jukes is due for a change

[jukes]

my "marriage" is destroyed. we've tried the room-mate route; separate bedrooms & avoiding each other for the past five years.

it isn't working. it's devolved to involuntary-servitude from me, & no woman will date me because i'm "attached", even though i'm pretty & well-fit for my age. not hoping for "love", but not afraid of commitment, shd i stumble that way.

hopefully i can relocate, poss to the pacific northwest, i plan to open a dojo & return to teaching. will have to supp w/day-labor/temp jobs to make-ends meet, i'll give up my 1/2 the house and take this year's tax-return as "seed-money". i also plan to sell my '82 datsun 280zx t-top & my '78 alfa romero spider veloce. i have a restored, but value-less '85 nissan p/up for Xport.


wd appreciate any thoughts, as i'm not a very practical biz/money man, having concentrated my career thus far as a policeman.

1 serious hang-up is my cats. debora is an animal-friend, but is unable to cope, nor is she as dedicated as i. i envision a warehouse type rental as dojo w/ meager living accommodations for me. i'm a good handy-man, albeit slow/careful.

what think, folks?

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

1. What is your ryu?

Isshinryu and Matayoshi ryu kobudo here. I have this strange feeling that I need to get back in harness as well.

[jukes]

3. kenpo & southern praying mantis

am working on a new thing, "red warrior", based on a blend of kenpo and an admittedly-slight native-american style, concentrating on take-downs/ground-work & horizontal-finishers.

years of cop-work moonlighting as a bouncer lean me towards pain-compliance & carotid-chokes; complete control w/ minimal damage. doesn't look good toshow up in court w/ a toothless perp in a body-cast.


kenpo focusses on "phone-booth" hand techniques, dim mak/atemi/ and low, practical kicks. practical combat, not TKD kiddy-fair.

Isshinryu and Matayoshi ryu are very respctable styles!

[JimmyJazz]

2. I think that your situation is all too common and it sucks.

I wish I understood why this happens so frequently. I'm sorry to hear about this. I think you should follow your heart. I'm not one for the dissolution of a marriage per say, but the room mate thing kinda sucks and doesn't really qualify as a marriage.

:hug:

Donna

[jukes]

5. 101er

my 2nd (child-hood, back-from Nam, preggy 1st: 2 kids trying to do the right thing.) she's a 3X loser, & all have ended w/sex as a club; man *always* @ fault. i really gave it my best-shot, but it isn't going to happen.

you're 1 DUer i *really* admire; your advice will mean much to me!
tx++!

[JimmyJazz]

10. aw, sweetheart - that's so nice of you to say, but

I'm nobody special. All I know is that all human beings need some sort of physical contact and, if you are living with someone as a room mate and you aren't dating, then it's probably something you are lacking at the moment. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like that?

Oh, and I am a firm believer that unless you have held yourself out to be something you are not (i.e. faithful when in reality you are a cheating, lying s.o.b.), then it takes two people to let a marriage fall by the wayside.

[jukes]

13. oh, yes you are!

& i'm prep'd to kick your cute ass if you deny it!

[JimmyJazz]

17. Everyone knows that's not my ass! This is my ass:

I'm NEVER going to live that down, am I? Aw shit, who are we kidding - two marriage proposals and a ride from Chavez - it's all good!

[JohnKleeb]

18. you still are an assmongrel

:).
NOTE: not meant to intended to hijack, sorry if I offended.

[Metatron]

4. I've been through something similar.

Although my ex and weren't married, we were together for twelve years. And the last few years evolved into separate bedrooms and major avoidance (as well as the psychotic arguments). The worst part was the financial commitment which kept me locked into the situation for so long. Once I finally movcd out, my stress level decreased so much! It has been less than two years, and I have been financially fucked, but I still think I made the right decision. It sounds like you have a good plan in place for your finances. Many times major life changes, no matter how scary, open the doors to all sorts of new possibilities (or at least that is what I keep telling myself - I could be quite delusional!) Good luck with everything, jukes. The northwest sounds awesome :)

[jukes]

6. good advice, & a sim thing

my needs are simple (except for escape-drugs; & i have no interest in them until recent despair).

think i'm going to go for it!

a wonderful DU lesbian-friend is going to help me look!

TX, bro!


oops! TX, sis!

[Metatron]

7. It really did feel empowering once I made the move.

Although I thought men would be jumping out of the woodwork to date me, and so far that hasn't happened! I should admit I am in Indiana, so I'm not sure there are that many single Dem men, anyway :)

[jukes]

8. back in the day

bouncing and air-marshaling provided lots of ops.

to be honest, the last ten years of devestating marriage have lessened sexual import (or middle-age is catching up! ;-) )

[bleedingheart]

9. I had a girlfriend who cut loose and ended up happier

she left everything behind...even her clothes...walked away. She said it was like being reborn.

She is now happy.

[SarahB]

11. Best of wishes, jukes!

If not for children, I'd do something similar, but they need me, so here I am. Even when I can afford to move out, I can't go far because they need me and they need him. Such is life. I made my bed and to a degree, I must lie in it (plus I love them). I've been put through so much bullshit and hostility regarding my share of the equity though, I'm about ready to say "f*ck it". I don't care about it enough. But then again, "it's all my fault" anyway.

I have a brain. I have a future. I can build that stuff up again. I don't care. I just want to be free, yet I still have to find a job (and one that can work around his no less). I hate him. I could have been anything. I could have done anything. I had everything within myself and was too weak to see when I was young, so he held onto me and took it all away. I lived his dreams. I followed his path and was miserable. It's so time that it's past the time, but here I am still. Here I f*cking am.

[jukes]

14. know a friend

granted custody to him; lib visitation @ his expense.
workable?

[jukes]

12. kick!

i want sympathy, godamit!


EDIT: really looking for advice from PM crowd, but will take a stroke!

[exJW]

15. You're going to wish you'd kept the more exciting vehicles ;-)

But seriously, I wish you well. When life is bad, change is good.

[jukes]

16. might have to mount

the duel sidedraft webers from the alfao the p/up, anyway!

[JohnKleeb]

19. Sorry to hear that man

Must be tough, I am afraid my parents may divorce soon, I really am. It's always tough to go through a divorce, all my aunts and uncles on my dad's side have done it at least once. I didn't know you were a cop though. Good luck.

[jukes]

20. thanx, kleeb

tough on you, too. lot's of feelings. if you need to talk, feel free to PM.

seriously; confusing time for you. & we're buds!

:pals:


use to be a cop, been retired for a while. fed, mostly.

[miss_kitty]

21. well jukes. I don't know what to tell you but

there IS an Alfa Romeo shop down the street from me!
Sorry about the marriage thing. Sometimes it is best to move on and in doing so, you may find the happiness we ALL seek.

When my identity was stolen one of the cooler people I ran across was a fraud investigator at Key Bank. He was a former cop from another state, and he was very effective as a fraud investigator. He made a huge difference in the way my case was handled, as he had the knowledge of police agencies, and the ability to put at least 17 suspects together and many victims into one case, thereby upping the dollar amount of the crime, making it attention-worthy.

As I am not looking for a job right now, I couldn't tell you what the scene job-wise looks like. There are many different kinds of jobs going here. You can live rurally outside Seattle and be close. also, Seattle has some old warehouse areas that go through the renovation thing. Again, I am not so up on the info for that right now.

Lots of landscaping jobs, I think new housing that sort of thing going on-I'll keep my ears open for ya, jukes!

[jukes]

22. tx++, bud!

it'll be a tough go, but i'm spinning my wheels here & keeping her back, too.

not a hateful thing, just no feeling & stoney. i'm @ that point where i just have to take a risk.

keep in touch, as you find time!

[MuseRider]

23. Well damn jukes.

I am sorry. Think about this. Move to a Red state and help us out. Kansas is a pretty cheap place to live. Martial Arts are real popular here as well, a few dojos in my town that have survived for years. We also have a small but growing community of people who are sick of being a red state and working hard. Community Co-Ops are begining to show up and we have a small no kill cat shelter that could really use some help. You might simply love someplace like Lawrence, Kansas. Just a thought. Take care of yourself. :hug:

[redqueen]

24. Don't have any advice for you

but best of luck to you, jukes.

:hug: