When do we tell our daughter she has to wear a back brace?

[qb]

She's 7 years old. We just found out today that she will be fitted for a back brace tomorrow (for spondylolysis - a fracture of one of her vertebra). She'll have to wear the brace for at least 6 months. She burst out sobbing last Friday when we told her she couldn't do any running or jumping over the weekend until we found out what's been causing her back pain.

She's at school now, and has a play date with a friend (that she's really looking forward to) after school.

After her play date we have to have a quick dinner and head out to a free screening of "Christmas with the Kranks", that she's really lookning forward to.

After the movie, it will already be way past her bedtime.

We don't want to compound her misery by cancelling her play date or the movie. So... do we tell her before or after the movie?

[juliagoolia]

1. Tell her before

If she is told before, she will be able to express he angst, and then see that life goes on.. if you tell her after she will have had her good time and get to hang out in her misery with no relief in sight.

[snacker]

3. I agree

I think you should tell her before.

[Cadence]

2. I would tell her before.

So at least during the evening she has time to settle in with it and ask questions if she has them. Better than telling her and sending her to bed to lay there all alone thinking about it.

[JI7]

4. tell her before

she will be upset but there will still be things to look forward to such as the play date and movie. and hopefully by the time she gets through the day she will have on her mind some of the good things that happened.

[qb]

5. Thanks, all. That makes perfect sense.

I just can't think straight right now.

[warrior1]

9. Tell her about Frida

http://members.aol.com/fridanet/fridabio.htm

leaving out the graphic details.

Maybe she'll need a way to keep her entertain.

Painting or other art forms.

[xpunkisneatx]

6. Don't show her Romy and Michele's Highschool Reunion

The one had a metal backbrace and they used to stick magnets on it...

I would tell her before the movie...that way she will forget about it for a little while

[GOPFighter]

7. Bummer, 6 months to a seven year old....

...is a lifetime!. Good luck and I hope the time goes quickly and it doesn't go longer than 6 months. Maybe there are support/play groups for other children who also must wear a brace?

:grouphug:

[Lefta Dissenter]

8. I vote after

I'm sorry that she is going through this, and it will be tough on you, as well, but the time will go fast.

My daughter broke her leg when she was in second grade, and had to have a full-length cast for 10 weeks, then graduating to a walking cast. When she was in the full-length, she had to use a wheel chair for the first month or so, and then she could go to using a walker. They didn't want her using crutches.

As a horseback rider, it seemed to her that the time would last forever, but we sure got through it (and yes, I have to confess that I took her for a few rides double on the horse, once she got the shorter cast).

Now she's twenty - and the only two things she remembers really hating were when one of her 'friends' at school said that she ruined their Christmas program at school because the walker was ugly, and that she got tired of wearing 'skorts,' which were the only things we could get on over her cast.

Kids do such a good job of just plugging through their little bumps in the road.

(and no, my daughter didn't break her leg falling from the horse - it was a sledding accident)

[DrWeird]

10. Tell her when she gets in trouble.

That's it! You're going in a back brace!

No, seriously, tell her before the movie.

[skygazer]

11. Yes tell her before

I'm so sorry. That's hard for a kid. (as well as a parent!) What is the long term prognosis? Will she be 100% after the time in the brace? I broke my L1 vertabra 5 years ago and had to wear a special brace for about 4 months - I was not to do any lifting or strenuous activity. My back has healed beautifully and I have no restrictions on what I do, nor do I have any pain or awkward feeling there. I don't know if your daughter's situation is similar but I hope you can take comfort in knowing that a back injury is not the end of the world.

Good luck with it and keep us posted. Poor little girl. :cry:

[qb]

14. The long-term prognosis is "hope" that it heals by itself.

Otherwise she'll likely have to have surgery (spinal fusion).

Thanks for your advice and kind words.

