"Honey don't worry I'm not going to set the thing on fire"

[underpants]

Well the actual quote I said to my wife yesterday at breakfast was "Honey look I am not going to work on it (Vacuum cleaner) with it plugged in...it's not like I am going to set it on fire"


A couple of hours later after changing the belt on the vacuum cleaner what appears to be dust is coming out of the left side. I tilt it back to see if the brushes are spinning, they aren't. I take it back apart and the new belt is burned through. Luckily they come in packages of two (now I know why) so I put the other one on and make sure the brushes are turning and ....WALLA! we have us a virtually new vacuum cleaner.

This was the second small fire of the week. The knob broke off the halogen lamp as I was turning it off (it was blinking on and off) and a small flame appeared until I unplugged it.

We bought a new floor lamp. Ain't I some kind of handyman?

[billyskank]

1. You're a phenomenon, underpants

Two fires in one week. You must get up very early in the morning!

[underpants]

2. Well I was home alone unsupervised

My wife was in Salt Lake City on business and I got a hell of a lot of chores done (The place was CLEAN!)big projects.

[Phillycat]

3. Have you seen those new Ace Hardware commercials?

Voiceover: "I am not a plumber" (as water gushes out of a bathroom)

"I am not a carpenter" (as a door crashes through a credenza)

"I am not an electrician" (as a ceiling fan sparks and catches fire)

And then the announcer says, "We know you're not. Come see us at Ace before your next big project..."

Sounds like you UP. :)

[underpants]

4. LOL-Well I'm not a vacuum cleaner repairman

I love those commercials.

Yeah that does sound like me. If it can't be fixed with tape I can go to Lowe's looking for something that doesn't exist (engineered in my own mind) and get funny looks from the help then go buy something to replace it.

[Jose Diablo]

5. One of the conditions of my release

was that I not handle sharp objects. Thus, I am not allowed to do home repairs.

[petronius]

9. I look for those self-imagined parts, too...

"Of course we don't need a new one, there must be a part that will connect the thngummy to the whatchamabob."

I find it helps to use a lot of hand gestures when describing the imaginary part to the hardware guy, along with some incorrect technical terms...

[yardwork]

11. and don't forget to mention the "funny noises" it's making!

[underpants]

14. No that never helps

Those idiots not only can't read my mind they have NO appreciation for my ability to sound EXACTLY like that thingy does.

[underpants]

12. Bingo!

Lots of blank stares from the employees of the box stores.

I am looking for something I don't what you call it or if it actually has a name but it would kinda look like....

Truth be told we could both be sitting on patent-able goldmines....like a plastic piece to cover up and sure up a sagging bit of flooring in the corner of the kitchen beside the sink were the trash can sits (to ward off any vermits) it would be like three triangles.....

[commander bunnypants]

6. one man wrecking machine

Halogen lamp, vacuum. I am glad you did not try to fix you=r HDTV.

Here once stood an apartment biulding

CB

[Patiod]

7. You deserve a hoagie, after a day like that

A real Philadelphia hoagie that is.

[underpants]

13. Oh that was good (spank)

You mean like the ones they sell in the trailer outside of Lowe's man I can't imagine there being anything better anywhere.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

8. You've got a better record than Mr. Moonbeam

who, in the early days of our marriage, caught a ceiling fan on fire (HOW do you do that?), forgot to put something or other back on his jeep after changing the oil and the oil all just came out when he was driving and he ruined the engine, has broken LAMPS in his overenthusiastic zeal to shampoo carpets (just try to picture that one), fried TVs thinking he could fix them, I don't even want to THINK about the Garbage Disposal Fiasco of '93 that sent me speeding him to the ER with blood spurting all over the inside of my car.

Etc.

In his defense, he was a young guy when we married (we were both young) and he has learned with experience and is pretty damn good now.

Sounds like you didn't do too badly, underpants!

[underpants]

10. Sounds like Home Improvement

Yes in my early years I did once put power steering fluid where the oil is supposed to go.

Too funny Moonbeam_Starlight

[TrogL]

15. I had one of my infamous water fires yesterday

While cooking spaghetti.

[underpants]

16. Water fires

Too funny