Jesus loves me...

[Dookus]

this I know. But it's become obsessive. I got a court order - the dude won't lay off.

So Jesus, if you're reading this, you must stay 50 yards away from me at all times. And this applies to the Holy Spirit, too. s/he's gotta back off.

[donheld]

1. Why are you afraid of Jesus

i hear he has a big one.

[Dookus]

2. I'm more than happy to deal with the dude...

but he's fucking stalking me. Everywhere I go, there's Jesus. He's just not all there - he insists I love him back and I just don't FEEL it, ya know?

Plus he's a Mama's boy. I hate that.

[donheld]

5. Damn

of all they Guy's who whould love to have jesus stalking them he chooses you. Jesus has Pat, Jerry, Jimmy, and James among others stalk Jesus and Jesus stalks you i don't get it.

[Dookus]

6. I'm way sexier

than Jerry, Jimmy, Pat, James, et. al.

Seriously. Jesus wants my ass.

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. And the worst is the lack of privacy - wherever two or more are gathered,

Jesus shows up and joins in.

It's like, "Hey, we could use a little alone time here, you know?"

[LiberalVoice]

3. I'll tell you why...

that whole water into wine thing seems prety cool at first...But he just won't lay off. I tired helping him through AA but you can't get help if you don't want it. :shrugs:

[Dookus]

4. Not only that...

but the whole fish thing is out of control. Yeah, I can do a little lox on Sundays and perhaps a little sushi on tuesday, maybe a bit of seared Ahi on Fridays. But damn, have you read the EPA reports on mercury in fish? Jesus is trying to kill me!

[Skittles]

7. HA HA, HA HA HA

you know Dookus, when the religious nutjobs here in Texas yak on about Jesus they DO make him sound like a stalker :o

[Dookus]

8. I'm off your ignore list?

Jesus will kick your ass for that :P

[Skittles]

9. no one is on my ignore list

I want to hear what EVERYONE has to say about this election. Can you believe that bastard Bush will be in DALLAS today? TEN YEARS I'VE PUT UP WITH HIM AND TODAY HE WILL PRACTICALLY BE IN MY BACK YARD. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

[Dookus]

10. yes

today will be a historically happy for all of us.


edit: Perhaps you cleared your list. But I was definitely on it - you told me I was.

[LiberalVoice]

11. here here

HE doesn't have a fuckin chance!

[ogradda]

16. i know how you feel

a few months ago he came to mcchord afb and spent the nite there...it's about 2 miles away from me. gave me the crawls...

[donheld]

12. Come on Love Jesus Dookus He is sexy

[Dookus]

13. this is the problem...

I tricked with him once. He thought it was more meaningful than I did. A lot more. It's fucking creepy.

Jesus: seriously... back off. You're a good guy and I know you'll find somebody to love you - hell, you have your choice of millions - but I'm just not interested.

[rot0r_head]

17. Oh no! The Temple of Black Jesus has disbanded!

http://www.templeofblackjesus.com/

This is a dark...err white day for Christianity.

[arwalden]

14. My Mother Tells Me...

... that when I was a child, I would sing the song like this:

Jesus loves me
This a know
For the MARBLE
Tells me so

[Biased Liberal Media]

15. Marble?? ROFLMAO!!!! I like that. When I was a kid

During the pledge, I used to say "United Steaks of America". LOL.