"The O'Reilly Factor for Kids" EXCERPT

[Crankie Avalon]

"...one of the biggest problems with you kids today is you don't know how to be polite on the phone, especially with the opposite gender. When an authority figure paints a mental picture of cleaning intimate parts of your body with a falafel or a loofah or whatever the hell it's called, the least you can do is have the decency to SHUT UP and listen, or maybe even play along a little--especially if that authority figure pays your salary, pinhead.

When you've been around as long as I have, you know everyone's boobs need a good cleaning in the shower, especially if they're so big that their undersides need special attention. When a young woman spurns a good rinsing with falafel or babaganoush or whatever other malapropism some dirty old douchebag suggests, it points right back to the lack of civility bred into you kids today by MTV, Marilyn Manson, Snoopy Dog-guy, and all that leftwing liberal crap.

Now that I've established my "street cred" by pulling no punches and talking straight with you punks, let me finish this intro off by saying that battery powered appliances and showers usually don't mix, unless you keep them well hidden in a place where the sun don't shine. Believe me, I know. Hell, I just got out of the shower while holding onto a battery powered appliance, and I had both hands free the whole time. Know what I'm saying?

And that's the memo..."

[joeybee12]

1. What wonderful advice! Thanks for posting!

Wish I had a 3-year-old I could show this to!

[underpants]

3. Print it out and carry it around with you

if you happened to see a 3 year old go over and read it to them.....remember you get one phone call-that is the law.

[joeybee12]

7. I know just the playground to hang out at all day!!!!!!!!!

Outside San Diego was this playground on a Saturday with tons of kids playing, and sort of aways a bit were all these cops. I thought I was watching some tv drama, where they're laying in wait for the molester who'se sitting at a picnic table to make his move! Eeerie!

[underpants]

2. Believe me, I know

Too freakin funny. A Classic.

[zbdent]

4. Wait, it doesn't include the sex passage

with the fifteen-year-old girl?

[movie_girl99]

5. i literally fell out of my chair

laughing with this one. I needed a good hard laugh today thanks!!!

[skypilot]

6. I stopped reading as soon as I got to the words....

"...you kids today...". I can't imagine that the "kids today" would read much further either. That one sentence fragment just oozed sanctimoniousness (is that a word?) and we all know that this fuck has nothing (especially after the breaking news last week) to be sanctimonious about.

On edit: And then I did read further and realized the whole thing was a joke. D'Oh!!!!

[Crankie Avalon]

8. Heh...

:D

Who ever said this was a joke? ;)
Oh, and "sanctimoniousness" is a word, but "sanctimony" is easier to type. :toast: