Well, looks like I finally lost my mother's support. I might need yours.

[Ladyhawk]

I wrote the president of the local Democratic Club first. I figure they may be able to help me.

E-mail:
_________________

Dear Mr. and Mrs. XXXXXX

I'm writing to you because I'm not sure whom to contact about this.

I am on disability and require help for basic household tasks. Unfortunately, my family is dysfunctional and my mother is very controlling and intrusive. Since November 3rd, I've needed time to mourn. On two different occasions this week she used my apartment key to come in without asking permission. Tonight I went to her house to demand the key and she told me that she would not be able to continue helping me unless she had complete access to my apartment at all times. I got tired of having no boundaries when it comes to my mother. I couldn't handle the idea of her coming into my space any time she wants.

Did I mention that my entire family are rabid Bush-supporters? I've been mourning alone.

I've been suffering a Depressive relapse since the November 2 election. Depression was the main diagnosis that made me eligible for SSI Disability. Since then I've developed diabetes and herniated discs in my neck and possibly my back.

I've qualified for In-home Help Services, but there is no money to cover it (big surprise, huh?). I really need someone to come and be with me at least once a week to help me get my apartment in shape (I just moved), do my laundry, etc. I might be able to do it myself. I might need help. I really don't know how my body will react until I try it. I do need someone to help me focus because of the intense Depression.

Also, I have an appointment to see a neurosurgeon at UC Davis on December XXX. I need someone to go with me in case I get too fatigued to drive home. I'm going to need surgery sometime in the near future and it looks like my family isn't going to be there for me. They will only "be there for me" on their terms and their terms have become unacceptable. Their terms were always unacceptable, but after this election I just can't take it anymore.

If you know of someone who could help, please let me know.

Thanks in Advance,

Ladyhawk

[Sannum]

1. LadyHawk,

I don't think I can do anything but give you a big:hug:. I hope that the clouds pass and you can prevail over these challenges.

[madmax]

2. Contact your Congresscritter, Ladyhawk.

He/she should be able to help. :hug:

[NightTrain]

3. Ladyhawk, if you need financial help, perhaps we at DU can help out.

I, for one, would be happy to kick a few bucks into some kind of fund to help you pay for In-Home Help Services.

So, how about it, gang?

[Ladyhawk]

9. I don't want to do this unless I'm in serious trouble.

I'm looking into things. Mostly I want someone who will help me to help myself. I would like to do the work myself, but the flood in the bathroom on Nov. 3 showed me I'm not completely up to it.

I need the neck surgery and perhaps another low back surgery. Also, the Depression keeps me from focusing. I have trouble shopping, getting my meds, doing housework, practically everything. Nov. 2 didn't help one bit. :(

[toddzilla]

4. put a chain on the door..

it's cheaper.

[Ladyhawk]

10. Yeah, I've tried this. She just pounds on the door, yells and wakes...

...up all the neighbors. She knows I'm in there and I'd better answer the door!!!

So, I felt it was best to just be direct and ask for my key.

LH

[bobo4u]

16. Restraining order...

If your mother refuses to return your key, and you really want it back, you could ask your local police to get it for you.

Also, if you've aked your mother not to come over univited, and she ignores your request, you might want to consider getting a restraining order on her. Of course, that might end your relationship, but you might want to ponder whether or not your mother is contributing to your depression. Undoubtly, she is. Sometimes, people need to make a choice between themselves or family. Choose yourself. There is hope.

[Philostopher]

5. Have you tried Googling for local social service organizations?

You might be able to find somebody who sends out volunteers. I know your issues with religion, but perhaps there are secular organizations that could help you out with occasional volunteer time. There are several such in my area, but I know they're mostly affiliated with churches -- you might check with Volunteers Of America and see if they could offer you any alternatives.

www.voa.org

Even if they weren't nearby, they might know of somebody who was, who could offer you a few hours every now and then.

[Dookus]

6. second that

a social services agency will be able to help you more than the local party. Best of luck, Ladyhawk.

[Ladyhawk]

11. OK, I'll check it out...tried gov't social services already many times.

Local services have been gutted. I'll look at private social services. We'll see. :)

[Philostopher]

12. I don't think Volunteers is directly affiliated with the government.

I gave them a car, a few years ago, they accept donations like that and fix/resell. I noticed on their web site they do some disability/outcall stuff. The auto donation is the only interaction I've ever had with them, though.

Good luck, by the way -- I'd have a hard time making a call if I were in your situation, as well.

[Winamericaback]

7. ...

:hug:

You need it. I hope you can get the help you need!

[Ladyhawk]

8. Extra Info

Hi,

I'm not in Sacramento. I have to drive there to see a neurosurgeon. Also, I've already gone the social services route. Two different doctors--or was it three?--said I qualified for IHHS, sent off the paperwork, but I never heard from them.

It's kind of like the order for the MRI. I've been waiting a year. Last I heard it was approved, but there's no money to pay for it. That's what I've been told.

I'm on disability and Medi-Cal. Medi-Cal is hopelessly underfunded = no MRI = no IHHS.

[Karenca]

13. maybe you can get help from

a lawyer that specializes in Disability.
Maybe one from Legal Aid, so you don't have to pay them.

[bliss_eternal]

14. LadyHawk--I'm sorry that you're going through this...

...just wanted you to know. I also understand what it's like to deal with people that don't respect your boundaries. I have family members like this. Dh has an dysfunctional, overbearing and intrusive aunt. When we moved six months ago, we decided not to give her our new number. She recently invaded our space and figured out a way to manipulate her way into getting our new number (calling dh's former roommate and giving him some sob story).

We have to change our number again, and be even more selective about who gets it this time. But it will be worthwhile to us to have our privacy and not to have to screen EVERY call for fear of having to talk to her and deal with her incessant toxicity.

Things probably seem insurmountable right now. Know in your heart there is a way--and a way will come through for you.

Hugs to you!

[politicat]

15. If you're non-religious, you might try Atheist organizations.

There's a chapter of the American Humanists and the Atheists and Other Freethinkers in what I think is your area.

Near Sacramento?

They might be able to help. PM me for contact information.

Pcat

[sandnsea]

17. Try NAMI

You're in California, if I remember, right? www.namicalifornia.org They are the most wonderful people, at least when I contacted them for help with my step-son. Hopefully they have some volunteers to help you. As hard as it might be right now, maybe you will be better off with more independence from your family. I know they've been a real pain in the neck for your. :hug: