We're forming a new country: American Coastopia

[villager]

I'd replace the hazlenut lattes, but otherwise, I'm in!



> Subject: we're forming a new country!
> Date: Thu, 4 Nov 2004 09:52:37 -0800
>
> >
> > American Coastopia!
> > 11/2/04
> >
Ladies and gentlemen, you needn't fret anymore. We have decided that we can't live in the United States anymore, because so many of you in the "heartland" are so full of shit. We were all going to move to various other countries, but then we thought - why should WE move?
> >
We are tired of rednecks in Oklahoma picking the leader who will determine if it is safe for us to cross the Brooklyn Bridge. We are sick of homophobic knuckle-draggers in Wyoming contributing to the national debate on our gay marriages. So we have done the only thing we could.
> >
We seceded.
> >
May I present to you: AMERICAN COASTOPIA.
> >
That's right, American Coastopia. The states of Washington, Oregon And California are joining us on one coast,and we will provide all of New England. In the middle of the country, we have taken Iowa and Illinois, mostly because we need the fine produce of Iowa's soil,
and the museums in Chicago are fabulous.
> >
What's with the other dots? Oh yes, we're taking Chapel Hill and Durham, North Carolina too. I'm not going to
live in a country without the Tar Heels. (And Duke? You're being moved to Greensboro,just like Wake Forest was. Sorry! Assholes.)
> >
The other dot is New Orleans, which you don't
> deserve. American Coastopia needs a place to gamble, and thelocals want nothing to do with you.
> >
Sure, you can visit, but it isn't part of your
country anymore.
> >
I can sense your worry. Who will get all the
> banks? You can fucking have most of them, because we're taking downtown and midtown Manhattan back, turning the whole thing into a giant artist colony replete with movie studios and progressive think
> tanks. Wall Street and other financial institutions will be relocated to Charlotte, which we believe will suit your needs better. Frankly, the good folks
> > in Manhattan are sick of being a terrorist target for your benefit.
> >
A word about our politics. Abortions will be
> safe and legal in American Coastopia, and homosexual men and women will be free to marry at their discretion. We will have our own currency, and trade
with any countries we want. Everyone will have
> health care. Homelessness and unemployment will be
> > virtuallyunknown. We believe in a meritocracy and a
> huge chasm between church and state. 100% of our cars will be hybrid by 2006.
> >
Yes, we're taking all the people that ever created everything beautiful. Yes, we're taking all the funny
> people too. All the sculptors, architects, surgeons,
> philosophers, violinists and fishermen.You should have treated them better when you had them.
> >
We have no pledge of allegiance, but I can say
> this: I am no longer From your United States of America. I belong to American Coastopia,the United States of My Friends, the Nation of Two: my wife and
> > I. We hold our noses as we fly over you. We are
> sickened by the way you treat people that are different from you. The rest of the world despises
> > America,and we don't want to be lumped in with you
> anymore.
> >
Please, all of you who went to bed last night
> sick with worry, come to us. In American Coastopia, the light is always on, the hazelnutlattés are always hot, and we have a trundle bed for each and everyone of you.
>

[Abelman]

1. Bring Michigan with you!

My homeland can't be cut out of the goodness, even if it has misguided folk!

[loveable liberal]

23. NEWSFLASH "MINNESOTA, WISCONSIN AND MICHIGAN ANNEXED"

AP wire
dateline November 5, 2004

Canada, in an effort to save thinking people of the United states, has annexed Minnesota, Wisconsin and Michigan. The new Canadian province will be called Minnesconsigan. Minnesconsigan is the Ojibway word for 'land of cheesy lake iron'.

When asked to comment President Bush was quoted as saying, "what?".

This following the cecession of the West coast and northeastern states into a new nation dubbed The Separated States of America.

The European Union was quick to recognize the new nation and offered economic and military aid.

Olaf Gustafson, a resident of Bemiji Mn. offered his new Canadian government some green bean hot dish. When asked if he approved the annexation he stated, "ya youbetcha".

[ScreamingMeemie]

27. Yaaaay! Canada!!!!

:hi:

[SoCalDem]

28. "When asked to comment President Bush was quoted as saying"

That sounds like one a them frenchy names..

[loveable liberal]

31. i like the french, but it's not french. its a Native word.

[UCLA Dem]

2. they like to bitch about us Californians.but they would be lost without us

[freetobegay]

3. What about the Conch Republic?

[villager]

7. that's a pretty good name...

Let's bring it up at the new constitutional convention!

[freetobegay]

8. The citizens of Key West have already filed for this

They don't want to be part of Florida anymore!

[Goathead]

9. Key west

and New Orleans will be within our sphere of influence

[villager]

11. Coastopia will make...

...a friendly alliance!

[GirlinContempt]

4. Map it

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

12. Jesusland... hehe

That's funny.

[Crunchy Frog]

5. Can Boulder Colorado be one of your dots? n/t

[gennifer6]

6. Take Cleveland, too! Cuyahoga County went Kerry 66%

[realisticphish]

24. and columbus

we voted kerry too, though not by as much; but thats because of those upper arlington fuckers...take the short north and the OSU campus (2-1 kerry)


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[Bill McBlueState]

42. great lakes

It's really the Great Lakes region that's blue, not so much one state or another. So Northern Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois should join up and let the rest become part of Kentucky or something.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

10. Minnesota is a blue state and a farming state.

It should be on the list too.

[smirkymonkey]

13. What a wonderful dream!

if only...

[Goathead]

14. Now that we have a country let's adopt a foreign policy

I say we invade the Dakotas! The Bush doctrine IS a viable foreign policy model, is it not?

[villager]

16. hell yes!

it'd be preemptive!

[Maple]

15. Map

[Goathead]

17. Kinda looks like our old country, a little bit

LOL! Except our penis is bigger now. YEAH!

[ND_Democrat]

19. We definately need Cleveland

Otherwise we'd lose the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame

[VelmaD]

33. Uh...that red star over Austin...

better mean it's a free city inside the belly of the beast. We went for Kerry here BIG TIME. We could be like Berlin and y'all could airlift in supplies. :)

[Midnight Rambler]

35. Oh Austin BETTER be a free city...

Otherwise there really is no point to living, is there?

[strategery blunder]

37. I would like to propose two annexations...

1) The city of St. Louis...it went 81% for Kerry. (Not the burbs though)

2) Cuyahoga and Lucas counties in OH. If you wanted to make it contiguous, you could annex everything within 30 miles of Lake Erie.

[Quetzal]

18. Good God

Don't forget Hawaii!!! You'll need a place to get away from all the cold!!!

[Goathead]

20. Aloha Quetzal!

Howzit brudda?

[Quetzal]

21. Ho brudda

Howz it goin' buu?

Brah, I stay da bomb right now :P

[AndyTiedye]

22. Dya Think They'd Let us in the EU?

[ze_dscherman]

26. Along with Turkey!

Better start to fill out the application soon.

[villager]

30. you mean "Old Europe?"

yeah...! That brings up the "currency question" for our new country...

[Zuni]

25. Maryland, DC and Northern VA as well

solid blue. Southern VA is in the dark side (Falwell's hometown is there)

[The Flaming Red Head]

29. I'm on the web-coast. Can I join? nt

[NewJeffCT]

32. a few more things

We should take north Jersey, eastern PA and southeastern NY, too.

Abortion will be safe, legal and extremely rare.

Taxation will be progressive, as the wealthier you are, the more you use our infrastructure.

And, not only will our cars be hybrid, but our scientists will get to work on alternative fuels & green technology.

All of of elementary, middle & high schools are public & of high quality. High school dropouts are rare. All schools will teach our children to be at least bi-lingual.

Our colleges in the Ivy League, combined with MIT, Stanford and other top West Coast schools will remain the envy of the world.

