution to the school shooting problem is to arm all the kids so everyone has a fair chance.


15. Pro life but pro tobacco, pro guns, pro nuclear, and pro death penalty.


14. In your wedding vows, "love, honor, and cherish" were replaced with "condescend, enrich, and respect his/her freshly starched pajama suits."


13. His white T-shirt has a pointy hood.


12. Supported Bush for President in 2000, because he promised to lead us into the 20th century.


11. Cheats on your taxes, then donates the refund check to the Moral Majority.


10. Has the National Rifle Association on speed dial.


9. Delays your funeral until the estate tax is repealed.


8. Every time you try to get frisky, she asks why you can't be more like Bob Dole.


7. Whenever you have to make a tough decision, she mutters "What would Nancy Reagan do?"


6. Refers to your children as "deduction one and deduction two."


5. Refers to sex as "the once a year duty to berth more Republicans."


4. At the height of passion, cries out, "Exploit my natural resources!!!"


3. Blames the Holocaust on failed attempts to restrict German gun rights.


2. Constantly scolds your dog by screeching, "dirty little nudist animal"


And the Number 1 Sign You're Married to a Freeper...


1. He/She's got the kids playing "slumlords exploit tenant revenue streams" again.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

3. Actually,

I live on a dirt road, and I'm a life-long leftist. Some of the other items on this list don't really describe freepers as much as country people, many many of whom are yellow dog Democrats (they'll vote for a yellow dog before they vote for a Republican).

But the comment about believing everything Bush & Co says-that's the mark of a freeper.

[eauclaireliberal]

4. I'm taking about the folks

who think that the world owes them something, that their precious tax dollars are doing nothing but "...supporting welfare crack babies.", etc. You know the type I'm talking about. They remain closed-minded and don't give a fuck about much except what's in their little world.

In the town I live in (I'm originally from Milwaukee) this list is an accurate description of the freetards that pollute...errr...POPULATE the area. Outside Eau Claire are a ton of rural propers (Barron, Rice Lake, Chippewa Falls, Bloomer). The Libertarians here are well-rounded folks, most of whom at least TRY to understand what's going on around them.