Best song about the "Sin of Onan"

[Beware the Beast Man]

[eyesroll]

1. "Blister In The Sun" gets my vote.

You also forgot "Turning Japanese." HOW COULD YOU? :grr:

[Beware the Beast Man]

3. Damn!

Thanks. I'll add both.

[mr_hat]

2. "Whip It" by Devo?

[CBGLuthier]

4. Turning Japanese by The Vapors

I've got your picture
Of me and you
You wrote "I love you"
I love you too
I sit there staring and there's nothing else to do

Oh it's in color
Your hair is brown
Your eyes are hazel
And soft as clouds
I often kiss you when there's no one else around

I've got your picture, I've got your picture
I'd like a million of you over myself
I asked the doctor to take your picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You've got me turning up and turning down and turning in and
turning 'round

I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think
so
Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so
I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think
so
Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so

[Enraged_Ape]

10. Can't believe "Turning Japanese" didn't make the list

It is the gold standard for these kinds of songs. And yet an Adam Sandler song somehow is included.

I might even include Chuck Berry's "My Ding-a-ling", although it wasn't as in your face as "She Bop", "Turning Japanese", and "I Touch Myself". But it was pretty controversial in its day.

You know, there was pop culture long before 1985.

[Atlas Mugged]

12. Not 'in your face'????

Isn't that the song with the lyrics:

We boogied in the kitchen
We boogied in the hall
I got some on my finger
So I wiped it on the wall

[redqueen]

5. Isn't Pump It Up about that?

I'd vote for that or Turning Japanese.

[BurtWorm]

37. I thought Mystery Dance was about that myself.

Unless it's about using people for that purpose.

[OneBlueSky]

6. "Blinded By The Light" . . . Springsteen . . . n/t

.

[Beware the Beast Man]

7. Wrapped up like a douche

:evilgrin:

[Donkeyboy75]

8. You left off

"Feeding the Ducks" by the Deaf Fritos. True, they were a Solar Radio ripoff, but that's a great song.

[Wat_Tyler]

9. It's all about Solar Radio, isn't it?

Face it, bud. No-one but us cares about Solar. :cry:

[tigereye]

14. I found an old t-shirt for The Cult

in my closet. Did you care about them? I don't even remember any songs or if I actually liked them. ;)

don't know if they have a song of that type...

[Wat_Tyler]

15. I liked 'She Sells Sanctuary'.

[WoodrowFan]

11. The Stroke, Billy Squire. (NT)

[Atlas Mugged]

13. I'm voting for 'Turning Japanese'

Though, if the category was wet dreams - 'Rocks Off' by the Stones would win hands down.

[jukes]

16. "solitaire"

manhattan xfer.

[WoodrowFan]

17. Underover Angel?

Cryin' on my pillow, lonely in my bed
Then I heard a voice beside me
And she softly said
"Wonder is your night light"
"Magic is your dream"
And as I held her
She said, "See what I mean?"

I said "Whaaaat?"
She said "Ooo-ooo-ooo-wee"
I said "All right!"
She said "Love me, love me, love me"

Undercover angel
Midnight fantasy
I never had a dream that made sweet love to me
Undercover angel
Answer to my prayer
You made me know that there's a love for me out there

(Somewhere)
Yeah, somewhere

Heavenly surrender, sweet afterglow
Givin' up my heart to you
Now, angel, don't go
She said, "Go find the right one"
"Love her and then"
"When you look into her eyes"
"You'll see me again"

I said "Whaaaat?"
She said "Ooo-ooo-ooo-wee"
I said "All right!"
She said "Love me, love me, love me"

Undercover angel
Midnight fantasy
I never had a dream that made sweet love to me
Undercover angel
The answer to my prayer
You made me know that there's a love for me out there

(Somewhere)
Oh, somewhere

Now you know my story
And girl, if it's right
I'm gonna take you in my arms
And love you tonight
Underneath the covers
The answer lies
Im lookin' for my angel
In your sweet lovin' eyes

She said, "Whaaat?"
I said, "Ooo-oo-oo-wee"
She said, "All right!"
I said, "Love me, love me, love me"

Undercover angel
Midnight fantasy
I never had a dream that made sweet love to me
Undercover angel
Answer to my prayer
I never had a dream that made sweet love to me
Undercover angel
Answer to my prayer

[Ellen Forradalom]

18. What about Billy Idol's "Dancing with Myself"? n/t

[Dukakis88]

19. Lee Greenwood - "I'm Proud to be an American"

A masturbatory anthem if ever there was one.

[eek]

21. Orgasm Addict by Buzzcocks

Buzzcocks

"Orgasm Addict"

well you tried it just for once found it all right for kicks.
but now you found out that it's a habit that sticks.
and you're an orgasm addict.
you're an orgasm addict.

sneaking in the back door with dirty magazines.
now your mother wants to know what all those stains on your jeans.
and you're an orgasm addict.
you're an orgasm addict.

(snip)

uh huh, uh huh, uhhhhh, uhhhhh

you get in a heat, you get in a sulk.
but you still keep a beating your meat to pulp.
and you're an orgasm addict.
you're an orgasm addict.
you're a kid cassanova.
you're a no-josep it's a labour of love f*cking yourself to death.
orgasm addict.
you're an orgasm addict.
uh huh, uhhhhh

you're makin' out with school kids, winos and heads of state.
you even made it with the lady, who puts the little plastic bobins on the christmas cakes.
butchers' assistants and bellhops, you've had them all here and there.
children of god and their joy-strings, international women with no body hair.

oooh, so where they're askin' in an alley and your voice ain't steady.
if your sex mechanic's rough you're more than ready.
you're an orgasm addict.
you're an orgasm addict.

johnny want fuckie
always and all ways.
he's got the energy, he will remain.
he's an orgasm addict.
he's an orgasm addict.
he's always at it.
he's always at it.
and he's an orgasm addict.
he's an orgasm addict.

[BurtWorm]

38. That gets my vote.

[Minstrel Boy]

20. "I Cum in Peace"

From the fine folks at masturbateforpeace.com.

I cum in peace
I want you to know it
When I fear war
I reach down and stroke it
You search for peace
I know where to find it
You must love yourself
Just grab hold and grind it

Chorus:
I don't want anything else
When I think about peace
I touch myself
Oh, I don't want anything else
Oh no, oh no, oh no

Peace is what keeps me coming and coming
Spread my wings, it takes me higher
'Round the world, good feelings are growing
Shoot your friendly fire

I close my eyes
See an end to hate
No one will die
If we all masturbate
Let's tell the generals
To call the attack off
We'll issue new orders
Tell the troops to jack off

Chorus
I don't want anything else
When I think about peace
I touch myself
Oh, I don't want anything else
Oh no, oh no, oh no, yeah

I cum in peace
I want you to know it
When you're fearing war
I want you to stroke it
You search for peace
I know where to find it
You must love yourself
Just grab hold and grind it

Chorus:
I don't want anything else
When I think about peace
I touch myself
Oh, I don't want anything else
Oh no, oh no, oh no

I don't want war
Because war is bloody hell
And when I think about peace
I touch myself
Ooh, oooh, oooooh, aaaaaah

I, I, I, I, I don't want anything else
When I think about peace
I touch myself
Oh, I don't want anything else
When I think about peace
I touch myself

[ironflange]

22. Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On

Can't beat the oldies (no pun intended).

[mac56]

23. "Rosie" by Jackson Browne

Rosie, you're all RIGHT
You WEAR MY RING
When you HOLD ME TIGHT
Rosie, THAT'S MY THING
When you TURN OUT THE LIGHT
I got to HAND IT TO ME
Looks like it's YOU AND ME AGAIN TONIGHT, Rosie

[redqueen]

35. Her last name is 'palm'

[mac56]

24. "Imaginary Lover" by Atlanta Rhythm Section

nm

[donheld]

33. This one gets my vote

:bounce:

[Dogmudgeon]

25. Wango Tango by Ted Nugent

But personally, if I had a willing 14-year-old girl around the house -- and her parents' permission -- I don't think I'd ever get my hands near that thing.

--bkl
It's the Stanislavsky Method, honest!

[redqueen]

34. Um, allow me to be the first to say

that's fucking sick, dude.

[Dogmudgeon]

40. Note the tagline

Sorry, I'm old-school and never really got comfortable with emoticons. (I'm not being snippy -- that's the truth.)

Young teenage girls don't appeal to me. But they do appeal to The Nuge.

--bkl

[redqueen]

42. D'oh sorry

Yeah, 'the nuge' is a class a sicko.

Apologies for the going off half cocked. :)

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

26. Freefallin'

[Strawman]

27. Don't forget "Mirror in the Bathroom" n/t

[Guy_Montag]

28. Teenage Kicks - The Undertones

Come on people sort yourselves out, this is easily the greatest song about onanism.

[exJW]

29. For poignancy, you can't beat "Donald and Lydia"

by John Prine. It's, uhm... touching.

[Dukakis88]

30. John Ashcroft -- "I'll Be Whackin' It (At the Pearly Gates)"

[BurtWorm]

41. The "Eagle" "Soars."

Yeah, right, you pervert!

[mac56]

31. "All I Have To Do Is Dream" by the Everly Brothers

nm

[Strawman]

32. "No Bone Movies" by Ozzy

Boy is screaming/
In love with his hand/
A poison passion/
A pulsating gland

No Bone Movies

[DelawareValleyDem]

36. Leo Sayer

When I Need Love.

Actually, Weird AL had the best lyric:

'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love
And I have to use the self-service pumps

[BurtWorm]

39. The Low Low Yo-Yo

by Captain Beefheart. I'm not sure that's what it's about, but that seems like a very descriptive title.

[CanuckAmok]

43. Oh, please, how can this poll not have:

On the floor of Tokyo
Or down in London town to go, go
With the record selection
With the mirror reflection
I'm dancing with myself

When there's no-one else in sight
In the crowded lonely night
Well I wait so long
For my love vibration
And I'm dancing with myself

Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
I'll be dancing with myself

If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes
Seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself

So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself

Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
I'll be dancing with myself

If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes
Seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself

So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself

Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance



Dancing with myself
Dancing with myself
Dancing with myself
Dancing with myself

If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes
Seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself

So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself

Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance

[Beware the Beast Man]

45. I'm so sorry!

For some reason, the edit function would have wiped out all my entries. But this definitely belongs there.

[mr blur]

44. "Teenage Kicks" - The Undertones n/t