The Creation of West Virginia

[Hubert Flottz]

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing

for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found Him, resting on

the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have You been?"



God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed

downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made!"



Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"



"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm

going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a great place of balance."



"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.



God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For

example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and

wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over

there will be a hot spot. And over there I've placed a continent of

white people, while over here is a continent of black people."



God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one

will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and

covered in ice."



The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a

large landmass and said, "What's that one?"



"Ah," said God. "That's West Virginia, the most glorious place

on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets and rolling
hills.

The people from West Virginia are going to be modest, intelligent and

humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will
be

extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be

known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."



Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,

"What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"



God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm

putting around them in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Kentucky ,Virginia &

Tennessee."

That's the Gospel!!!!!!!!!

[davidinalameda]

1. Amen to that!

I need to pass this along

[Hubert Flottz]

2. Found that in my email!

I didn't know Gawd surfed the net!

[radwriter0555]

29. Why is it so difficult to solve crimes in West Virginia?

Answer:
All their DNA is the same and since they have no teeth, there are no dental records.

:bounce:

[corarose]

30. Excuse Me!

I am from Chicago but my relatives are from WV and they have all of their teeth and I don't.
No one is related in my family except for my Aunt and Uncle and they were 2nd cousins and they had all of their damn teeth.

I am the only family member who has lost every tooth in their mouth.

I don't like WV jokes and they are the best people in the world when it comes to being nice.

[Hubert Flottz]

34. We don't have much crime here except those stealing Repubs!

The sniper is probably a Neo Nazi from somewhere out west, or a Coal Company Thug! I'm soon to be 53 and I have real teeth to eat all this fine trout and other goodies still to be found here!


BTW, radwriter0555 tell us where you live, I'll bet it's almost heaven there! I may have lived there at one time or another!

I would say something like, 'I got your DNA A-hangin'', but I'm too nice to say things like that!

[JVS]

3. Hey, lay off of PA!

[FDRrocks]

5. Agreed!

[Girlfriday]

4. Groan

As a Pennsylvanian I have to agree. You know what they say there is Pittsburgh in the west, Philadelphia in the east and Alabama in between. We still have State liquor stores for God's sake!

[Hubert Flottz]

7. We privatized our liquor stores awhile back!

About everyone makes their own here anyhoo!

[Girlfriday]

10. Where's here?

[Hubert Flottz]

24. RE: Where?

Charleston WV!

[underpants]

6. I thought WV was created by cowrds you didn't want to fight a war

Oooh OUCH

:bounce:

The trade off is that we got toothbrushes.

[Hubert Flottz]

8. That's why you got tooth brushes you only got 1 tooth!

We have Teeth Brushes here! Gals in VA floss with a 1" rope I heard!

[underpants]

9. HA!

Couldn't you guys have come up with your own name?

Appalachia
Mountain land
Huntingtonia

[Champion Jack]

11. WVA has been on the top of my list of places to re-locate to

--been on 2 scouting trips and almost have the Mrs. convinced...







.

[Hubert Flottz]

12. Come on we'd love to have you!

You'll not find better neighbors anywhere! We still talk to each other!

[Champion Jack]

13. Sounds good to me!

I am soooo done with California.
I'm finding some interesting places around Ellensboro, and the north central part of the state. I have a good friend who moved to New Martinsville a couple of years ago, and got a place right on the Ohio river. Beautiful.

[Hubert Flottz]

16. Ellensboro is a nice little town!

The hunting and fishing is really good up there! They are building a nice lake on the Hughes River near there! Should be a real Musky fishing heaven in a few years! I bowhunt up there some for deer and see 50 a day sometimes!

I lived in LA county for awhile(69-70)and I liked it! The pace of living here is much more laid back! You never need to leave the state on vacation!

[Champion Jack]

21. I'm in L.A. and it's just too damn crowded here

When they took the 3 acre lot across the street from me and built 20! (count 'em 20) Mac mansions that was the last straw.

We were digging through United country's site and she/the boss really liked this one, because it seems close to some college towns:

"57 acres CLOSE PROXIMITY (WITHIN 15 MINUTES) TO PARKERSBURG OR WILLIAMSTOWN, WV OR PERHAPS MARIETTA, THIS PROPERTY HAS GREAT ACCESS AND IS COMPLETE WITH SPRINGS, SEASONAL STREAMS & ELECTRICITY ON SITE. ONLY 3 MILES FROM MAJOR INDUSTRIAL PLANTS IN PLEASANTS CO, WV."

The only thing that worries me is the industrial plants part.

[Hubert Flottz]

23. Newer coal fired power plants with latest scrubbers installed!

Willow Island & Pleasants powerplants! There are some chemical plants in the area also, but they are in Parkersburg and Marietta(15 miles away)! The area you're talking about is very nice, because it's out in the country, but still close enough to town to have all the comforts close by!

[Champion Jack]

26. Thanks Hubert!

I'll be calling the realtor today!

[McDiggy]

32. HAHA, Parkersburg!!

Parkersburg is like the cancer capital of the Eastern seaboard, I worked at the city hospital for about 2 years, it depressing. Of course, the plants have NOTHING to do with this whatsoever *snicker*. Oh, and it's rather republican, too. I lived there for all 20 years of my life until I transfered to Morgantown for Pharm School. It's great as far as crime/bad things go. The worst thing to happen in the last 10 years were a high school football coach allegedly molesting an underage player 2 years ago and a plant having an explosion killing 3 people about 7 or 8 years ago. Cost-of-living is bloody anemic. They also have the best pizza in the world at The Pizza Place.

[Hubert Flottz]

35. I lived near Ravenswood for a few years and loved it out there!

It's about 30 miles down the Ohio from Parkersburg and the air is clean! People who work in chemical plants anywhere take a huge risk! The Bomb tests out west caused cancer nationwide IMHO! Now Bush wants to start weapons testing again!

The Clean air act was a great thing for the entire country, but Bush is out to void that! Still the air and water quality in this area is far better than it was when I was a kid! Vinyl Chloride, Dioxin and PCBs produced by chemical plants are all killers that's for sure, but before Bush the emissions were being cut bigtime! Now the plants are sneaking around and dumping chemicals into the air again while people sleep! The Patriot act is helping them get away with the dumping!

Check this website out:

30 YEARS OF RECKLESS GERM, CHEMICAL, AND RADIOLOGICAL WARFARE TESTING

http://home.comcast.net/~kknowlto/index.htm#books

[dofus]

14. West Virginians

in my experience are uniformly nice people.

I used to work at National Airport in Washington DC, many years ago, for and airline that had daily flights to Clarksburg and Morgantown. Even when those flights were delayed or cancelled, those passengers NEVER complained and were unfailingly cheerful and polite.

[Hubert Flottz]

17. You read those folks right for sure!

You're welcome to WV anytime and about everyone will tell you the same thing! We have fought for our lives here against outside crooks, thieves and plunderers since 1863! We are a very tight community because of it! Bad is an everyday thing to us here, but we don't let it get us down! I have moved away several times over the years, but I've found that there truly is no place like home! IMHO the good here far outweighs the bad!

[cmd]

15. I'm a believer, little brother

I've lived in Heaven and I know it's true.:yourock:

[Hubert Flottz]

18. Southeastern Ohio is beautiful too!

I've worked up and down the Ohio most of my adult life and I have many friends along Rt 7! Hope we can have a southern Ohio/WV gettogether when we thump Bush next year!

[Jeff in Cincinnati]

19. WVU Class of '86

I hated to leave, but I love coming back to visit.

[Hubert Flottz]

20. I love Morgantown!

I married a lady from Morgantown BTW!

[Jeff in Cincinnati]

42. So did my brother!

That's how I "discovered" West Virginia, having grown up on the prairies of Illinois. I first went there for the wedding and then applied to graduate school at WVU as soon as I got home.

[Ohio Dem]

45. You have many friends along route 7?

I live 8 miles from route 7. Of course, 7 is a long road, so you could mean anywhere.

What parts of SE Ohio are you familiar with?

[TioDiego]

22. Is that why they call it "West By God Virginia"?

[Hubert Flottz]

25. Everywhere we roam, when we tell people we're from .............

West Virginia their very first question is: Oh, What Part Of Virginia Are You From? So we say 'West By Gawd', so we are understood the from the get go!

[SiobhanClancy]

27. I heard this version years ago

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God, "where were you?".

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; "look son, look what I'm after making". Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "what is it?"

God replied, "it's another planet but I'm after putting LIFE on it. I've named it Earth and there's going to be a balance between everything on it. For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them - that's going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. I've put a continent of whites in the north and another one of blacks in the south."

And then the archangel said, "and what's that green dot there?". And God said "ahhh that's the Emerald Isle - that's a very special place. That's going to be the most glorious spot on earth: beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, and an exquisite coast line."

"These people here are going to be great craic and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be playwrights and poets and singers and songwriters. And I'm going to give them this black liquid which they're going to go mad on and for which people will come from the far corners of the earth to imbibe."

Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration but then seeming startled proclaimed: "Hold on a second, what about the BALANCE, you said there was going to be a balance.

God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the neighbours I'm going to give them"
;)

[Hubert Flottz]

28. God probably just shipped the stuff UPS and it came to the .......

wrong addy!

[Yupster]

31. But was West Virginia created legally?

opinions?

[Hubert Flottz]

36. Ask Abe he OKed it in 1863!

There has been a few crooks in our state government over the years, I'll admit that!

[tarheel]

44. A little history of the formation of

the most beautiful state in the US of A ! for ya Yupster.

http://www.wvculture.org/history/journal_wvh/wvh30-1.html


http://members.tripod.com/~angel_pie/wvfacts.html


WV was formed by the rugged inhabitants of the mountainous and isolated western part of Virginia for much the same reasons that the US was created in response to British tyranny. Taxation without representation. Albeit they used a "dicey" tactic to accomplish it, I believe it was very much done legally.

[Duncan Grant]

33. Born in Logan County...

in the shadow of Blair Mountain. My parents were born and raised in Logan County and I still have relatives on the 'holler' near Chapmanville.

The southwest part of WVA used to be (many years ago) one of the poorest regions of the country - but the Mississippi delta was far worse. Senator Byrd did a lot of good for the region when he got the money for interstate highway construction in the early 70's.

I trace my affinity for unions and the democratic party to my WVA roots...those coal-miner ancestors of mine never got an even break.

Wonder what it's like to be gay in WVA these days? I haven't been back to WVA in 17 years. There were a lot of fundamentalists/southern baptists/pentacostals in the lower southwest part of the state and although they are the 'salt of the earth' - they're not very tolerant of gay folks like me. Pity that it has to be so, WVA is a beautiful place.

[Hubert Flottz]

37. They are wercking the mountains in southern WV by strip mining!

The area around Blair mountain is being forever destroyed quickly by the coal barons! Mountain Top Removal Mining is a sad thing to see happening to our beautiful old mountains! When Bush comes to WV he goes straight to the land raper's places of business to speak and they love him! I'd love to see the normal folks in WV get a chance to boo him and protest against him! It's always a put on, rigged in advance photo op when Bush comes here! I'd love to see Bush speak from the Capitol steps like Al Gore did, without screening the crowd!

Re: Treatment of gay people;

I can't really tell you about the gay lifestyle from the standpoint of a gay person, but it seems to me that the general public is becoming more tolerant and open minded as time goes by! I do know that there are several gay night spots in the area now! I also know lots of people who are openly gay and they seem to like the area and are not bothered by the rednecks like in days gone by!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

38. Psst...MD borders West Virginia too!

:-)

[Hubert Flottz]

39. I NEVER badmouth a Goddess!

:evilgrin: Wouldn't be prudent!

[opihimoimoi]

40. I hear you got them country roads ovah deah

lotsa moonshine too. What about the mountain wenches??

Cute or fulla teeth?

[Hubert Flottz]

41. We got it All!

Mountain Mommas, Country roads, pinto beans and corn pone and some grade a shine to wash it down! The family recipe is locked up in a lock box in an undisclosed location! I've been to several other states and seen the ladies there with those high powered mega teeth and I wasn't impressed! Ain't nutin purdy about a woman with molars all across the front of her mouth like the out of state gals! Too many teeth is worse lookin' than too few sometimes I reckon!

I've drooled over ladies all over America and Europe too, but I always came back here where the drooling is class A! Very few Cowpokes here!

Come, we go sit on the bench in Charleston and drool! The Groping ain't half bad either! I get groped a lot and it's better than whatever's in first place! If Gawd made anything better than Mountain Mommas he kept it for himself!

Bring a bib!

[Jeff in Cincinnati]

43. Old Joke

A church supplies salesman has a route that covers Ohio, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia. During his first week on the job, he's at a church in Ohio and sees a golden telephone in the Rector's office. He asks what it is.

"That's our direct line to God," says the Rector. "But it costs $10,000 per minute so we don't use it very often."

The next morning the salesman is at a parish in Pennsylvania and sees a similar phone in the priest's study. The priest informs him that's the direct line to God, but it costs $20,000 per minute to make a call.

Later in the day he's at a small Baptist church in West Virginia and sees the same phone. The Reverend tells him that it's their direct line to God, but that it costs just a quarter to talk all you want.

"How come it costs so little," asks the salesman.

"Because from West Virginia, heaven is a local call," sales the Reverend.

[bif]

46. Senator Robert Byrd!

Any state with a Senator like Byrd is okay in my book.

[wickerwoman]

47. "There's only one Virginia and Richmond is it's capital!"

Anyone else a "Matter of Principle" fan? One of my favorite obscure movies.