PSSST.....You'll Never Believe What Happened Today!

[slinkerwink]

My lord, it was such a trying day for me! At the jeweler's, they kept trying to fix the clasp to my pearl necklace, and there was this really scary-looking man who kept asking me if I wanted a different type of "pearl necklace" and he kept looking at me in a very lecherous way. My heavens! I about hightailed it out of there when that man licked his lips like he had seen a Baked Alaska that he wanted to eat.

Those Eyetalians really should keep their eyes to themselves, don't you think, my dears? Anyways, Betsy's been having trouble with her boyfriend from the Republican club because he keeps uttering these subversive ideas about how President Bush really isn't a conservative. Something to do with the national deficit, I think. Teehee, who cares about a deficit anyway? I quite have run up a few myself at the local boutiques in town. Aren't those ankle-length skirts to die for? I wanted to let the skirt up a few inches to show my calves, but my boyfriend, George, thought I shouldn't do that because he didn't want my calves to attract untoward attention.

Oh! Another bit of scandalous news! My friend Rachael, that spunky Jew, is on birth control! I can't believe she didn't stay with the pull-out method! You know that's worked for me for the past few years with George. You'll never know what the world is coming to these days with women like Rachael getting on birth control---they'll actually want to be President! *gasp* Can you imagine that horror? Female Presidents would be horrible at war because you know we're born to be nurturing mothers.

I really do hate these liberal college professors. One in one of my classes actually called President Bush an "exalcoholic cokehead draft dodger!" I about died when he disgraced our President like that. The nerve of that professor! We should never criticize our leaders, don't you think? Besides, I'm sure that President Bush can lead us by killing some more of these heathens over in Iraq. I've thought about being a Christian missionary so I can teach those Iraqis that Allah isn't God. And that they should not have several wives also--can you imagine that? Seven wives? Those heathens are so filthy too--they're so brown all over!

I should go now for my manicure appointment. My nails need some refurbinishing after fending off that dirty Eyetalian's advances. Ugh, women like us should NOT mix with these filthy minorities. You don't want to become liberal like them and get on birth control! Think about the sensory deprivation our boyfriends would be getting if they were using condoms---the poor things. I'm so glad that the pull-out method is 100% foolproof!

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. Your adherence to American - and by that I mean Christian - values

is an inspiration to all of us. Would that all the filthy whores, I mean "women", the weaker but sadly sexually provacitive and lesser-than-men sex, would follow your example.

[Paul Hood]

2. Link? n/t

[smiley_glad_hands]

3. 100% Foolish is more like it.

Fundie at my wife's work got married, said they were going to try something called natural family planning or some crap like, basically only having sex when shes least likely not to concieve. Well, I guess that wasn't the case on her wedding night, cuz shes pregnant.

[BoX o BooX]

4. You know what doctors call women who use the Rhythm Method?

Mothers.

[slinkerwink]

6. no, they call them STUPID, hahaha

[murielm99]

10. During the 1950's, I grew up in a town that had many LARGE

Catholic families. It was not uncommon to see families with six to nine children.

They all practiced that natural family planning, too. LOL

Most of those who grew up in those large families have small families themselves.

Give it time. All those fundie kids from large families will grow up to take a hard look at what their parents believed and how they lived.

[smiley_glad_hands]

16. Both my wife and I came from large Catholic families

She is 1 of 10, I am 1 of 8. We only plan to have one or two kids.

On edit, we are not practicing Catholics by the way.

[Hello_Kitty]

20. I worked with a guy who teaches that

At a local Catholic church with his wife. They have 4 kids. Ummm...maybe you guys aren't the best example of this?

[Droopy]

5. How dare your friend criticize the president!

Don't you know he's a good Christian man? For shame!

[slinkerwink]

9. he should definitely be marched off to a re-education camp!

[Momgonepostal]

7. I didn't know Bob Boudelang had a sister

[Rabrrrrrr]

8. And why are you hanging out with Jesus killers? Did your pastor give

you permission to hang out with evil?

I'm not trying to say that you are evil or wrong, I only worry for your soul. She might taint you. Unless you are trying faithfully and seriously for a conversion, in which case I applaud you. But if you aren't, you need to explore your soul and ask why you are friends with a Jesus-killer. I would hate to lose you to Satan, and I would hate knowing that in the afterlife, you won't be there with me.

[slinkerwink]

12. she killed Jesus?

[Rabrrrrrr]

15. If she's a jew, then she killed Jesus

Sorry to break the news, but I figured that was something you knew, since you claim to be a Christian.

Maybe you aren't a good enough Christian?

Maybe you shouldn't be in this country, then.

[slinkerwink]

17. *starts crying*

I admit it---I haven't been keeping up on my Bible since 6th grade!

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. For shame. But, you know, there's always a chance for grace

that's the lesson of Christ, that if you are good enough, and have enough hate for non-Christians and other evil people, like DEMONrats and LIEbruls and secular humanists and foreigners, then you might be able to find redemption.

A good start would be to give a lot of money to your church, and then march in pro-war rallies and stand outside abortion clinics (whcih are really Legalized Murder Gulags) and scream hateful epithets at the women (that is, the evil filth) who are going in, in order to let them know about Jesus' love.

It's what Jesus would do.

[slinkerwink]

19. That's right! Jesus wouldn't turn the other cheek when it comes

to these liberal abortionists!

[jdots]

11. I agree so very very much,these mogrels are a bother.

Muffy and i found out that Unitarians had applyed to our country club and said they were Christians on the application.

[slinkerwink]

13. my goodness, their nerve!

[slinkerwink]

14. oh no! I'm number 13! The Satan has marked my post!

:shiver: