Fav Monty Python Line

[WoodrowFan]

what the hell. (error in quote corrected)

[ArkDem]

1. Has something to do with land..

...

[bunk76]

10. "How can you tell he's....

a king,he hasen't got shit all over him."

[chenGOD]

13. and the huge tracts thereof?

It's gotta be...

"Well, there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and SPAM;
bacon and SPAM; egg, bacon, sausage and SPAM; SPAM, bacon, sausage
and SPAM; SPAM, egg, SPAM, SPAM, bacon and SPAM; SPAM, SPAM, SPAM,
egg and SPAM; SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, baked beans, SPAM,
SPAM, SPAM and SPAM; or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay
sauce garnished with truffle pate', brandy and a fried egg on top of SPAM. Not much Spam in there really.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

64. "What. the drapes?"

The Search For The Holy Grail after the father gestures toward the waindow and says, "Someday, this will all be yours!"

[RedSox02]

2. "It's"

[gully]

3. You forgot "THE LARCH"....

;)

[mac56]

4. "It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?"

Owner: Finest in the district!
Customer: Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Owner: Well, it's so clean, sir!
Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....


My favorite Python sketch.

[noonwitch]

5. E's not the messiah, e's been a bad boy!

So, peess off!

[Richardo]

7. "Blessed are the cheesemakers?"

[smirkymonkey]

16. "Well it's not to be taken literally...

my dear, it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.."

[Quahog]

12. Not to pick nits (or knights who say "Ni"), but...

...the line is, "He's not the messiah, he's a very NAUGHTY boy!"

And yeah, that one gets my vote. I distinctly remember shooting soda out my nose at the theater at that moment.

My other favorite from Life Of Brian is, "Oh, it's the meek! Blessed are the meek! Oh, that's nice, isn't it? I'm glad they're getting something, they have a hell of a time."

Hardest scene to not laugh at: Pontius Pilate interrogating his centurions regarding the name "Biggus Dickus."

"He has a wife, you know..........."

[muriel_volestrangler]

6. "You stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!"

"Yes I have".
"Look!"
"Just a flesh wound".

[TrogL]

8. Spam

spam spam spam loverly spam

[nostamj]

9. this parrot is deceased n/t

[Dead_Parrot]

11. Hear hear!...

...'nuff said

[joeybee12]

14. Oh, intercourse the penguin!

[Buck Turgidson]

19. Try Mr. Barnhart, room 12.

He enters room 12.

Angry man: WHADDAYOU WANT?

Man: Well, Well, I was told outside that...

Angry man: DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED EVIL PAN OF DROPPINGS!

Man: What?

A: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS STUFFY-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!!!

M: Yes, but I came here for an argument!!

A: OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse!

M: Oh! Oh I see!

A: Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door.

M: Oh...Sorry...

A: Not at all!

A: (under his breath) stupid git.

[NewYorkerfromMass]

37. I think it was SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS

anyway, that is easily my favorite sketch in the greatest episode of all time. Don't forget how the skecth ends- with the poor man accidentally entering "Being hit on the head lessons".

Instructor: "Like this!" (hits man)

Man: "AHHHHHHHH!"

Instructor: "NO, No! Like this: WAHHHHH! WAHHHHH!" (hits man again)

Man: "WAHHHHHHHH!"

Instructor: "Better, better...."

And then later the Policeman enters to arrest the sketch:

Policeman: "Hold it! Hold it!... Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Inspector Fox of the Light Entertainment Police, Comedy Division, Special Flying Squad....

I'm charging you two under Section 21 of the Strange Sketch Act.

Man: The what?

FOx: You are hereby charged that you did willfully take part in a strange sketch, that is, a skit, spoof or humorous vignette of an unconventional nature with intent to cause grievous mental confusion to the Great British Public...

I mean, that is great stuff!

[Devils Advocate NZ]

17. It is an EX-parrot!

Yep, that is my all-time favourite Python sketch.

[marigold20]

52. He sings with the choir invisible!

.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

65. "---the choir invisiBULE"

the mispronunciation being what makes the line so memorable.

[HereSince1628]

15. "Nee!"

And BTW bring me a shrubbery

[ArkDem]

18. Ni Ni Ni Ni Ni Ni !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thom1102]

20. I hate to pick nits, but...

It's "Now we see the violence inherent in the system. Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, Help, I'm being repressed!"

[WoodrowFan]

25. Good Catch.

thanks (corrected)

[MUAD_DIB]

21. You sniveling heap of parrot droppings!

[4_Legs_Good]

22. Well she turned me into a newt... I got better...

Best Monty Python line *ever*

And I think it's "come and see the *violence* inherent in the system" not "oppression", but I could be wrong...

david

Kucinich 2004

[JHB]

23. Tonight on "It's the Mind"...

:spank: to anyone who can't fill in the rest :evilgrin:

[Toby109]

24. Dead bishop

"There's another dead bishop on the landing"

"Allright, I'll have the one without so much rat in it"

"Give me all your lupins!"

"Its..."

ad infinitum.

[zbdent]

26. "Lesson 1 on How Not To Be Seen"

"Mr. Johnson, would you please stand up?"

BOOM!

(actually, not my fave, but it's still fun to channel MP.)

[Throckmorton]

27. Excuse me, are you a virgin?

If its not to personal a question.

[MinnFats]

28. "I'm not dead yet!"

'Ere, he says he's not dead!"
"Well, he soon will be."
"I don't want to go on the cart."
"Oh, don't be such a baby!"

[LuLu550]

34. I'm not dead yet

is one of my favorite lines, too but the part I'm partial to is "but he's not at all well."

[Zero Gravitas]

29. She turned me into a Newt!

- a Newt?

I got better.

[MercutioATC]

47. "She turned me into a newt" is my favorite, too.

.

[Art_from_Ark]

82. If she...weighs the same... as a duck...she's made of wood!

And therefore....

A WITCH!

[rucky]

30. We Are All Individuals

We are all individuals!


i'm not

[Paul1574]

31. dennis moore...

he robs from the poor and gives to the rich...silly bitch...what?

and the whole swallow thing....african or european ? cant rem the exact quote sorry :(

[NashVegas]

32. I DON'T LIKE SPAM

I must need glasses, cause I don't see it on the list.

[MiddleRiverRefugee]

33. SHUT THAT BLOODY BOUZOUKI UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[5thGenDemocrat]

35. Saginaw Arthur Hill HS (MSchreader and my alma mater)

Is nicknamed the "Lumberjacks," and, yes, that reference is frequently used by us. So I voted for it.
But my favorite line might be "I LIKE to STAND in the middle of the ROAD and 'IT myself in the HEAD with a BRICK."
John
Python is like Firesign Theater -- too many good lines to pick just one.

[Rowdyboy]

36. "I fart in your general direction"

delivered with a sneer in a heavy French accent.

My partner and I use it often...

[Nevernose]

38. What have the Romans ever done for US?!

The Life of Brian has some really good ones.

"Don't you want to haggle? Hey, this man won't haggle!"

[SweetZombieJesus]

39. "ALBATROSS!"

"What flavor is it?"

"It's bleedin' albatross flavor!"

And don't forget the Philosopher's Song

John Stuart Mill,
Of his own free will,
On half a pint of brandy was particularly ill,

[Jeff in Cincinnati]

40. It's only a flesh wound!

.

[Character Assassin]

41. Very Obscure one here....

Some people have made the mistake of seeing Shunt's work as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people like me who talk loudly in restaurants see this as a deliberate ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanised mansion.

The points are frozen, the beast is dead. What is the difference? What indeed is the point? The point is frozen, the beast is late out of Paddington. The point is taken. If La Fontaine's elk would spurn Tom Jones the engine must be our head, the dining car our aesophagus, the guards van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the first class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric elk called Simon. The clarity is devastating.

But where is the ambiguity? Over there in a box.

Shunt is saying the 8.15 from Gillingham when in reality he means the 8.13 from Gillingham. The train is the same, only the time is altered. Ecce homo, ergo elk.

La Fontaine knew its sister and knew her bloody well. The point is taken, the beast is moulting, the fluff gets up your nose. The illusion is complete; it is reality, the reality is illusion and the ambiguity is the only truth. But is the truth, as Hitchcock observes, in the box? No, there isn't room, the ambiguity has put on weight. The point is taken, the elk is dead, the beast stops at Swindon, Chabrol stops at nothing, I'm having treatment and La Fontaine can get knotted.

[GregW]

43. Oh, Mrs Nigger-Baiter's exploded!

Son: Good thing, too.

Mrs Shazam: She was my best friend.

Son: Oh, mother, don't be so Sentimental. Things explode every day.

Mrs Shazam: Yes, I suppose so. Anyway, I didn't really like her that much.

[GregW]

42. This is just the sort of blinkered philistine pig-ignorance ...

... I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss for the struggling artist. You excrement, you whining hypocritical toadies with your colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding masonic secret handshakes. You wouldn't let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards. Well I wouldn't become a Freemason now if you went down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me.

Client 2: We're sorry you feel that way, but we did want a block of flats, nice though the abattoir is.

[xJlM]

44. Spam

Has to be. So immortalized, we named a major pain in the ass after it.

http://www.mailmsg.com/sounds/spam-song.wav

[Redbear]

45. Your mother was a hamster...

and your father smelt of elderberries!

[mac56]

46. 'Allo, daffy English kniggets -

and Monsieur Arthur-King, who is afraid of a duck, you know! So, we French fellows outwit you a second time! How you English say, I one more time-a unclog my nose in your direction, sons of a window-dresser! So, you think you could out-clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about in dancing behavior! I wave my private parts at your aunties, you heaving lot of second hand electric donkey bottom biters. You tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!

(My god, could they write insults!)

[philosophie_en_rose]

48. Every Sperm is SACRED!!!

DAD:
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them.

I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.
You don't have to be a six-footer.
You don't have to have a great brain.
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're
A Catholic the moment Dad came,
Because

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

GIRL:
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

MUM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

MEN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.

WOMEN:
If a sperm is wasted,...

CHILDREN:
...God get quite irate.
PRIEST:

Every sperm is sacred.

BRIDE and GROOM:
Every sperm is good.

NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed...

CARDINALS:
...In your neighbourhood!

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.

FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody's.

MOURNER #1:
Mine!

MOURNER #2:

And mine!

CORPSE:
And mine!

NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.

HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

EVERYONE:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!

[ScreamingMeemie]

58. My absolute favorite.

agreed.

[jus_the_facts]

83. Bloody Catholics....filling the world with kids they can't afford......

...to bloody feed....well what are we dear? Protestant and FIERCELY PROUD OF IT...FOR I CAN WEAR A SHEATH ON MY JOHN THOMAS AND PREVENT ISSUE SO YOU WON'T BE IMPREGNATED!! Oh reeeally......have you got one? :D NO...but I can walk proudly into Harry's and say in a loud voiice....HARRY I WANT YOU TO SELL ME A CONDOM!!! :7

[baldguy]

49. STOP!

"Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three 'ere the other side he see!"

Arthur: "Ask me your questions, Bridgekeeper. I am not afraid!"

Bridgekeeper: "What is your name?"

Arthur: "It is Arthur, King of the Britons."

Bridgekeeper: "What is your quest?"

Arthur: "To seek the Holy Grail."

Bridgekeeper: "What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

Arthur: "What do you mean? An African or European swallow?"

Bridgekeeper: "er. . . I don't know that. . .Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh!!!"

[baldguy]

50. another one from the Holy Grail

"Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?"

[NewYorkerfromMass]

59. O.K. You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with...........

a herring!

BTW: I saw Holy Grail when it opened in 1975. First 500 customers got a coconut! (clop- clop, clop- clop)

[mac56]

74. Me too!

First showing in Minneapolis, a 1:00 matinee. Free coconuts for all 30 or so of us in the theatre.

[NewYorkerfromMass]

77. Cool! My favorite scene is

and the one where I laughed the hardest, was as they began crossing the bridge of death (and right after the old man bridgekeeper was jettisoned into the abyss) right when they reach the middle of the perilously rickety foot bridge- the scene was suddenly interrupted by the INTERMISSION graphic and the goofy organ music. After the intensity of the bridge-of-death questions, the comic relief of that absurdly timed "intermission" was more than I could take, and I was literally down in the aisle laughing.

