Heartbroken Pet Owners

[Nightjock]

I'm sorry to post such a downer here but you are some of the most intelligent, caring people it has ever been my pleasure to talk to.

My wife and I recently lost our lab mix Max to old age at 13. Now three months later our beloved tabby Nosey has cancer. We sank 2 thousand dollars into trying to save him and tommorow I have to bring him in to be put to sleep.

I am not embarrassed to say this is taking me forever to write because I am crying. My wife will be home in a couple hours from work and I have told her the bad news. My 3 year old Chelsea has bonded with Nosey and I don't know what to do with that situation.

Does anyone know of any books, articles, ect. that would help ease this awful pain? Should I get my daughter a kitten?
I have to be strong for my family (and I will) but it is very difficult.
Thank you. -Glenn

[Padraig18]

1. I'm so sorry, Glenn.

Tell your daughter the truth in language a 3 year-old can understand. It's always better, in the long run.

:hug::loveya:

[Jack_Dawson]

2. "How to Survive the Loss of a Love"

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0931580439/103-8253982-6257427?v=glance

Fantastic book...helped me many times. I'm so sorry for your loss.

:grouphug:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

3. When Bad Things Happen to Good People

is a good book for those going through the grieving process.

If it will help, mystical tradition says that all animals live in a state of grace.

[Bluebear]

4. Oh gosh nightjock, I went through it this year

My best buddy died unexpectedly...there are beautiful poems out there, I found the phrase "Whisper my name in your heart, I'll be there"....I say my dog's name every day and remember him. The extreme pain does go away, it won't hurt more than it does now and I am very very sorry for you and your family. :(

[goclark]

5. Oh I am so sorry!

My little Maltese is 10 years and I love him so much.

I just said a prayer for your family.

[hippiechick]

6. You have my sympathies ...

I just started a thread here having just brought HippieDog Hank to the vet to be diagnosed with a tumor on his leg. Biopsy results pending.


You and your family, and Nosey, are in my thoughts.


:hug:


:hippie:

[meti57b]

7. Hi, I'm very sorry to hear your little cat has cancer.

I'm so sorry to hear your little pooch. Just about two months ago, I found out one of my little cats has cancer. It is heartbreaking.

Yes, do get another little cat right away to keep you company in your grief. You will need one to hold.

I did get a book, "Beyond Grief, A Guide for recovering from the Death of a Loved One". by Carol Staudacher. I started to read it but never finished it because it looks like I will have the little cat for a few months, yet. What I did read though, I thought brought some acceptance and peace.

[CottonBear]

9. I'm so sorry to hear about Nosey's illness.

I'll say a prayer for your family and pets.

My very first kitty was a tabby. When you feel up to it go and visit the kitty shelter with your family. Two kitties (siblings are nice) are twice the fun and they keep each other (and you) company.

[AngryHoosier]

8. I don't know you, but my heart goess out to you and your family...

We have four cats (no kids)and losing one of them is our worst fear. If you can handle it emotionally it might be nice to rescue a kitten from the shelter in Nosey's memory.

Nang in there, Glen. It sounds like you did all you could. Just be there for each other as a family. Give Nosey a hug for me...

[liberalhistorian]

10. I've grown up with dogs and cats

and currently have four cats and two dogs. I've had to put many animals to sleep over the years, most of them were old and had been a part of my life for over a decade (when I was 25, I had to put to sleep the dog I'd gotten at age 10, and who'd been my constant companion through childhood, high school, college and adulthood. It's been 14 years, and I STILL miss him like crazy and would give anything to see him just one more time).

Last November we found a 7-week-old kitten that had been dumped off to die in the old nursery in the back of our house. We already had four cats, but my parents and my son and I simply couldn't turn the little fellow away. He was such a sweetheart, he even slept under the covers with whoever took him to bed. Then in January, he became suddenly extremely ill, seizures, lethargy, etc. It turned out that he had FIP, which is always fatal. Within three days, he became blind (watching him stumbling around, frightened and constantly crying was unbearable), lost all energy, all his bodily functions, etc., etc. I finally had to put him to sleep at only four months old. It was the worst thing I'd ever gone through with an animal, and after a lifetime of loving animals, I'd been through an awful lot.

