I'm a stalker- who needs stalking?

[Beware the Beast Man]

Qualified stalker looking for someone on DU to spam with PMs, reply in sycophantic agreement to every post you make, refer to by your real name, and defend your honor at all costs. Also willing to follow you into extraneous websites, blogs and discussion forums. If needed, I can become progressively scarier with each PM. Who would like to sign up?

PS- I'm willing to change my username if necessary!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. No thanks...I'm all stalked up

[BlondieK143]

2. Only if you leave random presents that don't involve blood.

:) How about that?

[Beware the Beast Man]

3. I'm also a master of the answering machine fillup!

:hi:

[Bobbie47]

4. boring here

not worth time and energy.

[Skittles]

5. I would make an excellent stalker if I wasn't so freaking lazy

I really know how to push buttons

[Magrittes Pipe]

6. I've got some winter squash that's looking pretty sad.

[Beware the Beast Man]

7. Hey, no non-sequitirs allowed, bud!

This isn't a religion thread!

[Magrittes Pipe]

8. They need staking, dumbass.

[Beware the Beast Man]

10. Start your own copycat.

By the way, how come you never call me? :cry:

[Magrittes Pipe]

11. Because I don't love you anymore.

[eyesroll]

9. I already have way too many stalkers.

:scared:

[Beware the Beast Man]

18. But...but...

I just wanted you to have pizza with me!

[eyesroll]

20. Well, OK.

But I'm not big on the Chicago style.

[SarahB]

12. No thanks.

I've had enough unwanted annoyances at times. Never quite at that level and hopefully, it'll stay that way. Besides, I think I already married my stalker. Just try gettin' outta that. :scared:

[Beware the Beast Man]

13. But it's not about "wanted annoyances."

You're hired! I'll send you my first 14 PMs. :toast:

[SarahB]

14. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

You gonna call me several times a day from work for years, expect me to give you my every step when I walk out of the house, and yell at me if I even glance in the direction of another man too? :nuke:

My stalking days are done thanks. I also plan on any subsequent boyfriends being big guys who can thoroughly kick asses.

[Beware the Beast Man]

15. But I'm a big guy, and I can thoroughly kick ass too.

Anything for you, my dear SarahBelle! You are the center of my universe!

[SarahB]

16. But you're not the right one.

:P

And I'll sick Mrs. Beastman on your ass!

[Beware the Beast Man]

17. Oh, it's not a love thing.

I want to BE you! I'm your #1 fan! :P

[SarahB]

19. Good luck with that then.

I didn't know there was such a market for being an unemployed housewife/student with all my assorted problems. I wish you well in your quest. :crazy:

[Wat_Tyler]

21. ME TOO! ME TOO!

I DESERVE A STALKER! I AM FRUSTRATED WITHOUT ONE!

[flamingyouth]

22. Hey, I thought I was stalking you!

I'm going off to spend the weekend near a waterfall. I'll be in touch when I return! :hi:

[Wat_Tyler]

23. Thank God. I need the ego boost that only stalking can provide.

[Magrittes Pipe]

24. I am stalking kick-ass-bob.

Your shower curtain is lovely, Bob. :loveya: