Damnit I hate it when the Campus Crusaders come by and try to 'save' me!

[Endangered Specie]

Folks, you are really wasting your time with me... worry about your own damn family and life and stop trying to convert the world, try helping it in other ways. Furthermore, youll never convert me, so stop wasting your, and especially my, Bloody time!
</rant>

Although, this one wasnt as bad as before, the girl was really hot, so I just imagened doing her until she finished talking... "no thanks, bye". SLAM! :evilgrin:

I need one of those no preaching or no bible nuts signs, where to get one?...

[jdots]

1. What college ? where ?

they do that shit ? why don't they go be missionarys on Pluto

[Endangered Specie]

3. NC... Bible Belt

[GingerSnaps]

2. At my College the born agains had a table sat up in the main hall

The other day the Campus Born Again Christians were selling box lunches for $4.95 which is a bit high. I thought it could possibly be a gourmet lunch but it wasn't. They had a choice of bologna and american cheese, salami or just american cheese sandwich on cheap white bread. It came with a bag of .25 cent chips, a Libby's fruit cup and a can of Aldi soda. The bags had bible sayings on them. :puke:

[NoMoreMrNiceGuy]

4. HA!! I was going to post a similar post earlier today.

Had Mormons come to the door today...I almost cussed them but they can't help it that their parents brainwashed them. So I just slammed the door in their faces.

[CanuckAmok]

5. I don't mind the broadsword wounds, but all that horseshit gets everywhere

dammit.

[Knurled99]

6. ME TOO!

The other day at school I was walking from the parking-lot to campus... some guy who looked like an overweight white Steve Urkel was huffing across the parking lot in the opposite direction with his shoes untied. About 2 minutes later he was huffing behind me, yelling at me to stop.. so we could talk about our thoughts regarding "whether god cares." I asked if he even goes to my school, and *what a surprise* he replied in the negative.... I asked if he was republican, and he said "yes." So I told him that if he'd convert to a democrat (I even had the registration form) then I'd go right then and there to the nearest baptist church and receive my lobotomy without question. I think he got the picture...

[GRLMGC]

7. What school? n/t

[Knurled99]

8. Riverside CA

California's bible belt.. sort of

[GRLMGC]

9. UCR?

I'm from L.A but studying in UCSB. L.A.'s close enough. I have a hardcore story about Riverside.

[Knurled99]

12. No Riverside Community College

Ran out of money after my first year at san diego state... a subject of some embarassment to be sure.

EDIT: What's the juicy story about Riverside!?

[GRLMGC]

16. ahaha

not really juicy, just funny in retrospect. My friend went to visit one of his old schoolmates at UCR and was sporting a Kerry/Edwards sticker. Well, a trucker didn't take kindly to it and nearly ran him off the road. Scary at the time but a nice story to tell the grandkids when that time comes.

[TlalocW]

10. You mean...

THIS?



TlalocW

[Endangered Specie]

14. MMM... me wants one of those!

[Rjnerd]

11. Doesn't work on mormons, but

The stock answer to "have you been born again...."

Is "I am a pagan, we get it right the first time"

[Endangered Specie]

13. I prefer...

"No, I dont believe in reincarnation... are y'all Hindu's??? *confused look*" :evilgrin:

[kokomo]

15. Have had Moonies stop me on the street twice lately selling crap.

One was selling handmade costume jewelry and the other some fake stained glass doodads to hang on a window. Both said it was to help their church youth group, but when I asked, which church, and they answered the Unification Church, I answered, "Oh, one of the brainwashed Moonies!" and walked away. Lots of folks wouldn't recognize what the Unification Church is, probably confuse it with Unitarians and throw some money at them!

The girl selling jewelry was in a wheelchair but her well shaped legs didn't look like she wasn't a paraplegic...wheelchair probably a phony prop. I asked her why she was sweating in the sun to add millions to Rev. Moon's bank account and told her she was being used. Probably wasting my breath even talking to them.

[WoodrowFan]

22. wheelchairs

May of those people who need to use and therefore own their own wheelchairs personalize them (stickers, decals, accessories, etc). If a wheelchair does not have any personalization chances are the person has borrowed it and it's an "institutional" one that many people use.

That's how you can tell the wheelchairs at "faith healings" like Benny Hinn's are fake. The staff roll people up to the "faith healer" in a wheelchair and he says "get up" and they do. All the sheep cry "MIRACLE" thinking "they can walk again!" In reality the person in the wheel chair always could walk, he wanted to get rid of a toothache or hemorrhoids or some such.

[Gogi]

17. I had trouble with the Jehovah's Witnesses.

I made a sign quoting George Carlin: "Keep Thy Religion To Thyself" and put it on my front door. Works like a charm!

[Quetzal]

18. Honestly, I always enjoy talking to the Campus Crusaders

I met a group of Jehovah Witnesses at my University and ended up talking for them for two hours, mainly about issues of faith. What's even better is that all the secular biologists from the Science Department come down to debate them on evolution!!! I always get a kick out of them :-)

[Behind the Aegis]

19. They are a pain!

Funny thing is they would scream bloody murder if Jews, Muslims, or pagans came knocking at their doors during dinner and tried to "save" them! My family is Jewish, so when ever I got stopped on campus (as a student, I work for colleges now), I would tell them I was a Jew and we already had a lock on heaven, so they better go save some heathens. Now, as a heathen (pagan), I always tell them the only thing I need saving from is them! I don't care how "nice" they are, do not shove your religion down my throat, on my own property or as I try to go in a store! I can be a real sweetheart, but piss me off and I can be a real bitch!

