I HATE HATE HATE my office mate!

[Modem Butterfly]

:argh:

I share a large office with somone who's roughly my peer. There's a solid wall between us that goes up about 5 feet. I have some legitimate beefs with her, but I won't go into them here. No, what I want to do is vent today.

The bitch will NOT shut-up. She talks to herself CONSTANTLY. And when she talks to herself, sometimes it's just babytalk, like she'll sing the words, "Fooey dooey" over and over again for two or three minutes straight. She keeps up a steady stream of completely inane crap. One afternoon she spoke for three hours straight about every person she went to high school with, and why her high school experience was more enjoyable than her college experience. When she does manage to shut up once in a while, she'll be quiet for maybe twenty minutes at a stretch and then, out of the blue, start talking about something stupid, like the name Ely and what a great name Ely is and don't I like the name Ely and have I ever known anyone named Ely. I try to be as mono-syllabic as possible during these outbursts, so as to be polite but not encourage her, so I say, "Ely is a nice name, but I've never known called Ely," and she'll say, "Neither have I. But I was just struck with what a great name Ely is,"

:nuke:

In addition to the steady stream of babble, there's a constant whining emanating from her half of the office. "I'm cold,"

"Okay,"

"Aren't you cold?"

"No, but I wore my jacket this morning, would you like to put it on?"

"Oh, I brought my own jacket, but if I wear it, then I'll get hot,"

"Okay"

Two minutes later.

"I'm cold."

Worse yet was the day the printer was broken. She whined for thirty minutes about how the printer wouldn't print her documents. I was in the middle of something so I told her to call IT. She continued to whine and not call IT until I finally dropped what I was doing and got up and looked at the printer. It was out of paper.

[Maddy McCall]

1. The baby talk crap would do it for me...

I would explode. God I couldn't take that.

[redqueen]

2. hahahaha

I'm sorry... I know that must suck for you... but damn that's funny.

Reminds me of this week's Scrubs episode. It was sad. The lady was talking like that all the time because she was lonely. Her son had died and she wasn't over it. :(

[Modem Butterfly]

7. This bitch ain't lonely. This bitch is CRAZY!

She's been here for a year and I'm nearing the end of my rope.

[redqueen]

9. hehehe

I'm so sorry... glad she's not lonely. I think it would be worse to be lonely. Crazy's much better, and you can feel good about tormenting her right back.

I agree with aden_nak... you should give her a taste of her own medicine. :D

[GalleryGod]

3. How about an IPOD with earphones???

Possible???:argh:

[Modem Butterfly]

12. Been there, done that

Crazy will call my name repeatedly until I turn the music off.

"Modem. Modem. Modem. MODEM BUTTERFLY"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to Miami for Christmas."

"Okay,"

(singing out of tune)" MI-AMI! For CHRISTMAS! Jingle bells in the jingle sand!
Loobey-doopey dapper dan!"

"Um... is there anything else?"

"Nope. Mi-Ah-Ah-Ah-MI! For CHRISTMAS!"

[aden_nak]

4. As an IT person, I have learned how to deal with this.

Generally, making "odd" or "off" comments that aren't offensive, just confusing, is a great way to shut up a chatty bitch. Like, the next time she says, "I'm cold!" you could respond with, "What you need is a thick wool hat. 90% of your body heat escapes through your head." Then no matter what she says next, just keep going on and on and on and fucking on about the hat. Eventually, she will be trained to the fact that talking to you is not enjoyable.

Or, if you think you might be changing jobs soon, you could try a more aggressive response. "Maybe if you closed that babbling echo chamber of a mouth you have, some of the hot air would stay in." (Note: it is customary to be having an affair with said person's manager before attempting this method).

[KurtNYC]

8. love it

especially the note

[Modem Butterfly]

13. I finally had enough over the summer.

I snapped and asked her "Do you ever think anything you don't say?"

And do you know what she said?

"No," in a totally unironic voice.

Jesus, maybe she's just fucking with me.

[aden_nak]

22. Reminds me of a woman I used to work with.

We were both techs. Although she didn't know computers for SHIT. She memorized things and recited them over the phone. I felt utter pity for anyone she tried to "help". And she decided that I was her FAVORITE person in the department. I think she came to this conclusion because we all loathed her, but I expressed my loathing using sarcasm that was so far over her head, she didn't know I was being mean.

The only other thing I ever thought of to get rid of her was to deflect her onto other people. No matter WHAT topic she brought up, I would think of someone else in our immediate area that either:

a) knew something about that topic
b) said something similar recently
c) pissed me off that week

And then I would say, "Cold? Really? You know, Mike was just telling me about how it's always cold where he sits because of the air vent." Inevitably, I would have safely shunted her onto another co-worker within a few minutes. Of course, Mike would then look at me from acorss the room with "I'll kill you in your sleep!" eyes. . . but hey, it was better than listening to her babble on about hairspray for an hour.

[TrogL]

35. She's not

[cheezus]

26. BOFH, eh?

:)

[Richardo]

5. I'm sympathetic, yet laughing...

...you write a very evocative scene. :D

:hug: Sorry you're tied to that, er, 'character'. I'd be infuriated too if I were in your shoes.

[Cerridwen]

6. Awwww, you have my deepest sympathies. I've had to

share working space with someone similar before. My boss asked me how we were doing and I said my ears were bleeding from her non-stop chatter.

A suggestion for what it's worth - next time she starts in about being too cold and then says but I'll get hot a good reply might be, "Okay, then, be cold." A neutral tone of voice is required to keep it from sounding snarky.

In other words, next time she finds a reason to stay miserable about anything, respond by saying, "Okay, so stay miserable" in some form or another.

I hope this makes sense. I also help it will help ease the suffering.

:hi:

P.S. I just thought of a time my mom was whining about the cooler in the house being out during a 120 degree day in Vegas. The neighbor she was whining to said he'd come over and fix it. My mom say no, no, that's okay. The neighbor said, "okay, fine, sweat" then walked away. In other words, it's their problem, fix it or don't, but don't try to make it my problem.

[KurtNYC]

10. The horror, the horror

I had one of those only she was bitchy and talked out loud. Like her brain was leaking. Every stupid half thought.

To make it worse, she had an app on her computer that would talk ALSO! Star Trek stuff -- "computer end program" So even when she would step away the interruptions continued. Shudder.

[Modem Butterfly]

14. "Like her brain was leaking" That's exactly what I'm talking about!

The Star Trek stuff really made me laugh. Thanks!

[Richardo]

17. That's a choice phrase...

...they's some good writers 'round here! ;-)

[LDS Jock]

11. she needs medicated

refer her to your company's mental health plan for assistance.

[Lars39]

15. Tape record her for a week, then take tape to HR.

Can anyone else in the vicinity hear her?

[Modem Butterfly]

18. That's part of the problem. We are HR

The boss can't stand her either, but she does do her work and she is quite good at it.

[Lars39]

21. So HR personnel don't have the same rights, recourses

as the rest of the company? Your boss should have to be in your shoes awhile; see how well he/she copes with being constantly interrupted by someone.

[Modem Butterfly]

31. Well, we do, but...

...we have an employee who is performing well but behaving unprofessionally. My boss and I have talked at length about this issue, Crazy and I have talked about the issue, Crazy and the boss have talked about the issue, and now Crazy and the boss and I have talked about the procedure. Crazy is annoying and unpleasant to everyone, not just me, and she is seeing the consequences of that behavior. The wheels of employee discipline grind exceedingly slow and fine sometimes though...

In the meantime, it's not logistically feasible to move one of us.

[MsAnthropy]

16. Not only is she mentally ill

she is creating a "hostile work environment" so you can sue her for harassment! Really, it's time to get management involved, that's supposed to be their job (besides sitting on their butts). I really empathize with you, it's hard enough to go to work with NORMAL people but when you've got THAT in your face every day! Whew.

[Modem Butterfly]

20. I haven't even scratched the surface

She had her one year anniversary with her boyfriend last month. He sent her a dozen red roses and a big balloon that said, "Happy Anniversary Crazy!" on it (her name isn't actually Crazy but you get the picture). She put it on display so that it was the first thing you see when you walk into the office. Predictably, the first person who came in said, "Oh, happy anniversary!"

