I'm in a quandary, and need advice....

[YellowRubberDuckie]

I have a half brother, Jeff. Our dad died back in 96, and then his mom in 97. My mom hates him, because she thinks he's the reason my sister was on meth briefly. My sister passed away in 2000. I have another half brother named Rick who is a con-artist, in and out of prison. Jeff has no one but me. To make my mom happy, until now, I've completely ignored him. I have no idea where he's at. I feel horrible about this. I'm the only sibling he really has now, and I haven't talked to him since before my sister died. He didn't find out until three months after she was killed, and didn't get to come to the funeral. What should I do? Should I totally ignore my mother's wishes and find him? I know he's trying to straighten out his life, and I know I could help. Considering I don't have any close family anymore, I'd kinda like to get to know him and have a relationship with him. Any advice would be most appreciated....
Duckie

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

1. Hell, yes, you should find him

He IS your brother. When mine died it left a hole in my life that still hasn't been filled.

Don't give in to someone else's hate. It will end up corrupting you too before it's done.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

2. Prisoner_Number_Six is right .

Completely right .

[clydefrand]

3. Do you love him? If so, find him and let him know

Do you need to tell your mother if you decide do take this route? How old are you? How old is he? If you're underage and live at home, then maybe you need to follow your mother's advice. If you're an adult, why do you need to ask or tell her. You're not attempting to hurt your mother by trying to have a relationship with your brother. Seems reasonable to me to contact him if you can do so without causing yourself problems.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

7. I'm 25....

He's probably forty. He was born the day before JFK was shot. I don't want her to find out, because I know that the phone call I have to make to get in contact with him will get back to her.
Duckie

[lectrobyte]

4. Follow your heart, go find him. <nt>

[TOhioLiberal]

5. I would find him...

...if he were my brother.

[Trajan]

6. IF he is related by blood ....

and he is committed to cleaning up: perhaps you should consider 'violating' your mother's wishes to help him ....

Your mother will not live forever, and this half brother may be your only blood relative in time .... It seems such a waste to discard that connection for a moment's anger ....

Of course, you dont want to gain one connection only to lose another .... perhaps you need to work on your mom some more and bring her to your way of thinking ....

Good luck ....

Signed: a former meth user ....

[skygazer]

8. Wow, tricky situation

Still, I would reach out to him. You're the only family he has and eventually, he may be the only family you have. Your mom needs to understand that whatever happened was in the past and now it's time to move forward. No doubt she blames him because it's easier than blaming your sister - blame works that way a lot. Often it's not really rational.

Even if it is true that he was somehow at fault, that is in the past and he is family. I hate to hear of family divisions - I've suffered so much from them. I would try to contact him and hope that I could make your mom understand that it's something you have to do and that she doesn't have to have anything to do with it.

And maybe you could point out that holding resentments usually does the person holding them more damage than the one they resent. Good luck.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

9. Thanks.

I guess next time I go home, I'll call and see if anyone knows where he is. I love him and he's a good guy, just got caught up in some stuff he shouldn't. And he's a bit of a bum, but since he wasn't raised with the same love and care our dad gave us girls(he was raised by his mom), I can understand that. His mom was looney up until a couple years before she died. Thanks for the nice words, EVERYONE.
Duckie