Dear President Bush

[warrens]

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have
learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with as many
people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for
example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be
an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of
God's Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from
neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans,
but not to Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness
Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but
most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.
1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to
them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states that he should be
put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask
the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Are there "degrees" of
abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit
that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there
some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,including the hair around
their temples, even though
this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play
football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread
(cotton/polyester blend). He
also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the
whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn
them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so
I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

[liberal_in_GA]

1. My husband sent this to all of his fundie coworkers

Of course, they had no response. My only wish is that this addressed the Bible's warnings against divorce, too, since half of them have had multiple marriages. ;-)

[Gato Moteado]

2. does anyone have the biblical quotes for divorce?

this would be good to know so we can compile similar emails for the annoying bible thumping, rush limbaugh fans that we come in contact with in our daily lives.