How do you confess "love" to a woman you have not seen for years

[bloodyjack]

Make 'years' three years

Make the woman one who you will likely never see again

Any suggestions guyz :(:(:(

[tcfrogs]

1. Don't know, but tell me the answer when you get it

Love to hear it.

[NuttyFluffers]

2. by confessing your love as soon as you see her.

no time like the present, no joy in regret, nothing gained wallowing in fear. unless she is married, with her husband, and he's holding a gun pointed at you, the best time is immediately when you see her. spontaneous, genuine, and gets the whole scene outta the way. (but sometimes writhing in unrequited hell knotted with doubt and confusion is its own special bliss, it's a personal call there. sometimes agony is exquisite!)

[NEOBuckeye]

6. "no joy in regret"

Those words have rang true in my life, and very accurately described my story for five long years. I had a wonderful soul mate connection with a lovely girl once, but never actually pursued her, even though all the signs were there that she was very, VERY interested in me. But I never asked her out when I could have, because my self-esteem totally sucked at the time, and I simply didn't think that I was worthy of her. So she moved on, and by the time I did finally work up the intestinal fortitude to go after her, she had found someone else. Last I heard, she was married with kids to that very same guy. :-(

Moral of the story: Carpe diem. Sometimes, in love, you only get one chance. If you're very lucky, two. Don't hold back if you've got nothing to lose.

[bloodyjack]

12. Yes this sounds exactly like my story

except the woman in question remains unmarried (she's only in her early twenties)

[NEOBuckeye]

22. Then what are you waiting for?? Ask her out already!

Seriously. By the sound of your initial post, it sounds like this may be your second -- and final -- chance. Make the most of it! Even if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings and interest in her, or if a relationship ensues, but ultimately doesn't work out, you'll have at least made the effort, and will most likely be better for it, regardless of the outcome.

Besides, what if she is for you and things work out? You will never know this for sure if you don't act now, while you still have your chance. Believe me when I tell you that few things feel worse than spending many long and lonely nights wondering about all that might have been, if only I had a little more confidence in myself to act back then, when I had the chance that you do now. I might have fallen flat upon my face in the end, but it still would have been better to know, than to always wonder.

I say again, go for her!

[never cry wolf]

23. I agree with you 100%!

I lost my soulmate 25 years ago by not pursuing as hard as I should have. We went our separate ways and both ended up in horrible marriages that we are both still stuck in for the sake of our kids. I rediscovered her online a few years ago after 22 years of no contact. The most painful part for both of us is the "what if" factor. Maybe someday in the future we will have our second chance, but lost the chance of a lifetime as young adults.

There is nothing to lose here, if the words are spoken and not returned, at least you will absolve your mind and heart of the "what if" factor. There is only one way to obtain closure either way, and closure, even in the negative, is better than a lifetime of what if.

The majority of things people regret when they look back on life, are things that they did NOT do.

[NEOBuckeye]

28. Amen to that.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. But you know, things may yet work out for the two of you to come together anyhow. Perhaps things could be better in time than they might have when you were both younger?

I tell you this looking back over the past few years of my own life, and realizing how much I've grown, even in the lingering shadow of disappointment and heartbreak. I'm a little wiser now, much more confident in myself, and much more in tune with my emotions and who I am. Sometimes, I think about if only I could teleport my present self back into the past, into those precious moments where the woman of my dreams had made me the total center of her attention and her intense interest. With all that I have now, I'd match her for all that she devoted to me then, and then some.

And therein lies the bittersweet irony -- That it took the pain of missing my chance with a soul mate to force me to examine myself, grow and advance to the level that I'm at now. Even as much as I idealize her and what we might have had together, my low self-esteem and emotional immaturity at the time, however, quite possibly would have doomed a relationship with her from progressing too far.

I guess my point is that, though it's a small consolation, even the pain of loss via inaction can have its benefits, if you can stop kicking yourself long enough to appreciate them. For me, it was a chance to grow and develop in a way that I might not have had the opportunity to do otherwise, and I am better for it now. At least I now know how I will respond to my next soul mate, whenever our paths should cross, and I really do believe that they will.

That's the way you've got to look at things. :)

ON EDIT: I'd just like to add to all of this that age and experience can make you bitter, or better. Only you can decide which one you will be. Someday, if you and your soul mate do come together again, you both could potentially have a much better appreciation of each other, especially since you have both suffered through bad marriages for missing each other. But don't be too sad over the time you've lost. Focus on the present and look ahead to your future.

[never cry wolf]

29. Wow! Thanks!

Very sage advice, I must say!

I was bitter for a while, after we broke up for the last time. I was the nice reliably guy and she was attracted to jerks, she found a good one. I moved on and thought I was over her, but the memories never went away totally. When we reconnected, it was like we were never out of contact, alomst instantly best friends, weird typing the same messages at the same time and finishing each others sentences, just cracking each other up totally... an elemental connection if there is such a thing... we are best friends.

