Need advice about parents' anniversary when only one parent is left

[joeybee12]

Next week would have been my parents' 58th wedding anniversary. My Mom died in May, and my father is still here and is still "with it" so he knows the day is coming.

What to do? I'm going to call him (we're about 2,000 miles away), but not sure if I should send a card or what. He's Catholic so I'm going to suggest he go to mass, since it'll be on his mind all day.

Anyone else in this situation? What did you do this first time this date came around?

Thanks!

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. I always send a thinking of you card to my grandmother on that day.

They were married 60 years, and I still think that committment should be remembered. :hi:

[joeybee12]

8. Thanks--I've been going back and forth thinking that maybe a card is

or isn't appropriate. I guess it is. It's just so strange this first year!

[ret5hd]

2. whatever you decide to do...

DO NOT ignore the anniversary. It would seem (to him) as if you had forgotten her.

[joeybee12]

11. Thanks--I do plan on calling. It's just weird--do you try to simply

remember the date, or try to celebrate it?

[livetohike]

3. Just call and tell your Dad you are thinking about him

and how much you miss your Mom too.

[joeybee12]

12. Thanks--I will do it. I think next year will be easier, but this first

one will be tough to get through. I think it'll be harder than Christmas!

[CO Liberal]

4. I Always Called Mom on Their Anniversary

There were six anniversaries between when Dad died and Mom joined him. And I called her on each one to let her know I was thinking of her.

I couldn't just ignore the 44 years they were together...

[joeybee12]

9. Thanks--he really was a wreck when she died, but has been much

better these past couple months. Just wondering what kind of memories/emotions the date will produce. Thanks again--I will call.

[elehhhhna]

5. Send flowers and a beautiful letter of thanks to him ...

[joeybee12]

10. Nice idea--thanks!

[MADem]

6. Don't run from it

Definitely call. If your mother made a baked good or other treat that you can manage to recreate convincingly, that your father especially loved, you might send him a box of that. If you don't have talent in that regard, find something that HE likes, go to store or get online and order it, and send it to him. The celebration of an anniversary, in my mind, is as much about the kids as the parents, especially as time goes by. It's a way of thanking them for having you, sorta kinda.

I still, to this day, have the very same florist my father used bring my mother a dozen roses. The card on the arrangement is written from my late father (with suitably amusing/broadly flattering one-liner that could only have been spoken by my father--he was a rather unique personality with a devilish sense of humor). She was used to her posies on the day, and she still gets them even though he's been gone for 25 years.

If you have anyone closer who could be with him, maybe take him out for a meal and a stroll down memory lane, that would be good.

Anyway, my advice is CELEBRATE THE DAY. It was a great day when it happened, and just because your mother is gone, it still was a great day. The first year is especially hard--is there anyone with the poor man, or is he all alone?

[joeybee12]

7. My sister lives nearby....the weird thing is it's her husband's birthday

that same day. I should probably suggest they go out to dinner and make it a combined celebration. It's a way to remember the nniversary, and since there's a birthday, it might help since the emphasis won't only be only the anniversary--which, this first year, will be sad no matter what we do! Thanks!

[meow2u3]

13. Offer to have a Mass said for your mom

And put the offering in your dad's name

[joeybee12]

14. Good idea--thanks