Explain to me why I shouldn't be _asexual_!!

[anonymousdemocrat]

Isn't falling in love, ultimately, a self-destructive vice?

Why should we take so many risks, act so ridiculously, make ourselves so vulnerable and codependent, again, and again, and again???

:argh:

[Skittles]

1. because it's worth it

I know sometimes it's hard to understand and I absolutely hear you but the price of love is worth the pain - it is.

[anonymousdemocrat]

2. thank you...

although i was copycatting, i *needed* to hear that, i think....

:)

[Skittles]

4. welcome to the DU, anonymous

:hi:

[anonymousdemocrat]

7. thank you, Skittles

long-time lurker here

:hi:

[Skittles]

8. LOL

tell me, long-time lurker - do I have a reputation here? :o

[anonymousdemocrat]

10. Yes, ma'am, you do...

& whatcha laughing at? :D


Seen pics of you in uniform, too. Thanks for your service!

:hi:

[Skittles]

11. aw, shucks

yup, I was in the military when it was just 4% women. I guess I've always been a rebel.

[fugue]

3. You miss the point

Asexuals, like homosexuals, are not choosing. We are what we are.

We don't feel attraction at the level the rest of you do. It's not about avoiding the pains of love (although I grant I'm glad to be able to spend my time and energy on something else). It's about not feeling much in the way of sexual desire.

For me, it's nigh near nonexistent. I'm not avoiding something so much as not going after it.

Yes, I know this is a spoof post, but I thought that the misconception needed clarification.

[Skittles]

5. hey fugue

come on now, I'd like to hear more about this comment in your profile:

I have Asperger's syndrome. Therefore please assume my posts are literal.

What can you tell me? :)

[fugue]

15. Well . . .

Asperger's syndrome is a neurological condition that is on the high-functioning end of the autistic spectrum. Our brains are wired differently than nonautistics. We have trouble organizing sensory input. For instance, I work at home so I can control my environment: low noise, no interruptions, etc. We're wizzes as detailed, repetitive work. We tend to have higher than average IQs and more sensitive than average senses. (Donna Williams, an Aspie who wrote a book about her childhood called Nobody, Nowhere, has such good eyes that as a child she watched air molecules for fun.) I think one of the reasons I've done better than most Aspies is that most of my sense organs are slightly damaged. (My right ear is abnormally acute, though.)

Aspies are social disasters. We can't read nonverbals very well (I'm OK if they're exaggerated). Our nonverbals tend to be "inappropriate" from a neurotypical point of view: either we're emotionally flat or giving off the wrong emotion or (usually the case for me) showing a greater intensity than NTs (neurotypicals) think is appropriate. (I'm always accused of being melodramatic.) We're usually (as NTs see it) "hyper"-literal and "hyper"-logical. I once got in a large mess of trouble over an e-mail that all the NTs read into as threatening when actually the point was I was literally stating that I was not a threat. It never crossed my mind that it could be read in any other way. In fact, many of my troubles in life seem to come from NTs "reading into" my statements things that aren't there. (It makes me want to tatoo "Listen only to my words" on my forehead. Hence that note in my profile.)

I'm actually better than most Aspies: I can use sarcasm--I actually use it more on DU than I do in any other sphere of life--although I'm lousy at detecting it from others. My friends have developed a convention of raising their left hand when they're kidding (you raise your right hand to swear something's true, so you raise your left one to show you're kidding). It started as a not very nice joke (because I was always missing the point), but now, twenty years later, it's considered a necessity in our social circle. "Honey!" gasped my former college roommate to her husband, "raise your left hand!" He obediently did and was later informed why. (It was only the second time he'd met me.) It is rather frustrating when people act as if someone who doesn't get sarcasm is either lacking intelligence or a sense of humor when the fact is that I'm just not wired to recognize the social cues. Should I make fun of all of you because your memories don't go into the same level of excruciating detail mine does?

Oh, and we're inclined to give detailed lectures on topics of interest to us, although you may well have guessed that. ^_^

Asexuality is actually not part of the typical Aspie package. It just is in my case.

[Skittles]

36. very interesting

I have a severely autistic brother; I babysit for the autistic son of a coworker of my boyfriend: they can't find anyone to watch him because he's so "difficult" but I think it's a breeze. I find it easy to get along with "different" people: what I do is fit into their world rather than try to make them fit into mine.

[fugue]

42. The world could use more people like you! ^_^

Thanks. It's nice to know there are some like you out there.

[Skittles]

46. just so you know

it's how I got my KICK ASS personality - when I was a kid, my other brothers and I would just get so angry at the rudeness of people who would stare at our autistic brother and make ugly comments. I remember when I was 12 yelling WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU LOOKING AT, directed at a group of adults sitting at a table in a restaurant. :O

[fugue]

52. The difference between visible and invisible disabilities. . . .

For me, I look normal--at least on cursory examination of my behavior--so everyone expects me to be normal. When they start realizing I don't react like everyone else, they generally feel betrayed (I fooled them into thinking I was like everyone else!), and they think that it's something over which I have conscious control. The one of the worst moments of my life was when, after working for the same employer for eight years, the woman who had been my supervisor for six of them offered me a highly social job in a shared office or layoff. I'd been telling her for years that I had to have a private office and I couldn't do socially interactive work. "I can't do a job like that!" I gasped. "You can try!" she insisted.

Sure, I wasn't diagnosed then, but that someone had thought all those years that I was making it up! It made me wish I was missing a limb, something obvious and undeniable.

I guess the grass is always greener, huh? ^_^

I'm impressed that you and your brothers defended your autistic brother. So many siblings of disabled children feel neglected or burdened and therefore resentful of the disabled sib. I'm sure you had those days, too, but that they were merely days and not a way of life is a tribute to your parents and the strength of your family. Your entire family was lucky. (Nah, it's not that the dysfunction I described was the dynamic in my family; we were screwed up in an entirely different way! ^_^)

[anonymousdemocrat]

6. oops,

didn't intend to create any misconceptions about your orientation, just ranting & being silly, as usual, of course...

:hi:

a.d.

[obatanga]

49. *sexual

Asexual or everysexual? It's a decision. It's a need. It's a way of life

[fugue]

50. Huh?

I don't understand what you're saying. Can you restate? I'm taking a guess in my post below, but I'm not really sure I'm speaking to your point.

Asexual is not a decision. It's the way I am. I very seldom have any sexual urges, and judging from the behavior I see around me, they must not be of even average intensity even when I do. I can't imagine, for instance, being unable to resist having sex with someone. The best I can do is equate it to urges that I do find difficult to resist (like the desire to eat ice cream).

I didn't decide to be this way. At most, I decided not to keep trying not to be this way, but I don't look on that as a decision, really: you eventually have to be what you are.

[Placebo]

9. Because you don't want a baby that looks like YOU.

damned amoebas and such, i tell ya what.

[anonymousdemocrat]

12. Good birth control practices can basically eliminate that problem

Try again

:)

[jukes]

13. because

it's embarrassing when you realize people are staring @ you because you're talking to yourself...

[anonymousdemocrat]

14. is that what happens eventually

?

:D

[jukes]

16. only speaking

from personal experience.

if they'd let me bring a cat into the store, i cd pretend i was taking to it.x(

[anonymousdemocrat]

17. what do you & you talk about?

[jukes]

18. can't say

that i ever really pay attention...

EDIT: love the simplicity of your sig.

[anonymousdemocrat]

19. you're a funny man...

*everyone* i know is nuts, though, so that's cool...

:D

[jukes]

20. "funny"

is *so* much kinder than "odd".

[anonymousdemocrat]

22. how about "cute"?

oh, remember?

"difficute"?

that describes SO many men I know, I just love it...

:D

[jukes]

24. i like "cute"

"difficult" is almost an understatement. ;->

[anonymousdemocrat]

21. thank you!

it IS pretty blank, isn't it!! ?

:D

[jukes]

23. a visual

koan

[anonymousdemocrat]

25. it is very buddhist:

a "non-signature."

being, simply by not being

:D

[jukes]

26. indeed

but where did every1 else go? starting to look like IM.

[anonymousdemocrat]

27. this is what always happens

when you enter into one of my threads

:D

[jukes]

28. jukes can clear a room, nodowt

even w/o my 12 ga...

[anonymousdemocrat]

29. *you* got any more advice?

you're the biggest cynic i know; if YOU could convince me romantic love is worth it, i might just believe it...

[jukes]

30. i take it things have gone south

in Loveville?

better have a :hug:

[anonymousdemocrat]

31. Oh, not really...

Only being philosophical; in reality, i try not to get hopes too much up or down; everything is always complicated, for some reason...

But things are just fine, i think

:)

[jukes]

32. cool

but if you didn't need the hug, i surely did.

ck email.