She has matured and come to a self realization of her past mistakes, and i have as well. You may be quite correct in that it may not have worked out at that time, though there is no one else on earth I would have trusted with my life, nor worked harder to make a good life than her.

Nevertheless, it is all water under the bridge and things done cannot be undone at this point. There may very well be a better reality in the future, unencumbered with the baggage of 25 years of idiocyncracies and challenges.

Thanks again! I shall endeavor to look towards the light and clarity of a potential future, rather than the fogginess of "what if," altho I still advocate everyone go for it in the present!

[Technowitch]

3. Just say it in the words that are in your heart

(I'm a gal, but I know about love, and what works. Honesty is what works.)

And then... see what happens. If it's not meant to be, it won't; if it is, it will.

[Lexingtonian]

4. uhm, you don't use the word "love"

unless prodded/led into it. There is desire and there is love, and men and women regard and accentuate the distinctions between the two- and deal with the proofs of them offered- in remarkably different ways in early negotiations.

In any case, you better have a proper excuse for why this particular conversation, if you take or get it to that point, didn't take place three years ago- say, getting stranded alone on an island in the Arctic inhabited only by walruses for two years and eleven months and twentynine days before getting rescued.

[bloodyjack]

13. My excuse?

I simply didn't have the wherewithal for romance three years ago. it would have been too nerve wracking, and I probably would have squandered another human being's feelings of affection or tenderness or faith or whathaveyou on seeing if she wouldn't be repulsed by my dumbly malicious sense of humor and lacking libido (as you can see, I'm quite a catch)

[Mojambo]

5. You don't

At least not right away.

[bloodyjack]

15. hahahahahahahaahahahahahahaahahah

[Seabiscuit]

7. Fuggheddaboutit!

Three years blows out the candle.

Time to move on.

[bloodyjack]

16. what if I wait another three years?

will the candle be rekindled by then

you're right. I'm fucked.

[Seabiscuit]

27. Three more years...

and you'll just be double-fucked. :)

The fat lady sung and exited stage left three years ago.

[NNadir]

8. My wife used to get guys confessing their love after long partings.

It sorta bugged her. She felt depressed for these guys who had no lives and no loves.

You're trying to love someone who was three years younger than the woman you'll see. That person doesn't exist anymore.

Move on man. There's a better life ahead. Trust me.

[tcfrogs]

9. OK, what about this

My old college girlfriend...we still keep in touch. I'm unhappily married, and she knows that, through the grapevine.

She broke up with me - but, there are still a lot of mutual feelings there...

Answer that...

[obiwan]

10. You gotta tell her, and tell her NOW.

Nothing works like the truth. Only 2 possible outcomes:

1. You'll never see her again, and your life will go on.
2. You will live happily ever after. With her.

But, you gotta pump it up and tell her how you feel... NOW. If you can't tell her, then she's not the love of your life, and not knowing for sure will haunt you forever.

RESOLVE it.

[soothsayer]

11. 3rd possible outcome---restraining order! n/t

[bloodyjack]

14. I'm not a creep!

[Wapsie B]

17. Try 23 years.

I still think about the one from that long ago. Not that I want to stalk her or even find out where she lives or who she may be married to.
But those feelings don't go away.

[tjdee]

19. Why would it be stalking her to try to locate her?

This sentiment seems to be widespread. If something ends, you'd better go back under your own rock and never call/write/talk about/try to find the other person, or else you're a psycho/loser/stalker.

????????????????????????????????

[Wapsie B]

20. For me

it's just the fear of disrupting her life for someone (me) she may or may not want anything to do with.

[tjdee]

18. This happened to me.

It was pretty wonderful--but I returned the sentiments.

So I say go for it. Just tell her that you wish you could spend more time together, and that you wished it hadn't taken 3 years to talk again.

If she doesn't return the feelings, fine. At least you know.

[SarahB]

21. What is it that you like about her?

Perhaps, instead of confessing your "love", think about why you like her and what's going on with you. What do you see in her that you need in your life? There's nothing wrong with giving it a try if you're both available, but if she's not available or interested, think about what you can do to make yourself more happy with yourself and perhaps, as a bonus, bring in a person to your life that has the qualities you're looking for. It's easy to fall in love with an illusion or perception of someone, but she is a mere human. Is she capable of even living up to these expectations if you were to have a relationship?

[yvr girl]

24. Don't confess your LOVE, unless you want to scare her off

I think that it's too out of the blue.

I would suggest that you confess a regret. Let her know that you've always regretted not getting to know her better, and that she's been on your mind. Then ask her out. Love is built on reality, not fantasy.

[Wolfman 11]

25. just make sure to follow the advice of anonymous internet posters

that way you have an excuse when it doesn't work out.

[bloodyjack]

26. sad but true

[ForrestGump]

30. I molded, with solid chocolate, my reproductive apparatus as immortalized

in a plaster cast.

Unfortunately, I ate it before I got to her place. It was good.

All ten pounds of it. :o




Want some choc'late? Hey, why're you sittin' way over there?