Peter O'Toole sent me a FAX

[Dukakis88]

Last night around 3am, the phone started ringing and wouldn't stop. I figured they would give up eventually, but after 20 or so rings I stumbled out of bed and picked up the phone, only to get a blast of electronic static in my ear. It sounded like a FAX machine. "Fuck" I thought to myself. "What kind of idiot is sending a FAX at 3am on a Friday night?" I hung up, but two minutes later there it went again, ringing on and on and on. I finally decided to turn my FAX machine on, just in case it was important. Imagine my surprise when the following message popped out of my FAX machine:

"Ahoy, Winkie darling! Francie gave me this bloody machine for Christsakesmas last year and I finally got it out of the box and plugged it all in. Took me two days. Now that I got it, for goddam fuck in hell am I going to do with the stupid shit? What's wrong with the telphonamaprobe? Then I remembered you telling me you had one of these machines on the set of The Stunt Man. Well, here's my first fax for you then, you right bastard. Read it in your faxhole at your liesure, ye no-talent cunt. By the way, attached is a picture of my freshly shaved bum, which I pressed up on the machine like a spritely young brat of 53. Anyhoo, if this fax has not reached Henry Winkler, please pass it along to him, you fucking eavesdropping arse. Yours in vermouth, Peter O'Toole. PS: Meet me Sunday noon at Tail O' The Pup for a couple of franks, and I'll tell you war stories that will make your short hairs stand on end!"

I guess my question now is, should I spend the money on a plane ticket to see if Peter O'Toole really shows up at Tail O' The Pup for hot dogs? This is pretty wild stuff!

[lazarus]

1. holy crap

I worship Peter O'Toole as a god of acting.

Send him a fax back saying howdy.

[helnwhls]

2. That is hi-lariuos!

I hope it is true. Yours in vermouuth, snort!

Get your booty to tail o the pup post haste!

[spooky3]

3. I'm afraid "Peter" is a couple of drunk 16 year olds having fun.

[helnwhls]

5. then those are the most

clever culturally literate 16 year olds I have heard of in a long time.

My hats off to them!
:)

[crispini]

4. LOL.

Does your fax print the FROM number on it or store it in memory? That'd tell ya whether or not it comes from across the pond. :)

[Bunny]

6. Henry Winkler? Is he talking about The Fonz?

This is really comical!

[Dukakis88]

7. UPDATE: I'm across the street, watching for O'Toole.

I'm at the Strawberry Smoothies Forever Internet Cafe, just across the street from Tail o' the Pup hot dog stand on San Vicente Blvd. Supposedly, that's the place where Peter O'Toole has arranged to meet me, and/or Henry Winkler at noon today. I got a redeye flight from Portland down here to LA, and got a room at Motel 6 from a burly, mustachioed woman named Kathy. I'm scoping out the Pup now... A good crowd for a Sunday. So far no obvious O'Toolian presence. I suppose I should walk over there and start mingling with the crowd, so as not to miss observing the master thespian biting into a greasy chili dog first hand. Will report back after zero hour.

[BoX o BooX]

8. Check the neighborhood.

See if there's a Womyn's Meetying Playce anywhere around.

You goofball.

[darkstar]

9. I don't know if yer funnin' us or not

but this is farking hilarious, what ever the case may be.

I mean, I know yer funnin us about the red eye. I think. If not, you still got yr eye's peeled? Anyone swaggering bout w/ a scarf on, vermouth and relish 'pon his chin?

[Dukakis88]

10. UPDATE: Things are getting a bit weird.

Well, I went over to Tail O' The Pup, and after about five minutes this purple stretch Hummer limo shows up. The driver gets out, who looks like Steve Buscemi's weird looking Cromagnon brother, and he holds up a little sign like they hold up at the airports with my name on it. This was a bit puzzling, as I thought the FAX had come to me by mistake, but I went with the moment and walked up to the guy.

"Ah, Mr. Dukakis88," he chuckled. "We've been expecting your indulgence with gratitude and anticipation. Please be seated in the back of the vehicular. You will find within a plentiful supply of Evian and Rykrisp for your refreshment and nourishdom on the way to our destinationtude."

Well, any doubts I had about this particular decision were pretty much erased by the promise of Rykrisp crackers, which are just my FAVORITE SNACK FOOD IN THE WORLD. So, I walk the half-block back to the end of the limo and get in. Behind me, the door locked and suddenly I was bludgeoned into unconsciousness by an unseen foe from within the fur-lined bowels of the Hummerlimo. Things weren't looking good.

About an hour ago, I woke up naked in a ranch house in what appears to be Baja, Mexico, judging by the species of grass growing in yellow tufts in the opium fields outside the window. No one was about, so I began to wander the silent house, until I found this computer. I know I need to contact the police in order to get help, but thought I should post an update to this message board first, as I owed you all an account of my meeting with Peter O'Toole. Well, I think I hear someone comming, so I'd better get to a phone and call for help. Wait. Put down that Tequilla bottle! Don't break that thing over my head!!! OWWWWW! STOPPPP!!!!!! FOR GOD SAKES, NO!

...

Pleasing be disregarding la message by ze loco gringo above. It was all a dream, Americanos. Go back to sleep and forget eet ever happen. Adios.

[anamandujano]

12. great stuff

It really sounded like someone of Peter's ilk had written it.

My favorite Peter O'Toole movie (not that anyone's interested, but that never stops me) is Heavy Weather, based on a PG Wodehouse short story.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111998/

I saw him at a Knicks game in 1997 with pitch black hair. Kept staring and telling myself, "No, couldn't be." But of course, it was.

[Wallflower_Liberal]

13. OMG! That was hilarious...

[RetroLounge]

11. Great fucking thread! Hall of fame worthy...

RL