Anyone ever gotten custody of a kid that wasn't a relative? My daughter's

[radwriter0555]

friend needs a real home. Her dad is gone, her mom is mentally ill and lost custody a year ago and most likely will never get it back. A distant sort of relative has been caring for the girl and really doesn't want to do it anymore. The grandma on the dad's side wants to, but she's a grandma, but very cool. The mother's sisters won't unless they can get a big cash bonanza. Definitely not for the right reasons.

I don't much to offer. A modest income, a decent house, and endless, unconditional love... which is really what this child needs.

Anyone have any words of advice? I talk to the lawyers and social services for the child next week.

[knowbody0]

1. i adopted 3 siblings

and i am single. it is possible. support your friend

[Fenris]

2. How old is this child?

Simple inquiry. I, at one time, worked in a family law office. My advice would be to simply be yourself with the lawyers and social workers.

[Ilsa]

3. I don't anything about how this works, but

you sound to me like you have the right priorities to help this child grow into a healthy adult. Time to take the next step?

[BattyDem]

4. I don't have any advice, but ...

as far as I'm concerned, the fact the you care enough to even consider it tells me that you'd be a great parent for the child. I hope it all works out. Your daughter's friend could use someone like you in her life. :hug:

[skygazer]

5. For me, it would depend on a number of things

How old she is, how well I knew her or her family, whether or not her relationship with your daughter will work in that changed situation (which is why age would matter).

It's certainly a generous thing to consider - I've taken in children for limited amounts of time but they've been kids I knew well. I had my step-son and his best friend all summer one year (after my divorce from his dad). They were 15 and it worked fine - Lenny was just like one of my own kids.

That was an informal arrangement, however.

[Cheswick2.0]

6. I say if you love her

Then take her on. The longer she is there the more legal weight you having custody will hold. Can you work out an arrangement with the grandmother? Make her a part of the family and share time with her but take primary responsibility since you are younger and have more energy (also a ready make sibling).

Good luck. Have you thought about the social behavioral problems this child probably has due to what has happened to her?

[notadmblnd]

7. I have one of my sister 's girls

I took her when she was 9. Her mom and dad divorced when she was 7 and her mother began engaging in very inappropriate behaviour in front of her girls. The two oldest girls were way too out of control and she was headed down the same road. I've never gotten legal custody but neither her mother or father gave me a fight. They do nothing to provide for her.

[SOteric]

8. Yes, a friend from my church.

Has had several children in her life from similar situations. One, a close friend of her son's whose family pretty much bailed on him. Another, a pregnant teenager who went to school with her daughter.

It should be noted that this woman was a qualified foster parent and hand gone through the process with the state to foster children. From there, I guess the paper work was fairly easy and quick.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

9. If you're going to be able to provide a stable, loving home...

...then call her social worker. Ask her if she knows the situation and tell her you would love it if she could come live with you.
Duckie

[radwriter0555]

10. The girl is 12, and definitely needs some counseling. The family isn't

trying too hard to get it for her however, although I see it as a priority.

I got inserted earlier this year when the mother did some terrible things to the child, saying some of the worst things a mother could ever say to a child. The child and her nanny were so scared of her mom that she asked to stay with me for a while.

I notified the social worker and the rest of the family and they took action against the mother. It was the hardest thing I ever did, because I was afraid the family would hate me for it, but luckily, it turned out that I ended up bringing the two families together for the first time, united finally, for the child, at least amicably.

The mother had been able to divide the families all these years, because she knew that aligned, they'd work against her, but thankfully for the child.

My heart breaks because this child has all these family members who are well off, yet no one wants her. I don't understand this. How could anyone not take a child into their home? What is that? I know they're scarred from dealing with the female parent, she's a horrible, coniving, scheming person with a criminal record, drug abuse, booze, and public displays the likes of which are astonishing. She contaminates every one she's ever encountered, and I can only imagine that this is why her family doesn't want to take this child in.

I think yes, possibly to work with the grandma, who also has another daughter, the sister of the deceased dad. They're willing to move here to los angeles and buy a house for the child, but I'm not SURE they will.

I should just put it out there, right? The social workers have been great... This isn't crazy?

[tjdee]

11. No, not crazy at all.

If it is decided that she can't live with you, at least you tried. And hopefully, you can still be a part of her life.

Most important here is that you WANT to do this, which is so wonderful and loving. I'm sure they will take that into consideration; I also see positives for you being that you are already in the area and already in close contact with the girl.

Good luck.