god, it sucks being in love with your best frend!

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

and being afraid to tell her, out of fear of losing what you have. you know, sometimes life really stinks.

[Tweed]

1. Is she single?

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

5. yes

for quite a while now

[Tweed]

10. How old are you guys and how long have you been friends?

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

16. both 27

friends for about a year and a half-hang out daily these days, etc

[Tweed]

20. Here's my advice then

If you are 27, been best friends for about a year, and she has been single for awhile, I see this as a prime time for you to bring up your feelings. At 27, you don't need to be settling down, but I can guarntee she is thinking about it. If you bring it up, she's bound to at least consider it if she isn't already praying that you make the first move. You have a great thing going so you should try to take it to the next step.

The other thing is, by continuing to be friends, you aren't even being honest with her. That's not a good way to have a friendship.

I've been in a similiar situtation and I ended up dating someone else. After I started dating the other girl, I found that I wasn't that interested in her. Not only that, but the only way I started dating the other girl was through a blind date. I was wrapped up in my friend and I would pass on good dates and put girls up to a absurd standard. The girl became somewhat of a fallback for me. "Well if I date this one, I won't have a shot with my friend." Once I got into the realtionship I was able to look at my friendship with more prespective.

You should make your feelings known for three reasons:
1. You may end up very happy
2. You are having an unhonest friendship if you don't
3. She may not be your soulmate and you will pass off dating other women because of her.

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

21. thanks

i'll bear it al lin mind

[Chovexani]

2. Been there, done that.

Got the therapy. :(

[budkin]

8. Ugh. Me too.

You're not kidding about therapy either. :-(

[yorgatron]

3. give it up

trust me.signed-the original "i love you,but as a friend" guy :(

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

6. as i fear

she's way out of league

[Technowitch]

4. Not if one happens to be married to one's best friend...

...but I understand what you mean. When I was growing up, I had the WORST feelings for my best friend.

Unrequited love is the pits.

Tell her, Adenoid. It won't ruin the friendship, trust me on this. You may not get what you hope for, but it will NOT ruin the friendship. And on the other side of things... you -might- get what you hope for. But you never will unless you say something to her.

Good luck.

[Borgnine]

7. Oooh, been there.

It hurts. It's hell.

I told mine. We came incredibly close to having a relationship. Then she got scared and pretended like it never happened. It practically ruined the friendship, but we realized how much we missed each other and patched things up. I still have feelings for her though, and it's blistering whenever she starts dating a new guy.

I don't know if you should tell her or not. Truthfully, I feel so much better that it's out in the open. If I was still carrying the secret, I'd be going nuts.

[lakemonster11]

9. Well (since we seem to be having a pity party),

last year I was in love with my best friend, who who also my *housemate*, and who had a girlfriend across the country who he talked to on the phone for *hours* everyday, but who would try to jump me whenever he got lonely, or tipsy, or bored. :eyes:

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

11. Why do we humans live by the code.........

....to only have sex with folks we would never just be friends with, and refuse to have sex with those we consider our best friends?

[dorktv]

12. I had the same problem. But what happened with me is

he started dating someone else, wanted to tell me about it and then found out what was going on with me. This was two weeks ago and I have no idea if he is with her or not. He refuses to tell me anything.

I am not sure if I loved him as he is now or as he will be when he finishes growing up. (he is 24 and most guys are unfinished at this stage) I know what a great person he will be and the person he is, is pretty good too. I would continue but this is making me cry.

[BlazeCarson5]

13. Had the same problem

only it was worse cuz i dated her best friend too.... But after two years of loving her secretly, we got together and have been living together for 3 years and are getting married this spring... Id say go for it cuz your significant other should be your best friend anyway ... basically your half way there.. Tough situation though good luck!