So I know exactly what you're talking about. The only thing to do is to grieve for the animal, then try to move on and get another one. It will never, ever replace the one you lost (just like having another child will never, ever "replace" the one you lost), but caring for it and learning to love it and getting to know it and enjoy it will be a tremendous help.

[Mikimouse]

17. You just made me cry even harder...

I remember, and will never forget, those threads. God smiles at those who take care of others.

[China_cat]

11. http://www.petloss.com/

[molly]

12. Altho I have many pets, I have always mourned the loss of

each. Ziggy and Zelda (the ferrets) are buried in the side yard in the shade. Many cats and kittens that have enhanced my life are burried beneath trees and pines. As I look out at the strength and growth of these trees and gardens, I relive their memories - I will love them forever.

The awful pain of their deaths eventually has evolved into loving memories. They have given me much joy as I have hopefully given them.

Life is just a phase as I see it.

My suggestion is to adopt a furry little thing that would not otherwise have a loving home. They are all different and I call mine my "kids".


:grouphug:

[Cerridwen]

13. Here is an online site I have visited

http://www.petloss.com/

I will not guarantee their politics but I know they've helped me; even though all I do is stop and read on occasion.

I lost my 15 year old dog, Bandit, who I'd had since he was just weeks old, this week in 1995.

I grieve with you for your loss.

I send much healing and love your way.

[Booster]

14. I lost my wonderful cat "Mike" a couple of years ago.

I couldn't stop crying and grieved for months. I just happened to click on an animal adoption link and saw a kitten that happened to be in a real jail because the police pick them up and adopt them out from their precinct. The kitten was identical to Mike when he was a kitten and I went to the police dept and picked him up. Everything about him is exactly like Mike; his soft meow, the way he struts, the look in his eyes, his calmness. Yes, get your daughter a kitten. They are so amusing and, even though you will never really get over Nosey, the kitten will find it's own place in your lives and in your heart. Best thing I ever did for myself: "Jake". I'm sorry for your loss of Max too.

[puddycat]

15. here's link to the Cornell pet loss support website

http://www.vet.cornell.edu/public/petloss/

I'm so sorry about your loss.

[Pithlet]

16. I think it's called Rainbow Bridge.

I'm sure someone else can elaborate, but it's a group that helps to deal with the loss of a pet. Googling that term might bring up some sites that can help. DU is a big help, too. We're a big bunch of animal lovers who understand what it is like to lose a beloved pet.

I'm so sorry about Max and Nosey. :hug:

[AllyCat]

21. Subtitle: Crossing the Rubicon (?) n/t

[Pithlet]

23. Not quite.

:spank: But, lol :)

[AllyCat]

25. That's funny because

...this animal communicator working at my old barn was really big on the Rainbow Bridge book...and she kept listing the title on her flyers with something like "crossing the rubicon". Oh well, don't beat me up...just have a bad memory about it.

[Pithlet]

32. I didn't mean that as a jab.

It's clever :)

[Padraig18]

28. Rainbow Bridge:

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...



http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

[peacefreak]

18. There's a couple of great books for kids

that will have you crying & smiling.
Ten Good Things about Barney (Sorry, the author has slipped my mind)
Dog Heaven--Cynthia Rylant.

There's also a book called Lifetimes that talks about the life cycle in really beautiful terms.

I am sorry for your loss. Pets are more than animals. They ARE our friends & family members.
You'll know when the time is right to bring a new fur-person into your life. Love, P

[AlCzervik]

19. I'm so sorry to hear that

Our guinea pig Patches died during the summer, he was 9 years old and a big part of our family, his death left me heartbroken. I think i cried more than my daughter did, out vet cried as well and actually took care of him humanly after he passed. After Patches died i didn't even want to think about getting another pet, especially a guinea pig but we stopped at the pet store cause my daughter was begging me to see something cute and fuzzy and wouldn't you know there was a piggy there that was waiting for us. the pet store owner who we've come to know well over the past years was upset about Patches passing as well, they had been clipping his nails for years so they knew him and were always amazed about how healthy he was for a 9 year old rodent and would we like that new guinea pig for free? Well, we took him home after a few days and I'm glad we did, he's not Patches but then again he isn't supposed to be, he's Bob and I'm really glad we have him.

