I'm a 33 yr old hetero and never had sex with a woman. Ask me anything.

[Dukakis88]

I turn 34 in January.

Life is good!

[onebigbadwulf]

1. How hideously deformed / obese are you? (nt)

[Dukakis88]

2. Candy Crowley size. Although I wasn't as bad in high school or college.

[spinbaby]

15. Who's Candy Crowley?

And what does this tell us about your size?

[Dukakis88]

16. She's a CNN talking head people on DU make fun of because she's fat.

http://www.cnn.com/CNN/anchors_reporters/crowley.candy.html

I don't like the way they ridicule her for her weight, personally. She is not evil because of her fat, no more than Michael Moore is a good guy because of his weight. It's their political actions that make them admirable or reprehensible.

[Kipepeo]

39. Agreed

Belittling someone because of their weight or gender or race or whatever physical thing about them is not only offensive to many but just plain LAZY. I mean, Candy Crowley is an asshole right-wing media shill...I know people can come up with something better and more substantiative to insult her with. Yet every time she's mentioned it gets to that...

Whatever.

[Demonaut]

92. I ridicule her about her weight and I know it's wrong and I'm sorry if

I've offended you in the past but I just can't stand that RW whore

[the Princess]

31. Excuse me Wulf................

But UH being fat isn't synonymous with being ostracized nor being virginal. I've been fat all my life and I never have had a problem finding a sex partner when I wanted one. And BELIEVE ME there are plenty of men out there who LOVE fat women and also plenty of women who love fat men.

Even as a happily married Big Woman I still get propositioned online and off regularly. Guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder huh??

So your point was???

[enfield collector]

83. you got that right, guys don't go for the "heroin chic" thrown up

everything you've ever eaten look. look at mens magazine and you see women with curves, women's magazines feature too many emmaciated models.

[LibLover]

91. You got that right!

I'm 5'2, 100lbs soaking wet, and a man with a soft tummy is just fine by me! You should see the looks on the face of the guys who think they're God's gift to women after I turn them down to slow dance with the big boys at my local favorite drinking establishment.

If I like the guy anyhow, I'll tell him I'm going to "ham it up", rubbing his belly and squeezing his butt just to take the other guy down a notch or ten. Big boys rarely have those ego problems and can actually get by on their personalities, which is a HUGE turn on to me.

[boilerbabe]

87. How hidious are you?

That was pretty mean of you. I hope your sense of humour includes farm animals like in a nice way...bet you are the ugliest 4-H exhibit , right??

[johnnie]

3. Hello Father kingfish

Happy early B-day.

[Dukakis88]

12. Thanks...

[Skittles]

4. go for those older gals, kingfish

they are much, much more wiser

[Downtown Hound]

8. Older women are hot

I've dated a few and they definitely have benefits.

[Dukakis88]

10. I've been rejected by older women. I am too inexperienced for them.

I have the sexual experience level of a seventh grader. Have only made out with women a few times in my life, and never had a girlfriend. Why would a 40-year old woman want to give a fat loser like me a chance?

[LibLover]

17. No women would be interested?

I love conquest! I love training men! I am certain there's at least ONE woman like me in Portland.

Don't worry, most men have the sexual ability level of a seventh grader. Virginity isn't that much of a handicap.

Just remember, your first time will be the best 10 seconds of your life!

[Skittles]

26. lord, I do too

newbies are fun!!!

[SarahB]

28. "most men have the sexual ability level of a seventh grader"

*snarf*
Often too true and as long as they're happy to be trained- all is usually well. :)

[Dukakis88]

70. I can't wait until I get the chance to be trained...

The most appealing part of the idea of sex to me is not getting orgasms for myself, but giving a woman as many as she wants. I can give myself orgasm with masturbation, but I really get off on the idea of being able to express physical tenderness with and stir lust in a woman.

[Skittles]

25. come on now, you're obsessed with details

there are a lot of nice, very lonely women out there. You need to give yourself a chance. I've dated overweight guys before but then I always get to know a guy before I date him. Keep on trying and stop calling yourself a fat loser. I can tell from your posts you are articulate and intelligent.

[getoffmytrain]

Dude...

Go to Nevada and blow a few grand on prostitutes... I'm dead serious.

[Skittles]

30. Kingfish sounds like a nice guy

not a self-absorbed asshole who would treat a woman like a semen receptacle

[getoffmytrain]

32. Hey...

exchanging money for sex between two consenting adults is not a "sin". If you're against it, don't be a "john" and don't be a prostitute... other than that... let adults do what they want.

[Skittles]

33. when did I ever say they couldn't "do what they want"

I'm just pointing out it is dehumanizing and disgusting

[getoffmytrain]

35. I'm not saying it's not... n/t.

[Skittles]

36. hey, I'm impressed

it's mind-boggling the number of men even here in the DU who will defend prostitution like it is some kind of noble profession. Of course they could never accept their girlfriend, wife, sister, daughter doing it. I don't think it should be illegal, not at all. But it is still gross beyond belief.

[getoffmytrain]

41. I agree with what you're saying...

at first I thought you were saying it should be illegal... and yes it is sick, but.... I am just trying to help a 33 year old virgin out... jeez... desperate times call for desperate measures.

[Skittles]

42. he needs some confidence

it probably shows that he views himself as a "fat loser". A hooker will not help him with that - prositution is about using people - it's a two-way street - and that doesn't build confidence. Kingfish needs to work on changing the things about himself he doesn't like.

[getoffmytrain]

44. You're totally right...

I'll shut up now :-)

[Dukakis88]

69. Hey, guys... I'll step into this argument after it's over.

I have considered prostitution in the past, but essentially getting laid isn't the thing I'm looking for the most (despite the title of the thread). I want an emotional connection with a woman whom I can snuggle with. Sex is a huge important part of that, but the big thing I crave is simple human contact, affection, and meaning something in someone else's life. The last time a girl hugged me I cried, it felt so incredible and I had wanted to feel that for so long. I looked like an idiot but couldn't help it.

[mongo]

57. Jebus

out here ten for a BJ and 20 for a straight lay.

For your typical cracked-out ho in the 'hood

[chicagojoe]

116. Also, always remember---

--- if ya don't make any calls, ya don't make any sales.

[Kire]

5. are you a castrati?

or a eunuch?

[Dukakis88]

9. Not physically, but feel like one. I have a strong libido but am shy.

[LibLover]

18. Don't worry, you just need a good trainer!

[fortyfeetunder]

85. LL's right, he need a good trainer

The trained ones make the best lovers anyway, because they are willing and eager learners!

[Glenda]

20. I was going to ask if you were shy...

I used to hang out on alt.support.shyness, and there are a lot of guys there in your boat.

[GingerSnaps]

6. Where have I heard that one at before

:eyes:

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

7. Why?

[Dukakis88]

11. Well...

That's part of why I'm in therapy and on antidepressants. Trying to figure out why. The weight definitely plays a big role. I am physically ashamed of myself, but was taught at an early age to sneak junk food for comfort by my mother. On the surface, we ate healthy food in small portions, but Mom showed me how to sneak junk food when my Dad was out of town or not looking in order to get emotional release. Now I'm pretty much in a spiral of misery... I medicate my self-hatred and loneliness with junk food, which in turn makes me hate myself more and makes me less physically appealing. I'm trying to turn it around before I hit bottom.

Besides the weight, my dad was with the military and we moved every two or three years. I had few friends. Usually would make two or three close male nerd friends who I would hang out with playing video games or other crap. As a result I met no women outside of class and was scared shitless by them. They were so fucking beautiful and unapproachable and amazing, all of them in their own way. I felt and feel totally inadequate for most of them.

[NightTrain]

23. I understand fully.

I'm 38 and last had sex with a woman when I was 27. I, too, have a weight problem, which started about a decade ago. Since I gained all this extra poundage, I, too, haven't felt terribly attractive.

Another problem is that I was an only child who never developed good social skills. Also, the things in which I'm interested tend to learn toward the esoteric. Since I neither watch TV nor follow sports, that eliminates 95% of all conversational possibilities with 95% of all people! Finally, I've had my heart broken a few times and am now extremely reticent about giving it away again.

So, what's a person to do? Damned if I know! :cry:

[sendero]

37. Man...

.... get some therapy for your self-loathing issues. You are not the only person out there who is overweight, and fat dudes are getting laid the world over.

The shyness thing is tough, I went through it myself. Just make up your mind that you want to experience one of the most transcendent pleasures life has to offer and find someone who wants to join you. It is not that difficult.

There is a market for everything/everyone. Being overweight does not make you unattractive to everyone, it just narrows the field a bit. Being a virgin does not make you uninteresting to every woman, it just narrows the field a bit.

Make this a priority in your life and put energy into it. Where ever you put your energy, that is what will bear fruit. Don't waste another day, decide what you want and you will get it.

I know I sound like a bad motivational speaker, but I'm a serious as a heart attack. Go for it now!

[SarahB]

38. Just remember.

Woman are people and people have pain. We're just human being too and looking nice on the outside doesn't necessarily protect a person from that pain that's just part of being human.

I've been a woman in life who has looked either ok at times or has gotten noticed a lot for my appearance. Sometimes women who get approached a lot also get approached by creeps a lot! Lots of us would rather have a guy who is intelligent, nice and genuine even if he's not going to be on the cover of GQ anytime soon.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

73. Link

http://www.oa.org

They can help.

http://www.oa.org/all_about_meetings_results.htm?method=1&State=OR&statePulldown=all_about_meetings.htm%3Fstate%3DOR%23US&city=PORTLAND&day=&Submit=Search

List of meetings in your area. I've been abstinent (sober from compusive overeating) for almost three years. Best thing I ever did.

[Dukakis88]

78. Thanks!

I had looked for local meetings and couldn't find them online for some reason. I will give it a try.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

80. You're very welcome

I don't want to overstate anything but it literally saved my life. I wasn't obese, but I was deep into my addiction to food and would have rapidly developed physical problems. It's not a diet and calories club.

There's a guy in my group who has lost 250 pounds. He doesn't even look like the same person.

Anyway, best of luck. Try out a few meetings, see what you think, no harm done.

[jdots]

13. with those credentials you should be a republican

Wanna make sure you never have sex ?Marry a republican woman and move to New Jersey.

[Dukakis88]

14. Part of my problem is being too liberal, too feminist...

In college I was scared shitless to flirt with women because I was so overly sensitive, worrying about sexually harassing them and making them uncomfortable. I felt like as a white male I represented everything that these women were rebelling against. I couldn't understand why they would want to be anything but lesbians.

[blue neen]

19. Do you feel that the therapy and anti-depressants are helping?

I think that once you no longer feel depressed and have dealt with the emotional issues behind your over-eating, you will have a lot more confidence.

Depression itself makes you lose all of your self-confidence. Wellness will mean an awful lot to you.

[Dukakis88]

95. Slowly working, I think.

Through therapy I have addressed many of the bad behaviors that led to my situation. I used to be addicted to computer games, which contributed to my lack of exercise/going outside and helped me ignore my loneliness and lack of social life. Since starting therapy I no longer play computer games at all. I'm still fighting a general inertia on improving my life and achieving what I want, however. That's what convinced me to try the antidepressants, to try to pick my mood up so that I can make progress and not be depressed all the time looking at how much work needs to be done in my life and how many years I wasted.

[Misunderestimator]

27. Take this with a grain of salt since I'm a lesbian... but...

You CAN do something about yourself physically. I cannot tell you how MUCH working out makes you feel better about everything! Don't even think about the eating aspect, just do something physical. It will change your life. You can do whatever you're doing food-wise, but if you exercise, it WILL make a difference. And it feels GREAT too... get those endorphins flowing and everything else may fall into place. Don't be discouraged... do something about it. It sounds like you have a really good outlook on things... there IS someone out there for you.

[mongo]

62. I really don't think that is the problem

Most ladies like a guy to be at least aware. Sensitivity helps.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

81. Do you have any female platonic friends?

I know you're eager for intimacy, but if you're shy, it may be because you're thinking of talking to women as being too big a deal.

Believe it or not, we're human beings, and there's no such thing as having a flirting style that will work with every woman. But if you find the right woman, whatever you do will be fine.

I second (or third) the advice of the women who say that it doesn't matter that you're a virgin. When I was in grad school, I knew a fellow whom we suspected was a virgin (he was pretty inhibited and guilty about sex). He had no idea that several women of his acquaintance would have been delighted to "teach" him. He was unusual looking (not ugly, just unusual in an appealing way) and because he knew he wasn't conventionally handsome, he thought he was unattractive.

Anyway, be sure to put yourself in places where lots of women are, and if you don't have female friends, try to develop some, just so you get over the idea that women are some sort of alien creature.

[Dukakis88]

94. No, I don't have any platonic female friends.

I have screwed up all of my platonic relationships with women because the whole time I'm trying to be a friend I am fighting constant thoughts about how incredibly beautiful the woman is and how much I would like to just hold her for a long time. It's almost at an infantile level of desiring mothering contact or something and it's burning in my head all the time I'm trying to play it cool, these loopy puppy love thoughts of wanting to hold hands and snuggle and all that crap. I'm not one of these guys who obsesses about "getting into a woman's pants" or on ogling body parts. Just the whole experience of talking to women in close proximity who are smiling at me and saying nice things to me melts me inside and turns me into a moron who eventually ruins the relationship by admitting he has a crush on these women, who never feel anything like that for me because they are not overwhelmed with these sensations like I am.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

104. If they're smiling and saying nice things, then you can at least be friend

You've got yourself an "approach-avoidance conflict."

I suggest going some place where there are lots of women, maybe volunteering for some charitable cause, lots of women that you wouldn't necessarily want to date, maybe because they seem too old or too young for you. Get to know them as friends.

(As a practical matter, a female friend may clue you in that another woman is attracted to you.)

You may be just lonely in general, and having friends can go a long way toward easing that. If you aren't as desperate for human contact, you won't appear so "whipped puppy" needy--which scares women away, believe me.

Above all, don't assume that you are unattractive. The next time you go grocery shopping, look at all the overweight men, even overweight young men, who are wearing wedding rings.

[Jackie97]

115. You didn't understand feminism well.

It's only sexual harassment if the woman tells you to back off and you don't.

Feminism is about the cultural, political, and economical equality of women. It's not about hating white males.

As a matter of fact, many feminists have no problem with males joining feminist groups.

As a further matter of fact, we often consider some women to be the bad guys because they're working for the anti-feminist cause.

I'm sure you can find a woman like me in Portland who gets turned on my men who admit to being a feminist.

I think that there might be more liberal virgins than one suspects. It's not a Republican thing. It's a personal thing.

[Dukakis88]

117. It was definitely more about hating my own gender than feminism.

I have other male friends who went through a similar experience. We were all white males who all went to a very progressive left-wing college where the main agenda was the freeing of power from white male domination. Which is something I agree with, but it wasn't exactly good for my self esteem to attend class after class where I was shouldering the historical guilt and privilege of my gender and skin color, when I already felt like an outcast within that gender and skin color. These friends of mine and I are fairly sensitive guys who basically hated the macho excesses of our own gender and as a result were ashamed of who we were, weren't into drugs or alcohol, and didn't know how to feel good about ourselves socially.

[Jackie97]

123. I'm a white woman who has been in two classes about race....

One class was called "Race and Segregation". I think the one I'm currently in is called "Race and Social Justice".

Both classes are/were mostly black, and spoke a lot about white domination. It also went into forms of racism that a white person can have an not realize it's racism.

Even though it raised my awareness of how much junk my race has put blacks through, I didn't really feel that they were saying that all whites should be hated. In fact, I actually came out of the first class feeling better about myself because some of the things that they talked about with blacks regarding how they're often poor, sometimes self-hating, and so forth reminded me myself as a poor person. I know I haven't had it near as bad as a black person, but I have often had it rough as a person of poverty. I used to be embarrassed about what I was as a result. When I took that first class about race, I just realized that I had nothing to be ashamed of with my background of poverty. I didn't come out of these classes hating myself for being white.

Now, there was one class I took where I did slightly hate myself for a while. It was called "History of the Holocaust". The class identified many forms of anti-semitism. I started looking at a lot of them and seeing how some of the people that I had worked with on behalf of the Palestinian cause were often like that. I also got to thinking about my German heritage and other stuff. I came out of that class hating myself for a while, but only because I had been working with a few anti-semites and was too dumb to recognize it for what it was.

Maybe the class you took really was overdoing what they were teaching some. It's not good to rely on authority to tell you what to think. It's better to research the subject being studied and decide for yourself what's true and what isn't. Even if some feminist thinks it's sexual harassment to flirt with women, I would think that 99.9% of those women don't agree with her.

I'm sorry that you came out of that class hating yourself for your gender. I don't think that's what these classes are meant for though. I think they're meant to simply raise the awareness of women; just like these racial classes that I'm in are meant to raise the awareness of black people. It's not meant to provoke hatred towards any particular group. Most of us would not want men or white people hating themselves for being what they are. Some of us know how it feels to hate ourselves for our minority status and we wouldn't wish it on somebody else, not even somebody of the majority status.

[SarahB]

21. I'm a 32 year old hetero and I never have either.

But I'm a woman, so that helps.
Good luck in your quest. :)

Edit: Also, I lost a bunch of weight that I had put on after having kids. I tried everything and still chronically had an extra 30-40 pounds and Atkins did it for me. It breaks that cycle of food addiction. My cholesterol dropped 100 points too. It's not easy, but it works well for some people when done correctly. I still eat very little carbohydrates except for some fruits, veggies, and a few whole grains. I feel a zillion times better too.

[onebigbadwulf]

101. You never have what? I thought we're talking about sex.

I went on a low carb low fat diet too and now I'm cut like a diamond.

[SarahB]

108. I never have...

had sex with a woman. Just being silly there. :silly:
I don't know if I'm 'cut like a diamond', but I'm doing nicely these days. I seem to get a lot of positive feedback anyway.

[Southsideirish]

22. Friend, if you want to slim down just walk and walk every day.

In fact its a great way to meet people as many others are doing the same thing and you see the same faces every day (if you are consistent on route and time.)so its easy to start with a smile or wear a Kerry & Edwards button - it brings a lot of positive attention! Good luck.
P.S. - you will feel better about yourself, too - not to mention the health benefits. Limit your time on the computer and TV and write some positive and inspirational notes to yourself around your apt so they are the first thing you see in the morning when you wake up.

[philosophie_en_rose]

24. "Can't win, if you don't play."

Dating is like the lottery. You can't win, if you don't buy a ticket. Additionally, the number of times you play (ask someone out) is never going to equal the number of times you get "lucky."

You just have to try. Don't worry if you some jerk rejects you. That person is not worth your time and there are more people in the world to meet.

:pals:

[intheflow]

29. Are you Jesus Christ?

If so, watch your back until your 34th birthday.

[Dukakis88]

52. Uh-oh... Don't feed my over-inflated sense of importance...

...it's the bizarre flip side to my utter lack of self esteem. I teeter totter between feelings of grandeur -- like I could be someone really important, a great artist -- and feeling hopelessly incompetent, lazy, and weak.

[GCP]

34. Women love a man who can make them laugh

Relax, don't get intense, crack a few jokes - you'll be surprised at how far it gets you!

[brainshrub]

43. Suuuure they do. (wink, wink)

And men don't look for youth and nice boobs.

Hey ladies! Quick question:

Imagine two kind, considerate men. One is attractive and has a good job. The other is pudgy, broke but can make you laugh.

Who would you rather date?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

82. Actually, the pudgy broke guy who makes me laugh

I've met too many rich, handsome jerks to be impressed by those qualities alone.

[brainshrub]

99. If that were true, comedians would be considered sex-idols.

[Marxdem]

114. Ever seen Seinfeld?

case closed :)

[tjdee]

124. Do you know how many women are in love with Jon Stewart?

Like, uh, me for example?

Personality means more in a guy than in a girl.

[SarahB]

98. I second Lydia.

Sometimes, you just love who you love and if he's funny (and brilliant, caring, kind, sexy, and completely wonderful), the shallow, materialistic stuff is not so much an issue (and a few extra pounds aren't a biggie either). I know this all too well!

I'm still looking rather young and have nice boobs as well by the way if that matters for anything.

[onebigbadwulf]

103. women always lie about this thing

they always say they want a nice considerate man but it's the rich jerks who turn them on.

I'd say 90-100% of divorced women (including my mom) tell their children that their ex-husband was a jerk.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

109. Immature or emotionally messed-up women like rich jerks

Look, I went to grad school at Yale, so I know about rich jerks.

I always went for the quirky, funny types.

Where nice, considerate men lose out is when they chase after the women who look like TV stars instead of after the nice, considerate women. Trust me on this.

Give the average young man a choice between a movie-star lookalike who's EVIL inside and an ordinary-looking woman who could be his soul mate, and he'll pick the nasty bimbo every time. (This statement is based on years of observing the behavior of college students.) He tries to please her, but of course, no one can please her, because she's a narcissist.

This happens often enough that clueless guys sit around and tell each other, "Chicks like to be treated like shit. If you're nice, they ignore you."

The reason that many nice women end up with jerks is that the jerks at least pay attention to them in their search for conquests.

[Wapsie B]

53. Thats right. Laughter is the best aphrodisiac in the world.

Let me tell ya. No one's gonna mistake me for an olympic athlete if you know what I'm saying. But a great smile and charm and wit will win over lots of women.

[Dukakis88]

72. I tend to be able to make women laugh, but it doesn't seem to help...

...because when it comes to making an actual connection I tense up and blow everything by becoming too needy or weird or whatever. I call her too soon or flatter her too much or otherwise show my insecurity way too much and blow the cool dude approach.

[bloodyjack]

40. start acting cold and indifferent. it might work

This comes naturally to me, as I tend to grow sort of defensive around women to whom I'm attracted. individual results may vary, but for most females who've really captured my interest, it's been fairly effective.

also try being playfully rude, whatever that means.

not that you've asked for one, but there's obviously no proven method to attracting and ensnaring a suitable mate.

[Dukakis88]

48. You have a point.

I definitely try too hard to please the women I like, to the extent of not being completely myself, emphasizing the parts of me that match what it seems like they want me to be. But that isn't a way to have a real relationship of any kind. My desperation definitely leads me down a dead end.

[barb162]

45. do you like anyone (female) at work or near where you live?

also do you have male friends

[Dukakis88]

47. I work at home. I'm a computer graphics contractor...

I spend most of the time by myself. My main client for the last few years has been a gung-ho fitness company, so all of the people there are super-fit and sports oriented, so I don't fit in well socially, though they keep giving me assignments. Most of the women there are married anyway.

I need to find some activities to do outside of the house to meet people, definitely.

As far as male friends go, most of them are really busy guys working two jobs, their day job and artistic projects, and most of them have girlfriends and wives, so I don't see them much.

[MissB]

50. Gung-ho fitness company?

As in, a gym?

[Dukakis88]

55. Nah. A manufacturer of sports-related equipment...

They sell their products as part of a certain gung-ho lifestyle, in which you are supposed to identify with famous athletes just because you use the same equipment. As a result, they encourage their employees to be really buff and go running in the middle of the day, etc.

[barb162]

51. ouch, I agree with your assessment of the health club types

They care more aboaut their abs than the fact that people are dying in Iraq. I know some of these shallow people.

I was thinking along the lines of your male friends introducing you to some women.

Do you have a dog or cat? Do you like animals? If you do, there are usually tons of women volunteering at the local humane societies. TONS! Tell me what you think of that suggestion as I can come up with more if you are not wild about that. You can help with their humane society web sites too.

[Dukakis88]

59. My friends did introduce me to someone...

...unfortunately she was a manipulative person who enjoys playing with the hearts of insecure guys. From talking to her friends, I discovered that she has done what she did with me over and over again since her teen years. She likes showering shy, insecure, lonely guys with attention and flirting, uses pet names, gives lots of long hugs, talks about sex a lot, and, since she is polyamorous, hints profusely that she will take pity on the poor sap like me and initiate me into the world of sex, so as to improve my confidence. She has done this over and over, moving through a network of nerdy guys I know... Fortunately for me I cut it off before we actually became physically intimate because it has ended horribly for all of the other guys I talked to -- she grows bored and suddenly cuts them off completely after she has drawn them out of their shells and gotten them hopelessly enamored of her and dependent on her affection, leaving them feeling confused, abandoned, and in pain. Basically I think she gets off on the flattery she gets from guys like me, and/or secretly hates men and enjoys exerting this emotional control and then plunging in the knife when it isn't expected.

[barb162]

64. oh a sociopath. what about the humane society thing

I look at it like this: you are doing good helping the animals in any case but i can guarantee you will meet a lot of women there. Or how does environmental (clearing prairies, etc.) volunteering sound. There are so many volunteering things to do where I KNOW, I KNOW!!!! (Auntie Barb knows these things, honey) you will meet many women.

[Dukakis88]

67. Those are great ideas.

I will try to get off my ass and try some of them. I did volunteer somewhere a week ago, and it did definitely feel good to be around other people.

[barb162]

76. I would really urge you to do the humane society thing

the animals need so much help, love, feeding. If you don't like being around animals there's always something to do in their offices. They are all dying for help. There are volunteers of every age at the humane societies and many are women. I kid you not. You will be an automatic sensation and get lots of attention and all of the women will love you for what you are doing.

DO IT!

[Arkana]

77. Grrrrr....

Sorry, but what you said made me think of my ex-girlfriend--she was just like the girl you describe. I went off to a Boys' State conference in the summer of my junior year in high school, and I got the news via AIM that she had been seen at a party sucking face with another guy.

I got the news from a kid who I ABSOLUTELY did not trust, and to find out that he was telling me the truth just made it hurt more. The day I got home, I got a call from her and she said she wanted to break up and be "just friends, because it wasn't working out." We had been dating for a frickin year and a half, and NOW it wasn't working. It eluded me, until I saw her around with this other guy about a week later. The final word on it was a nasty email telling me I was selfish, boring, and a Mama's boy, and that all I ever did was make her cry.

Sorry about the rant...I've gone off topic. I just hate women like that.

[2bfree]

46. Have you tried Weight Watchers?

It is a great place to get support, loose weight and meet women who have some of the same issues you do. Don't let another year go by with you not even trying to find someone to share yourself with. You seem like a very nice person who has a lot to offer.

[Dukakis88]

49. No... I lost 100 pounds on Atkins...

And then gained it all back. I had a one-two punch combination of being rejected by a girl I asked out and rejected for an important job I had worked hard to apply and interview for, and like a big baby as a result I just went out of control and threw my progress down the toilet, scarfing Krispy Kremes like it was the end of the world out of self-pity and anger.

Thanks for the kind words.

[prolesunited]

54. What is your purpose of posting this?

What do you hope to gain from making this revelation here?

[Dukakis88]

56. I'm anonymous here. In real life I can never talk about this...

...even though it is on my mind every day. I feel like such a social outcast and freak that by describing my life here, where I'm essentially anonymous, I can get some feedback from other people in order to see whether or not my life is as freakish as it seems to me or whether other people are going through, or have gone through, similar experiences and just don't talk about it out of embarassment/shame/lack of safe environment to discuss it.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

58. If you weren't playing D&D in your parents' basement last night....

...you could have been hanging out in a bar trying to meet a girl. hehe...just kidding. While you've been here a little while, welcome. And how did you come up with your name? You from Kingfisher or something?
Duckie

[Dukakis88]

63. Fortunately, wasn't playing D&D...

...but I was in my parents basement. Ugh. Long story.

The name I took from Huey "The Kingfish" Long, a populist, charismactic Democratic Senator from Louisiana. He's a controversial figure because Louisiana politics were pretty corrupt at the time and he was apparently corrupt as well -- taking kickbacks, etc. -- but unlike the corrupt politicians of today, he was on the side of the little guy, and used his power to fight for New Deal style reforms, rather than just enrich his cronies. They made a movie about his brother, Earl Long -- it was called "Blaze" and starred Paul Newman and Lolita Davidovich. He was another incredible character.

[FreedomFry]

75. Kingfish_junior, I believe your day is coming.

To an intelligent woman, a handsome, svelte body is nice, but God knows it isn't everything. The outside shell can be so misleading. I had a three-year relationship with a guy who weighed in (at one point) at 304 lbs. He was obese, but he was also brilliant and funny and ambitious and creative and political and charismatic. I saw past the physical and loved connecting psychically. We eventually split up for reasons that had nothing to do with weight. Some would call me weird or naive (some might say blind), but I don't think so. I believe there's someone out there for everybody. And I absolutely believe your time is coming, kingfish_junior.

You're obviously intelligent, literate, open, articulate, creative (you're a graphic designer like me, no?), willing to listen and learn, and you've lived long enough to have acquired some knowledge and wisdom. Those are attractive qualities that good women long for in a man. But women are also attracted to a man who believes in himself. For all the reasons mentioned above, you have much to believe in.

The good news is you have lots of time. Don't be afraid to take a chance, pick yourself up, and take another one, and another. Eventually there's going to be a payoff. In the meantime, your friends at DU are rooting for you.

[LDS Jock]

60. when are you coming out of the closet? n/t

[Dukakis88]

65. Valid question.

I was attracted to one of my openly gay roommates in college -- we were very close friends and I was lonely enough to start wondering if I should try finding affection with him -- but nothing ever came of it. Besides that one instance, though, I find myself attracted to women, though curiously enough I often find myself super attracted to aggressive, semi-butch kick-ass bisexual and lesbian women who are totally unattainable.

So, yeah, I've spent time wondering if I am deluding myself and if everything would work out smoothly if I tried batting for the other team, if somehow I would discover myself to be gay and that all these years I have been going without sex because I couldn't admit my true nature to myself. But when it comes down to it, women are the ones with the personalities and bodies I find attractive. The guy I was attracted to in college was extremely effeminate. And not in the typical "flaming," exaggerated sense. He really seemed like a woman trapped in a man's body.

[mongo]

61. Would one of you more sexually free ladies help this poor guy

out? I mean, I'll bet he could fly to your place for 1 week. Show him the ropes, teach him a few things, and send him on his way.

It would do wonders for his self confidence.

[Dukakis88]

66. Heh, heh. I don't think it would work.

I've read about legal sexual surrogates you pay to "show you the ropes" through therapists in the state of California. But when I thought about it, I didn't really think it would help. My problem is not lack of information on where to stick my penis, or what a clitoris is. I have done tons of reading on sexual technique, trying to "cram for the exam" and be ready to give my first partner a hundred orgasms, if desired. I know what the techniques of sex are about. The problem in my case is basically not feeling attractive and not knowing socially how to express sexual interest in an acceptable way that leads to an actual connection, rather than rejection. And those things aren't addressed with sexual surrogates, or someone throwing me a pity fuck, because it doesn't do anything to convince me that I am desirable and can do what it takes to connect with women who aren't being paid to be there, or who are only with me because they pity my cluelessness.

[GingerSnaps]

93. I have an Idea for you

Do you want a bride? They have websites where you pay a fee and someone will marry you and you don't have to feel insecure.

I'm a girl and they don't offer us anything like that deal but if they did I would go shopping right now for someone that looks like a young Baryshnikov. Men on the other hand can look at a catalog and pick someone out and pay her way here and she will marry you. In a way it saves a step for a man and it must be kind of exciting. Have you ever heard about mail order brides from Asia or Russia?

[gmoney]

105. before you do this, watch "Birthday Girl"

it's a Nicole Kidman movie from a few years ago... she plays a mail-order bride who comes with, uh, baggage. :) (No spoilers)

[GingerSnaps]

107. Baggage

To say the least right?

[Redleg]

68. Dude, someone needs to set you up.

Unless, of course, you like being celibate.

[mrbassman03]

71. Confidence? Try Jack and Coke...

Then work up to sober...

[getoffmytrain]

88. Exactly....

Most guys on this board, or anywhere for that matter, will surely admit that they are most on top of their 'game' after downing a few drinks.... doesn't mean you can't do it sober... but after a few drinks, it certainly is easier to successfully flirt with women... and hey... even if you look like an idiot, you're fully convinced you're a morph of Brad Pitt and Matt Damon.

[goju]

74. Dude, you have to do something

The self pity thing is not working out for you, or is it? What I mean is, you either have to step up and do something, or not. Im not sure what you hoped to learn by posting this but the answer to your problem is fairly obvious. I assume you already know that, right?

Set a goal, take the steps to meet that goal, and learn the discipline to follow through. Doesnt matter whether its losing weight or getting laid, or anything else for that matter, you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and make things happen or I promise nothing will change. All the sympathy in the world wont help you.

[Dukakis88]

79. You're basically right.

I do indulge in self-pity way too much. I keep forgetting that this stuff is hard for everyone, no matter how cute they look, and that even when you do get a relationship that it's a lot of hard work to maintain them, and they aren't magical solutions for feeling better about one's self and curing all loneliness, confusion, or doubt.

It's a lot easier to type than it is to exercise, I guess.

[fortyfeetunder]

86. Love yourself first, then

How will you ever think about making love to a woman if you aren't in love with yourself, regardless of your packaging?

You sound like a sensitive, thoughtful, and intelligent guy. There are women out there who would spend the time with you. People who don't love themselves show it. When you love yourself, confidence is just brimming out of your being.

Start with thyself, and the rest will be easy. PM me for some suggestions, books, etc.

[goju]

89. Maybe its time to do something then?

Like tomorrow, first thing in the morning. Drink some juice, walk a mile, then go down at 9am.

Goju Ryu Karate DO
1313 NE 134th St # 120
Vancouver, WA
[phone]

[SmileyBoy]

84. I hear ya. 22 and the same deal for me.

It sucks...

[Nikia]

90. You have to stop being the unworthy person

If you automatically assume that any woman will find you repulsive or at least not see you as a potential partner, then you will have trouble attracting women. I am not sure why this is. I am not as socially observant as most people are, but I noticed when I stopped believing this in interacting with people that people were less likely to treat me different from the beginning.
I don't know a lot about the whole attraction thing. I am married, but I didn't date a lot. I do know that there are a fair amount of women that are in a similiar position or who did have a bad relationship or two at a time but nothing for a while because they also feel unworthy. I am not sure why people have such a hard time finding each other.

[bloodyjack]

96. meet women over internet, it always works out magnificently

people even get MARRIED over the internet

this is the market sexual economy

the rich get richer--that is to say, they enjoy exciting varied sex lives, and perhaps find love

the poor, on the other hand, are doomed to spend their lives in hopeless solitude and masturbation (on the other hand! lol puns)

[Glenda]

110. We'll help you write the ad :)

[rot0r_head]

97. Hardest thing is just forcing yourself to get out

I've been a shy guy all my life, and didn't lose my virginity until I was 18. The only real way to meet women is to get out and get noticed--which, for people like us, is exactly what we try to avoid. Set a goal: Go out, slam back a few cold ones, and just start speaking your mind. Alcohol is your friend, it provides a confidence boost for the rest of us. Even Fabio (probably) doesn't get lucky every night.

And hell, if all else fails, cheat! http://www.attractromance.com/

[REP]

100. Sure You're Hetero?

Seriously, there's no expiration date you have to worry about.

If you want to, you'll find someone. Sounds like corny bullshit, but I speak from experience. Think of your Brand New In Box status as a big plus in this day and age - your future partner will have a lot less to worry about, and that a low fewer bad habits to break you of.

[Jose Diablo]

102. Are you right handed

or ambidextrous?

[cleofus1]

106. sure fire way to get laid...

Learn to play the guitar and join a band...

works everytime...

[NashVegas]

111. You Know It

Ever take a close look at Van Morrison?

[cleofus1]

112. hey it worked for me!

i just love posting pictures of myself...

[tjdee]

125. This is true.

I'd agree with this.

[Marxdem]

113. Lift weights, diet and go where women are

Its that easy.

[rockymountaindem]

118. I've read most of thist thread, and perhaps I can help you out.

When I had just turned 16 (about 2 years ago), I became concerned that I hadn't grown in a while. So my parents scheduled an appointment with an endochronologist to see what was going on. I'd been pudgy (not 'fat', but on the heavy side of chubby) for a long time, too. So when I got to the doctor, he basically told me "Well, you're 30 pounds overweight and I can't promise you you'll ever be taller than 5'6''".

I was totally devastated. I seriously thought for a while there that I had absolutely no future.

About two months later I had a realization: I could either sit around like a lump and feel sorry for myself, or I could do what was in my power to improve the situation. I started to take calcium and vitamins every day to speed any growth that was still left in me. I lost 30 pounds in 6 months, a great deal of which I have regained in muscle. I've tripled my bench press and doubled the strenght of my biceps. Now I really like working out whereas before I hated it. I've gotten to the point where I feel bad if I eat too much, and feel good if I get up from the table knowing that I could have eaten more, but chose not to.

So, just a couple weeks before my 18th birthday (oh boy!), I've grown about 1.75 inches to a height of 5'7'' (40th percentile, not bad), and I've done a little extra diet push and I look better now than I have in months. Lemme tell ya, if I can do it, anyone can. I used to love me some frozen pizza and chicken nuggets every night. Thank God that's stopped.

Now about the ladies. I've got some of the same problems you do, but since I've come to college I've realized that lots of us share the same problem. One of my good friends is perhaps the most attractive guy I know. But you know what he told me? "Rocky, I can't get girls because I don't know how to talk to them". See? Even the "beautiful people" aren't always happy. As for me, I'll agree with you that women can be intimidating sometimes. But I've realized that you can't please everyone. If I go for a girl and she doesn't like me, I've learned to realize it's not my fault. There are so many subconsious and instinctual reactions that nobody can plan for, I think it's all a matter of luck. But just the other night I went to haloween party at a club with some friends (all of whom I consider to be more attractive to women than me), and guess who got the most attention... yours truly. Afterwards all my friends were pretty jealous. I'm not lyin'.

So, cheer up and do what you can to improve your image and self esteem. I'll never be tall, you may never be skinny and buff, but perhaps you can get to where I am, which is average. Average isn't a bad place to be, and it will really boost your confidence.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

126. Rockymountaindem speaks words of wisdom

:thumbsup:

[Deja Q]

119. I'm 32 and never had sex with a woman.

I'm gay, but they all find me repulsive without needing to know that. :D

[buddhamama]

120. hello

i don't have any questions just wanted to to let you know that, you seem like a nice guy and eventually you'll meet a nice girl.

the shyness and how you view your weight has made you insecure and lacking self-confidence.

i am 5' and thin and i like men who are bigger. skinny guys don't do it for me. if you're funny and intelligent...i'm in love.

there are other woman out there like me. you have to open up enough for women to know you. once you do the rest will take care of itself.

good luck!

[Orangepeel]

121. whoops! double post

[Orangepeel]

122. how picky are you?

A lot of times, people of both genders will bemoan the fact that they can't get anyone interested in them when what they really mean is that they can't get anyone good enough interested in them.

But if that's not it, there are a lot of shy, overweight women who would be happy to date a shy, overweight man. The trick is to find one with whom you have an emotional connection and things in common.

You obviously are interested in politics. Why don't you go to party meetings? You'll meet friends of both genders and maybe something will develop.

[chaska]

127. Bottom line: DO SOMETHING.

Anything. Just change your present situation. You'll feel better about yourself if you take action to change things. From there, who knows, maybe it'll snowball.

I just got dumped by a girl a week ago. I've been feeling pretty lousy. I had to go to the DMV Friday, and while waiting this girl half my age comes and sits beside me and proceeds to hit on me.

I chose not to pursue it. I'm kicking myself now. She had a 4 year old son - obviously the girl is in the market for a father for her child. I had a very bad relationship with my stepfather so I don't date women with male children. I'm terrified of the prospect of putting some other kid through what I went through.

Stupid rule? Maybe. But maybe not for you. Think about it.

The point of this is that you've got to get out of your house.

[Blue_Tires]

128. agreed