A non-velocity-related question about unladen swallows:

[short bus president]

OK, so say you have a box full of these swallows to ship, right? And so you need to weigh the box. But you're kinda scavery, and always looking for the cheapest way out of things. So you've exhibited great cunning in your swallow-shipping plans, and have trained them to take flight within the box upon hearing a specific command issued from outside. In this way, the birds can be airborne within the box and not exerting any downward bird-pressure on the scale at the time of weighing.

Assuming there's enough space in the box for all of the unladen swallows to actually take flight, and that they haven't been in the box long enough for any of them to have died, how much can you expect to save off of FedEx's already super-low rates with this attempt at cheating the scale?

[smirkymonkey]

1. Would that be an African Swallow or a European Swallow?

[short bus president]

8. THE QUESTION IS MOOT!

Next question, please.

[kick-ass-bob]

2. Just stuff 'em in a hatchback!

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=573&ncid=757&e=4&u=/nm/20041021/od_nm/odd_dutch_pony_dc

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Dutch police fined the driver of small hatchback car after spotting a Shetland pony crammed in the back, police said on Thursday.

[short bus president]

9. This story is not even tangentially-related to swallow-shipping!

Are you attempting to jack my thread? I think you're trying to jack my thread! J'accuse!

[kick-ass-bob]

12. tangentially-related it IS!!

You asked about shipping swallows, so I offered a different mode - stuffing them into a hatchback!!

You MUST see this tangent, yes?

[short bus president]

20. silly bob - I deny your alleged tangent!

My question was about shipping specifically. Your response is all about schlepping.

Not to mention that ponies can't even fly. Duh.

:P

[kick-ass-bob]

23. bah!! Then I will thread jack this!!

Cate Edwards is HOT!!

[muriel_volestrangler]

3. Is this an airtight box?

[short bus president]

16. A point worthy of consideration.

A proper airtight box could be fitted with a re-breathing system to keep the swallows supplied with breathable air during shipping. But re-breathers are expensive. Better to stick with a vented box, I think. Should help the birds hear the "fly" command, too, right? That'll save money on building some sort of PA system into the box...

[flowomo]

4. can't I just say what my favorite color is.... and let it go at that?

[skygazer]

5. How many swallows?

How large a box? How far are you shipping them? And are they African or European swallows?

Heavens! We must have details!

[short bus president]

18. THE QUESTION IS MOOT!

You can't HANDLE details!

[sui generis]

6. nothing.

unless they are African Fly Tailed Swallows. Then still nothing.

[Selwynn]

7. That made me laugh

[LibLover]

10. Does it mater if they're from a temperate zone?

Monty Python rocks!

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

11. What if they gripped it by the husk?

[arwalden]

13. This Would Only Work If They Were In A Cage

[kick-ass-bob]

15. thereby losing the effectiveness of not having the weight

of the birds.

So, shortbus, the answer is none.

[short bus president]

19. OK, but then

you have to add in the weight of all those cages inside the box, unless you can rig the birds with a sophisticated system of pulleys to actually lift the cages along with them when they take flight inside the cages inside the box. And now the whole thing's just getting rather Rube Goldberg on us.

[catzies]

14. Umm, Robb is a dingbat?

:shrug:

[short bus president]

21. Can he fly for free

if he just hovers inside the plane instead of hanging upside-down from something?

[olddem43]

17. Ah, the Swallow, The bird of true love.

[chaska]

22. I love birds that swallow.