I'm sorry you and your family have to go through this and your beloved pet, take your time to mourn and your next pet will find you.

[Mikimouse]

20. Warmest thoughts and an unashamed hug, man to man...

I cannot imagine the grief you are feeling at the thought of having to tell your daughter about Nosey. All I can tell you iswhat I have experienced, and that is this: I lost two cats in one night (they were both killed on the road by our house), and I didn't know where they could have gone (I was 8 at the time). I found them by accident and was absolutely devastated by the loss. My father didn't like cats, so he couldn't understand how I felt, and tried to buy me stuff to assuage the grief I felt. Never a hug, never a kind word about the acts. Make sure that you hug Chelsea and let her cry. Knowing that you are hurting too will help her to understand. Now, I'm going to go and kiss my babies and cry in their fur.

[aquart]

22. Grief is the last privilege of love.

Of course, you're crying. But know this, too: Max and Nosey were always destined to die before you. But the lives you gave them were full of love. They didn't know fear, or loneliness, or hunger, and as little pain as possible.

By all means bring home a kitten because you have a vacancy. There are so many who need your home and your love. It changes the world for a completely defenseless creature. It's right to teach your daughter that there will be others to love, that you can love them BECAUSE you learned how wonderful an experience it was through Max and Nosey.

I spent 8 months putting fluids into my cat, David, as his kidneys failed, but finally it was too much. He gave me the look. I told him we would go to the vet tomorrow and I didn't think he would be coming home. For the previous three days, he'd slept in his litterbox because he hated the humiliation of not being able to control himself, even though I'd been covering the bed in incontinence pads so he could be with me if he wanted. That last night, he strode with determination out of the bathroom, skin and bones, leaping onto the bed three times while I had to keep putting him down again so I could arrange the wee-wee pads. Then I put on a showercap, because he'd been sleeping around my head, and we spent our last night together. Maybe I loved him so much because he needed me so much. He was 15.

After his life was ended at the vet, in my hands, we drove directly to a pet shelter run by pets and 11 month old Lucky (because he'd survived a deadly infection and the removal of a toe) left his cage and came home with me, hyperventilating in the car because he didn't know his fate. When I let him out of the carrier, he walked around, found a pile of laundry and began kneading it with every bit of energy he had.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

30. thats a lovely post,....even though it did make me cry

[goclark]

40. I am in tears..pet lovers are placed here by God

and pets are placed here to be with us so that we can know unconditional love.

Everyday when I feed my 10 yr. old Maltese, I say to him," I am honored to place this food in your plate. I love you"

[VOX]

43. Beautiful. Just beautiful. Thank you, aquart.

:hug:

[henslee]

24. Time will heal. The Indians had an unwavering belief in the great

mystery of life. Me too. How wonderful is it that in this great big universe, a little cat named nosey crossd your path and enhanced your life and visa versa? You all were lucky. One day, not too far from now, your cat stories will be easier to tell. I bet a small family contribution to a rescue organization in your cats honor would make you all feel good.

[Gloria]

26. When my first pet, Chippy the canary, passed I remember my father

buried him under a tree and we stood there and he explained how everything comes back, ie, the cycle of life. That Chippy was now going to help the flowers grow and when I saw the flowers, I would know that Chippy was alive in those flowers.

Damned! Now I'm crying now! But back when I was about 5 years old, it was so comforting....

My heart goes out to you all....and your Max and Nosey.

[AFSCME girl]

27. I'm so sorry, NightJock...

I have a ten-year-old Himalayan named Angeline and she is the love of my life. I am considering adopting a new kitty from PetFinder.org to help ease the loss when it is time for my Angeline to go to kitty heaven. I think adopting a new kitty is a great idea! Angeline and I are lighting a candle tonight for you and your family :grouphug:

[NashVegas]

29. So Sorry, Nightjock

When I had to have my companion of 16 years put to sleep, the pain was searing.

I wouldn't recommend a new kitten right away. Give yourself and the others a chance to grieve over your loss, first.

[MuseRider]

31. Ahhh I am so sorry.

Been through this way too many times and you are really getting hit here with two so close. Do not worry about being strong for your family, they will understand if you are not and it puts way too much pressure on you at a time like this. When I was a kid we had to put down our doggie who had epilepsy. I remember my father being the guy to take her to the vet, I remember him walking her to the car (I peeked through my tears out the window), I remember him coming home all strong and unaffected and I remember thinking that he was a jerk for not caring. Well, about two days later he crumbled. I remember how much better I felt as a child knowing my dad (who was actually less than human in the way he dealt with us) seemed to care. Just a thought for you. :hug: Take care.

[lgardengate]

33. {{{HUGS}}} 4 you and the family!How well i know what this is like

My heart broke 3 years ago ehen i had to have my 10 year old best buddy (Joe..My Beagle) put to sleep because he was suffering from cancer.We spent 1000 on an operation for him but it only bought him a few weeks and to much pain while he healed.It still makes me cry to write this.he was my "once in a lifetime dog".

I suggest a trip to the library to find a childrens book on losing a pet for Chelesa.Maybe in a few weeks you could find some puppys and help her pick one out.That's what i would do. We got another beagle (a beautiful little female we named Sarah)in a few weeks...at Christmas. She was a total mess as a puppy but she's a wonderful and funny girl now.

Best wishes!:grouphug:

[donheld]

34. I'm sorry i feel your pain

Animals are People too

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

35. I have no good advice, just loads of sympathy

and some hugs :hug: I'm so sorry for your broken heart

[CornField]

36. There is a book... I think it is called "Freddie the Leaf"

When we lost our son, we read it with our daughter -- it seemed to help her a great deal understand the whole "circle of life" idea. I'd recommend it to anyone who needs to discuss death with a child.

Best wishes and big hugs. It's just never easy to say goodbye.

[Wols]

37. I can sympathize

Hang in there. You obviously have been awesome providers for your pet. Think about the life Nosey would have led if you had not been the ones to take care of him. It's a terrible responsibility to face but you have to do what is right for the cat. Letting it suffer is no good. The loss will be unbearable at first but eventually you will begin to live again. Take care and I'll say a prayer for you guys. And it's okay to cry.

[Nightjock]

38. God Bless You All

Thank you.....Glenn, Michelle, Chelsea, Owen

[3trievers]

39. think of all the good times

Sorry to hear of your losses.My oldest retreiver has tumors and it is just a matter of time.She has been my favourite dog of all I've owned and I dread what is ahead.

[Dastard Stepchild]

41. So very sorry :(

I don't have many suggestions, but I've been there, too, and I wanted to say sorry.
Perhaps this may help? http://www.pet-loss.net/

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

42. For Every Dog an Angel: The Forever Dog by Christine Davis

Helped both my son and I get through the loss of the beloved Sammy this past May. He lost a battle with cancer the day after his 6th birthday. Sammy was/is/and always will be our "forever dog". My heart goes out to you and I am now sobbing as I write this.
:hug:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0965922502/002-4430946-6455201?v=glance#product-details

[Carni]

44. We just went through this with a dog and two cats

And our daughter (By "just went through this" I mean over the course of the last four years with a 16 year old dog and two elderly cats and a daughter about the age of yours when our animals started dying)

JMO, but by all means get a kitten...it may seem cold and disrespectful to your previous pets but your daughter will be so thrilled with the kitten that she will get over the loss much faster.

We ended up taking in (and taming) THREE FERAL kittens that are now big honking fat cats that think my kid is their mother... but that is whole different story!

My daughter has been so enriched by her experience raising her "boys" (and with their progression from starving sickly runts to huge fat cats) that now she wants to become a vet.

Sorry for your loss! It will get better but it is very hard!

[smbolisnch]

45. That is so sad...

I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this again. I know how hard it is.
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[MrsMatt]

46. The child/pet bond is very complex

when we lost our tabby Bettina (age 19), our daughter was only 5 1/2 and was extremely attached to Betty. For almost a year, she would periodically and unexpectedly burst into tears over our cat. The concept of the Rainbow bridge was very comforting to her - my mother died before my daughter was born, so we've always referred to my mother as her grandma in heaven. For our family the Rainbow Bridge has become the conduit to heaven, and Bettina is now with my mom in heaven.

A year and 1/2 later, this notion has been such a comfort to my daughter, that she was able to discuss it with a good friend who had lost her dog (12 years old) this past summer.