My sweetie asked me to marry him (again) last night

[skygazer]

And again, I smiled sweetly and said, "no".

I'm not against a committed relationship which we have. And I would be open to some sort of committment ceremony, for that matter. But I have no religious need for marriage and I don't agree with the civil interpretation of it. I don't feel I need to enter into a contract which is not of my own devising.

I've been married twice but my feelings aren't because of "bad" experiences. I didn't really want to marry either time but felt pressured into it.

To give him credit, he doesn't really expect any other answer than the one he gets - it amuses him, actually, how quickly I say no. He's a romantic and he enjoys the romance of proposing to me. I enjoy it, too.

But I'll keep saying no. :)

[BoX o BooX]

1. Good for you.

I'll never marry again. I love the idea of lifelong monogamy, but the hassles attached to marriage today are ridiculous. Include me out.

[helnwhls]

2. Why involve the state in your relationship?

All you need is you and your sweetie. Good for both of you that you got something that works. :)

[Phillycat]

3. God, I would give a whole lot to have someone propose to me.

It's probably never going to happen though. You're very lucky.

[Droopy]

7. Will you marry me?

Now what do I get? ;)

[sangh0]

4. That "civil contract" you feel you don't need

may come in handy later on. Without it, you won't be able to visit each other in the hospital, claim each other SS benefits (amongst many other benefits), and a whole slew of others things you may not realize.

Take a good long look at what you've got, and think about how to protect that. As good as it is, and it does sound good, EVERYTHING changes eventually. Be prepared.

[yvr girl]

5. We can in Canada

If people have lived together for 1 or 2 years (depends on jurisdiction) or have a child together they can claim common law status. They can file joint tax returns. Claim each other as a dependant etc.

[skygazer]

6. I'm well aware of that

I don't need his social security benefits nor do I particularly want them. We've got papers drawn up for most eventualities, we have burial arrangements in place, inheritances, etc. I agree medical arrangements can be problematical but I've been looking into the best way to deal with that as well.

I'm not interested in being with someone because I can benefit from their death. Nor am I young and naive. I've been pondering this stuff for over 30 years and I've weighed the pros and cons.

But thanks for the concern. People DO need to think over all the options when they make their life choices. :hi:

[sangh0]

8. I'm very glad to hear that

and I'm glad you realized I wasn't knocking your choice.

[SarahB]

9. I can understand that.

I guess I'm maybe in a more bitter place of beginning the process to dissolve a marriage I felt pressured into. If this country had universal health insurance, I probably wouldn't have (was pregnant and we were engaged, but it had only been two weeks and I certainly wasn't ready yet at that point), but I did get married and really tried to make the best of if even if I did have doubts (or perhaps knew certain truths I didn't want to admit to). It was just like a hole I keep sinking deeper and deeper into. Stupid.
I don't know if I'll ever be in a place to want to get married again because thus far, marriage seems more about what I have to give up and sacrifice for someone else than any kind of happy thing. Right now, it feels like a prison.

[skygazer]

10. I'm sorry

:hug: Even though it was not my true desire to marry, it was very painful when the marriages ended. One lasted six years, the other eight. I invested so much of myself into them and I tried very hard to make them work.

The end of a marriage is like a death. It's very draining and one feels like a failure to a certain extent, no matter how hard you tried. It feels like giving up and that's tough.

I don't knock marriage for those who desire it or who feel a need for that sort of structure - I just don't.

I hope you will soon be in a better place. :grouphug:

[Rowdyboy]

11. Good for you!

My guy and I have been together for nearly 16 years and have no desire to seek "state sanction" for our union. We did receive an "unofficial" blessing from our Episcopal priest (we didn't ask for it, so it was totally unexpected but nice).

We've done all the paperwork necessary, without the formalities (wills etc). What difference could a state ceremony make to our happiness?