So I was just in the bathroom, reading a book, when

[Minstrel Boy]

a fucking bird flew at me. From where, I'm not sure. Maybe that old gas pipe we haven't capped. Yeah, maybe. But we don't have birds. Or at least, we aren't supposed to. And it's a basement bathroom with no windows, and its door had been closed.

What did I do? Well first I screamed "Jesus Christ!" and threw the book at it. Just reflex.

Then it flew through the rest of the house, while I chased it with our son's musical hobby horse. I tried reasoning - "I just want to help you" - but became frustrated at its obstinant flying into mirrors and window screens - "Don't be a stupid bird!" Eventually it perched in a wastebasket, and I threw a blanket over it and took it outside.

You know the worse thing? This isn't the first time. But my wife never sees them. It's kind of like the Twilight Zone's "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" in that respect.

[bloodyjack]

1. what book were you reading?

what kind of bird was it?

[Minstrel Boy]

8. "Defrauding America"

by Rodney Stich. And it was a starling.

Glad I didn't hit it. It's a heavy book.

[soothsayer]

2. Maybe came in thru a chimney or a dryer vent or kitchen vent? n/t

[Love Bug]

3. Chimney?

I remember one time when I was a kid a bird got into our house from the chimney. We didn't have a fireplace, so this was the chimney for the furnace. It had a little door at the bottom, so I suppose that is how the bird got out.

[pagerbear]

4. Mmmmm hmmmmmmmmmm.............I often choose the bathroom

...to do my hallucinatin'

[Placebo]

5. Whoa, it's like "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe.

I be scurred.

[jdots]

6. it happens here alot.

goooood eatin !

[madrchsod]

7. well at least it wasn`t a bat

had them fly around in the house a few times..boy that was fun!!!

[baldguy]

9. Is this a Monty Python skit?

[BigMcLargehuge]

10. Once upon a daylight shiny

while I pondered my sore hiney
over many a damp and lurid volume of mass market lore

while I sat there reading, crapping
suddenly there came a rapping
as if someone gently tapping on my bathroom door

"It's occupied," I muttered, to the visitor tapping at my toilet door
only this and nothing more.

Ah distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak October
I had eaten so much pasta on the night before
Eagerly I wished the morrow, vainly I had sought to borrow
from ex-lax surcease of sorrow, sorrow for the meal before
From the five pound plate of pasta eaten just the night before

And the straining hard and paining uncertain rumbling in my colon
Thrilled me---filled me with flattulation never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I sat repeating,
" 'To the visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door,
you fool visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door.
I'm in here', and nothing more."

...

[blindpig]

11. that's what I call poetry! n/t

[Minstrel Boy]

12. lol, thanks for that!

And the pasta reference is eerily true.

:hurts: