CANADA REPORTS HUGE JUMP IN IMMIGRATION

[pagerbear]

CANADA REPORTS HUGE JUMP IN IMMIGRATION

Over 55,000,000 Requests for Citizenship Since Tuesday Night

Canadian immigration officials have reported a huge increase in the number of requests for Canadian citizenship in the past twenty-four hours, with over fifty-five million such inquiries pouring in since late Tuesday night.

Of those fifty-five million requests, well over 99.99% of them came from U.S. citizens, the lion's share residing in such states as New York, California, Massachusetts, Oregon, Washington, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Vermont, Maine, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, and the District of Columbia.

Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Pierre Pettigrew said that he was "flabbergasted" by the fifty-five-million-plus requests for Canadian citizenship, adding that it was difficult to pinpoint the precise reasons for the staggering increase.

"My only theory is that after many years of exposure in the U.S., hockey is finally starting to catch on," Mr. Pettigrew said.

He cautioned, however, that it is impossible to know exactly what is sparking the sudden interest in America's frozen neighbor to the north: "People answering our immigration hotline say that it is hard to understand many of the American callers because they are sobbing uncontrollably."

In other news, President Bush used his acceptance speech Wednesday to reach out to supporters of Sen. John Kerry, telling them, "You can run, but you can't hide."

Meanwhile, in his first statement since being voted out of office Tuesday night, Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle said, "Do you want fries with that?"

Elsewhere, experts said that exit polls may have falsely predicted a Kerry victory because Kerry voters exited while Bush voters stayed behind and voted again.

[Worst Username Ever]

1. Funny!

[Bjornsdotter]

2. Hey! What about Illinois?? n/t

[bif]

5. Where's Michigan!

[Mr_Spock]

3. :D

funny

[terrya]

4. Hey, there's only 4 million in Toronto....

there's room. :-)

Good one, pager. Thanks.

[Coyote_Bandit]

6. Red State Liberals

want out really, really bad. From the Armpit of the Bible Belt I promise you that is absolutely true.

Help! I'm going crazy here.....

:crazy:

[Mr_Spock]

7. I hear they're gonna rename Canada!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Calico Jack Rackham]

10. JESUSLAND!!!!!

Now thats some funny shit!!

[kick-ass-bob]

11. Jesusland would have a fit!!

The 3 biggest cities??

Of course, then they could make Houston the nation's capital...

[shraby]

8. Link?

[kick-ass-bob]

9. HAHAHAHAHA!

"My only theory is that after many years of exposure in the U.S., hockey is finally starting to catch on," Mr. Pettigrew said.

Priceless!
:7