[CO Liberal]

17. Always Go With the More Conservative Treatments First

I have four herniated discs - two in my lower back from an accident in 2000 (aggraved by a second accident in 2002), and two in my neck (from an accident earlier this year). Back in 2002 (before the second accident), ai was given three options: spinal fusion surgery, an IDET (where they use an electric current to try and seal the disc wall), and pain management (prescription pain-killers and a TENS unit. I opted for pain management, though some days are harder than others.

Give your little girl a hug for all of us. :grouphug:

[JimmyJazz]

12. I have no idea when to break that kind of news to a child, but she

will be in my thoughts today! :hug:

[RUDUing2]

13. after...otherwise she will not enjoy the movie.

In fact my recommendation is to wait until she is ready for bed and then sit down and tell her. And be prepared to stay with her all night holding her if necessary.

But no matter how bad she hates it..make her wear the brace..

And no matter how much she cries make her do the exercises and make her do them correctly.

My sister has scoliosis..she had to wear a full neck/back brace in Jr. High and High School..but my parents didn't force her to do her exercises correctly and she ended up having to have surgery and have rods placed in her back. If my parents had been willing to be the *bad guys* she would not have needed the back surgery and she would not now have a life time of back probs ahead of her...

[qb]

15. Thanks, everyone for the advice - and humor! I needed a laugh.

[CO Liberal]

16. Tell Her As Soon as Possible...

...and let her know it will help her feel better. I should know - I've been wearing a back brace for several months (to help stablize my back) and the change was unbelievable.

And tell her that a lot of people here at DU are pulling for her. Myself included.

[Samurai_Writer]

18. Suggestions...

I had scoliosis (curvature of the spine) and had to wear a milwaukee brace for 5 years from 11-16. The doctors had been monitoring me since I was 9 and had broken my arm high at the shoulder, and noticed a slight curvature of my spine then, so it really wasn't a surprise to me at 11, when I grew 9 inches during the school year, that I needed a brace. Of course I was bummed out about it, as Milwaukee braces are very restrictive.

If she is being fitted tomorrow but will not get her brace for a while, I would suggest planning on an outing before she gets her brace, something special and something that she will not be able to do in a brace (like going to an amusement park and riding the roller coasters, if she likes that kind of thing).

I remember getting down mentally and emotionally when I was wearing that brace for 18-23 hours per day. My parents were very supportive, though, and it did make it easier to deal with.

Now, my favorite back brace story:

I was 11 and had just gotten my brace. There were three boys in the neighborhood who picked on me constantly. I was out in the evening with a friend, helping a neighbor rake leaves. It was getting dark, and these boys came up and started threatening us. I said, "You want to hit me? Go ahead, right here, as hard as you can," pointing to my stomach... which was encased in leather and had a metal plate over it, to support the rod going up to my neck (the brace was worn under my clothes, so was mostly hidden). That kid took the bait, and punched me as hard as he could. He ended up with a broken hand, and they never bothered me or my friends again.

Peace,
Bella

[Ilsa]

20. Heh heh heh.

You really screwed with them! I hope they all learned a good lesson.

[qb]

21. That's a great story. Thanks!

[Ilsa]

19. Tell her that if all goes well,

she'll have the brace off in time for SUMMER. Offer to enroll her in whatever summer day camp (gym, swimming, etc) her doctor says is okay and you can afford. Give her a specific time frame to look forward to.

Also, talk to the teacher and ask her to talk to the other kids in her class while she s not there. A thoughtful teacher can do wonders for inspiring 7 yr olds to be empathetic.

Tell her we all wish her well and that someday she'll be able to wear beautiful backless gowns. (Okay, maybe I'm getting crazy here.)

[qb]

22. Thanks for the ideas. I especially like the teacher idea

I wouldn't have thought of that.

[qb]

23. Update - she took it very well.

My wife found the website for Gillette Children's and it had lots of Q&A and interviews with kids who have had back braces. She was glad to discover she gets to pick out a pattern (denim, flowers, etc.) for her brace.

We had a great time at Christmas with the Kranks. It was hilarious.

Thanks for all your advice.