So I guess I should divorce my husband. After all, he doesn't look very

[ScreamingMeemie]

husbandly. Sometimes he doesn't have our best interests at heart. It's been rumored that he cheated on a couple of tests in high school. I should have held out for the perfect man. I'm sure he would have come right along. Oh, and did I mention, he's not very tallish and he's losing his hair. Man, what the hell was I thinking???


***Just a lighthearted joke in the same vein as the current threads on GD folks.


*****DISCLAIMER********

I absolutely adore my husband, even though he is a Lions fan, hogs all the covers, drank the last of the milk, and took my good hand held mixer to mix up some spackle.:evilgrin:

[MuseRider]

1. Mine took his drill, put on the sander thingy

and tried to clean my pots and pans after my son left them on the burner, emptied. They are no longer no stick.

[Maple]

7. Ahahahahahahaha

oh that's terrible!

Your face must have been a picture. :D

[SoCalDem]

28. My mother-in-law used a n SOS pad on my perfectly seasoned wok..

She very proudly told me that she "scoured the dickens out of that pan shaped like a big bowl".... and then of course she informed me that she had also washed & ironed my curtains, because they were...... F I L T H Y

[SOteric]

2. Gasp!!

You mean it's not all or nothing?!!!

Who'd a thunk. ;-)

[ScreamingMeemie]

11. Certainly not I, or I would have looked right past him at Mr. Perfect, who

I am sure would have been right there..sigh.;-)

[WilliamPitt]

3. I'll bet he faked his war service, too

Bastard.

:)

[ScreamingMeemie]

12. No, he really and truly did play with his army guys, and I think he had

a couple of G.I. Joes even.
;)

[Karenina]

4. Hmmmm...

He sounds kinda cute! Does he talk to you too? ;-)

[ScreamingMeemie]

13. Only when I am trying to sleep, talk on the phone, read...etc.

He is seriously cute though.:)

[maxanne]

5. goodonya MrsGrumpy

I'm afraid your husband has peaked - and I am losing hope in him.

;-)

[ScreamingMeemie]

14. I know, it's sad. I should have never talked about him so soon, with

so many people.

[maxanne]

17. I hope you'll ask yourself

"Is MrGrumpy smart enough to be my husband?"

:evilgrin:

[ScreamingMeemie]

30. hmmmm, I am going to collect various opinions from those who know

him, and some who have no idea who he is...and yet might feel some need to attack him. Then I think I'll be able to formulate an opinion. That method seems to work well.

[mitchtv]

6. I'm sure a "recall" can be arranged

can you afford one?

[ScreamingMeemie]

15. Hmmmm, and then to have over a hundred candidates for MrGrumpy...

Only if you'll help with the petitions.

[BlueJazz]

8. I had a married friend who used his wifes.....

NEW fine German cuttlery to slice up some tile for the den.

His ass slept on the sofa that night!! LOL!

[Maple]

9. Men seem to go into some sort of trance

when they're fixing things...and they use anything available to do it.

I'll BET he slept on the sofa. :D

[BlueJazz]

10. What was even more "Man-Dumb".......

was:
He called me up the day after and told me about it and
then asked if he should buy his wife a new set of Knives
for their Anniversary.

I just laughed and said "WHAT!! ...you're going to give your wife
something that you screwed up as a replacement for an event such
as your Anniversary ??....and worse, it's a piece of hardware??
Are you CRAZY!!"

I then said something like: "Man, you and I have to have a talk!" LOL!

[sandnsea]

26. rotfl

Mine just brought me a set of knives as a 'gift'. Not an anniversary gift, just a 'thoughtful' gift. I don't need any knives, I'm happy with my knives, what was he thinking about? Well, I'll tell you. They were having a knife demonstration at Safeway, they've just taken over the ginsu knife distributorship. And they were doing a demonstration and they cut through a pipe and then cut through a tomato... and they have a lifetime guarantee... and it's a limited time offer to promote the new distribution through Safeway... and oh yeah, you get free steak knives AND a free pair of kitchen scissors if you're one of the first 4 buyers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And HE'S a Salesman!!!

[ScreamingMeemie]

16. Ouch, for the den even, which is where I am guessing he hangs out?

;) My husband has also used the turkey baster to squirt draino down a pipe. Sigh.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

18. Shit...for a minute there I thought I had a shot

[ScreamingMeemie]

20. Hey stick around, these people are giving me good advice. There

may be a petition drive yet. ;)

[Ellen Forradalom]

19. Oh! He took your good mixer!

It'd be curtains for my marriage if my husband did that! Hell, I get mad as a hornet if mops up a spill with my good dish towels.

[ScreamingMeemie]

21. And then the "What?" that he gave me. It's still usable he says...

after it's been sloshing around in who knows what. Grrrr.

[kodi]

22. put an ad in the paper, "one husband, low milage, best offer"

he might be worth a couple of bucks

[ScreamingMeemie]

31. True, or maybe free to a good (and understanding) home. His shots

are all updated....and he's been fixed.

[Gingersnap]

23. Guess I'm lucky

my husband only ruins clothes! But that's probably mainly because he is incredibly "unhandy" and would never find himself painting or sanding or something like that...

[sandnsea]

25. Well they're all unhandy

You just picked one smart enough to know it!

[sandnsea]

24. Mine sawed my dining room table

Sawing some damn thing and put it on the table. He was half way through the table before he realized he was doing it. No, he was not drunk. So I just told him to saw the whole thing off and we turned it around and stuck it up against the window until we could afford a new one. Where their brains go sometimes, it's beyond me.

[ScreamingMeemie]

29. Oh my Gawd! I am giggling. You poor baby.

and we have to keep them.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

27. OK..this thread is very cute, quite funny

and I can see why you guys are madly in love and quite entertained by your husbands...cute...funny... :D

[Iverson]

32. a Lions fan !?!?!?!?

I'm so sorry.

[MaineDem]

33. I had this paint brush

...that I used as a basting brush. I bought it specially and had the handle marked so he'd "know" it wasn't for paint.

Yep, he used it to paint the trim on the windows and THEN tried to wash it off and pretend it could be used to baste turkeys again! (Well, in all fairness he did WASH it out fairly well.) Sheesh

And he wonders why I refer to him still as only my first husband. (29 years so far.)

Ya gotta love 'em though. :)

And I'm still chuckling over the sawing the dining room table story.