The not dead Osteen that starts with J is a fucking MORAN!

[DS1]

And :wtf: is an evangelist doing on tv in Massachusetts?

"It doesn't matter if your boss is mean to you, or your job isn't fair, because you don't work for your boss, you work for God. And it doesn't matter if your spouse isn't nice to you, or ~he~ comes home late and neglects you, because you're married to God, and happiness is a choice".

Fuck you, pal! :argh:

[lumberingbear]

1. Follow that advice...

and you'll end up in the looney bin!!!!

[Bluebear]

2. We have soooo many of those channels!

I'm always wondering who is into tent revivals up here?

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

3. A new take...

On the essential tenents of 11th century Christianity, under royalty.

No surprises here. It's what they are about, the creation of a monarchic system.

[DS1]

6. I'll tell ya

I watched about 10 minutes, the "Your boss sucks, but you should suck it up anyway" comment didn't go down well with the audience.

and I think he's closeted, but that's just my opinion

Still, you're absolutley right - this was the total Koolaid package, gotta throw the sheep a bone now and then :eyes:

[name not needed]

4. Then he wouldn't mind a baseball bat to the face

I'm not the one assaulting him. God's the one doing it I would presume.

Fucking Idiot. :eyes:

[joelogan]

5. That guy's church is on my side of town here down the road a bit

Sometimes I tune in to these tv evangelists just for a kick. He often has celebrities sit in near the front pews and when the camera hits them he often introduces them. Seeing as how his church is in Houston, I can only assume most of them do not live here. Apparently he flies them in and no doubt pays them for an appearance.

How can people not see through all this? I guess death is a pretty powerful distortion field....

[Lady Effingbroke]

7. I think John Osteen died several years ago,

however, his son, Joel, is carryin' on the 'ol fambly tradishun and is preaching for the super-mega-fundegelic Lakewood Church raht here in Houston. I think Lakewood syndicates their sermons with the church channels on cable/satellite.

[Deja Q]

9. They marketed the * turkey gag?

:puke:

[Lady Effingbroke]

13. yup! Get your very own Turkey Dinner Bush™ action figure right here!

http://www.entertainmentearth.com/prodinfo.asp?number=TL11273&variation=&lg=1&

[DS1]

17. Wow, look what the talking Dennis Miller doll says

http://www.entertainmentearth.com/prodinfo.asp?number=TL43103

"Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong."

"Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, I have no idea what makes the Palestinians tick."

"What if those crop circles are just ads for Target."

"Guess what folks, that's the news and I am outta here!"

a much more!

[DS1]

12. updated

;-)

[Lady Effingbroke]

20. lol!!!

Sorry, not trying to be picky, it's just that I'm stuck in the same city with these people (Lakewoodies), so I get to hear about them ALL THE TIME (oh, joy).

Lakewood Church is so big now that it has taken over the former Compaq Center/Summit where the Rockets used to play and where I saw many a concert back in the day. Lots o' sinnin' and Mary G. Wanda smokin' goin' on in that place before it was consummated...I mean consecrated as a House O' Gawd.

Not that I would know or anything. ;)

[errorbells]

27. Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again..

I am in Houston too and grew up in West U.....can't afford it now.

I used to watch Joel because I thought he was a very good preacher and kind of funny.
Mind you I am not a Christian in the Southern B sense of the word.


Oh heck, I am a heathen.

Anyway, about 2 weeks before the election he had a story
to tell about Ronald Reagan and how Colin Powell had ..well.. lied
(not j o's words..but that was the story)and Reagan took his part and
basically saved his ass. Joel while telling this story choked... as in got tearful.

That day I turned him off and will never listen to his cute little
stories again. He is a Republican, I would bet my life on it.
Though after much research, still I have no proof...still looking.

He is one of those uniter guys (NOT)

.....Don’t be fooled all
you believers ...the devil comes in a pretty
package and makes you feel good about yourselves.

My God doesn't have anything to do with Money or politics.

Joel O will get old and ugly and fade away...

Probably after I am in Heaven
O8)

PS RE:Lakewoodies...I have 2 of 'em living very close by ...shudder

[Lady Effingbroke]

28. Hi, errorbells!

Welcome to DU! :hi:

Nice to meet another Houston DUer ... sometimes it gets lonely here!

edit: typo :silly:

[errorbells]

29. Hi To You LADY E. and thanks!

You are the second Houston DUer I've met!

Three of us in Harris cty...It's a groundswell!!:pals:

[lumberingbear]

14. Can't stand to listen to Joel Olsteen talk!!!

Look and sounds like a wimp with a bad southern accent.

[Deja Q]

8. So God is telling the boss to be mean? Happiness is a choice?

The guy is making a bunch of loose associations. Sounds like schizo-affective disorder. :D

[DS1]

10. Good observation

I hadn't considered the logical followup :-)

[north houston dem]

19. I think the point he's trying to make

Is that your faith should sustain you through all the vagaries of life. Whatever that means....I've always wondered about people that "turn their lives over top God" Seems foolish to me. I"m too much of a control freak for that.

Idiot! - His wife by the way is very pretty - so if he is a closet case...he's a double idiot.

Does anyone other than me get creeped out by how BIG the churches are in Houston? Freaking football fields some of them!

[DS1]

22. They double as Mosques, or fighting positions

for when those Lieberals come down and try to take their guns away ;-)

[Selwynn]

11. That's the supidest thing I've ever heard. Here's what he could have said

Happiness is a choice - yes, tell that to someone who's just been raped by their spouce.

This guy could have chosen to speak comfort and say, when your boss is mean to you, or your job isn't fair, God is with you, and she loves you and will walk beside you no matter what you face. When your spouce isn't nice to you, or -he- comes home late and neglects you, God is there with you, and she loves you, and will walk beside you. She is called the comforter and the gentle shepherd.

Scriptures says, "I will never leave you or forsake you." and "no height nor depth or angel or principality or any created thing will ever separate us from the love of God." Does that mean God can wave a magic wand and fix ever hard or sad thing you face instantly? No. But it does mean that you're not alone, and that there is nothing that this loving God CAN do for you that she does not actively do for you at every present moment of your life - even the bad ones. And that is a comforting thought.

Why is that so difficult to say?

[DS1]

15. Amen. The gist of what I was hearing was double sided

Not only was happiness a choice, but God was going to make sure that those that shit on you were shit on themselves. It was about sucking it up and taking it like a man, and believing that God was gonna sort those fuckers out for you - so keep on your happy face and whistle while you work - they were gonna PAY!

[peekaloo]

16. lol at the changed header......the original scared me I thought John

had "risen".

His goofy son is named Joel, Jug Ear Joel.

Does anybody remember the letter bomb scare in Houston, late '80's, that I believe was aimed at John Osteen. Somethin' stinky 'bout that.

[Bluebear]

18. IT'S A MIRACLE! Is he resurrected??

[DS1]

21. Haha, the cable box guide thingy said John Osteen

I didn't know Joel had taken over, I'd never heard of either of these two clowns...

[Bluebear]

23. Ah, he has a trophy blow-up doll

[DS1]

24. She looks ready to attack

:scared:

[musette_sf]

26. Did he meet her at Rick's?

That fine establishment from whence also came Anna Nicole Smith, pride of Mexia (Home of the Fighting Goats)?

[BiggJawn]

25. And what if your boss claims to be a "Spirit-Filled Christian"?

I've seen such things, People in positions of authority who are so ate-up with their "My church has the TRUE word, your church teachs from the DEVIL" bullshit that I'd rather had worked for a psychotic drunk...

I was in a thrift shop yesterday where they had some drivel on the sound system that was Windham Hill-sounding music interspersed with some smooth-talking guy giving a "teaching". And he said that happiness comes from The LAWD. So, if you "Got Jeebus", then you WILL be happy, and, conversely, Where there is UNhappiness, that's proof that there is no Gawd operating.

Simply put, My Depression is proof of demonic possession...

On the OTHER hand, I'd suppose if I were Manic, that be proof of me being so "Spirit-filled" that it was just overflowing, causing me to act weird because I was being "A FOOL for The LAWD..."

Why not just throw me naked in the cellar and inspect for bugs the next morning as proof that I was "giving suck" to Demons?

Oh, wait...They only did that to women, didn't they?

Well, you get the idea.....