I'm Ralph Klein - Ask me anything!!!!!!!!

[Fenris]

[Wat_Tyler]

1. Are you still drunk?

[Fenris]

2. That implies that at some point I was sober.

I was born inebriated.

[Wat_Tyler]

3. Do you whore for big business, crazy socons and oil companies?

[Fenris]

5. All three. And don't forget former South American dictators.

Are you a conglomerate, socon, oil company, or deposed dictator? Because if you are, I need some money.

[Wat_Tyler]

9. Yes! I'm General Galtieri, former dictator of Argentina!

I'm all four! Help me release the millions of dollars I have in a bank account in Buenos Aires. I need only a very small deposit of $35,000.

[Fenris]

10. You know, I helped out a lovely Nigerian fellow in your shoes last week!

$35,000 you say? I'm sure there is some social service I can pull that out of. Can you take a personal check?

[Wat_Tyler]

11. Yes!

(subject to a 1500% processing fee, of course)

[Fenris]

14. Well, I'm sure the health services won't mind footing the bill.

Let's round up to an even $50,000.

[Wat_Tyler]

15. DO NOT FORGET PROCESSING FEE!

[Fenris]

16. Oh, of course not.

Whom should I make the check out to?

[Wat_Tyler]

17. Karl Rove Retirement Fund.

1212 Heroes of the Glorious Revolution Boulevard
Tirana, Albania
F54 G39

[Fenris]

18. The check is in the mail.

Let's not mention this to my constituency.

[Wat_Tyler]

19. The genteel voters of Calgary-Elbow need never know.

[Fenris]

20. Well, since they don't seem to want to get rid of me...

It probably wouldn't be much of an issue.:evilgrin:

[sharp_stick]

4. Ralph, long time no see

Blown up any hospitals lately?

[Fenris]

6. Not in the last 3 minutes.

[XNASA]

7. Back Bacon or Donuts?

Which do you prefer?

[Fenris]

12. Only one of those requires the killing of an animal.

Clearly, my choice is back bacon. I drizzle mine in sow's blood.

[BUSHOUT]

8. Are you still an ignorant POS taking credit for oil revenues that you

won't share with the rest of the provinces?

Do everyone a favor, build a firewall around yourself and light a fire!

[Fenris]

13. The one and only!

[Hand]

21. Would you be so kind as to STOP BREATHING FOREVER!?!?!?!

Really--everybody would appreciate it.

[Fenris]

22. But if I stop breathing, I'll die!

:o

[Hand]

29. Um, yes... that was the idea. Could you make it soon, please?

And thank you so very much--this would be a wonderful gesture on your part.

[eataTREE]

23. Will you be bribing the electorate in this election, too?

This time, we want you to pony up your OWN CASH!

(I don't live in Alberta, or even Canada anymore. But I still hate Ralph. I swear , he and * were separated at birth.)

[Fenris]

24. Never! Never!

I'm impoverished!

[Not a robought]

25. What's your favourite flavour of pie that's been thrown at you? n/t

[Fenris]

27. I'm partial to banana cream.

[edbermac]

26. Your brother Calvin makes nice underwear...

[Fenris]

28. He owes me money.

All of you do.

[u4ic]

30. what gets you off more?

Disabled women? (wheelchairs are sooooo sexy!)

Charitable work such as visiting homeless shelters?

Acting? (*sniff sniff* "oh Juliet, I have a drinking problem")

Foreign businessmen? (tall, dark, handsome and $$$$$'d to the gills)

[Fenris]

31. Disabled HOMELESS women.