Sunday Night Sacrilege in the Grotto!

[short bus president]

Everybody please sniff out a pew for yourself. We'll begin with a Sermon on Mounting, followed by some pokin' in the pulpit, and maybe finish off with a baptism or two - anyone got anything they feel a strong urge to get wet? :evilgrin:

And oh, yeah - we're being holy here - cover's waived. Tithing is welcome, as always. ;-)

[HawkerHurricane]

1. One man's sacrilege

is another man's belly laugh. - Spider Robinson.

[short bus president]

2. Nice to see you here, Hawker!

I know I can't interest you in a tasty tropical beverage served up in a hollowed out pineapple, but just snap twice if you wish any service at all from the cabana girls. They're discrete, every one. You want indiscrete, you have to wait for Velma to show up. ;-)

Welcome, Sir, and enjoy.

[cherryperry]

3. Oh, really, darling? You want indiscreet?

I've been sniffing and I prefer the way your aroma has aroused me.

I'll pass on the sermon and just wait for the mounting, thank you.

No baptism, either, but I do have a very strong urge to get wet.

You wanna get holy? Well, I've just waived my cover, so come on over, said the spider to the fly!

[short bus president]

5. well now,

no need to bite my head off, spiderlady.

Slide on into the soothing baptismal waters, my dear - I've even reserved you a spot over here with me by the jacuzzi jets. Pardon them if they happen to blow up and spit atcha some. ;-)

[cherryperry]

11. well, now, yourself!

it depends on which head, silly!

Oh, I feel so good and protected next to you in the jacuzzi...but, I'm done feeling protected...keep them jets blowing, if you know what I mean...

[short bus president]

14. yes, I special ordered the

"magic fingers" jacuzzi system for this pool. Hope you enjoy. Unfortunately, if ya want bubbles, someone's gonna hafta blow those on their own. <raising_hand> I can hold my breath for a good long while. :evilgrin:

[leftist_rebel1569]

4. ooh, ooh, ooh!...do the baptisms

come with cabana girls scrubbing you down with sponges? :D

[short bus president]

*snap* *snap*

"Spongebath for the spongebob watcher, here!" Keep trying, young buck. Some lady around here's bound to find you spongeworthy one of these days. ;-)

[cherryperry]

9. yuck!!!

maybe you will, but I never come with any girls; how about joining short bus and me in the jacuzzi; just until I get drunk enough to fulfill my fantasy of my idea of a 3-some. Come on, little boy, I won't bite...well, maybe just a nibble...:toast: !

[short bus president]

12. that IS a mightily suggestive

toast you've got going on, there...

But let me tell you up front that Leftist Rebel is only allowed in the adult swim because he's cool - he's jailbait all the way. ;-)

[cherryperry]

18. Oh, well,

quick at me before Velma attempts to join us and a catfight ensues!


BTW, did you notice I changed my avatar just for your Grotto?

[short bus president]

20. I did

and it's mightily suggestive, as well. Now erm... is there any truth to this vicious rumor about Jewish girls and those sorta things? ;-)

[cherryperry]

25. Why whatever do you mean?

enjoying kissing? yes

to what other vicious rumors do you refer? why don't you lean over and whisper your answer in my ear...and don't forget to use tongue, ok?

[short bus president]

29. surely!

but please do tell me in advance whether any nibbling will be acceptable? I tend to get carried away with ears. And, well, pretty much everything else, too. :P

[cherryperry]

30. Nibbling is not only acceptable,

it is mandatory (oooh, I love the first part of that word: man).

first please let me know about these vicious rumors to which you referred and then ravish me, it's okay if you want to START with ears, however, perhaps I'll start there ... and, perhaps I'll begin a little lower

I'm waiting, darlin'



(edited for spelling, always get slippery fingers when I'm glowing - you do know we never sweat, we glow - not edited for content)

[short bus president]

34. sounds like you may

have the vicious rumor squelched. I didn't figure for a second you'd swallow THAT kind of nonsense. ;-)

So with the nibbling... er... you'll yelp or something if I get carried away? Hard to exercise much restraint when there's a glowing lady nearby. And speaking of restraints...

[cherryperry]

36. swallow? those rumors? why,

whatever you prefer, my darling...

I don't yelp, I moan, but if you're concerned, you could put something over my mouth or in my mouth or perhaps do something else restraint-wise; I'm game as long as it's not tooooooooo scary :evilgrin: !

[short bus president]

39. well hon,

the scary is part of the fun. As long as there are no serious injuries, and no outside-the-clothing-visible marks in the morning, I'm sure we can play together just fine.