Brightest Blessings.

[alarimer]

20. If they ask me if I have found Jesus

I just say that I didn't know he was missing.

[WoodrowFan]

21. a fundy friend of mine

a fundy friend of mine in college, one with a sense of humor, said all fundy girls are hot "because they all want to catch a man to submit too."

[trogdor]

25. Don't marry 'em.

They will consider it a mission from God to convert you, and your life will be a living hell.

[WoodrowFan]

26. not me

I married a good Catholic girl.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

23. We had a sign on our screen door that said...

"Solicitors will be beaten, evangelists or messengers of God will be sent to see him if they knock on our door."
It worked.
Duckie

[FunBobbyMucha]

24. I always want to spit Leviticus back at them

but I chicken out. Some Bible Girl comes a'knockin' and I want to interupt the sales pitch with "Excuse me, but I notice your hair is not long. That is an affront to the Lord. And how do I know if you are on your menses or not. I can't take the risk of speaking with or shaking your hand, as that would be an affront to Him also..."

then when she's on the verge of tears,

"Well, gotta go, let Santa and Harvey the Rabbit I said hi!"

[noonwitch]

27. Read this book so you can argue with them (inside)

Ken's Guide to the Bible by Ken Smith. I think it's generally in the humor section. If not, Amazon probably has it.

[Willy Lee]

28. We have a good trick when they come to our house-

We have 3 dogs, 2 of which are mastiffs with very threatening barks. When the knock comes on the door and the dogs go wild, my husband starts yelling -"Lucifer, DOWN, Satan, GET BACK Satan! Down Lucifer!"

Of course the dogs are total sweethearts and we are not into any crazed stanaic rituals...

But it is so worth it to then open the door and see the utter fear in those kid's eyes!

[MadHound]

29. Oh, I love these folks

So bright and perky and utterly stupid. When I was in college, they would congregate outside the library, trying to convert those who passed by. I would always stop and engage them on matters of theology, questioning their faith, quoting the Bible, Thomas Aquinas, the Koran, etc. By the time I really got going, I would have anywhere from six to a dozen of these folks, gathered around, furiously flipping around in their Bibles, trying to disprove what I was saying, simply trying to keep up. Finally, when they couldn't take anymore, they would pack up and leave in disgust. Granted, it generally took between a half hour to an hour of my time, but I saved my fellow students from getting hassled, and hustled these RW fundies right off of campus before they wanted to go. And had a blast doing it.

[SotarrTheWizard]

30. The CLASSIC tale of dealing with "missionaries"

http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&lr=&threadm=461f60%24c6m%40news.nd.edu&rnum=1&prev=/groups%3Fq%3Dmormon%2Bmissionaries%2BSCA%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26selm%3D461f60%2524c6m%2540news.nd.edu%26rnum%3D1

From: TRISTAN CLAIR DE LUNE/KEN MONDSCHEIN ([e-mail])
Subject: Freaking th' Mormons, or: Later, Day Saints
Newsgroups: rec.org.sca
Date: 1995/10/16

We had a "visit" here in my house earlier this weekend from some Mormon missionaries. Not that I have anything against Mormons, but I think prosteltyzers rank up there with Direct Sales over the phone, the Psychic friends network, and, door-to-door, are not nearly as cute as Girl Scouts (plus, they don't have cookies).

The players:

Me, Tristan Clair de Lune, the extremely handsome, talented and witty Rialto junkie
Rachyl, my girlfriend, also a Rialto reader.
Keith, (or, Phil-in-the-Blank Clair de Lune) a 6'6", 280-pound stick jock (and my brother)
My "other brother," William, a collegiate fencer, busy cooking up a Chinese banquet for my parents who were coming.

Scene: Tristan is nibbling on Rachyl's ear, washing dishes for dinner, or playing with his armor .

William: KEN! Could you come here?

Me: What *is* it?

William: Just come here!

Me: OK (puts down the hamster)

Ken walks down the hall to see his brother and girlfriend conversing with two Nordic-looking, clean-cut gimp-types with name tags.

Gimp #1: Hello! My name is Todd, and I'm from the Mormon Church of Latter-Day Saints.

Me: How special for you.

Gimp #2: Have you heard about the Mormons?

Me: Yes, I have. Sometime in the 19th century, some guy thought he was a prophet, went insane, moved out to Salt Lake City, got into trouble with a lot of seagulls, and, hey, y'know Roseanne Barr is from out there?

Gimp #1: So, you've heard of us?

Me (washing dishes): Yes, but we already have a religion, thank you very much. We're Jewish.

Rachyl: We rather like it...

Me: But should it ever break down, we'll be sure to call you.



Me: That reminds me... Rachyl... isn't it time to light Shabbos candles?

Rachyl: Yeah...

Me: Excuse me for a minute...



Me (picking up a very large sword from my bedroom wall and shouting down the hall): RACHYL! IS IT TIME TO SACRIFICE THE GOAT YET?!?!?!?!?!?!

Rachyl: No, you have to wait until the moon comes out!



Gimp #1: Excuse us. We must be going.



Gimp #2: Thankyouverymuchforyourtime...

.

Me (running from the bedroom in his black cloak, waving a large sword):

CHRISTIAN BLOOD! WE NEED CHRISTIAN BLOOD!!!!

.

Me: Damn. We lose more Mormons that way.