Oh. My. God. You MUST Read this NOW!!

[Modem Butterfly]

Okay, as some of you know, I'm in the HR department of a medium sized company. The people in my office tend to come in early, around 7 AM, and leave early. I usually end up staying later than everyone else. By this time in the afternoon (5:30) I'm one of the last people here.

So we have this Freeper type who is exceedingly homophobic, as in, he's creating a hostile work environment so we're in the middle of drawing up dismissal papers. That bad. He's also a germ freak. You know the type, always spraying his cube down with Lysol, wiping his phone, constantly cleaning his computer keyboard, complaining about employees who cough or sneeze in the office. A real latter-day "Howard Hughes" type. Part of his charm is that he likes to "jokingly" accuse the out gay employees of spreading the AIDS virus through the air.

So today, I'm catching up on some stuff. I'm thinking the office is empty, like it usually is at this hour. I need the copier, which is near Freeper McHomophobe's desk, and as I walk around the corner, I catch one of the gay employees SHOVING THE GUYS PHONE HANDSET DOWN THE FRONT OF HIS PANTS!

I was startled, to say the least. Phone Man nearly jumped out of his skin.

"What are you DOING?" I asked.

"Um... well..."

"Please don't tell me you're surreptiously placing penis particles on Freeper's handset,"

Phone Man started to giggle.

I didn't know what to say, so I started to laugh, too. "How long has this been going on?"

"Oh, for the last couple of weeks or so. I like to make myself cough all over his desk and computer too,"

"You're not actually sick or anything, I mean, in the physical sense, are you?"

"Um... I have crabs,"

I lost it, fellow DUers. Right then and there. Doubled over in laughter. Tears streaming down my cheeks and run in my stockings laughter. The fact that he hadn't yet taken the handset out of his pants just pushed me over the edge.

"Um... am I in trouble?"

"No, but I think you should stop sticking office equipment down your pants. And if I ever piss you off, please just come talk to me first, okay?"

Oh crap. They'll take away my SHRM membership for sure for this one.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

1. Incredible.

Guerilla War has broken out. And it's hilarious. ;-)

[methinks2]

2. WWWAAAAAHHHHHAAAAHHHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the laugh!!!!!!!!!:toast::toast::toast:

[wryter2000]

3. Oh, jeeze

LOL. I wonder if Mr. Freeper can get crabs in his hair from using the headset.

[Metatron]

4. Thank you so much for this!

I cannot stop laughing :7

[BlueEyedSon]

5. "Penis particles"???? LMFAO!!!

[Aristus]

6. It's kind of like the old story of the lady who was walking her dog

and properly carrying a paper sack to dispose of the doo-doo. The dog finished, and she cleaned up after it and headed for home. Before she could dispose of the bag in the trash she was accosted by a mugger, who grabbed the bag and bounded away with his well deserved reward. :-)

[laheina]

7. Just a hint.

If this guy ever gets his panties in a twist. Don't drink the coffee.

Hilarious.

[GOPisEvil]

8. I cannot approve of this type of activity.

Even though it's funny as hell.

[Alleycat]

9. Ahhh You don't work in radio do you???

I knew someone just like him when he worked in radio in PA and last I heard he re-located to Atlanta!! The Mc part got me thinking. He won't happen to look like the Bob's Big Boy with red hair would he???

[Modem Butterfly]

11. No, totally different industry

I know I should do something about this, but honestly, I can't bring myself to even think about it tonight.

[Carni]

25. All kidding aside I think I would remind him that the cleaning people

Are also stuck handling his "penis particles" (LOL)

I find this hilarious but I also shudder thinking about the poor unknowing Joe Blow (or Joe Blowette)that has to clean the cubes after hours! (and their job sucks enough as it is!)

[Modem Butterfly]

48. I've never seen the cleaners clean the phone handsets

But that's a good point.

[Carni]

78. When I worked in an office building

They used to blast them with spray cleaner every once in while
(granted it wasn't all the time!)

[yellowdogintexas]

10. takes the term "spitting in the soup" to a whole new level

doesn't it?
I love it...

For what it's worth, I would have collapsed in laughter too.

[Jack_Dawson]

12. That's Fucked Up

Freeper and Gay Man should both be canned. I can't defend either one.

Signed,

Soapbox

[queerart]

80. I'm With You........

Bad behavior on both parts.....

Not Good!

[GOPNotForMe]

96. Agreed

That's just wrong.

[redsoxliberal]

13. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

that is fucking hilarious!


For the record, slap the perpetrator on the wrists so that you can say you did something. This is deserved by the freeptard.

[crispini]

14. Oh. I'm absolutely breathless with laughter.

That's priceless. Thank you.

[Ima]

20. well

I guess you know what phone not to use now!:evilgrin:

[LiberalAndProud]

15. Thanks for the belly laugh. This is priceless.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

16. Ever wonder what he does to YOUR stuff?

Live in fear.......

[Stew225]

17. I've heard of phone sex but

this is amazing! Classic!

[MissB]

18. No way.

God, that is funny.

Did you suggest to him that he should take care of the crabs, too?

[Soopercali]

19. ROFLMAO.

Funniest damn thing I ever read.

[jukes]

21. tears

streaming down my cheex from laughing so hard. tough spot for you to be in!

i know i'm being WAY too serious today, but your freep sounds like an abuse case. that O/C cleanliness biz is frequently linked to guilt & often is displayed by rape/abuse victims. add the homophobia & it's really sad.

you've got no choice, o/c. if he's disrupting the work environment you have to do your job. if it impacts him hard enough, maybe he'll get the counseling help he needs...

[ohiosmith]

29. The o/c is an excellent point. He may be protected under ADA.

Freeper finds out about the phone incident and has a case himself against the firm for allowing a hostile environment to exist.

[Modem Butterfly]

40. Freeper's being termed tomorow morning

But it's a good point nonetheless.

[xpunkisneatx]

52. What? you dont know much about OCD

OCD is not linked to rape/abuse victims. I have had OCD since I was twelve and I for one was never raped or abused. Its a chemical imbalance. And you can't fire a guy who has OCD...it would be discrimination, and i can guaruntee he would sue the shit out of the company.

[jukes]

63. sorry if i offended

did NOT mean to sugg ALL O/C folks were rape/abuse victims; some are. i dated 1 for several years, she had several compulsions that were linked.

i'm sure there are many things that can prompt it to develop.

also, i hope i didn't seem superior or judgemental; in the earlier "anorexia" thread i discussed my own eating disorder & self-injury problems, in my case stemming from maternal battering as a child.

[xpunkisneatx]

67. Its ok...

I just find this whole post insanely offensive and disgusting. I for one am a clean freak and if someone ever did this to me, it would be devastating.

[Modem Butterfly]

66. It doesn't quite work that way

If someone has a disability covered under the ADA, they have to present documentation and request a "Reasonable Accommodation". For instance, we have an employee who is legally blind and we provide her with extra equipment and assistance to be able to perform her job. Some tasks that would normally be required of someone in her position are altered, as is the evaluation criteria. However, if she suddenly starts showing up to work drunk or something, we certainly have the right to term her.

In any event, Freeper McHomophobe has had ample time and feedback to alter his disruptive behavior. He hasn't altered his behavior nor has he offered an acceptable excuse or asked for a reasonable accommodation. And as far as I know, he does not have OCD.

[xpunkisneatx]

69. Well it certainly sounds like he does

Maybe you should consider asking him to get counseling before you go and fire him.

[Modem Butterfly]

71. We have

His disruptive behavior persists. It has created a hostile working enviornment. We can't expect the other employees to accomodate his poor behavior, nor will we tacitly endorse bigotry. He has not requested a reasonably accommodation, and frankly, I don't believe the ADA was designed to protect AIDS jokes. He's been warned, he hasn't changed, tomorrow he's gone. End of story.

Well, not quite. I don't know what we're going to do with Phone Man.

[pdx_prog]

94. Nominate him for employee of the month....lol...n/t

[tigereye]

101. gosh I thought I had heard everything

( I work for a mental health agency and did my stint as a manager) - I swear people are not aware of how much stuff employers have to deal with. Bless you for your sense of humor, fairness and good luck.

[RevolutionaryActs]

22. Most hilarious thing EVER! I'm almost crying from laughter!!! nt

[tridim]

23. Wasn't that a Seinfeld episode?

I think Elaine rubbed some germ freak's keyboard on her ass.

[Modem Butterfly]

46. I never watched Seinfeld when it was on

But my boss and I were talking about doing something like that last week. This guy has us all beyond frustrated

[Carni]

24. OH MY!

LOL!

[G23]

26. .

[ohiosmith]

27. You know that Phone Man is going to let it be known what he did and

you saw it and thought it was funny. If Freeper finds out about it, and he will, he will have one hell of an action for wrongful termination. What would you have done if you had caught Freeper doing something so disgusting to Phone Man's handset? Likely fired him on the spot.

[Flaxbee]

32. ya know, I agree with

ohiosmith... you need to figure out how you would have responded if anyone else had done this to someone else's, not just a Freeper's, phone. If you don't handle this well, you could be in big doo-doo if PhonePants guy does tell, and he very well might, even if you ask him not to.

I never was an employment lawyer, only corporate, but I still think in terms of liabilities and you need to protect yourself and your company. And on edit, I might add that the doo-doo will be exceedingly deep if PhonePants guy does indeed have crabs and wasn't joking. If some guy can get 12+ months in jail for a joke about a burning bush, Freeper guy could go all wacky about bioterrorism if he finds out. I'm not trying to be alarmist, but if PP guy is really ill, laugh about it tonight but fix it first thing tomorrow morning. Seriously. You don't fuck with people's health.

[ohiosmith]

34. Thanks Flaxbee. I've seen companies pay out big $s and otherwise

excellent employees have their career's ended as a result of incidents like this. You have to do what's right, like it or not.

[jukes]

38. good point

& foneboy was wrong, no dowt. one of those things that strike you as funny, but bears reflexion.

i'm sobered.

[Modem Butterfly]

44. Freeper's being termed tomorrow

Due to his poor behavior, Freeper is being termed tomorrow. I'm not sure what I'll do with Phone Man. I've got an early meeting with my boss to prepare for the term, I guess we'll talk it over then.

This is gonna sound weird, but I really love my job. I get to see a very broad range of human behavior. This company has given me experience and anecdotes for a long time.

[Modem Butterfly]

42. I don't think so

I doubt this individual will brag about this situation. I don't want to give out too many details, but he's a junior VP.

Personally, I'm not big on firing people on the spot. That's how lawsuits get started.

[Plaid Adder]

28. Wow. A "MUST READ" post that's actually a must read!

That's friggin' hilarious.

C ya,

The Plaid Adder

[redqueen]

30. Holy moly!

I sure am glad I'm nice to everyone...

:scared:

[MissMarple]

31. First genuine LOL today!

Thanks. I'm sending this to the girl child. Too funny.

[Lex]

33. Phone Man is my hero!

And I love that the two of you had a whole conversation while the phone receiver was still stuck down his pants!

[FizzFuzz]

35. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHA---KLUNK

That's me laughing my ass off. :D

I can't stand homophobes, especially mean ones.

[Shoeempress]

36. Thank you for posting that I really needed a good laugh today.

[Jack Schitt]

37. ROFL!

That's fucking hilarious! It was justified, though.

Cruel, yet hilarious!

[HEIL PRESIDENT GOD]

39. A true confession...

I pissed A LITTLE in someone's shampoo bottle once, for silent revenge.

[Kire]

41. this is really sick

fire them both, and then quit

[Guy Fawkes]

112. I second that...

The three of you (the homophobe, the gay man, and you) have all acted extremely inappropriately. If this is the sort of thing that people at DU can find funny- and condone- then perhaps I should leave. Thats.... completely disgusting.

[Modem Butterfly]

118. Now this one hurts

I hate to think I'm driving anyone away from DU.

Look, people do some strange things, and some of those strange things are done at work. Those of us who end up dealing with the strange things on a regular basis (i.e., HR) end up kind of cynical about it. I won't try to tell you that if the situation were different I wouldn't have reacted differently (I'm not sure anyone can honestly say that about anything), but I will tell you that if you leave DU over one particular thread, I think you'll be losing much more than you gain.

Please, feel free to put me on "ignore". Flame me. Send me hateful e-mails about how I should be fired. But don't let this thread be the deciding factor in whether you stay or go. It's simply a small part of a much bigger picture.

[Shakespeare]

120. Please don't feel bad. Some people seem unable to understand that....

...in some situations, one encounters something so absurd and outrageous that the only response is laughter. You've obviously dealt professionally with the situation by counseling pantsboy this morning, so I don't see how anyone here can accuse you of not doing your job.

But when one unexpectedly encounters something like you did--are they really expected to immediately morph into Perfect HR Person and rattle off the company-approved response at the drop of a hat? I think I would've reacted exactly as you did.

I'm guessing that most of the "outraged" posters on this thread probably don't get Fellini, either.

Thanks for the laugh, btw. ;-)

[bigwillq]

43. Now this is one story I'm telling at the Thanksgiving Day table

A classic.