By the way, what's your feeling on candle wax? We may be getting a hurricane through here towards the end of the week, and tomorrow I have to stock up on candles and other emergency supplies...

:evilgrin:

[cherryperry]

43. My feeling on candles

or their wax has always been quite satisfying.

I guess I will trust you...as long as there's no outside-the-clothing-visible marks tomorrow.

Let's get busy; no one else is here anyway, right?

[short bus president]

44. just the kids

and they're spongebathing each other, so they won't notice. But don't you think maybe we should head for another area? The candles and the pool don't play nearly as well together as we do. I promise I'll bring along something warm, soft and soothing to ease any momentary discomforts you may experience. ;-)

[cherryperry]

45. I wish this site had private chat rooms, but

since they don't, we can always finish on Messenger...you've played host long enough...let's "talk" on Messenger again...

[cherryperry]

46. edited because this somehow posted twice:

could I possibly be that aroused? hmmmmmmmmm

[cherryperry]

47. I see it's getting 'round midnight (ahem)

so, I'm done with DU; I'll be on-line, however, for a bit longer, if you want to jump on...Messenger, I mean, of course...

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

6. *snap snap*

Where's my cabana boy? A massage is welcome. I could use one tonight. It's been a rough day.

[short bus president]

7. yus, and

<retch> school tomorrow. Quick massage from the cabana boy of yer choice, then off to bed for you! Must have rest before brainwashing!

[leftist_rebel1569]

8. i'll massage your back...

why bother with them when you can settle for better? :)

[short bus president]

10. yay!

the young buck finally GETS IT!

And now for something entirely more threatening... keep yer hands out of trouble and BE GOOD to Maggie, or I'll kick yer ass and have Velma salt the wounds.

Carry on, please. ;-)

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

13. why thank you

I will take you up on that offer... are you any good?

[cherryperry]

15. oops!

sorry; didn't know you were gay, dear - enjoy!

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

16. I'm not

I'm a girl. He's a guy. LOL

[cherryperry]

28. oops!

I jumped to that conclusion because you responded when he asked for a cabana boy rather than the cabana girls - understand?

[leftist_rebel1569]

19. oh, yes I am

believe me...you'll be pretty damn happy when i'm done...:)

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

21. I'll bet I will be

;-) start massaging...

[leftist_rebel1569]

23. (massages)

now, how much do you want me to massage? ;-)

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

24. as much as you want...

really, i won't stop you. ;-)

[leftist_rebel1569]

26. ooooh!

looks like SOMEONE will be feeling good ALL over, if you know what i'm sayin...:D

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

27. mmm

that sounds realllly good. ;-)

[leftist_rebel1569]

31. oh, it'll sound MORE than good

when i'm done! ;-)

(finishes massaging)

so, what should I do now? :evilgrin:

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

33. oh i think

a little hot tub is in order right about now, wouldn't you say?

[leftist_rebel1569]

37. I agree...

speaking of, I am...kinda...in the mood for a say, sponge bath? :)

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

38. oh really?

Well I was going to go to bed, but if you ask me nicely maybe I'll stay up and help you out...

[leftist_rebel1569]

40. okay...

can you please give me a sponge bath? :)

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

41. Well

ok... since you gave me the massage it's only fair... come here... ;)

[leftist_rebel1569]

42. yay!

sponge time! :D

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

49. maybe tomorrow

we can do some more studying with sponges. right now i'm sleepy. good night ;-)

[leftist_rebel1569]

51. good night!

just keep in mind, i'm looking forward to our next little study session...;-)

[TrogL]

17. Oww EEE Oww EEEE Owww OOOH OWWW EEEEE Ohh OOOOH

Sunburn hurts!!!!

;(;(;(;(;(;(;(;(

[short bus president]

22. *snap* *snap*

"Servers! tub of aloe for the red, ouchie gentleman! STAT!"

[TrogL]

48. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

much better, thank you.

Don't'ja wanna know how I managed to get sunburned there?

[short bus president]

50. er...

magnifying glass, and too much time on yer hands?

:P

[TrogL]

52. No, this!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=192855

[Best_man23]

32. *snap, snap*

A bourbon neat, and make sure its the good stuff, not that cheap crap that Dubya and the Freepers drink.

[short bus president]

35. top shelp, top shelf

or, if you snap nicely, you can get some of the management special - distilled onsite, and <choke> smoooooooth.

[Aristus]

53. Coffee and doughnuts now being served in the Grotto!

Hmm. Strange. A pair of Jockey for Girls tighty-whiteys and a training bra. Boxer-briefs and a Superman undershirt. Aha! Leftist Rebel and LeftPeopleFinishFirst were here last night! Somebody needs to chaperone those young'uns.

Hey everybody! It's your old pal Aristus; ready to offer celibate, Platonic good mornings to everyone!

:donut: :donut:

[VelmaD]

54. What did those kids get up to...

while I was at the Will Pitt meetup last night? Sheesh, I can't turn my back for a second.

It was a late night and I'm in desperate need of sugar so slide a whole freakin' box of them chocolate sprinkle donuts this way honey.

*blinks blearily trying to only see ONE of Aristus*

DV

[Aristus]

55. Only one, huh?

Don't you know, the more of me, the better? ;-)

Here you go, sweetie.

:donut: :donut: :donut: :donut: :donut: :donut: :donut: :donut: :donut: :donut: :donut: :donut:

A whole dozen for ya.

[VelmaD]

56. Yup...good thing more of you...

isn't fattening like a whole dozen donuts.

Oh well, I suppose I'll have to get some "exercise" to work 'em off later. ;-)

DV

[Aristus]

57. Naughty, naughty.

But fun, fun, fun if sbp shows up. So, how was the meet-up? What all went on?

[VelmaD]

58. Not just short bus...

I'm thinking the whole fan club may be required to work off the calories involved. Mmm...lovely happy naughty thought.

The meetup was loads of fun. Will is a hell of a guy. The Texas DUers are always fun and Will is a laugh riot. We talked and drank and laughed and had a great time. Stayed up way too late on a "school" night though.

*enormous yawn before snuggling under a blankie and starting in on those donuts*


Oh, and *quick smooch on cheek for bringing me goodies*

[Aristus]

59. I'm a fervent member of your fan club,Vel.

But I'll have to sit this one out. Thanks for the smooch.

I read Will's first book and am hoping for an opportunity to read the second. If my wife sees it around the house, it'll be a lecture for me about "propaganda". Oh well.

[VelmaD]

60. It's ok honey...

you can take pictures or write an eye-witness account for the fan club newsletter. ;-)

A lecture on propoganda huh? Blah. Just hide it in your sock drawer with the porn. :evilgrin:

[Aristus]

61. Porn?

I don't even have that. My wife would divorce me in a heartbeat. S'Okay, our sex life is pretty good. Except last night. :( We just weren't clickin' for some reason.

[VelmaD]

62. NO PORN?!?!?!

Eep. Porn Rocks! Porn is proof there is a benevolent supreme being and that it loves us. Porn is like oxygen.

Well, ok, maybe not. But porn is pretty kewl. :-)

Sorry to hear about the lack of superior nookie last night. Everyone has an off night though. You just gotta get back up on that horse cowboy. ;-)

[Aristus]

65. Yeah, well,

I was a Playboy aficianado when I was a bachelor. Beautiful photography. I even occasionally read the articles ;-)

[VelmaD]

67. That's what they all say.

I am willing to lay whatever odds you like that you can't tell me what any of those articles were about. :-)

[Aristus]

69. Sure I can.

What women REALLY want in bed; Where to get the best stereo equipment, and what to get; tips on choosing wines and whiskeys; advice on car purchasing and maintenance.

But the photography was the best part. I'm always up front about that. :D

[VelmaD]

71. Yup, it's all about...

the play of light and shadow and the high artistic quality of the photos. Sure. ;-)

[Aristus]

75. I had my picture taken with a Playmate once.

She came with a Playboy promotional tour to Ft. Knox, where I was stationed at the time. Couple of months later, her husband was shot to death. Guess I'm bad luck to Playmates.

[VelmaD]

76. But that's not...

a representative sample. You need to meet more Playmates to have better statistical validity for your conclusion.

Trust me...this is what I do for a living.

[Aristus]

77. I was thinking that very thing right before I clicked 'Post'.

Still, it was very weird. I remember meeting her. She was tired and worn out from a day of touring and posing with sex-mad G.I.'s. I felt a little sorry for her. And these muscle-bound goons from Playboy made you buy a calendar before you could even say 'hi' to her.

[VelmaD]

80. Poor girl

Sounds dreadful and not at all sexy after a while.

Good on you for realizing she was a human being who had had a rough day. :-)

[Aristus]

83. That's sweet, Vel.

But bad on me for still admiring her centerfold afterwards. See? I'm not such a great guy.

More doughnuts?

:donut:

[VelmaD]

84. You are so cute.

And modest too. I'm so glad we hired you. Oh wait...we didn't, you just wandered in and took care of us all one morning and now the place wouldn't be the same without ya. *smooches*

*discreet lady-like burp*

No more donuts for me thank you. I think it may be time to start working 'em off. You round up my boys and I'll go see if the staff has put everything back where it belongs in teh Dungeon. Send Ingamr that direction if you see him. I'm in the mood for an Ingmar today. :evilgrin:

[Aristus]

85. *clap-clap* Ingmar! At once!

A Grotto denizen, lovely to look at, coming and going, requires your services! No, no, don't flex for ME! For HER! Hop to it, now. She's special to me. Do your utmost! Tack, Ingmar.

[VelmaD]

88. You take such good care of me

Especially in the mornings when I'm not my usual, awake and ass-kicking self. *sigh* The staff know I'm not a morning person and they are shameless in their attempts to take advantage.

You especially gotta keep that Ingmar in line. What a little slut? And I think he kinda "like" likes you too the naughty boy. Too bad that isn't your thing. ;-)

[Aristus]

89. The Swedes, both genders, are a beautiful people.

Doesn't tempt me to switch sides, however. And I try to take care of all my good friends. ;-) You are so wonderful and understanding.

[VelmaD]

91. Ya know...those are the 1st two words...

most people use to describe me...wonderful and understanding. ;-)

If you believe that I've got this bridge I'd like to sell you. It's on some swamp landin Florida. :evilgrin:

I guess if the Swedes can't get you to switch teams, at least for an afternoon ;-), then it may just be a lost cause.

[WoodrowFan]

86. articles

They published a really good history of Assassination in America in the 1970s. Gawd, I was such a history geek even as a teen that I read the articles!! Plus the Shel Silverstein poems and the Gahan (sp) Wilson cartoons......

[Aristus]

87. They printed a short story by Art Buchwald once.

I laughed my ass off!

[TrogL]

63. *cough* *splutter* *cough* *hack* *splursh*

Before you put the cover on the hot tub, make sure nobody has fallen asleep in it. I coulda drowned.

[VelmaD]

64. We are so sorry sweetie.

Here. Come huddle under this blankie with me and have a donut. I promise to keep my hands to myself (unless you say otherwise). You can consider it a purely therapeutic cuddle. :-)

DV

[TrogL]

90. otherwise

:evilgrin:

[Aristus]

66. Sorry, trog, ole buddy.

Let me get you some hot coffee to make up for it. :donut: And here's some doughnuts to replenish the stash that Velma sucked up.

[WoodrowFan]

68. WICKEDNESS!!

SHAME SHAME!! I am shocked at all of you!! underwear everywhere, empty bottles of astroglide, i about near broke my neck slipping
n on a puddle of, what WAS that a puddle of anyway?? Empty wine bottles, some horse left tied to the post with a Trojan hat on, piles of soiled towels!! Old porn tapes left lying around (humm, Lesbian Asian Cheerleaders Part 3, we haven't seen it yet) WICKEDNESS!! WICKEDNESS!!!!!

:spank:

[Aristus]

70. Uh-oh, Vel.

Look who brought a paddle with him!

[VelmaD]

72. Somebody must have told him...

how to get on the Grotto manager's good side. ;-)

[VelmaD]

74. We're wicked awful and naughty

We'll have to be punished. Bring that paddle on over here. :evilgrin:

*bends over and grabs ankles* ;-)

[short bus president]

79. porn tape?

"BACKDOOR SLUTS NINE?!?"

;-)

[VelmaD]

82. Silly boy...

we accidentally taped over that the night in the Dungeon with the car battery and the bungee cords and the rubber spatula and the fat-free Cool Whip. Remember, you cried the next morning when you found out. ;-)

[WoodrowFan]

92. forget it

It was nothing like the book! vastly inferior to #8.

[Blue_Chill]

73. I was wondering when

the let's make fun of religion just for the fun of it posts would return.....

[VelmaD]

78. Yes...we have been wicked.

Perhaps I should say a Hail Mary or two then go fondle a choirboy. Would that be ok?

Seriously, this was not posted as an attempt to make fun of religion for the hell of it. It's supposed to be funny and it looks like the vast majority of people got that.

Look, this is the Grotto. We come in here to get away from the prudish and sensitive. If you wanta have a little fun and engage in a little public indecency then feel free to stay. If you want to get your panties in a wad and pick a fight go somewhere else. If you get off on getting het up about religion go somewhere else.

*waves hands..."these are not the droids you're looking for"*

The Management

[Blue_Chill]

81. Whatever chica

believe whatever gets you to sleep at night.