a little ethical dilemma

[thedailyshow]

Here's my little ethical dilemma presented to you guys:

I fell in love with this girl a year and a half ago, and every indication she gave seemed to be that she was interested in me. She'd laugh at all of my jokes, flirt with me, and blush whenever I grinned at her. She also would clutch onto my arm a lot, and walk with me that way.

I decided to tell her my true feelings so I took her to this little restaurant for breakfast, where we had coffee, and I told her how I greatly admired her, thought she was beautiful, and asked her out. She looked at me, and said it was very brave for me to tell her what I said, then she let me down. She said she wasn't interested in dating me.

Oh god, I was so heartbroken after that. I couldn't believe that I had misinterpreted her inclinations towards me, and I asked her if she knew she had been flirting with me. She said yes, and that she couldn't help flirting with me.

After that, I couldn't speak to her because literally the sight of her was enough to drive a spike of pain through my heart. Then she went abroad to study last year, and came back this semester. My heart still catches when I see her on campus, and I can't get her off my mind.

However, when I came across her blog which was linked through a friend of mine's blog, I realized that I really didn't know this girl at all. That perhaps I was projecting too much of my ideals and hopes upon her. I felt bad for having done that. The ironic thing is that after briefly read what was on her blog, that I respect her even more for her intelligence and the vitality that she exudes.

I feel so skeeved out though, because I had read what was on her blog, and I felt like I was seeing something that she hadn't allowed me to see when we were friends. It makes me wonder why she didn't open up to me fully, and it made me feel like our friendship in the past had been so one-sided.

I haven't spoken to her since she came back from studying abroad, and it sucks that she's here now. When she was gone, I was able to forget about her for a little while.

I wish I didn't go after the girls that are out of my league.

[Spinzonner]

1. Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

http://www.webfitz.com/lyrics/Lyrics/1972/241972.html

[thedailyshow]

4. yeah, it sucks

I wish I hadn't told her my true feelings so that we could still be friends to this day.

[RPM]

11. it depends...

Did you really want her as your friend? If so, yes, it is too bad you told her. However, I think you wanted more than friendship. You did the right thing and that will pay off in the long run - maybe not with her, but some day. Remember, fortune favors the bold, not the person who hedges.

[usrbs]

2. I concur with Spinzonner

Also, don't think that this girl was withholding herself from you just because she's different in writing than when she interacts with people. It's not uncommon for the public facade to be very different than the private person. I've been told that I come across very differently in person as opposed to my written communication.

Being so beautiful your friend must have early on learned to put on a mask, to the point that "she couldn't help flirting with you". I'm not trying to justify her behavior, just trying to make you not take it as a personal failing.

[thedailyshow]

3. yeah, I know that now

I've heard that she's flirtatious with everyone she meets, and she's just that way. I wish I'd known that before.

[SoCalDem]

5. Take it from an old lady... (who used to be young)

If you want to have sex with someone and they don't, you can never "just be friends"...

Some girls "pretend" to be clueless, because it's very handy to have a guy-friend (I have had many in my lifetime)..but as soon as someone wants more..it's over..

Everyone has three selves.. The one they show people they like..the one they show people they love, and the "real" person that only they know.

Chalk it up to misdirected signals, and find soemone who will send those signals back to you :)

[thedailyshow]

6. hopefully I will

It's hard to find anyone else who affected me as much as she did

[Guaranteed]

7. So what's the dilemma? nt

[Guaranteed]

8. Are you wondering if you should call her?

It sounds like you already know the answer to that.

[thedailyshow]

9. I don't think I should

[Guaranteed]

10. As the Big Dawg would say...

"I feel your pain."

But resist the urge. It ain't gonna happen.

Here's the deal- next time you find a woman like that, make sure you do NOT fall in love with her, above all. And don't say a damned thing to her about how you feel, in any case. Just get her drunk and put the moves on her, and if she rejects you, you can still be friends. :)