I think that my ex boyfriend has been wearing my dresses

[GingerSnaps]

After coming out to his family and myself he cut me off from his life and kept my clothes. I asked his mom to have him give them back to me and he finely gave them back.

They all smell like his cologne and the zippers on my dresses are messed up. I think that he was wearing my clothes and thats why he didn't want to give them back. Everything is stretched out and my stockings are ripped up.

Should I give them back to him or toss them in the garbage?

[acmavm]

1. Wow, haven't heard that one on here before. My vote, burn 'em and

make him buy is own dresses. They obviously didn't fit him well in the first place if they're all messed up. Tell him to go a couple of sizes larger.

[skygazer]

2. I'd give them to Goodwill

And send him a bill. Hey, that rhymed.

Seriously, though, I wouldn't give them to him - that's like rewarding shitty behavior. It must have been YOUR closet he was in, huh?

[Spinzonner]

3. Who looks better in them ?

(Pre-emptive aplogy)

[GingerSnaps]

6. Unless he shaved his mustache off

Me

[Spinzonner]

9. Now let's not be petty

you may have a mustache to deal with some day

[GingerSnaps]

16. I wax mine

[radwriter0555]

36. exactly.

makes perfect sense.

[redqueen]

4. Charge him

Sell them to him.

[HereSince1628]

5. do NOT BURN them St. Vincent DePaul can sell them

Why give them back? Do you feel like you owe him something?

[faithnotgreed]

7. oh my - everything is stretched out?

how sad for you. are you ok? i recall an earlier thread of yours, talking about him and i just want to ask how you are doing.
in other words, do you want to just rip up the clothes or do you want to set them on fire?!

just a lame stab at humor, but i sincerely hope that youre all right

[GingerSnaps]

14. The lies bothered me

I suspected it but I didn't know how to ask him about it prior to him coming out. Sure I'm hurt I lost someone I considered a good friend of mine.

The dresses that are salvageable I'll remove a couple of teeth from the zippers and give them back to him :evilgrin:

[ronnykmarshall]

8. I love that cat on your sig line.

Did your ex come out as transexual???

[Spinzonner]

10. You probably mean 'transvestite'

[Maddy McCall]

20. Not necessarily...

It might be a type of gender dysphoric issue. After reading through the thread, and recalling my experiences with a gender dysphoric relative, I would bet money that that is what he is.

[GingerSnaps]

11. Yes

He kept buying me corsets in his size and he would say lets play dress up.

I don't mind him coming out I would have loved to help him with his makeup choices and new wardrobe. I do mind the lies.

[ronnykmarshall]

12. LOL!!

Nothin' worse than a tacky drag queen!

[GingerSnaps]

13. With a mustache honey

That's as bad as you can get it.

[Maddy McCall]

21. Sound so much like a relative of mine...

who was gender dysphoric.

[radwriter0555]

37. not really a transvestite, just a cross-dresser....

not that there's anything wrong with it...

I think it's kinda cute.

[NorthernSpy]

15. the stockings sound like a lost cause, but...

... the dresses might well be salvageable with some skillful laundering and mending. But if you can't get every trace of his cologne out of them, then by all means get rid of them. Scent is hotwired to the limbic system in the brain, and thus to memory and emotions. Scent plays a huge role in all those subliminal things that cue our feelings of comfort and safety or discomfort and unease. It would be like sharing your clothes with a ghost.

In any case, I say he certainly owes you whatever you must spend to fix/replace your wardrobe, and best of luck on getting him to agree with that.

[huellewig]

17. Sell them on eBay...

I'm sure someone out there would enjoy purchasing items with such an interesting history.

[donheld]

18. Oh just get out

Is this man poor, why did he not just buy his own dresses.

[GingerSnaps]

24. How can I answer that question

I don't even know the answer of why he would want to wear my things. I am still in shock over it myself.

[donheld]

26. You don't have to answer - not important

I guess he's going through a lot too. I just don't know why he'd give you close he'd more or less ruined.

[GingerSnaps]

27. I think that he felt guilty

I called his Mom up and I asked her if she could get my stuff back from him. I had no idea why he was keeping my things but I want to give them back to him. I feel bad now.

[Maddy McCall]

29. Don't feel guilty.

Check your PM.

[Maddy McCall]

19. Is it possible that he is transgender?

If you don't want the clothes, give them back to him. I have a relative who is gender dysphoric. The clothes are very important to my relative.

If I were you, I would approach your ex and attempt to have a chat with him. Did he come out as gay or do you think that he may actually be experiencing related, but quite different?

[GingerSnaps]

22. He wants a sex change

I would prefer to stay friends with him because I value his friendship. He hasn't spoken to me since he came out and he wont answer his phone.

[Maddy McCall]

23. I am pretty much an expert on this...

feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

It is possible that he is gender dysphoric and dealing with depression. The lies are usually due to the shame of what he is going through...it goes completely against everything society has taught him that a man should be.

Advice to you: Yes, the friendship will be important to him, but do NOT allow yourself to become the only person with whom he can discuss this, or you will be seeking treatment for depression, too. Help him find a psychologist/specialist in this...he will need one anyway if he is considering a sex change.

Please PM me with questions. I walked through the hellishness of this with a dear and close relative...I was very supportive of his feelings (but not enabling), but the rest of society was quite brutal to him.

:hug: to you. This is a hard thing to cope with.

[GingerSnaps]

25. I love him dearly

I don't want to lose him as a friend. He is in treatment right now for taking pain killers for a bad back but his back problems went away a long time ago. He would wash his pills down with a few beers and I knew that something was wrong with him and I wanted to ask him if he was gay and if he was i would understand but he wouldn't talk about his demons inside. The only reason that I refer to it as a demon is because it must have been eating at him for years and he must have been in pain for a long time. I do love him I don't want to lose his friendship.

:hug:

[Maddy McCall]

28. please check your PM.

[demnan]

32. I don't think the guy is your friend

if he ruined your personal property that way. My instinct would be to walk away from him, throw away the clothes and start new.

That's expensive I know.

[Skittles]

30. tell him to buy his own f***ing clothes

I mean, really.

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

31. Judge Judy!

I am all full of compassion for people with issues but listen, he wrecked your clothes. That's irresponsible, and costly. Clothes aren't cheap. He used you - he used you bad, and he used your clothes worse.

You loved and accepted him, now he cuts you out of his life and wrecks your stuff? He may have issues, but he's still an asshole.

Send him a bill and tell him to pay up or you'll take him to court. I know you won't, but you should. He's been living with a lot of lies, and he needs to take responsibility for the damage he's done.

[auburngrad82]

34. Judge Judy Hell! JERRY SPRINGER!

He had a similar thing a while back that we saw while we were stuck in a hotel room. A recently married man told his new wife that while she was at work he liked to wear her underwear and "pleasure himself". He also said that while he had been in prison he had relationships with other men. She of course, was shocked. He said that he was willing to give up men for her but he couldn't stop wearing her underwear.

Only on Jerry Springer.

Or Maury, or Rikki Lake, or Sallie Jessie, or...

[sniffa]

33. ebay

[radwriter0555]

35. Give them back to him... Why not? It's hard for a fella with his

inclinations to buy clothes that.... please him.

He's not doing anything wrong, and it might make him quite happy. It seems like it would be a nice thing to do.