How to Annoy People, Part IV.

[elperromagico]

Go to a store and ask an employee if various non-ocean-related items are "dolphin-safe"

Example:

Customer: Excuse me. Umm, excuse me.

Employee: Yes, Sir/Ma'am?

Customer: Yeah, uh, I have a question about this shirt.

Employee: Yes, Sir/Ma'am?

Customer: Is it dolphin-safe?

Employee: I'm sorry, Sir/Ma'am?

Customer: Y'know, dolphin-safe.

Employee: I'm afraid I don't quite follow you, Sir/Ma'am.

Customer: Well, let me explain. You see, I bought a shirt from here a few weeks back ---

Employee: Mmm-hmm.

Customer: --- for my dolphin, y'see.

Employee: Right.

Customer: And the damned thing strangled my dolphin.

Employee: Oh.

Customer: So now I'm out a dolphin. And those things aren't cheap. So I want your guarantee that this shirt won't kill my dolphin.

Employee: O... K.


This could go on for hours, really.

[elperromagico]

1. I'm not gonna be ignored, Dan!

:kick:

[philosophie_en_rose]

2. Is this thread dolphin safe?

:P

[elperromagico]

3. This dolphin looks pretty damned happy.

[philosophie_en_rose]

9. Awwwww.........

It's so cute.

[elperromagico]

4. Kick for Annoyances.

[Bossy Monkey]

5. This is the item along these lines that always kills me

http://members.aol.com/ntwkstssi/howto.htm#elevator
60 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

[Philostopher]

6. I used to have a friend who was an amateur photographer.

He'd go to Walgreen's with his rolls of film. Walgreen's photo department uses those little paper baggies with 'booger glue' instead of mucilage. He knew the envelopes were self-sealing. He always went to the same Walgreen's to drop off his film.

He'd stand there and talk to the person behind the counter, wherever it was in the store, while he was filling out the forms, drop the film in and, every time, lift the bag up to his mouth as if he was going to lick it so he could make the photo shop guy or woman flake out. One time, he said he got a paper cut on his lip because the young lady behind the counter was so determined not to let him lick the self-sealing envelope, she ripped it right out of his hand.

I told him that was how karma worked.

[MazeRat7]

7. Fact: Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

Dont ask how I know this.... *grin.

MZr7

[nickgutierrez]

8. You know...

I wasn't going to ask before you told me not to. Now I'm curious.

DAMN YOU IRONY!!!1 x(

[RoyGBiv]

10. Uh, no ....

Were I this employee, this exchange would have ended with the initial question. If you persisted, you'd be given a right proper escort out the door.

Either that, or I'd put up with it for awhile by turning it around.

Employee: I'm not sure quite what you mean by dolphin-safe. You are aware that the size tags are made from dolphin fins aren't you?

Depending on how you react to that, there are a number of possibilities, most of them quite fun for the retail employee.

I'm just saying. :-)

[ghostsofgiants]

11. Hahahahaha

That is absolutely brilliant.

[jdots]

12. I'm going to wall-mart

and flush a sleeping bag down the toilet,then eat a 50 pound bag of dog food at the check out counter,then try to write a check from the vatican bank using a saudi passport for i.d. i am going to do the dolphin safe gag about my t.v. at circuit city........just after i emailed them tonight about Sinclair my t.v. (just out of warrenty)
took a dump...