[Ready4Change]

14. Has she ever said "let's just be friends?"

See, from your message there's a whole range of relationship dynamics that might be going on. She might just want to be friends, for any of many reasons. (I suspect there are girls you just want to be friends with, too.) Or, she might be interested too, but wanting you to make the first move, or hasn't worked up her own nerve yet. Or, she might have just not considered you in a romantic type of role. If you ask her out she might get ideas, maybe good ones.

Really, the only BAD outcome would happen if she's only hanging around you because you provide her with something useful, ie: she's using you. Do you fix her car? Do her homework for her? Make her computer run? Buy her things? If so, she's USING you, and you're better off if she leaves your company.

Hope you can figure things out and get happy.

[Tweed]

17. Agreed

She may be really interested in you, but girls don't make the first move. It's up to you buddy.

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

18. good points

she's not using me in any way, that's for sure.

honestly, i'm a pretty insecure guy and it takes me a while to get up the nerve to ask anyone out. In her case, it's even more difficult, as how do you just bring it up out of the blue one day?

she may honestly have no idea. she may know fully well. i have no idea. but i'm afraid to find out

[Ready4Change]

22. I know where you're coming from.

Story of my life, really, romantically. In all of my relationships there really was NEVER the perfect opportunity to "start things up." Each time required at least a momentary leap of faith, and is something I find to be PETRIFYING.

I'm married now, and in hindsight I think much of the pressure I felt came from the idea that, if I asked "her" then EVERYTHING would happen all at once. Either she'd laugh in my face and run to tell all our friends what a bozo I was, or she'd leap into my arms covering me with passionate kisses and whatnot.

Believe me, things NEVER happened like that. First, I never had the nerve to just cold ask for a date. I always started with little things, and if that got a positive result, things got progressively less stressful. OTOH, if the little things got negative results I got the clue early and stopped without anyone losing much face.

[johnaries]

15. Been there, MoveOn.Orgasm.

Seriously, your lover is SUPPOSED to be your best friend! If you are in love with your best friend and your best friend is not in love with you, it's time to find a new best friend. Otherwise, you'll find yourself as a "co-dependent" and your best friend will suck your soul right out of you. She won't mean to, but she will. What kind of best friend is that? Best friends and Lovers are 2-way streets - you're on a one way street going the wrong way. Trust me, if I knew then what I know now....

[jdots]

19. You can make this worse

if you feel that she would never be more than a friend to you and you feel much stronger,you may have to hide your feelings to remain her friend.You have to say that your love is too good to wasted.If you feel possesive about her,you should do the hardest thing and walk away,love someone that loves back.
it sucks but with some space & time you will be happier and be able to laugh about it some day

[progdonkey]

23. story of my life...

I've gone through the exact same thing. My best friend my senior year in high school was this extraordinarily beautiful Italian-Indonesian girl (whom I still keep in contact with). Luckily, she had a boyfriend at the time, so the entire issue of dating was a no-go. Once they broke up, however, it was awkward. Yadda, yadda, yadda, she's now a lesbian, and we're still friends--and her boyfriends have to live with the belief that they turned her gay. (Now I'm glad we never dated!) They're George, I'm Kramer. :-)

You really need to ask yourself if you really do love her in that way. I was--and still largely am--very insecure and had never had any romantic relationships and only few friendly relationships with women. I think what happened is that this beautiful girl was able to fill the "best friend" role in my life, but the "girlfriend" role was still open. Because I was too scared to pursue another woman to fill the girlfriend role, I wanted my friend to fill that role as well.

So, you have to ask yourself if it's a matter of the two of you truly being a good match, or that you are simply afraid of opening yourself to rejection from other women. I don't mean to be hard on you, but if it's the latter (as it was with me, and just sounds like the more likely scenario), then you're basically using her to protect yourself from rejection: if I ask some other girl, she might say no, but if I ask my best friend, she'll say yes because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings (basically, you'd be abusing your friendship.)

Good luck with whatever choice you take, but I would strongly urge you to just accept her has a great friend--great friendships don't come around every day.