Have we simmered down yet?

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

Attention Liberals:

Hi, it's your old, dear friend Newsman Matt Drudge here. It's been a while since I've stopped by, especially since the last time when I was pelted from head to toe with puffin feces for some reason.

Well, I didn't come here to gloat, liberals. I've been dispatched by Our Glorious President to bridge the gap, as it were, and offer explanations as to how you liberals can live happily here in Republican America.

With that, I open the floor to any questions you may have about our campaign strategy, our base, or about your new lives under constant Christian-based surveillance.

Kind Regards,
Matt

[molly]

1. We aren't simmered down - we're just getting started

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

6. I understand

May I suggest an approach to help? I'd recommend you accept the Lord George W. Bush as your Savior. He is the Light, He is the Way. He is the voice of God, here on earth. Accept him, and you will be free.

Spiritually,
Matt

[molly]

9. I accept him as the evil one

the leader of greed, the instigator of the end of democracy.

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

12. I bought myself a new TV the other day

It's one of them plasma jobs. Huge ass thing. Takes up darn near an entire wall of my Potomac mansion. But it's really awesome when I watch my religious shows on Sunday morning, it's almost as if Jerry is there right beside me!

It's also nice for the stuff I watch every Saturday night, which is of a more personal nature.

Best,
Matt

[arwalden]

2. Hey!!! I've Missed You!!!

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

5. I've missed you too, arwalden. Madly.

It's been as a long winter's night, the sheets too thin to keep in the warmth. Now suddenly, seeing your post, the heat and the light return, shining splendor upon all the world.

Loving kindness,
Matt

[Fenris]

3. Are you a top or a bottom?

[HeeBGBz]

7. I may live here but I won't be happy.

Not until the atrocities stop.

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

8. I'm a middle

If you catch my drift.

Sandwichy,
Matt

[kick-ass-bob]

4. How was Josh last night?

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

11. Let me talk to you about love lost

She swept through the evening, as a ghost in the wind. Would that I could feel her, but alas, it was only a dream: unfulfilled. I lay awake, the desires rushing, then subsiding, as the sea laps lazily on the shore. OH DESIRE, WHY DOST THOU PEST ME SO. But such as it is, she is gone, and I must keep my strength. I shall soon require it.

With Care,
Matt

[demnan]

10. Check out the cooking group

You start simmering over there and someone's bound to put you in a pot!

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

13. Pot?

I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought there, which happens sometimes when I think about sweet, sweet illegal drugs. I love illegal drugs. I'll often yell at my staff, "Hey! Where are my illegal drugs?" and they will go fetch me my illegal drugs. It's ok, of course, that I consume literally, tons of illegal drugs every week. I'm a famous Newsman, and part of your new government, so I'll warn you about illegal drugs, while I sit in my huge ass house, using all manner of illegal drugs. I can do this, of course, because I've accepted Christ as my Savior, and that's all I need to do to get to heaven.

With Sound Clarity,
Matt