ONION article on John Edwards!

[Worst Username Ever]

http://www.theonion.com/opinion/index.php?issue=4041

[Rick Myers]

1. Hilarious!!!

Gotta love The Onion!

[StlMo]

15. The Onion is definitely great.

:)

[Mojambo]

2. That last line

"Hey, where's that warm, golden glow coming from? Why, it's coming from the U.S. of A., where cocks are thick, tits are perky, and sunbeams shine out of everyone's asses!"

I totally lost it. OMG, that was funny.

[BigMcLargehuge]

3. oh man, I haven't laughed that hard in months

....

This line is genius!

"The polls say voters want optimism, not analysis. Well, I really want to be your vice president, so I'm more than willing to avoid all that intellectual mumbo-jumbo. My fellow Americans, you want to see some fucking optimism? Let's go! By the time I'm through here, you'll be shitting candy canes! Chim chim cheree!"

[Melodybe]

5. That was my favorite line as well, shitting candy canes haha

If anyone could make you shit candy canes it would be John Edwards.

I love the Onion.

[9119495]

8. "Is that a hat? I'll put that fucker on."

[underpants]

12. your children will be kept in trucker hats and iPods

Oh man that is classic

[nyhuskyfan]

4. This one was even funnier...

Cheney Vows To Attack America

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4041

[BigMcLargehuge]

6. oh jeebus... I can't even breath

this line is just genius!

"Make no mistake: If Kerry becomes president, no one will be safe from me," Cheney told reporters. "Businesses, places of worship, schools, public parks: No place will offer you refuge. A vote for Kerry is a vote to die in your own bed at the hands of Dick Cheney."

[StlMo]

16. Cheney is evil enough to kill us all.

Gallows humor is funny.

[nickgutierrez]

7. Wait a minute...

That one is true!!! What the hell is it doing in The Onion?

;)

[nyhuskyfan]

9. The Onion has had plenty of "truths"

None more prescient than the post-inauguration one from four years ago:

Bush Promises: Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Finally Over.

If I am not mistaken, I believe the Onion article had a made-up quote from Bush saying that he vowed to be in a war in the Middle East in the first two years of his term. My memory could be foggy on that, but I remember the headline vividly.

[progressiveBadger]

11. You are correct

I had that article in my ad nauseam calendar a few months ago. When I saw that I was a little bit scared.

[Joe Chi Minh]

14. "After all what's the point

of having an army!" Or something like that wasn't it?

And what about Bud Crandall's comment, the machinist of Rahway, NJ, to Clinton's multi-trillion dollar surplus? "That's not the kind of world I want my kids to grow up in!"

[underpants]

10. A vote for Kerry is a vote to die in your own bed at the hands of Dick

Cheney

Oh god that is funny.

[No2W2004]

13. This Onion article actually makes a lot of Sense

http://www.theonion.com/election2004/news_4032.php

WICHITA, KS—Delivering the central speech of his 10-day "Solution For America" bus campaign tour Monday, Democratic presidential nominee Sen. John Kerry outlined his one-point plan for a better America: the removal of George W. Bush from the White House.

"If I am elected in November, no inner-city child will have to live in an America where George Bush is president," Kerry said, addressing a packed Maize High School auditorium. "No senior citizen will lie awake at night, worrying about whether George Bush is still the chief executive of this country. And no American—regardless of gender, regardless of class, regardless of race—will be represented by George Bush in the world community."

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

17. A sound platform indeed! (nt)

[GOPBasher]

18. LOL

[joeybee12]

19. This whole issue was great--Did you see the infographic on Beatification?

I nearly died laughing!!!!!!!!!!!