BTW I saw it in the cineplex in West Springfield, Mass.

[mac56]

81. I was rolling in the aisles from the opening credits -

with the translations at the bottom that got weirder and weirder -

I subsequently dragged every single person I knew to that movie.

[SmileyBoy]

51. Why the hell didn't you put:

"I FART in your general direction!!!"

But the "Argument Office" sketch was my all-time favourite one, so I voted for that line.

[NewYorkerfromMass]

86. "so I voted for that line"

No you didn't.... :)

[Lefty48197]

53. What is the air speed velocity of a yellow bellied swallow?

Or something like that.

[populistmom]

54. In The Meaning of Life

"Its only wafer thin" when a waiter is trying to entise the very large, glutonous man who just gorged himself on food to have that one little wafer thin mint (then he explodes after consuming it). That has got to be one of the funniest scenes ever.

[Bombero1956]

55. my favorite didn't make the list but.....

I: If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the Cherry Fondue.
Now this is extremely nasty. (pause) But we can't prosecute you for that.
H: Ah, agreed.
I: Then we have number four. Number four: Crunchy Frog.
H: Yes.
I: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in 'ere?
H: Yes, a little one.
I: What sort of frog?
H: A...a *dead* frog.
I: Is it cooked?
H: No.
I: What, a RAW frog?!?
H: Oh, we use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent, Swiss, quintuple-smooth, treble-milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.
I: That's as may be, but it's still a frog!
H: What else?
I: Well, don't you even take the bones out?
H: If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?
I: Constable Clitoris et one of those!! We have to protect the public!
C: Uh, would you excuse me a moment, Sir?
I: We have to protect the public! People aren't going to think there's a real frog in chocolate! Constable Clitoris thought it was an almond whirl! They're bound to expect some sort of mock frog!
H: MOCK frog!?! We use NO artificial additives or preservatives of ANY kind!
I: Nevertheless, I advise you in future to replace the words "Crunchy Frog" with the legend, "Crunchy, Raw, Unboned Real Dead Frog" if you wish to avoid prosecution!
H: What about our sales?
I: FUCK your sales! We've got to protect the public! Now what about this one, number five, it was number five, wasn't it? Number five: Ram's Bladder Cup. Now, what sort of confectionery is that?!?

[Kenneth ken]

61. thanks

my favorite line would be somewhere in that routine, but it's all so good, I couldn't truly pick just one.

Maybe, 'Fuck your sales! We've got to protect the public!'

that was the line which came to mind when I read the thread title.

[CanuckAmok]

56. That 'cute little bunny' 's got a vicious streak a mile wide!

n/t

[The Lone Liberal]

57. I soiled me armor

and thou shall count three, not two, nor shall the count be four, but the count shall be three and three only.

[LTR]

60. Thought of this one right away...

...but somebody beat me to it.

From "Holy Grail":

"I fart in your general direction!!!"

Also, "Just a flesh wound"

And: "Bring out your dead!"

[snorkie]

62. Love the whole witch scene in Holy Grail...

But my favorite is when he is explaining that witches float

"what else floats?"

A voice in the back screams "CHURCHES"

Absolutely kills me everytime, and no one else finds it quite as amusing as I do.... :shrug:

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

63. Bring forth the Holy Hand Grenade!

Gotta keep them killer rabbits under control SOMEHOW... :evilgrin:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

66. "'Romans go house'?"

As a former language teacher, I love the scene in which the Roman soldier corrects the Latin grafitti written by the member of the Judean People's Liberation Front (or is the People's Front for the Liberation of Judea?) and makes him write it 100(?) times.

I've been told that the Roman soldier acts precisely like an old-fashioned British Latin teacher.

[MSchreader]

67. Brian: "You have to think for yourself!"

Crowd: "YES! WE HAVE TO THINK FOR OURSELVES!"

...

"And that, my liege, is how we know the world to be banana-shaped."

...

"It's like those bloody psalms; they're sooooo depressing!" (With Marx as God -- I love it!)

...

"Camelot!"
"Camelot!"
"Camelot!"
"It's only a model."
"Shh!"

...

"So, logically..."
"If she weighs the same as a duck, then she's made of wood...."
"And, therefore..."
"A WITCH!"

(Gotta love formal logic!)

...

"Splitter!"

...

Lemming, Lemming, Lemming of the BDA!
Lemming, Lemming, Lemming of the BD-
Lemming of the BD- BD- BD- BDA!...

...

"Five is right out!"

...

Jeez! 5thGen is right. There are so many good lines from Python!

Martin

[jus_the_facts]

68. "YOU AMERICANS....you talk and you talk.....and you say........

..."....let me tell ya something..and...I just wanna say this!" WELL YOU'RE DEAD NOW SO SHUT UP!!" The GRIM REAPER from THE MEANING OF LIFE!! :D

[jus_the_facts]

70. John Cleese as the Sex Education Instructor...In Meaning of Life.....

......"Did we or did we not do.....VAGINAL JUICES?!" :evilgrin:

[DrWeird]

69. Ahh, this is a nice army base you have here colonel...

...hate to see anything...happen to it.

[Ouabache]

71. I'm French

Why do you think I have this OUTRAGEOUS accent? you silly king.

[WoodrowFan]

76. I ALMOST added that one

ran out of room.

[Unknown Known]

72. "Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."

From "The Holy Grail".

I say it all the time:P

[ronzo]

73. What's this? An organ donor card...

... Right!

[jus_the_facts]

80. So can we have your liver then......but...but.....I'M USING IT!!!

:7

[emad]

75. He's not dead, he's just pining...

Pining?
Yes, pining for the fijords.....
(dead parrot sketch)

[sybylla]

78. "You're the King? I didn't vote for you"

Think of it every time smirk gets a little to fat-headed, which is quite often. My kids love all these MP lines as they show up in a couple of their computer games. We've had to buy/rent the movies so they can see them in the original context. They are great MP fans.

[DinahMoeHum]

79. "You better eat me. . . Eat you, sir?. . .Yes, eat me. . .Ewww!!. . .

...with a gammy leg?"...

"...You needn't eat the leg, Thompson, there's still plenty of good meat there..."

(Still No Sign Of Land!!)


:evilgrin:

[baldguy]

85. Repeat. There is no cannabalism in the Royal Navy!

[Buck Turgidson]

84. OK, one more. A classic! "Know what I mean"

Man: 'Evening, squire!
Squire: (stiffly) Good evening.
Man: Is, uh,...Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more?
Squire: I, uh, I beg your pardon?
M: Your, uh, your wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh?
S: (flustered) Well, she sometimes "goes", yes.
M: Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, knowwhatahmean, nudge nudge?
S: (confused) I'm afraid I don't quite follow you.
M: Follow me. Follow me. That's good, that's good! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!
S: Are you, uh,...are you selling something?
M: SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay?

(pause)

M: Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE!
S: Well, I, uh....
M: Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, ay?
S: Um, she likes sport, yes!
M: I bet she does, I bet she does!
S: As a matter of fact she's very fond of cricket.
M: 'Oo isn't? Likes games, eh? Knew she would. Likes games, eh? She's been around a bit, been around?
S: She has traveled, yes. She's from Scarsdale.

(pause)

M: SAY NO MORE!!
M: Scarsdale, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire!
S: I wasn't going to!
M: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib? Is your uh, is your wife interested in....photography, ay? "Photographs, ay", he asked him knowlingly?
S: Photography?
M: Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?
S: Holiday snaps, eh?
M: They could be, they could be taken on holiday. Candid, you know, CANDID photography?
S: No, no I'm afraid we don't have a camera.
M: Oh. (leeringly) Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay?
S: Look... are you insinuating something?
M: Oh, no, no, no...yes.
S: Well?
M: Well, you're a man of the world, squire.
S: Yes...
M: I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh.... You've "done it"....
S: What do you mean?
M: Well, I mean like,....you've SLEPT, with a lady....
S: Yes....
M: What's it like?

Reference

[Sick of Bullshit]

87. DinsDAAAAAAAAAAALE!

[scarlet_owl]

88. "It's only wafer thin."

You have to say it in a French guy voice, so I guess I should have spelled it "It's onlay wayfea thin".

[TXlib]

89. If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?

http://www.city-net.com/~davekle/frog.html