[anonymousdemocrat]

33. damn it!

sorry, where are my manners?

:hug: :hug: :hug:

:pals:

[jukes]

34. TX++

that's better. now, if you cd shoot me a soporific...

[anonymousdemocrat]

38. aw, i'm sorry...

i've got an "imagine yourself to sleep" cassette where on one side it's "imagine you're a cat"... really cool, actually.

maybe that would help?

:)

in all seriousness, i could make you a copy...

[jukes]

39. if you'd been my mom

i'd be a better man today.

tx for looking out for jukes!

[anonymousdemocrat]

40. you're sweet...

happy to be your sis'

:pals:

[Spiffarino]

35. Why couldn't you fall in love and still be asexual?

I thought being asexual was about sex, not love.

[anonymousdemocrat]

37. when i fall in love, i start wanting to hold hands

from then on, it's the goddamn domino effect...


:evilgrin:

[fugue]

44. Well, I suppose you could . . .

It's just that most of the world ties them together, and it takes more than one person to be in love. Finding one who would want to be in love but not have sex *and* who was compatible would be even more difficult than finding Mr./Ms. Right for a sexual person. (And look at how difficult that is!)

Me, I just like being on my own, in addition to not being interested in sex.

[Spiffarino]

53. Well, all I have to say is

...this is one damn interesting and enlightening thread.

I've learned about a type of autism I had never known about, and I've learned things about you and your life. I appreciate your candor and your willingness to share.

:yourock:

[fugue]

54. Oh, that's a relief!

I thought everyone might get angry for me for being serious in a spoof thread! ^_^;;;;

Thanks for your kind words. Glad I could expand your horizons. ^_^ (I always like it when someone expands mine!)

[EstimatedProphet]

41. Because you're not a paramecium?

You're not going to find asexuality in much of anything more evolved than that.

[jukes]

43. hyenas have been described as asexual

because thay can change sexes due to population pressure.
doesn't seem to fit the def, but perhaps naturalists know something i don't...

[fugue]

45. Seems to me that "hermaphroditic" would be the closer

Or maybe "transgender." But "asexual" seems entirely wrong.

[EstimatedProphet]

47. Hyenas? Are you sure?

I've heard of that in some marine fishes, but that's about it.
However, that's not asexuality, that's indeterminate gender due to selection pressure. Asexuality is reproduction through other than sexual means, like binary fission or parthenogenesis.

[jukes]

48. that's what i thought

am *relatively* sure that hyenas can change sex, but have no provenance for the assertion. think my source is a sveral years old PBS show; shd know better than to make unsupported claims. i'm curious now, maybe i'll google. it's that or laundry...

EDIT: believe the orig poster was using the term more colloquially, to sugg the pursuit of romantic love was pointless & painful.

[jukes]

57. public apology

tendered. i stand corrected...

[kodi]

51. because all of your offspring will be called "bud."

.

[MrSandman]

55. It can be....

Isn't falling in love, ultimately, a self-destructive vice?

or a self sacrificing virtue. Not sacrificing yourself literally, but figuratively in your joining with another.

Unfortunately, I've experienced no moderation.

A burdened shared being lighter and a joy shared being brighter. There is a reason some thoughts become cliche.

[SarahB]

56. Hi AD!

:hi:

I've heard about you. ;)

It's hard to answer this. Tonight, I had an almost pleasant conversation about this subject when the man I'm ending 14 years with. It's so strange. It's hard to know where I stand and what I feel at this point in my life. I do know that for so long, these feelings have been absent or left unfulfilled within me that I think it's time soon, really time for something-- to explore that possibility anyway. I was afraid. I still am afraid, but I am strong. No matter what happens, I will continue to be strong and pursue all my goals regardless of the love stuff. That happening is just a very nice bonus along with everything else. I feel as though if I can be honest and someone I'm involved with can be honest with me, slowly, ever so slowly, much is possible, but I have a wary heart at the same time. It's hard to know sometimes because that love stuff has a way of sneaking up on you when you don't expect it or when it's rather inconvenient, but there it is, so what can you do? Ignore it and live with those regrets forever or take that risk and perhaps get hurt? I'd rather live in courage than in fear anymore. I lived for too many years making all my decisions from a place of fear or "what ifs". I don't want to do that anymore.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[Flammable Materials]

58. Because it's TOO FREAKIN' TRENDY right now. n/t

:evilgrin: