If you are in your twenties and contemplating marriage/kids...

[UdoKier]

PUT IT OFF AS LONG AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!!!!!!!

I love my wife and kids more than anything, but at 35, I can't tell you how many nights I drink a bunch of beer wishing I was still 50 lbs thinner, 10 yrs. younger, could go to a sun club and just be spontaneous and free. It may seem empty or meaningless at times, but what a great time of life it is - make the most of it, because it's gone in an instant.

I remember when I thought I'd ALWAYS be 23...

Young'uns - party and screw your asses off - and don't let anyone tell you different!

[Spinzonner]

1. Well ...

Could it be that if you didn't drink a bunch of beer 'many nights' you might BE 50 pounds thinner, feel 10 years younger, and have a better attitude ?

Just askin ....

[UdoKier]

2. Spoken like someone in his 20s...

Being thinner and having a better attitude wouldn't make me any more free to get out.

Besides - the point is just to not be in a hurry to settle down. excellent advice, IMO.

I enjoy my life immensely. If you think there is any marrried person with kids who doesn't miss the absolute freedom and abandon of his twenties, you gotta be nuts.

But it's our life. Go ahead and get hitched and have a baby at 22 if you want! It's your non-life!

[Spinzonner]

4. But spoken by someone in his 50's who

doesn't drink beer at all, much less many nights.

You need to free your mind and there are many ways to do that.

The trivialities of youth are best left behind where they belong.

Abandon should be abandoned.

[UdoKier]

7. Trivialties?

I didn't know there was such a thing.

Every experience in life is valuable.

Young adulthood is the most fleeting of moments. Nothing wrong with urging people to make the most of it.

I'm sure there will be a time when I'm past all this. I'm glad I'm not yet. I'm looking forward to the kids being in college so I can act out my midlife crisis, pretend to be in my 20's and relive it all for a little while. I've earned it.


Would you advise anyone to get hitched and have kids as soon as possible? I sure as hell wouldn't.

[Spinzonner]

10. Nope

But neither would I advise someone to sit around pining for such a past and anesthetizing themselves with alcohol over it.

But it is your choice, of course, free advice being worth what it costs.

[mongo]

32. if you have your kids when you're in your 20's

you're still young enough to party with them when they grow up!

[teryang]

3. I have come to the opposite conclusion

If I had spent less time in my younger years focused on sex, drugs and rock n roll, my quality of life would be far better today.

If the resilience and energy of youth is spent wastefully, later in life you will suffer more than you can imagine at a younger age.

[UdoKier]

5. I know what you mean.

I wish I'd had the perfect balance of study, frugality and planning for the future.

But that's a lot to ask of a kid, eh?

In your 20's, everything seems like it's going to be a breeze, doesn't it?

I still say it's the time to partake of life's pleasures. I have two boys, 4 and 6. When they're in their teens, I'm going to try to impart the importance of:

a) study and hard work
b) making the most of youth and enjoying all the pleasures of that brief period
c) learning to skillfully balance the two.

[teryang]

8. Balance has always been a problem

...for me. If one perserveres in the substantial and important areas, this may be more important than "working harder" and enjoying life less.

But with downsizing, recessions, unemployment, and the other whipsaws of life, perserverance is difficult to maintain. Having children at a young age is a great challenge. The later the better, up to a point.

[UdoKier]

6. dupe.

self-delete

[GingerSnaps]

13. Amen

You got that right!

[REP]

9. I Completely Agree

I'm 39 and I don't have children and I never will, so my life will always be my own!

[SarahB]

11. In a way I agree (in a way I don't).

I was married at 19 and had my first baby at 20. My husband was almost 10 years older. He has no regrets. I do, but not because I needed to "party" more, but because I closed off so many options to myself and because I made these major life decisions before I feel like I was a complete, fully grown woman. A person changes a lot during their 20's, both in their views of life and how they view themselves. As far as the appearance thing, there's no reason to give up on that. I still take care of myself and look well as a result. We can all do that.

[BamaGirl]

12. Gawd, you couldn't pay me enough lol,

to go back to my single, childless early 20's :D. I'm loving my 30s. I feel better physically, mentally, emotionally than ever. I'm secure in who I am at 32, something I sure as hell wasn't at 23 lol.

[Kadie]

15. Good for you!

Wish I could stay the same. I know I will get there someday.

[Kadie]

14. I did wait and I am tired!

I am older than you, with a very young son. I am tired. I wish I was in my twenties sometimes just to keep up with him. LOL

The grass is always greener....

[helnwhls]

16. I feel sorry for your family

I do not feel one bit sorry for you.

[UdoKier]

19. How presumptuous to think you know me from one post.

I pity YOUR family for having such a self-righteous, judgmental person in its midst.

I don't take a beer-bath every night OR obsess on my lost youth all the time. But I am human and I do have feelings. The fact that I sacrifice every waking moment of every day for my family is a large part of why I sometimes feel something is missing. But you know it all and have got it all down pat. Congratulations. My kids don't go to school with bruises, emotional or otherwise, and I do my damndest to provide them with a decent life in a SUPER expensive city.

I guess in your little world, venting one's feelings from time to time is NOT a good thing.

If you're 20-something, may you marry and have twins within the next year, and here's hoping everybody you know blows off any feeling you ever have that's not 100% enthusiastic and constructive. I can't imagine someone who's ever raised kids being so sanctimonious about what can be a very trying part of life.

[helnwhls]

22. I did not say anything about knowing you.

You being a bit overly defensive.

[Nikia]

17. I don't think that would really have been better

I am an introverted type who likes people, especially those who I have chosen to be close to. For this reason, partying and casual sex aren't my type of activities. I prefer being married for satifying my regular sexual urges rather than having to try to pick up someone. My husband and I are in our 20's. We have chosen not to have children immediately like some of our friends, but we are fine being committed to each other.

[skygazer]

18. There are advantages though

I had my first child at 19. I am now 43, all my kids are grown and gone and I'm still young enough to enjoy my life. I have three grandkids who I can keep up with, I'm free to do as I please and I really love it.

Had I waited until I was in my 30's to have kids, I would still be caring for them and I wouldn't be free of them until I was in my 60's or so. Quite honestly, the things I do and enjoy now are ten times more fun than being able to go out and get slobbery drunk in a bar with my 20-something friends.

[UdoKier]

20. I didn't enjoy getting drunk in bars.

I did, however enjoy going dancing at clubs, sometimes with a mild buzz. I don't see anything wrong with that.

[skygazer]

23. Nor do I and I beg your pardon

I didn't mean that personally - I meant that when I was in my teens and twenties, going out getting sloppy drunk with my friends was what we did for fun. I do not presume to know what you like to do.

I understand too what you are saying in your OP. I guess we all see how things could have worked better or differently had we done things in another way or at another time. I did find that at a certain point in my children's childhoods I wondered if I'd had them too early. Not so much because I missed my freedom but because I sometimes felt that I didn't have the maturity level to deal correctly with them. I worried about screwing up.

Now, I'm at a stage in my life where I feel very good about how my life worked out. My kids are having productive lives of their own and I'm enjoying mine. Always easier to see backwards than forwards, I guess.

Peace. :hi:

[UdoKier]

24. I had/have the maturity...

I just wish I had had the money for sitters/maids/day care - My wife and I have done it all on our own, no family nearby to help, and I've done more than my fair share of housework and childrearing, since the wife is always consumed with her art projects or napping. (Not to bore you with my household situation) It's overwhelming to all of this and work full-time.

Now we have the 4-year old in preschool - FINALLY and the older one is in elementary, but that also means an hour of shuttling them to school in the moring for the wife, and an hour shuttling them back in the afternoon for me. I guess it's worth it since tthey are both in excellent Japanese/English bilingual schools here in SF. You can't even PAY to get that in most cities, but here we get if free/cheap.

Don't, worry, I didn't take that personally. Just wanted to clarify. The last thing I liked to do in my youth was sit around and drink.

Overall, I don't regret a thing. That road is what brought me here. I see nothing wrong with a little self-indulgent whining now and then...

[LoZoccolo]

21. I'm actually almost thirty and want my twenties back.

I spent a lot of time working and doing other things when I should have been partying. I'm pretending I'm ten years younger and think I am just going to do it over again. Anyone else try this?

[Kire]

28. me too

I'm 29 and I had a nervous breakdown when I was 21 and I haven't partied too much ever since. My 20's will always be remembered as a neurotic, scared time of my life. Here comes 30!

[meisje]

25. I'd never trade this guy for anything

[MUSTANG_2004]

27. My opinion as well

I had no idea how dull and unexciting my life was before our kids were born. Raising kids is by far the most interesting, challenging and rewarding job I have ever had.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

26. I'm married, have a kid, and am in my twenties.

I don't regret anything at all. I've never been the drinking/partying type. One of my best friends had a baby when she was 19. I would go and hang out with her and her young daughter on weekends while I was going to college, instead of drinking/parting with other college students. I think it is just a matter of personal preference.

[ismnotwasm]

29. Had both my kids by 20

I'm 44 and they're both grown. Do I wish I would have done it differently? Well for the kids sake you bet. I was not the wisest mother. Am I happy now? WHOOOHOOO! (AND, the last step daughter just turned 18)Don't party, but I do lots of other fun things. Now, I have my grandson while my oldest daughter is in Afghanistan, and I'm a much better grandparent than I ever was a parent, in my opinion. So, I understand the needing a babysitter bit. And I understand how you feel. Trust me, it gets better! (But do try to take a little bit better care of yourself so you can enjoy the comin' freedom!)

[Wat_Tyler]

30. Nah. I'm happy with my kids.

I didn't achieve much by going out and getting drunk or high. Sure, it was fun, and I occasionally get the opportunity to do it still, but it achieves nothing. I had my first kid at 24, and that's cool with me.
Of course, I got all that shit out of my system with some serious hedonism. Maybe you haven't got it out of yours yet? Seems reasonable.

[China_cat]

31. Raise goldfish instead

They're not quite as expensive, almost as hard to keep alive but if they give you shit you can legally flush them down the drain.