Men Are SCUM.

[Placebo]

My uncle just broke up with his fiance. They have been dating for yeeeeeeeears, and the entire family absolutely ADORES her.

They were engaged to be married, and even bought a house.

Now today he calls her up to tell her that he is leaving, he doesn't love her anymore, he just stayed with her so he wouldn't hurt her feelings, and he hasn't loved her for years. Now no one knows where the hell he is, he took everything he owns and disappeared.

She is absolutely destroyed. She is uncontrolably crying and freaking out, talking about killing herself and no one can do anything for her.

Why the hell would a guy go on with a relationship that for so long, even get engaged and buy a house just to end it and totally fuck up the girl?

Not to mention, she is the kindest, sweetest, coolest girl ever. It's not even like she's a bitch or anything, she couldn't be nicer.

[NamVetsWeeLass]

1. men.....

Can't live with them, Can't Legally Shoot them......

[UCSBLiberalCat53]

2. I'm so sorry!

this is why i don't have faith in relationships. I hope she'll be alright and all. Suicide threats should NOT be taken lightly under any circumstances.

[Raven]

3. When you can get her to stop crying...

tell her she is a lucky woman. It amazes me that marriage remains an option with these guys...live with them if you want but keep your money separate and rely on yourself! :-)

[Craig Roberts]

4. Well, don't blame all of us

Sounds pretty horrible to me, and I'm a guy.

[Placebo]

5. So am I.

[BlueJazz]

6. Ah...The Nation?....I don't understand what the problem is ??

What's the big deal??

[medeak]

7. latent?

perhaps he did her a favor in the long run...

[ant]

8. maybe...

...he was scared that she would freak out and threaten to kill herself while his familiy members called him scum? Just a thought.

If he doesn't love her, he doesn't love her. That doesn't make him a bad person. At worst he sounds like a coward who was too scared to be honest earlier, and probably a jerk for doing it over the phone, but at least he did it before getting married. Divorce is much messier.

[NC_Nurse]

9. Damn!

What an asshole!

Give her lots of support so she can get up, go on, and eventually find someone who can appreciate her. Then he can suck some wind when he realizes what a POS he is....sheesh!

[LoZoccolo]

10. Uh, they weren't married.

OK, at what other point is he obligated to stick around then?

[Placebo]

11. You can't be serious.

They had been dating for years, gotten engaged, bought a house together, were planning the wedding and their entire future together and you think it's okay that someone just ditches the person after all that? No one's saying he COULDN'T do it, but it makes him a total asshole.

[JVS]

21. So what should he have done, live with her in misery forever?

[jpgray]

24. It's the American way (nt)

[tjdee]

40. He didn't handle this like an adult...

Sorry to butt in--

But this guy didn't go home, sit her down, and have a conversation.
If he doesn't love her, there's no reason to keep it going, but he could have talked it out with her in the flesh after all that time.

Instead, he took all his stuff, disappeared, and called her on the phone to tell her he was gone (that's the impression I got from The Nation?).

[Raven]

12. Ah, maybe when they buy a house together????

In my opinion, that's a more serious step than marriage...you can disslove a marriage quicker. So...how much of the down payment came from him and how much from her....and who is paying the mortgage...can you answer those questions, wise guy? :-)

[jpgray]

13. Wait, he should've carried through marrying her though he didn't want to?

I'm not sure what your point is here?

[Cascadian]

14. I am sorry that this happened but....

PLEASE do not paint all men in the same generalization. Even women have done some mean and fickle things too. I have been through that stuff. I know.

John

[DrWeird]

15. Better now than later.

Better earlier than now.

[Deja Q]

16. Maybe he was gay and finally realized it?

I dunno. People are strange. Applesauce happens.

[LoZoccolo]

18. Why would that be acceptable, and not that he just didn't like her?

Now see my other post up there (#10) before anyone accuses me of being homophobic - I am actually arguing for the latter, and not against him being able to back out if he was gay.

[HEyHEY]

17. Oh, and a woman has never done that to a man

:eyes:

[Skittles]

19. THAT man is scum

not all men - look at a lot of the terrific guys we have right here in the DU.

[JVS]

20. Your uncle is scum. Leave me out of it

[La Lioness Priyanka]

22. women do that too

[kysrsoze]

27. Yup. My first wife cheated on me and left me. I just found out my friend

who has 3 daughters just caught his wife cheating on him. He confronted her, she said she was leaving him for this new guy and kicked him out of the house too.

Don't kid yourselves, ladies. There are as many greedy, shitbag, scumbucket women out there these days as there are crappy men, if not more. I've got a bunch of friends who are just fed up with the garbage they've been dealt by women.

Perhaps people in general are scum?

[Lizzie Borden]

42. There ya go!!!

Never fully trust another human.

[DrWeird]

23. What he should have done is married her and have kids.

And then divorced her. You know, like normal people.

[alarimer]

25. My guess is

That he probably has another girlfriend. Personally I am am never dating again after the last time when I found out that the guy lied about almost everything. Maybe not all men are scum but too many of them are to take a chance. Sorry your uncle is such a jerk. It is hard when it is a relative (somebody you presumably like) who does something like this.

[skygazer]

26. That's too bad

It's wierd how people will just go on and on with a relationship that they're not happy in just because they don't have the courage to end it. It's like the people who get married when they know it's a mistake because they already paid for the wedding. Where is the logic?

They never seem to figure out that it will hurt less if you do it early, not to mention the fact that you've just wasted a bunch of years of your and the other persons lives.

[Rowdyboy]

28. Better she find out now, than after they were married.......

When my brother dumped his 1st wife, our family kept her, and put him on the fringes. Pissed him off, but he deserved it-she was WAY too good for him.

5 years later his trashy 2nd wife killed him. What goes around, comes around.

[Cheswick2.0]

29. He probably does still love her but is all confused because his penis

isn't in a constant state of erection after all these years. So he is off to lust after someone new who he will eventually get tired of too. In the long run he will figure out what a dork he is but this woman will have by then settled down with someone with more sense who appreciates her.

[Dookus]

39. SEXISM! SEXISM! and if I were the type to be easily offended

I'd counter that with "maybe she's lousy in bed".

What a lousy assumption - that it's all about his dick.

He doesn't love her - he shouldn't marry her. That being said, the way he did it was lousy. But ending the relationship is better than continuing it under false pretenses.

[No2W2004]

30. Wow, lots of diferent responses here....

He is a coward for letting things go on so long when he supposedly he knew he didn't love her. Getting engaged and buying a house with someone you really don't want to be with is really wrong. At least there were no kids involved, but I know how she feels right now.

Just give her lots of support.

[ReadTomPaine]

31. If your uncle really is nasty and did this with malice...

... and if your family really is enraged, then just shut him out of your lives and welcome her in. When she gets the invites, the phone calls and the family support that used to be his, he'll understand his problem a touch better. You'll also give her a needed hand, and show her that her friendship and faith in all of you was justified.

Think of it not so much as losing an uncle, as gaining an aunt.

RTP.

[sendero]

32. Eight years ago..

... my wife of 11 years informed me she wanted to end our marriage. At first it was "to find herself" but after an hour of questions I find out it was about "a guy she works with".

It was devastating, but ya know what, 18 months later I found a woman who is 5 times the woman she will ever be, and I have a really great marriage I would have never had with her.

Good thing for me I didn't fall into the "women are scum" trap.

Breakups are among the most soul-searing experiences many of us will ever have. Luckily, they are often opportunities for personal growth, because in any long term breakup, the fault lies on both sides. And you really cannot make an omelette (a really good relationship) without breaking a few eggs (past experiences) :)

[Misunderestimator]

33. Believe me... it's not just men who do that.

My ex and I bought a house together just months before she started having an affair. That went on for months, without my knowledge, during which we both kept pouring money into the house and our life together. :shrug:

[gmoney]

34. She sounds kind of oblivious and clueless...

I'm not defending what he did, but if she couldn't pick up on this over the span of YEARS, then she was fooling herself as much as he was fooling her.

Sounds like the "bad fiancee" from so many movies (Jerry McGuire, Sleepless in Seattle, All of Me, The Wedding Planner, While You Were Sleeping, etc) who the main character is somehow engaged to, even though he/she is just about to meet their TRUE love, prompting them to dump (or be dumped by) the bad fiancee.

I do kind of feel sorry for those characters, but their reason for existence is to show that these things happen.

[tjdee]

36. She trusted him.

Seems kind of unfair though...there were probably clues that he wasn't as invested as he could have been, but to say that she is oblivious and clueless isn't fair.

When you fall in love with someone who is telling you they love you, and carrying on the ACTIONS which this guy did, why would you not believe them? If he didn't love her, why did he propose marriage? Why did he buy a house?

Plus, people just want to hope for the best. Hope is a damned shame.

[onebigbadwulf]

35. Maybe she's lousy in bed

I hate it when that happens

[slinkerwink]

37. that's horrible!

[tjdee]

38. Poor girl.

It will take a long time for her to be over this.

Your uncle knows he's a coward punk ass about this, which is why he disappeared. He doesn't want to have to deal with the fallout. I would even suspect that after a while, just when she's beginning to get past this, he'll change his mind.

I'm sure you're all being as supportive as you can be. Hugs to her.

[Maestro]

41. That is a problem with your uncle

not all men. Stay friends with her. There is no reason why your relationship with her will be ruined.