She sat, stony faced and said, "It's not my anniversary,"

"Oh, ok. Well, the roses are beautiful. May I smell them?"

"Well aren't you nosy?"

"Ummm... okay..."

This went on for THREE DAYS. At the end of day two, I suggested that perhaps she should move the flowers, or at least the balloon if she didn't want people to ask her questions. She said, "The flowers are there for my enjoyment. People need to learn to stay out of my business,"

[MsAnthropy]

23. You have the patience of a saint

I would have crawled over the divider and bashed her head in by now. The way I deal with crazy people is make them think I'M crazier than THEY are. If she looks at you, pick your nose. If she says anything to you, start singing. She's playing a control game, you don't have to let her win.

[Skittles]

19. OK Modem, here is how Skittles would handle it

Shut up. SHUT THE F*** UP OR I WILL KICK YOUR ASS. I threaten the guy at work who makes irritating noises and now all I have to loudly say is DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE and he gets the f***ing HINT.

[Heyo]

24. We used to have this IT guy....

....the type where if you got into a conversation with him you couldn't get out, cause he'd just keep going on forever, so it's best not to even say word 1.

I know a fair bit about computers, but he's Novell, Microsoft cert., networking and all that, so he's levels beyond me.

And he'd start to tell some story, that to a lifelong and dedicated computer geek like himself would be funny, but way too much technical jargon. He'd stand there and go on and on about a phone call he'd had with someone and it sounds like this to me: ".. turns out this guy was routing his UUO's over the DSP server but only had j-13 454's going out over the PPU! (laughing out loud to himself)..."

(I made all that up but you get the idea)

Even when I turn around and face my computer he keeps talking and I'm thinking "DUde! I have NO CLUE what the hell you're talking about!! (nor do I care)"

eventually if you just faced your computer and keep working, and didn't respond, he'd run out of steam and walk off...

Heyo

[skygazer]

25. Seriously, Modem, she's mentally ill

She sounds like she has some sort of OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) which makes her have to say everything she thinks out loud. Harmless, except it's going to drive you out of YOUR mind and then there will be two nutcases sitting there babbling nonsense. Wow. Not sure what I'd do about that but I know I'd be just about ready to toss her out the window after a very short period.

You have my sympathy as well as my admiration for your tolerance. :hug:

[Red State Rebel]

27. Oh you poor thing..and they wonder about workplace violence....

I used to volunteer with a woman who was obsessed with the weather. Every day, several times a day you got a weather report and when she wasn't talking about todays weather, she was telling you stories about a storm from last week.

I just wanted to scream GET AN F'N LIFE!!!. Luckily it was seasonal work and when they asked me if I wanted to come back the next year I made an excuse.

[Modem Butterfly]

32. Speaking of workplace violence...

One of her speaking jags the other day was about workplace violence. She spoke on and on at great length over contributing factors, warning signs, and body counts, and proceeded to tell me in excrutiating detail about just how unsafe we are at this office. I finally had to tell her to not talk about that stuff where other employees could here, and possibly misinterpret, and, miraculously, she finally did shut up.

[Atlas Mugged]

28. My opinion....

...is that she has a form of Tourette Syndrome. Seriously. I'm not trying to be funny or sarcastic. But that babbling baby-talk crap is a common form of Tourettes.

[miss_kitty]

29. justifiable homicide.

only kidding. Sorry. I had one of those go off on me and threaten to kill me. Or bash my head "over and over again on the cement floor." Actually, I could have kicked her ass, but I WANTED her to hit me first, so I could call 911.

She would non stop chatter-I had her on ignore (the walkman) and she would chatter away at me and then I could hear an exasperated "FINE! Don't talk to me! There were two other people in our workspace sometimes more.

What made me most nuts about her mindless bullshit? Aside from her non-stop blow by blow accounting of yesterday's Dr Laura show? (There's a REASON I don't listen to the show, twat :grr:) With her freeperish assessment of Dr Laura's 'sage' advice? Oh and her non-stop anti-Clinton bullshit? I'll tell ya: Every time she regaled the room with her friends and their exploits it was "My black friend and I went shopping." "Two of my black friends and my Chinese friend and some other people came over to my tea party." Our immediate supervisor was black. After months of this shit (and I would snipe back "Other people? Uh were they-WHITE?" "Yeah, but why should that matter?" no. irony. what. so. ever. We are white girls).

I don't remember what I said that set her off-I had asked her to not talk to me anymore, to shut up, to please be quiet and she was just shrill-I know I finally did a verbal slice and dice. I know one time I said "Oh how 60s fake liberal of you-you have black friends?" Hell you have FRIENDS, period?

Anyway, my extremely right on shit is lost in the mists of time...:shrug:

On Edit: I feel your pain, man. :(

[Modem Butterfly]

33. I'm glad she's not a Freeper

That really would put me over the edge.

[Misunderestimator]

30. Yikes... sounds like my sister.

Can't think of anything more utterly annoying than a non-stop blithering fool who talks about nothing of importance or interest.

[TrogL]

34. She's an extrovert - get over it (long incoherent rant)

I've got both a kid and a partner like that.

I'm slowly weaning the kid off it but the partner's a lost cause.

Now the kid's moved in with us so she'll either keep the partner entertained or the two of them will start in on me.

Extroverts simply cannot shut up. They can't. It's not that they won't, they can't. Every thought that crosses their mind crosses their lips.

They talk to themselves.
They talk to the coffee pot.
They talk to stray animals.
They talk to the weather.
They talk to the television set.
They talk to the telephone when it hasn't rung and there's nobody on it.
They talk to furniture, asking permission to sit on it.
They talk to random strangers, running up to them on the street to interrogate them about their grandmothers.
They tell their life stories to grocery clerks.

I just want to tell them to shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

and they won't shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

Oh, God :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

[Modem Butterfly]

36. I'M an Extrovert

And I don't act like that, although I do talk to myself, strangers, and the TV. Particularly Keith Olbermannnnnnnnnnnnn......

At least, I used to do all that. Now I know how annoying it is. My partner, my friends, my neighbors, even my boss, who's known me for three years, tell me how quiet I've gotten.

Maybe the kid will quiet your partner.

[geniph]

37. Oh dear god. I CANNOT deal with people who do that.

There used to be one of them in my office area, and she would be chirping happily away from 7:30 a.m. until 5:00 p.m., every freaking day. Yapyapyapyapyapyapyap, and all of it was such fucking DRIVEL. She whined a lot about being cold, too, yet would never put on a goddamned sweater. And every time she had even the most minor problem with her computer, she'd sit at her desk and yell about it and whine until someone came and fixed it just to shut her up (we're the IT department - you'd think an IT employee could deal with something that requires a reboot, but NOOOOO). The thing that drove me craziest is that she'd sit at her desk and yell people's names ("BRUUUUUCE, are you HEEEEERE?) instead of getting up and going into their offices and talking in a normal tone of voice. I finally told her that if she ever got up off her ass, maybe she wouldn't be cold all the time.

She has thankfully moved on to another job, where she can annoy others. It's in an elementary school, and I think the kids like it when she yipes on and on and on. She's a very happy, bubbly person, and there were times I felt very bad about how much I wanted to slowly strangle her to death with my bare hands.

Now it's the night janitor - she's very sweet, very dumb, and very talkative, with this high-pitched shrieky baby voice that's like nails on a chalkboard. Remember the character Lina from Singing in the Rain? That's her voice. She also has a habit of constantly giggling nervously that makes me want to take a nail gun to my eardrums.

When I was in the cubicle area, I brought in my XM radio and listened on headphones all day to keep from going stark staring barking mad. And yes, they'll sit there and yap at you when you have headphones on, but the proper response, even when they're yelling your name, is to turn up the volume and growl, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE. Now, thank all the gods, I have my own office with a door I can close if they're too obnoxious.

[GingerSnaps]

38. Take the office out and put in myex

I would agree with you on that :evilgrin:

[DS1]

39. Is her name Michelle C. ? Sounds like someone I've dealth

with before.