Is an open casket at a funeral common?

[bicentennial_baby]

A family friend died on Friday of a heroin overdose at the ripe old age of 24, and I have to go to his funeral on Friday night.

My question is, is open casket the norm, or not? I am really not into seeing dead bodies up close, so I want to be prepared.

[jmm]

1. Most funerals I've been to have been open casket.

The only ones that haven't been were for people who were cremated or were disfigured when they died.

[radwriter0555]

10. gawd funerals are SOOOOO barbaric! When are we going to come up with

some more modern and realistic methods for dealing with the deceased? Open caskets are horrendous... shoot, even burial is morbid and freaky... Cremation is the way to go.

I'm SO sorry you have to deal with this... Just stay as far away from the casket as you can, spend time with the family and people you know. You are under NO obligation to even acknowledge the casket is in the room.

[keopeli]

2. The casket may be open, but you usually have the choice of going up

to view the body or not. If you choose not to, you may see just the tip of the nose, or the face, and that's it.

This is an emotional choice for you, but remember, it's about you and his family....not about your late friend. He's moved on. Decide on the basis of your personal needs, and how to support his family and friends.

I wish the best for you.

[leftist_rebel1569]

3. I'm really sorry about your friend

was there any damage to his body? If not, then it will probably be open...

[Bossy Monkey]

4. It's common, but you might want to call the funeral home

I would think it's more common with elderly folks dying of natural causes. Don't know if heroin overdose would cause some terrible final facial rictus or not; I'd assume you just fall asleep. I would assume the family would want open casket, but you just never know.

PS: There's usually a viewing or a ceremony of some kind where the casket is open beforehand. During the actual ceremony (and of course graveside) the coffin is closed. So you may want to arrive slightly late, or only graveside.

[bif]

5. Most are.

It's kind of creepy. I try to stand with my back to the casket.I hate going up to the dead body.

[plcdude]

6. I concur

there are alot of open caskets and the thinking behind that is for those grieving to realize that the person is not there anymore just the remains.

[JVS]

7. It is within the boundaries of normal

Most of the time there is a one or two day viewing period at a funeral home during which people will come to give condolences and pay respects. I know a guy who really doesn't like seeing dead people who always comes by a casket, says a prayer, and then makes a beeline for the part of the room most distant from the casket, or even stands in the hall outside of the room.
I've not been to an OC funeral service. But that does not mean that they don't happen.

[JVS]

8. oops double post

[Doug Decker]

9. As far as I know, caskets are always open...

unless the body of the deceased is not in a condition to be viewed. Traffic accidents or other incidents where the body couldn't be restored to something of its original state, are typically closed casket.

I'm sorry for the early death of your friend.

[eyesroll]

13. Jewish funerals are not open-casket...

I'm sure there are other religions that prohibit it as well.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Raven]

11. I've been to alot of funerals and none withopen caskets

and I'm Irish! Now the wake is an entirely different story. At wakes the casket is almost always open.

[JVS]

16. I think there might be a certain amount of confusion here

about what constitutes the funeral and what constitutes the viewing, or as you call it the wake.

The funeral is the actual ceremony, not what happens before and after.

When my aunt Alice died the wake was after she had been buried. We went to the community room of the church and had ham sandwiches and coffee. We talked about what a great person she had been. When my great Grandfather Bill Dowdle died his 8 brothers showed up, drank a lot in the presence of the corpse and then went to the funeral the next day. It was kind of like a Bachelor party for the recently deceased.

[dmr]

12. Yes, it is

Most times when the casket is closed it is because trauma may have affected the the upper portion of the body.

Viewing the body primarily helps bring closure for those left behind, allowing them to say their good-byes. Some people don't need to view the deceased, but others do have this need, and some touch, pat the hands, or even kiss the deceased good-bye.

I'm sorry about your friend, so very young. This loss must be hard for you.

[demnan]

14. If there is a "Viewing" the casket is most likely open

My family never went for open casket except my grandfather and that was the old way people always did things, my grandmother (on the other side of the family) and my father were buried closed casket.

But my cousin's family are more conservative so they had the whole barbaric thing going on when her parents and aunts died.

It depends on what the family wants.

[bicentennial_baby]

15. Thanks everybody!

For your info and your condolences. Chuck was very young, yes, but unfortunately this event was'nt a total shock. He had a lot of problems since his dad went to prison when he was only 12 or 13. His mother will probably be destroyed by this, but we can hope she makes it through ok.

Again, thanks everyone.

[Cheswick2.0]

22. Oh his poor mother

I hope you get a chance to relay some good memory of him. For a parent in that situation, I think knowing that you son had good times that were not drug induced would be paramount to being able to cope with the grief.

[plcdude]

23. well do what

you can which is to be there and follow-up with the mother after a time when everyone has left her alone she may need some contact again as she works her way through this situation. There are no words to say only the fact that you have cared enough to come and be with her is enough. Hang in there and be advised that the longer that you live the more this will happen so it is the way things are.

[supernova]

17. Open casket at the visitation; closed at the funeral

Open casket "visitations" are common in the South. This is usually the the evening before the funeral. The family greets friends and relatives in the funeral home with the body lying in state. Everyone gets to visit and look at the deceased, or not as they feel comfortable, one more time. And make more plans for the actual funeral and wake.

For me the funeral home is always harder than the actual funeral. Because you get to speak so intimately of your loss.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

18. It's a regional thing

In 18 years in Oregon, I didn't attend a single open-casket funeral. In fact, I attended only one funeral, and it was closed casket, because the norm was a private burial or cremation followed by a memorial service. In one case, there was a Conservative Jewish funeral (within 24 hours of death, so I didn't find out in time) followed two days later by a mostly secular memorial service.

But when I came back to Minnesota for my grandmother's funeral in 2000, my relatives all showed up at the church for the viewing an hour before the funeral.

According to the rules of the Lutheran church, the casket must be closed before the service begins. I know this having grown up as a preacher's kid. I don't know what the rules are in other denominations or religions.

Actually, I don't mind viewing the bodies of the deceased. Contrary to what some people fear, it has not interfered with my memory of what they looked like alive. In fact, I barely think of what they looked like dead unless somebody brings up the topic. But I do think it's gross when people take pictures of dead relatives lying in coffins!

[Plaid Adder]

19. Depends on the tradition.

Most of the Catholic funerals I've been to have an open-casket wake followed by a closed-casket funeral.

THe first time I went to a wake it was quite a mindbender. Basically, it's a party with a dead body in the room. Hard to take when you're 16 and it's your first big death. But as you get older you realize why the adults were taking it more in stride. Death doesn't get any easier to take but it does get more familiar; you start to realize that it's just part of life and it no longer seems so weird to have life going on with death in the same room.

My partner is at her uncle's wake right now. I talked to her this morning and said that I hoped people would be telling good stories about him and enjoying remembering him. That's what wakes are for, really. Having the body there is important because you can't really understand that someone's gone till you see where he used to be. It's a shock, but I do think it helps people accept what's happened.

Good luck,

The Plaid Adder

[SweetZombieJesus]

20. We didn't have the casket open at the actual funeral, but at the

visitation at the funeral home the day before, we did. I'd always thought it was kind of creepy too, but it really helped me to see my dad. I still can't fully wrap my head around the fact that he's gone forever, but I'm sure with time this insane notion that he's just going to show up someday will go away. I hope so, anyway.

[booksenkatz]

21. Sorry about your friend

I make it a point never to view the body. I don't need to SEE the body to "realize" the person is dead. Being informed of the death is quite enough for me, thank you very much. I prefer to remember the person as he/she was, much happier memories that way!

BTW, in the south it is very common to take pics of the body in the casket. At my grandmother's funeral, my brother whispered, "Hey, should I take her picture?" I whispered back, "Heck, I think she'd be insulted if you DIDN'T, since SHE was the one who took the most pics of others when they were dead!" My brother found a time when no one was around and he took a picture... 'cause she would have wanted it that way.

At any rate, no one can force you to view the body. I've had people try to force me, it's quite insulting.

[maxanne]

24. Sorry about your friend

bicentennial_baby. It is so sad to lose someone so young - especially to drugs.

My heart goes out to his family and friends - especially his mother.

[TreasonousBastard]

25. It's up to the family and local or religious custom.

As a lot of others have said, the viewing is often open, and the service closed.

fwiw, my first funeral was my father's many years ago. I was pretty young then, and the open casket viewing wasn't too bad, but the closed casket is what got to me. The finality of him locked in that thing was almost unbearable.

Funerals are always rough, especially when there is such a tragic death, but this won't be the last one you'll see.

We all have to realize that even the most tragic of deaths is a part of life, and life goes on.

[Kenneth ken]

26. sorry about your friend

what I do at funerals;

either sit as far back as possible (so everyone else can go 'view' the deceased before me) and then, not go through the 'viewing line.'

or

if the deceased is/was a relative, I simply sit on the outside of the row (away from the center aisle) and stay seated when the others form up the 'viewing line'.


It works similar to weddings; people in the fron row are first to view, then the second row, etc. and the procession forms up through the center.


I did the 'viewing line' thing once; I'll never do that again for anyone.

[CBHagman]

27. Not where I come from.

It depends on the family. In my family, we do not have open-casket funerals. I was well into my 20s before I went to a wake or an open-casket funeral.

For some people, a viewing is part of the grieving process. For others, viewing is extremely traumatic. In any case, the wishes of the deceased should be respected, assuming the deceased made those preferences known, and sensitivity should prevail.

End of pontification.