[villager]

34. yes, and the public schools....

...allow a lot of flex/time parttime teachers -- adults, parents from the community -- to augment the work of the "main" teachers...and keep the schools a thriving part of the their local communities...

[IronLionZion]

39. oh hell yes!

but only if you take Western PA too! I mean come on, there are tons of Dems here! The Republicans just tend to be louder but they'll move to Jesusland.

[Elidor]

36. It's beautiful. It makes me want to cry

I do believe I seriously want out of this country.

[IronLionZion]

38. Please allow PA too!

we went hard core for Kerry and we have Dems in our top state offices

[NJCher]

40. edited for geography--I took the liberty

OK, I took the <> out, scanned the above posts for geographic areas to be included and edited the piece just a bit. Here, for your forwarding pleasure is a revision:

Subject: We're forming a new country!
Date: Thu, 4 Nov 2004 09:52:37-0800
Re: American Coastopia!


Ladies and gentlemen, you needn't fret anymore. We have decided that we can't live in the United States anymore, because so many of you in the "heartland" are so full of shit. We were all going to move to various other countries, but then we thought - why should WE move?

We are tired of rednecks in Oklahoma picking the leader who will determine if it is safe for us to cross the Brooklyn Bridge. We are sick of homophobic knuckle-draggers in Wyoming contributing to the national debate on our gay marriages. So we have done the only thing we could.

We seceded.

May I present to you: AMERICAN COASTOPIA.

That's right, American Coastopia. The states of Washington, Oregon And California are joining us on one coast (Hawaii, too), and we will include all of New England, NJ, part of NY and eastern PA, Maryland, D.C., and northern VA. . In the middle of the country, we have taken Michigan, Wisconsin, and Minnesota and anything else 30 miles of Lake Erie. And of course, Iowa and Illinois, mostly because we need the fine produce of Iowa's soil, the fabulous museums of Chicago, not to mention their fine Democratic tradition.

What's with the other dots? Key West. Cleveland, Columbus and Boulder, Austin, St. Louis and .

Oh yes, we're taking Chapel Hill and Durham, North Carolina too. I'm not going to live in a country without the Tar Heels. (And Duke? You're being moved to Greensboro,just like Wake Forest was. Sorry! Assholes.)

The other dot is New Orleans, which you don't deserve. American Coastopia needs a place to gamble, and the locals want nothing to do with you.

Sure, you can visit, but it isn't part of your country anymore.

I can sense your worry. Who will get all the banks? You can fucking have most of them, because we're taking downtown and midtown Manhattan back, turning the whole thing into a giant artist colony replete with movie studios and progressive think tanks. Wall Street and other financial institutions will be relocated to Charlotte, which we believe will suit your needs better. Frankly, the good folks in Manhattan are sick of being a terrorist target for your benefit.

A word about our politics. Abortions will be safe and legal in American Coastopia, and homosexual men and women will be free to marry at their discretion. We will have our own currency, and trade with any countries we want. Everyone will have
health care. Homelessness and unemployment will be virtually unknown. We believe in a meritocracy and a huge chasm between church and state. One hundred per cent of our cars will be hybrid by 2006.

Yes, we're taking all the people that ever created everything beautiful. Yes, we're taking all the funny people too. All the sculptors, architects, surgeons, philosophers, violinists, teachers and fishermen.You should have treated them better when you had them.

We have no pledge of allegiance, but I can say this: I am no longer from your United States of America. I belong to American Coastopia!

As for the United States, we hold our noses as we fly over you. We are sickened by the way you treat people that are different from you. The rest of the world despises America, and we don't want to be lumped in with you anymore.

Please, all of you who went to bed last night sick with worry, come to us. In American Coastopia, the light is always on, the hazelnut lattés are always hot, and we have a trundle bed for each and everyone of you.


Cher

[FizzFuzz]

41. I wanna live there! YayYayYay!!

Let's DO IT!!!!!!!

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