What a riot.

[ikojo]

45. An HR person with a heart as well as a

sense of humor. You must be a rarity that's for sure. Most HR people I've met are pure corporate robot types who believe in corporado uber alles.

[Modem Butterfly]

47. Most HR people are pretty cool

They just have to hide it around the employees.

But thanks for the complimet!

[fishnfla]

49. excuse me while i dont find this funny at all

pediculosis is a very contagious condition. Your employee can carry this home and infect people unwittingly by close casual contact, including children(you dont have to have pubic hair to contact it, they can live and breed on eyelashes, in children they have an affinity for the lashes) If you have ever seen a child suffering from this condition, as I have, I am pretty sure you wouldn't laugh, it is very ugly and without proper diagnosis and treatment leads to months of suffering.

Knowingly transferring a communicable disease is a serious crime for this reason. As far as I'm concerned, you are an accomplice to the crime.

You should be ashamed

[Modem Butterfly]

57. Oh lighten up Francis

Most people who get lice ("pediculosis") live to tell the tale, even children. Hell, lice is so common that schools have regular screenings, and yes, I've seen children with lice, I've been a child with lice, and it really wasn't that big of a deal. So unclench.

Of course, all of this pre-supposes that said lice could A) be transmitted to a smooth, cold surface B) survive on such surface for 12+ hours C) survive the intitial heavy application of disinfectant spray and wipes and D)Freeper McHomophobe having warm blood for said lice to feast upon.

[fishnfla]

70. Yes, I was wrong

pediculosis is the common form> Phthisriasis palpebrarum is the condition to which I was referring, which is when the pubic crab louse, infests the eyelashes and is often misdiagnosed. Especially in children, who are not sexually active, it is missed, as there is no scalp infestation.


But you are wrong too, the eggs or "nits" of this condition are viable for up to seven days in numerous flora, which is why sheets and towels must be cleaned in an infestation. Your phone guy is contagious, human resource person.

Good luck with that

[Modem Butterfly]

74. Thanks!

I'm a lot more worried about Phone Man suing us over Freeper McHomophobe's behavior than I am about whether or not Phone Man has some sort of uber crabs that are able to survive several hours away from a host in order to possibly infect children he doesn't actually have.

[Impolitico]

81. ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!! n/t

[Modem Butterfly]

92. Update on Freeper McHomophobe and Phone Man

Okay, so this morning I met with my boss about terming Freeper McHomophobe. We have all the necessary documentation. Then I explain to her what happened last night. My boss is an older lady, a devout Christian who's about 4'10". She's great, but she's definitely spunky. So, I explained about Phoneman.

"He had Freeper's phone handset? In his drawers?"

"Yes ma'am," I say, trying not to laugh.

"Really?"

"Yep, absolutely,"

"Next to his junk?"

OH MY GOD. I lost it. She lost it. We laughed for five minutes.

In the end, Freeper was termed for his disruptive behavior. He went quietly and was out the door by 9.

Phone Man has been officially warned. Any further equipment/genital contact will result in further disciplinary action, up to and including termination. He has apologized profusely and thanked us for our understanding.

All's well that ends well.

[fishnfla]

100. Let me get this straight

You retained the sick guy AND documented his actions? You might want to run this by your legal department.

Has his condition been treated? What kind of individual knowingly walks around with a pubic lice infestation anyway?

I mean, is he bringing uninvited guests to your office Christmas party?

[Modem Butterfly]

115. Yep, that's exactly what we did

We documented the situation so that A) we can prove we followed our progressive discipline policy and B) we have a hedge against a potential lawsuit filed by Phone Man.

I personally have no interest in the condition of Phone Man's genitals. I'm not sure why you have such a keen interest in it. Whatever you think goes on in a typical HR department, I assure you, policing veneral disease isn't a top priority.

I have no idea how long it takes to get rid of crabs. Perhaps it takes longer than one treatment- last night, you seemed quite expert in the subject of pubic lice. Perhaps you would care to enlighten us?

We do not issue invitations to our Holiday party based on the health, or habitation as it were of our employees. The guy with crabs is as invited as the girl with lupus.

[Mick Knox]

50. This is the sickest shit i've ever read

All 3 of you should be canned. Your company has a HORRIBLE and illegal work, not to mention disgusting, work environment - and I would say getting rid of all 3 of you would do a bunch to start cleaning it up.

[GypsyRose]

51. Sorry I fail to see humour in this - sick (nt)

[xpunkisneatx]

53. I agree

I find it very offensive and shame on you all for making fun of someone elses disability. You should all feel like shit.

[auburngrad82]

86. Is homophobia a disability now? n/t

[xpunkisneatx]

89. no...

But OCD is

[Metatron]

98. Being a clean freak is not necessarily OCD.

Just because some people on the Internet "diagnose" him as OCD does not mean he's disabled.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

106. Now how the HELL do you know he has OCD?

That has to be DIAGNOSED.

And for that matter, for everyone up in arms about phone man's supposed crabs, no one here knows if he was joking or not, so chill.

Sounds like everything was taken care of.

[JimmyJazz]

56. Welcome to DU, but

if you think this isn't funny, I'd stay away from Short Bus President!

:toast:

:hi:

[pagerbear]

54. OK, hands up everyone who thought the guy really had crabs.

<pager keeps hands at side>

[Maddy McCall]

55. Same thing I thought. Who in hell would admit having crabs to a...

near stranger in ANY circumstance?

[Modem Butterfly]

59. We're not near strangers

We've worked together for awhile now, though before tonight I wouldn't have said I know him well (after tonight, I'd have to say I don't know him at all!). He was laughing when he said it though, so maybe he was joking.

[Mick Knox]

58. Doesnt matter

He says he did. Maybe he has more? Maybe nothing. I dont want to put a phone that he was playing rub the monkey with up to my mouth whether he does or not.

We have 2 employees playing dirty and nasty games with the health of employees in an office (one can only imagine what else goes on) and a homophobe.

Sounds like a terrible place to work. This stuff doesnt go on in companies forever; there was no free pass on this. I've been in MGMT long enough to know that stuff like this is chronic in nature and eventually it will all come crashing down... I imagine our laughing poster wont be laughing then.

[Modem Butterfly]

62. I don't know where you've worked, but this was a new one on me

I'm not entirely sure who the other employee is playing dirty and nasty games with the health of another employee. Maybe you have a confession to make?

In any event, this situation certainly won't last forever. Freeper is getting termed tomorrow for his previous behavior. And while it's a shame to terminate any employee, I'm not losing any sleep over this one.

[Mick Knox]

64. Well the way I see it

is you allow a guy run around your office rubbing his genitals all over the office equipment, coffee machine, potted plants, or god knows what else; so you are part of the problem.

[Modem Butterfly]

68. I think you need to re-read the original post

It seems like you've missed a lot.

[progmom]

77. I'm sorry - I can't stop laughing!

Stop - make it stop!
I'm going to wake up my two-year-old.

Seriously, Modem Butterfly - you rock.

:yourock:

[Kber]

83. As a fellow HR person

I can certainly relate. Honestly, most people have no idea about the things that can go on in an office! Think about all the strange people you know. Any of them independently wealthy? No? So they must work somewhere!

[fishnfla]

73. Whats that word?

Charlatans

[Pithlet]

60. You're kidding.

Oh my God!

And, lol at Freeper McHomophobe.

[Mr_Spock]

61. Wow, that made my day - thanks for posting this.

I'll think about this the next time our creeper freeper is skulking around the office looking to plant his ignorant ideas on innocent victims. HAHAHAHA!!! I LOVE that story.

Got any suggestions for loud mouth Repukes that can't shut the fuck up when you are at a bar that you usually hang out at? I need options!

[Lady Sonelle]

65. I'd Have Laughed Uproariously, and Then I Would Order Him

on pain of instant dismissal, to clean the phone off NOW!

Then I'd have laughed again, scolded him for endangering the health of even so obnoxious an employee,

then laughed again and warned him that any further incidents would result in immediate termination,

and then I would have laughed all the way to the car!

One really cannot allow such things to go on... but that does NOT mean one cannot laugh one's tail off in the meantime!

Lady Sonelle

[Arkana]

72. It was wrong

But it was fucking hilarious, and that outweighs anything else.

[Baja Margie]

75. See how it all comes back to you

in one way or another, jeez that was grest, thanks.

[Groggy]

76. YAAAAAAAA!!!!

That is hilarious!! And truly disgusting!!

[WoodrowFan]

79. it could have been worse

it could have been a woman with a yeast infection!!

seriously, phone man needs to have his wrist slapped at least.....

[BamaGirl]

82. Omg lmao!!

[DS1]

84. Oh. My. God. I did that to a FReeper in 2001

:shrug:

No crabs though.

[Fleshdancer]

85. One of the funniest stories ever told on DU

LMAO!

[auburngrad82]

87. I'm getting a hands-free set at lunch! Can't take any chances n/t

[hippiechick]

88. Um ....

"You know the type, always spraying his cube down with Lysol, wiping his phone, constantly cleaning his computer keyboard, complaining about employees who cough or sneeze in the office. A real latter-day "Howard Hughes" type."


So if Phone Man ADMITTED that he purposely sneezes and coughs in McFreeper's area ... in addition to the phone thing, then bummer as it might be, McFreeper isn't lying about his 'charges', now is he ?


:shrug:


:hippie:

[ohiosmith]

91. Too true HC. Without excusing McFreeper's offensive and disruptive

behavior, he may have had legitimate cause for concern about the level of cleanliness in his area. Additionally, Phone Man is a scumbag regardless of his politics, sexual persuasion, religion, etc. A Junior VP yet. If he isn't dealt with he will see this incident as a pass to take whatever action he deems appropriate when he again feels he has been offended. He will tell others what he did and he will use it against those who excused his actions if he thinks it will benefit him.

[Modem Butterfly]

95. I disagree

Phone Man's always been a steady employee with a good work ethic and an excellent background. He manages a small group of people who consistantly out-perform others in the company. Until last night, we've never had a problem with him. Freeper's jokes and comments, which were not directed at Phone Man because Phone Man is still closeted at work, were so over the top, I'm inclined to think that Phone Man snapped. I'm not an advocate of knee-jerk terminations, particularly with top-performing employees.

We've documented the incident. He's been officially warned. He gets a second chance, just as Freeper McHomophobe got a second chance (and a third and even a fourth).

[ohiosmith]

97. It's good that he has been warned. Top performers sometimes

feel as though they are "bullet-proof" and will take liberties that others would not. Last night was the first time he was caught. You don't know what he has been up to that you are unaware of.

[Modem Butterfly]

99. He liked to make a very big show of cleaning his area of "Faggot Germs"

He also screamed in horror whenever another man, whether gay or straight, touched him. As in one time, a fellow employee (NOT Phone Man) handed him a file and accidentally touched his hand. He screamed "RAPE! ATTEMPTED HOMO RAPE! HELP!" And laughed nice and long about it.

No, his charges weren't legit.

[ohiosmith]

102. Considering the examples of employees you describe, your firm

may want to review its pre-employment screening process.

[fishnfla]

103. you know whats interesting?

our company policy is "zero tolerance" It is stated plainly in the employee manual: any sexual or inappropriate misbehavior of any type, you are fired.

I would imagine that if this phone guy was straight and got his jollies by rubbing his unit on a female co-workers phone, and was caught red-handed, he would be fired.

[ohiosmith]

104. Here too. Phone guy is a sick shit bag. Top performer or not he

would be turfed.

[Pithlet]

109. Yeah. He should be fired, too.

But it was still funny as hell.

[Modem Butterfly]

114. We have a progressive discipline policy

Different companies work differently.

[Modem Butterfly]

113. I really appreciate your concern.

Thanks for the tip!

[Phillycat]

90. That is really gross and uncalled-for.

And I don't find the story funny at all.

I'm a manager and if I knew one of my employees had been complicit with another employee who was deliberately contaminating a third employee's workspace, I'd fire both of the first two employees.

[ohiosmith]

93. I am so on your side J. I am very disturbed that so many folks

here not only think this is funny, but condone Phone Man's actions.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

105. OMG that killed me

I mean ALMOST literally killed me.

I was eating Seven Grain Wheatables while reading that (very hungry and lunch isn't ready yet!) and I laughed hard and inhaled some of the wheatable and ended up almost choking to death.

I still can't see right and there are tears pouring down my face. My voice sounds funny, too.

Thanks that was hilarious. And nearly fatal.

[Shakespeare]

116. Thank god you weren't eating pretzels!

;-)

[GumboYaYa]

107. I have tears in my eyes from laughing at that one.

[Downtown Hound]

108. Heheheheheheh!

A cautionary tale to all homophobes if I ever heard one!

[KansDem]

110. "Um... I have crabs"

I hope Freeper McHomophobe likes seafood!

[rbnyc]

111. LMAO!

Awesome story. I think your response was appropriate.

;-)

[Dora]

117. Great story.

And an entirely appropriate response to the situation.

[dkofos]

119. Will you let him take his phone with him.

Just asking

Still laughing