One of my students was killed in a car crash last night.

[Catshrink]

I'm numb. The story is that he and two other students were returning from a football game, driving down a two-lane country road with a speed limit of 65 mph. He missed a stop sign and was t-boned by a pickukp. He died instantly, the other two spent the night in the hospital for observation and are physically okay.

I had him as a student last year and a TA this year. He was a good kid, a little goofy sometimes, but still a good kid. He'd just got his car and was so proud of it. He was a senior and had his whole world ahead of him. Last week he was working on his resume and asked me to proof read it for him.

Besides dealing with my own issues on this, I know that on Monday we'll have some very upset students. Has anyone else been through this? What should I expect from the other kids? We do have a crisis team that has met and is ready to go on Monday, but this is all new to me.

RIP, David...

[flamingyouth]

1. I am so sorry to hear this

When I was in high school, each year at least one student died. It's a really hard thing to rationalize at that age.

I'm very sorry for your loss and for this boy's family and friends. :hug:

[Catshrink]

8. It's the invincibility of youth....

I'm sure there will be some very upset kids on Monday. I think our counseling staff will have their hands full -- but they are really good so I'm sure we'll be okay. It's just going to be very hard.

[greatauntoftriplets]

2. I am so sorry to hear this. Please accept my condolences.

Does your school provide grief counseling to teachers as well as students?

[Catshrink]

6. Thanks...

yes. In fact, the social worker just called me to see how I'm doing. In the past year I've lost a very good friend to AIDS, my mom, my 14 year old cat, and now a student. She was worried about me and wanted to check in. I really appreciated that. I'm okay, but also in shock a bit.

It totally sucks.

[bigwillq]

10. Man, you need a vacation

just to go sit on a beach with the beverage of your choice in hand and just chill out.

[Catshrink]

14. Our fall break is in two weeks...

and some variation on your suggestion is definitely in order. Mike's Cranberry Lemonade sounds like a good place to start.

[bigwillq]

18. Please take advantage of your break

Make it all about the most important person in your life


YOU!!!

[Catshrink]

24. Thanks!

I was thinking of painting the living room. Maybe that is good therapy afterall. It will brighten my outlook -- literally! Or maybe just sleep all week.

[bigwillq]

26. Paint the living room

And get some of your favorite party music to listen to, to help get you in a good mood. And of course, alcohol also helps a bit!

And yes, find some time for sleep but don't just sleep the whole break away.

[democrat in Tallahassee]

3. when I was in high school one of our students died in a

car crash. he was 15. the whole school was in shock for weeks if not months. It is traumatic for kids who think they are invincible. Don't really know if there is anything that can be done--just time.

[Catshrink]

9. You nailed it...

time is indeed the best "cure." I hope it will cause other kids to drive a bit more carefully.

[Whoa_Nelly]

31. Am a retired teacher

and have dealt with student death. Kids take it all so personally...seem to believe somehow there could have been something that they did or didn't do that ties them emotionally to the child who died, as well as the frightening aspect that it could have been them...that they, after all, are not invincible. I've found it really helpful, beyond the grief counseling, to allow several days of class time scheduled into the daily lesson plan as a time set aside to talk openly, (no one's feelings being less important, less trivial than anyone else), to generate ideas for the student's family, for and/or about themselves, to create personal or group diaries, drawings...all with the goal to allow them to grieve, to bond in their grief, and to do something proactive rather than being left alone in their grief, their anger (some will be angry), and to be creative with a forward motion that can positively affect them individually. The only stipulations I ever placed on my students in this type of situation is that there are no put-downs, respect the speaker by listening and not interrupting, and anyone has the right to pass on sharing and/or participating.

Hope this helps.

Thinking of you and your students
My heart goes out to all of you
O8)

[Catshrink]

33. Thank you...

You brought up a good point -- we will probably need more than just time on Monday. It may not even hit some kids for a day or two -- or more. I like the idea about being proactive. My kids are very creative, I just need to let them speak!

Thanks again!

[Whoa_Nelly]

34. You're welcome

The healing starts for you and your kids the moment you reach out to them and they respond.


PS Sometimes the creative energy took on such momentum in my classes, it had me ditching the lessons plans for a few days, disregarding district standards, and inviting the counselor in to participate in the activities that were going on. Plus, it gave those who were really having a hard time opening up and or dealing with the death a time to snag the counselor (sometimes I let the counselor know who needed some extra TLC), and offered more opportunity to talk, to deal in a setting that wasn't the counselor's office.

A couple of things are very important...whatever you do with your class, however you and/or your class decide to act upon this, do let your principal know, and do let the parents know. Some may not like it, but then, hey! there are always those like that and it becomes a time for a parent/teacher/sometimes counselor and/or principal meeting. Such is the teacher's life...

on edit: red inked self on typos :)

[bigwillq]

4. This is terrible news

I'm very sorry for the loss of your student. He sounded like a really nice, funny guy.

I think you should just have a session with each class and let them put their desks in a circle and have each student (if they volunteer to) just say a few things, let them get stuff off their chest. Maybe a few would want to share any experience they had with David.

I'm sure there will be some tears and hugs but I'm sure they'll also be some laughs and smiles.

[Catshrink]

11. That's a great suggestion....

They will be invited to visit with the counseling staff to help them grieve, but this is also a good thing for me to do. Some of them might not even feel it for a few days, weeks, maybe even months. They may not know how to react and show their pain and confusion in strange ways.

[bigwillq]

23. The kids need an outlet to vent and let it out

It's good in a way b/c all the students have to go through this together. It's not like something tragic that happened to a single person but everyone in that class (es) had some contact or the like with David and everyone will have their level of grief.

I think grieving as a group could help the kids heal b/c they know everyone is going through the same thing and they can help pick each other up.

[proud2BlibKansan]

5. How sad

I can't tell you what to do, other than let the kids grieve. Listen to them.

[Catshrink]

12. yep... I totally agree with you.

I need to give them the time and space to do that.

[TheMightyFavog]

7. May he be partying with the gods now.

Amen.

[Catshrink]

13. Dang it I hope so...

I loved the kid's smile and laugh.

[tjdee]

15. It's almost impossible to tell anything besides you won't be doing your

lesson.

Everyone will be too distracted and emotional. There will be crying.
Maybe you can get your classes to think of things they can do for the family??

A student stabbed another in my suburban high school one day, classes were useless that first day back. My school ended up having an all school assembly so the adults could talk to us and we just sat there not wanting to get emotional at school.

Also, people have different ways of grieving, so whatever is done will piss off somebody....be ready for that too.

So many hugs for all of you. What terrible news for everyone. Very sad story.

on edit:
YOU take it easy! I just read about your year. Man....you are one strong person, thinking of others at this time....wow. I hope YOU are doing okay and get a chance to smile soon.

[Catshrink]

17. You are so right...

I know some kids are going to be totally off the wall goofy while others will break down sobbing. They need time and space, not chemistry. Screw quantum numbers!

[NamVetsWeeLass]

16. So sorry for your loss

I lost a friend in a car crash when I was in 10th grade. We threw her a "going away" party, and dealt with it that way. The school offered us nothing, we did it ourselves. I think we all walked around for weeks like zombies, but we got over it. Death is a part of life and once they learn to accept it, they will again find balance. Since graduation I have lost over 20 school mates, the most shocking blow was in 1999---My best friend from High School hung himself (he did this the week my son came home from the hospital after having major surgery.)
The girl I lost in tenth grade--Darla, I still miss you.
The Best friend I lost in 1999--Jay, I love you, man.

To you, I wish you well, and hope that you heal. The scars that are left from people we know might be unkind, but scars indeed make us human.

[Catshrink]

20. Thanks, NVWL...

I remember in high school a student died during a school mountain climbing trip. It was a terrible shock to everyone and no one really helped us. Our school team was right on top of this so I'm confident we'll come through okay. It will take some work, but like you said, it's part of life.

[antigone382]

19. I'm so sorry for your loss, Catshrink

I graduated high school two years ago, but during my time there, I saw a lot of kids go like that; it never gets easier. During my junior year, our homecoming queen died in a car crash on the way to school. She was one of those girls who had everything going for her: she was intelligent, beautiful, and a genuinely good person to everyone she met, and everyone was devestated by her loss.

The advice I give may be nothing you don't already know, but here it is, FWIW: a lot of kids probably won't show up to school at all, particularly his good friends, and I wouldn't recommend expecting kids to be able to do any actual school work while they're there. The best thing to do is let kids talk about it, express their own shock and sadness, and go through the grieving experience in their own way. Don't be afraid to let them see your own emotions; it actually will make most of them feel better to know that you're going through the same things they are.

Let the kids express their grief about the loss of this boy, but try to also make tomorrow a day to commemorate his life; remember the things that made him a precious human being.

Once again, Catshrink, I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the loss of this boy. I'll be thinking of you, and wishing for the best as you face the very difficult days ahead.

[Catshrink]

25. Thanks for your suggestions....

I think you're right on. It's amazing isn't it? Your homecoming queen having everything going for her and then bam. No rhyme or reason. Monday will be a very hard day, but we'll get through.

[Kali]

21. Oh I am so sorry.

I just saw your post when I was asking some stupid question. Perspective eh?

[Catshrink]

27. no kidding...

It puts everything in perspective.

[HEyHEY]

22. Not a teacher - but lost some people in Highschool

One was hit by a train, it really shocked the whole school. But it was a very respectful group and the day went in appropriate fashion...I suggest talking about it in class if that is the will of the students.

[Catshrink]

28. By a train!

wow, that is tragic! You're right about letting the kids lead the way -- I don't want to force them into a discussion about grief if they aren't ready for it.

[bigwillq]

29. When I was in college, I lost three friends from high school

in the same car crash.

The fourth kid, the brother of one of the kids that passes, survived but lost one of his legs.

I had to go to three wakes in one night and then split my time the next day for three funerals.

All of us wore blue and white ribbons (those were our high school colors) for a long period afterwards in their honor.

They'll be gone three years this October (wow shit, I think it's next week).

I will always remember 2001 for three things

1.9/11
2. I met my boyfriend, we are still together.
3. Those 3 friends passing.

[UrbScotty]

30. My condolences to you, his family and friends, and your school.

:hug:

[ulysses]

32. I'm so sorry.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

35. Something similar

I was teaching Japanese in a small college when one of the Japanese exchange students was killed in a rollover accident.

My second-year students, most of whom knew her, came to class as usual right after lunch. I had heard about the accident literally just before entering the classroom, so I started class as usual. (I thought it was sad, but I had not met this particular Japanese student, so I was not personally affected.) Then I noticed that all my students were crying, so I dismissed the class.

Then International Studies called me down to their office to interpret for the rest of the Japanese students, many of whom were newly arrived in the States, as the college's counselors talked to them. (I probably wouldn't have been able to do this if I had been personally acquainted with the student.)

The deceased student's Japanese and American friends planned a memorial service together.

I've never had a student die while still in school, although it was very shocking and upsetting to learn that one of my students had died about five years after graduation.