Post your favorite Rodney dangerfield lines here.

[maveric]

"My kid wanted a BB gun for christmas, I got him the BB gun and he gave me a sweater with a bullseye on it".

[trotsky]

1. "Hey, everybody, we're all gonna get laid!"

Oh Rodney...

[LTR]

2. "Hey, maybe you could help me with my Longfellow"

From "Back to School".

[tridim]

5. I think that's..

"Maybe you could help me STRAITEN out my Longfellow". Works a bit better that way. :)

[LTR]

16. Thanks

Been a while since I saw the flick.

[Bluebear]

3. A girl phoned me the other day....

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home!" I went over. Nobody was home.

[WI_DEM]

4. "I was so poor growing up...

If I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with."

"I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up."

[Wilber_Stool]

6. Ya buy a hat like that

and they give you a bowl of soup. Caddyshack

[Wapsie B]

7. His trademark,"I don't get no respect,

no respect at all."

[tridim]

8. So?

So let's dance!

"Hey Smells, where's your hat?"

There are about 50 good Rodney quotes from Caddyshack.

[maveric]

9. To Smails wife, "Wanna make 15 bucks the hard way?"

Talking to the Caddy,"I hear that this(caddying),is considered skilled labor for italians".

[chaska]

10. Cleveland? I once spent a month is Cleveland one night.

[OneTwentyoNine]

11. "Golf courses and cemeteries,biggest waste of prime real estate"

RIP Rodney...

[Zomby Woof]

32. sorry - but you quoted Carlin

[virgdem]

12. One of my favorites was this line, slightly paraphrased...

My wife and I don't get along. She's an earth sign and I'm a water sign - together we made mud.

[Bluzmann57]

13. "Paid for a hooker...

She said not on the first date".

[Tom Kitten]

14. My mother never breast-fed me. She told me she liked me as a friend.

RIP, Rodney.

[AlCzervik]

15. You scratched my anchor!

Hey sweetheart, you musta been something before electricity.
You wanna make $14 the hard way?

[Duncan Grant]

17. "Somebody step on a duck"?

:7

[CO Liberal]

18. I Asked a Cabbie to "Take Me Where The Action Is"

He took me to my house.

[givemebackmycountry]

19. Hey

I asked my wife is she wanted to have sex in the car, she said OK as long as I was driving.

With my luck, if Dolly Parton was my Mom, I would have been a bottle baby.

I got jokes. I know a million fuckin' jokes.

[peekaloo]

20. Whoa I've seen better coats on tongues.

[BlueJazz]

21. Is my Wife Ugly?...Awww Geez...

Look in the Encyclopedia under "Ugly"....There's a picture of my Wife.

[guitar man]

22. RIP Rodney

1. I was so poor growing up if I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.

2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home. "I went over. Nobody was home.

3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

4. One day I came home early from work. I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

6. I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

8. I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

9. I'm so ugly that my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

11. I'm so ugly that my mother had morning sickness.....AFTER I was born.

12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I Don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

15. I'm so ugly that I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.

20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.

21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

[WI_DEM]

23. My wife said, "I want to have sex"

I said "Ok" and she said "I'll be back in an hour." I get no respect, I tell ya.

[Enraged_Ape]

24. "I went to the bar last night. The bartender said, 'What'll ya have?'...

"I said, 'Surprise me'.

He showed me a naked picture of my wife."

[ReadTomPaine]

25. For once, I can't laugh at Rodney. Maybe tommorrow. RIP

[mitchum]

26. "I asked my wife why she never told me when she had an orgasm"...

"She said, 'Cause you're never there"
Rest In Peace, Rodney

[maveric]

29. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That one just made my night!

C'mon keep em a comin!

[kodi]

27. my 'hood was so tough i was held up by a guy with a bitten off shotgun

i consider it the funniest line in comedy

[Skittles]

28. his daughter was voted "most likely to conceive"

YES INDEED

[lpbk2713]

30. I'll tell ya ......... I was an ugly baby.

I was so ugly, when I was born the doctor slapped my mother (rimshot).

Thanks for all the laughs, Rodney.

[SmileyBoy]

31. "What's this bullshit???"

-From "Little Nicky"

[PittPoliSci]

33. i was such an ugly baby...

my mother used to breast feed me through a straw!