Has this ever happened to you?

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

This guy at work got married out of town this week. Apparently, he had a reception for people on Saturday night for who were not invited to the wedding, and included people from the office (FYI: including him, there are only 7 of us in the office).

My boss called me at home this weekend to find out when I would be coming in on Sunday, as I needed to come in (another story altogether). I wasn't home at the time, so he asked my husband if he and I were going to be at the guy's reception that night. My husband said, "What reception?" Obviously, we weren't invited.

I thought maybe only bosses were invited and just forgot about the whole deal. It's not like I socialize w/ the guy outside of work or whatever. So, today, I'm talking with one of the other bosses and he says, "I'm surprised that I didn't see you and your husband at so-and-so's reception on Saturday." I said, "Well, I wasn't invited. I assume it must have been for bosses only." He said, "Well, no. So and so were there." He said, "Maybe he didn't have your address." We have phone lists. There's the directory. He could have asked. There's whitepages.com . I was dissed.

Has this ever happened to you? I think it's tacky, but hey, one less present I have to buy.

[skygazer]

1. I would prefer not to be invited frankly

I get rather sick of all the personal stuff people try to rope me into at work - collections for this person's birthday or that person's baby shower or whatever.

There are a few people there who are outside of work friends but most of them are just co-workers - people I like and respect but with whom I do not have a relationship with outside work. Quite honestly, i always feel like I'm being shaken down on those occasions, like I will be looked at askance if I don't contribute.

Every year, a collection is taken for the manager and asst. manager's Christmas gift. Finally, last year when I was asked, I very sweetly replied, "Oh, what's he giving me?" and declined.

I don't make a lot of money and I can't afford to furnish every new couple's home just because I work with them. Besides, I think a reception for those who are not invited to a wedding is tacky and a clear grab for presents.

My opinion? You're lucky.

[LDS Jock]

3. I could have written your post.. it is exactly my own feelings

I HATE being hit up at work for all kinds of stuff. Gifts for so and so, someone slipping me their child's fundraiser, and it goes on and on. I like these people, and don't consider myself selfish or stingy, but its just too much. I don't make a lot of money, I do have my own family and friends I do such things for and just can't really afford it for everyone. But all too often I end up doing it so I'm not looked at as an ogre.

I also agree with you, a reception for those not invited is a tacky way to get more presents. Someone needs to get some manners.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

4. I think I'm lucky, too, after much, well, thinking?! Tacky is as tacky

does, right? If I'm not important enough to be invited to a wedding, why bother inviting to a reception. It's like you said it's like asking for a gift. This is a guy (I'm not kidding) who, when he sneezes, I'll said "Bless you" and he doesn't even say "thank you." Cheney him!

[LisaM]

2. Strangely, yes.

Someone I work with just got married and invited mostly bosses, her secretary, her former secretary, and one peer level person. I was a little miffed - I was fairly sure I was going to be invited to the wedding - and later got involved in an awkward email exchange between her and someone else who works here (not in our department, and whom I don't even know!) thanking her for the invitation to the wedding. It was all a little strange. In this case, it was a really elegant and expensive wedding - I'm sure invitations were limited - and I couldn't have gone anyway, but I felt awkward about it and didn't like to mention it for a while. Later I just started referring to it naturally and she sent me pictures - but it was a little weird.

[Lavender Brown]

5. The people who were invited could have been a bit more tactful

Telling you that other non-bosses were there.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

6. Yeah, that hurt my feelings, actually. The guy who told me that is

pretty much a jack-ass. I found out today that the office manager knew and said she didn't want to mention it to me last week for fear of hurting my feelings. Whatever.